Reflections on a 2 year hiatus · 3:31pm Jun 30th, 2022
Hello folks! I woke up feeling nostalgic today, and decided to check FimFiction after quitting it cold turkey 2 years ago. It surprises me that the community still keeps going on strong, and it made me reflect on this long chapter of my life, which closed abruptly (and maybe rashly) 2 years ago. And honestly, I regret just dropping off the face of the earth, and never getting a real sense of closure for my time here.
I can say that, "officially", I was a Brony from October 2011 to June 2020 - the best part of 9 years. Those were years in my life which took me across the world and back. In many ways, my life is completely unrecognizable from that time, during which I moved from being a foreign student in Japan, to having to move back with my parents in Brazil after getting disillusioned with academia in general, until I finally landed a job in Canada which allowed me to immigrate here, which is still to be my long-term home for the foreseeable future. Throughout it all, Bronydom was one of the few constants of my turbulent life - I think it was pretty much only that, Dota, and my family.
I won't pretend that being in the fandom saved my life or anything - Thankfully I always had other things going on, friends outside the virtual realm and real life plans to execute. But it was important. I am not a native English speaker, and the focus on analyzing stories, and putting down my thoughts into reviews, made me a much better writer. Indeed, my coworkers often praise my writing, and I know I am leagues ahead of my colleagues in tech. Even more important was the handful of proofreading I did during this time. I was never a big proofreader, but I did get to >20 stories. Nothing like explaining to a Polish guy how article works to help you understand the English language better.
Bronycon 2019 was the highlight of my time in the fandom – the RCL panel, the talking in the hallways, meeting different people, befriending others even if fleetingly. I remember leaving the convention center towards the Airport while somewhat drunk - I had an early morning flight - And explaining to the incredulous Uber driver that, yes, I flew all the way from Vancouver to Baltimore for a convention about the My Little Pony. Even more interesting, I actually sat next to another convention goer on the way back - someone who was involved in completely different aspects of the fandom than me. We shared our experiences, he helped speed me up when leaving the airport (I was still on the work Visa at the time, and he, a native Canadian, just took me with him through the much shorter line for people with Canadian passport).
That was the last time I saw a Brony in person. After that, I went back to reading and looking for stories for the RCL, and kept plugging on my own pace. But work was stressful, and didn't leave me enough head space to focus on other things. The RCL developed into a huge time drain, and since I hated reviewing things here that I was reading for the RCL, I stopped posting reviews here (although I still have a few half-written ones from that time that I never got around to finishing and posting). I kept doing stuff for the fandom, but maybe my level of interaction started reducing.
This all came to a head on 2020. The tension of the early COVID situation spread to the online space as well, people were more on edge. The changes to our lives at the time made it hard to focus on stuff here, but I kept plugging on. And then came June 2020. I have always been much more on the conservative side of the spectrum when compared to others, so when that explosion of political animus started, I found myself sitting on the opposite side of the aisle from most of you. Not looking to re-start that particular debate, and even mentioning this here still makes me feel insecure.
There was such a level of anger and vitriol, and I would dare say hatred for any opposing opinions, that it made me feel deeply uncomfortable about being in this space. This was something I had seen in other situations, but never to the same degree. And it was not only Fimfiction – I remember how, one day, my weekly virtual coral practice descended into what I would classify as a struggle session. I noticed the negative impact that was having on my mental state, and only one solution seemed reasonable at the time: quit everything online.
And so I did. I logged off from FimFiction, blocked the site on all my browsers, and set all notification emails to mark themselves as read, and ignored it all. I did the same with many other online things at the time. I then proceeded to not use the internet for the remainder of the month, save for work-related things – I had to work remotely after all – and to talking with my family. And that was the best thing I could have done at the time.
I started July a renewed man, one who knew he had to make changes in his life. I started a diary effort, started weekly sessions with a psychologist, and set the wheels of my life moving into a better direction. And it has payed off handsomely! I started to get my drivers license for the first time in August, and bought my first apartment in October of that year. By May 2021 I decided to change jobs, and landed a position paying 2x more, with less hours, and doing much more meaningful work, all while being full remote. I put myself into the dating market with renewed vigor, and in June 2021 I met the love of my life, an amazing Sikh woman a few years my junior. We are going to get married in July, and in November we will get our first child - a baby boy to be named after my late father. I could write a similarly-sized blog post about all we went through in just 1 year, but suffice to say, things have been better than I could ever dream them to be.
And through it all, I reflected on my time in the fandom. For all the good sides I mentioned earlier, it wasn't all perfect. This is a community that often gets bogged down in drama, with pushy people and less than savory characters. I never took it too seriously, but there was a tendency for me to lose myself looking at things I simply don't care about. More broadly, it is something into which I invested upwards of 10.000 hours, so regretting all that time spent on something I left is almost unavoidable. And there are always parts of the fandom which make me cringe looking back.
But the fandom was important. Indeed, everything in which we invest ourselves wholeheartedly is. There are bits of pieces of time in the fandom still lying around the house – a Fluffle Puff doll in a corner of a closet, wooden prints I got at Bronycon in my wall, or my shelf of printed Fimfiction. And this is all to say that I needed closure. Writing down a blog, stream of conscience style with no re-editing, almost like I'm writing a diary for myself. But, and this I learned in my time here, there is something very valuable about not only writing, but publishing what you write. Something which you know is for public consumption forces your attention in an interesting way. It may make me a bit more guarded, but also much more introspective.
So, what has been going on around these parts? Anything specially interesting or noteworthy, or great stories that really blew up? I don't quite plan on becoming ever as involved with the fandom as I once was – kinda impossible with a wife and a baby on the way – but maybe this is a place I could revisit from time to time, like stopping at an old bar you haven't seen in ages, and greeting the regulars. That would be nice.
It's good to be back!
Hope you've enjoyed the trip down memory lane!
:)
Well, hello! I must admit this is a surprise, but a very welcome one.
First, though, congratulations are in order! I wish you so, so much happiness with your wife and child. It's lovely in these troubled times to read about something unashamedly positive.
Probably one for people who take more notice than me! I just keep plugging on. There's (at last!) a new regular reviewer in town: Mike Cartoon Pony. I went to UK PonyCon last October with some trepidation due to... well, guess... but it was wonderful. Not much in the way of "great stories that really blew up" these days, but I'm not as closely connected to things as some. G5 has seen a minor bump, but apart from the movie itself not much actual enthusiasm.
Oh, Logan, you flatter me. As always!
So, Some: we've never met, as I only joined here in August 2018 and took quite some time to be actively participating in communities around here (honestly, I probably still haven't reached that step!). But I've certainly seen your legacy comments on many stories, and heard about how you used to be quite the prolific Ponyfic Reviewer. Making it all the neater to read a new post from you.
Firstly, congrats on everything that's happened in the last two years! Primarily the marriage and having a kid on the way, though the rest of it too. Moving jobs and doubling your salary, that's really something! Though scoring an apartment's just as neat too.
I'm not in tune enough to say what's happened over the last two years here either, though I remain alarmed by how the number of new stories continues to trickle downward but the number of M-rated ones remain level, and thus a bigger part of the whole. Makes avoiding the… questionable varieties among them harder without using the Mature filter outright, which can easily block good works too. As for stories blowing up, the very rare one still breaks 10K, but even then there's not really fandom-wide hits, they're just really landing for a large, core group. Certainly, a lot of the old regulars that are still around mostly stick to their circles, or the old discord servers. Least that's the impression I get.
Anyway, glad to see, well, read, you in person. Sort of. You know what I mean.
Bronycon 2019 crew checking in right here, it's good to hear from you again dude.
And congratulations, on wife, baby, job, driving, property purchase, the whole lot. Really glad to hear things are going well.
I'm not around these parts much anymore either. There's too much else going on, and other time sinks ended up becoming higher priorities for me.
Regarding fandom drama, I think it's that fimfiction is less of a political echo-chamber than most other social places on the internet. Facebook feeds probably align with you politically, so does twitter, so does reddit. But here, you're almost as likely to encounter a southern baptist who writes stories about Jesus and Trump and believes gays should burn forever as you are a non-binary asexual equal rights activist with ACAB tattooed across their bodyparts. Anytime politics comes up, the whole place explodes.
Put that together with the show ending and the fandom getting older and acquiring more adult responsibilities, and I think things are slowly getting quieter. But not immutably, there's still a lot going on here. And the best emojis on the internet, of course.
Anyway, great to get some closure on how you've been doing
Glad to see you again and especially to hear things are going so wonderfully for you!
That is a whole lot of good change, really glad to hear it!
damn, sounds like you've done well for yourself! :D welcome back! (sorry about uh the library c.c)
also did not know you were from Poland :)
Welcome back, man, and congrats on all the success and good news!
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It was very pleasant! Left me feeling much lighter
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Thank you! I think I remember Mike posting reviews from before I left, but it is good to see other people still plugging at it. Leaving the country is kinda challenging at the moment, but I hope to make some pony convention some time in the future - probably an Everfree.
I did watch the G5 movie, and it was really good. It just doesn't hit as strong as G4 did. And, well, I'm sure I read that exact same story a dozen times in Fanfiction as well.
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Yeah, the M-rated fic writers and readers have different... priorities than the rest of the site. With Pony quieting down, I can see the tide shifting in that way. A shame, since that was never my priority. Will make sure to check your reviews, it is great to see other people still carrying that flag!
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Trust me, you wouldn't have seen me posting reviews from before you left; I only started in March! 17 blogs in thus far.
As for A New Generation's story being done in fanfiction many times beforehand, well, on top of it (and more so the following, vastly inferior Make Your Mark special) being a redo on the themes of "Hearth's Warming Eve" anyway, this website had over 400,000 stories submitted when that film came out (far less still published and public, naturally), and added with stories published only on other sites and not here, of course one would see some overlap.
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Meeting you at Bronycon was one of my highlights of the convention! I'm happy to her from you again. And yeah, it is easy to get pulled into other directions these days.
And it is good to hear that the fandom drama side is diminishing. It has always been my least favourite side of the Internet, and it always pushes me away from Communities.
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Thanks for the good thoughts and well wishes!
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Oh no, I'm actually from Brazil. The guy whose fics I was editing was polish, and he had little to no concept of articles.
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My memory might not be what it used to be then, hahaha. But I know I had heard about you back then.
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oh
Glad to pop back in randomly and see this from you.
I'm elated that your decision to go dark on us and the internet at large for a while paid off so well on a personal level. Proud of you and ecstatic that your life has come along in leaps and bounds since then. Hard for me to put it into words but succinctly, you did the best thing for yourself and you deserve all the good that has come from it.