• Member Since 2nd Mar, 2013
  • offline last seen Yesterday

Cloud Hop


T
Source

Chrysalis didn't invade Canterlot in a bid to take over Equestria. She attacked the city because she had nowhere else to run.

Now, imprisoned for her crimes deep under Canterlot Castle, she can sense the nightmare she fought so hard to escape from drawing ever closer. Soon, it will cross the Equestrian border and lay waste to Celestia's domain.

She must warn Celestia, before it's too late.

Chapters (1)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 116 )

That was interesting, to be sure. It hints at tantalizing history too. Kinda want to see the ancient past now.

Thorai #2 · Oct 6th, 2016 · · 1 ·

Oh, I'd love to read more about Calamity-Celestia

Hmm...interesting. I will wait and see what happens.

Luz

is this a bastion crossover per chance?

also, special fonts on titles? huh. that's new.

7622144

This is an entirely self-contained story.

I also didn't use a special font, I just abused unicode.

I instantly thought of this:

"My name is Ultima. I am pure energy, and as old as the cosmos! Feeble creatures, PERISH!"

(Fixy fixy)

an1979 #7 · Oct 6th, 2016 · · 1 ·

7622151
Unicode abuse means that users on some systems or devices - like Windows XP users (not a lot of them left) see:
"Th[][]C[]l[]i[][]"

As for the story pure "curb stomps" are not my thing. Too boring. Good that it was short enough ;)
At very least I would like to see some drama/comedy mixed in - even if it was some "how do I explain this sh*** to the witnesses".

--
Tiny typo:

The Calamity had awoken from it’s slumber, and would consume whatever unfortunate planets where in its way.

7622448

Is this only Windows XP users? I tested this on a multitude of devices and it showed up correctly on all of them, otherwise I wouldn't have done it.

That is not a typo. "Its" in this case is the possessive its, which does not have an apostrophe. You only use an apostrophe if it's a contraction for "it is".

I'd like to see longer stories set in this 'verse. Calamity!Celestia is awesome.

7622537
XP and older (WinNT) for sure, only basic support for Unicode tables many characters are not present and they will be rendered as boxes with number in it - but that's marginal problem. I think that some (older) Linux distributions users might have the same experience - but that's even more marginal.
Don't worry about that.

Yes, I call that "a typo" when used wrong. :trollestia:

7622621

Oh sorry, I got confused, because my editor had already fixed that typo by the time you made the comment about it, so I thought you wanted me to change it to "it's" and i was like :derpyderp2:

7622805

Added an editor list

That Calamity thing makes me think of this when Celestia said this monster has reawaken it basically through his actions.

7622537
The title doesn't display correctly on my phone, either, and I'm using Chrome.

You know, all I want is for Celestia to actually do something.




Thank you.

wlam #17 · Oct 7th, 2016 · · 7 ·

Does this story have any purpose except to show off Celestia as laughably overpowered? Because I really find that kind of story just completely annoying. There's this entire genre of stories that seem to run on nothing but "Best Pony X cannot actually have lost to Y because of excuse Z!" and it's just kind of weird.

7623064

What OS are you using? I tested this on recent android and iOS phones and it worked on both.

7623125

Well it was actually supposed to act as a subversion, because in this case Celestia is not actually a "good guy". She's just a really bad guy who got bored of being bad. She's not more powerful than the nameless alien here because of her "good magic", she's more powerful because her dark magic is even worse than his.

Unfortunately it seems a lot of people are just writing the whole story off as a badass celestia story without looking any deeper.

7623137 Android, can't remember the exact OS. Not the newest one. I want to say either Ice Cream Sandwich or Jellybean, but maybe I'm just craving those things right now. I'm hungry.

wlam #21 · Oct 7th, 2016 · · 6 ·

7623142
Well, as they say, if it looks like a duck and it walks like duck and it quacks like a duck... a bad guy is made bad by doing bad things. This is just vanilla Overpowered Celestia running on Evilonium instead of Friendshippium, to make an entirely stupid metaphor about it, but not actually doing anything different. If it was supposed to be a subversion, it failed at being one in any real sense. Sorry to have to put it like that.

I feel like there's a good story hiding here somewhere, but I'd hesitate to put this in a good category-certainly not a bad category either.

I feel like you missed the point of a story-to deliver some sort of change or point, and that's not really here. You just have Celestia being an all powerful deity. Not a bad idea, per se, but you don't do anything interesting with it. There's not a lot of buildup, not much of a look into Celestia's mind on how she feels, what brought her here, why she is content, why she feels the need to engineer threats. Instead, you could sum up the story as "Celestia is over powered to a ridiculous extent and may not be the perfect nice princess we know". Not a bad premise admittedly-power doesn't make a bad character, after all, but that should support her character, rather than just be the point.

If you were going for something else with her, then I missed it, but I will admit this felt a little fast-you could have used more buildup pretty much everywhere. Chrysalis' scenes were especially rushed.

So, I guess I'll just leave off and say this had potential, but ultimately it's decidedly average.

Make another story in this universe!

Well that turned out WAY different than I thought it would. Glad it did cause that was both Awesome and Terrifying at the same time! It was like she was the fifth and most powerful Chaos God from Warhammer/Warhammer 40K!

Ho yes!

More of this please! :pinkiehappy:

7623170

This story's core idea is actually intended to be a bait-and-switch, where "the calamity" was supposed to be the thing chasing chrysalis, but SURPRISE it's actually Celestia! It's interesting that you quote wanting to look into Celestia's head, because I painstakingly wrote everything from the perspective of everyone except Celestia because it would have spoiled the surprise pretty quickly. The reason it ramps up so fast is because the entire story was the bait and switch. There was never intended to be anything beyond that. Everything else was basically irrelevant.

I feel like what happened with this story is that, I went one direction with this idea and everyone else wanted the story to go a completely different direction that honestly hadn't even occurred to me until I submitted it and everyone complained about it. The problem is that I conceived this as a simplistic one-shot, a short, fun little idea, not the grand epic 10-chapter adventure examining every facet of this concept that everyone else seems to want. The whole point was really just the bait-and-switch. That's it. There was no deeper story here. I mean, I could try to make this some grand epic journey across time and space, but then i'd never finish it, so...
¯\_(ツ)_/¯

7623361 Well, I wasn't expecting a grant adventure or anything like that. I was just thinking Celestia's perspective on things would have been far more interesting and we got little of that.

That being said, while you didn't get what most people are wanting, you did get your own goals accomplished here, which is something to be commended and is one of the better reasons for writing.

I would love to see a continuation of this but with Luna. This I feel would be a great story to continue on. It would be epic!!!

Ooooh this is so awesome you have me cups! I actually giggled and bounces in my seat when celestial was fighting, So cool!!!

Please write more, I'm following you in hopes of just that :D

Or an entire book where all the Alighieri's are that strong and fight a foe that is a hair stronger than celestia but can't stop celxluna

Neat fic. I have to wonder though, is Luna the same type of being as Celestia or who/whatever the hell she actually is, or is she just another character in her play, like Chrysalis seems to be. And is Chrysalis correct in her belief that no one cares if her and her kind happen to suffer because they are among the designated antagonists of this world, or are they too offered some measure of Celestia's protection from seemingly extraplanar threats, like the ponies appear to be. Again though, neat fic with a rather unusual twist.:yay:

Wait... Chrysalis staged a long-winded plan to invade Canterlot by posing as Cadance and going through the time-wasting nonsense of a wedding... because a super-evil demon was coming... and this was the best idea she had to get help...

Yeah... no.

7623125 It'd be more amusing if she showed up bald and wearing a yellow jumpsuit and said, "I'm just the Calamity for fun." And ended it in one punch.

I mean, going to OP route makes it ridiculous to begin with. Might as well just have fun with it rather than go 1990's Marvel omniverse stupid.

:trollestia:

This fiction is also a meta-fiction satirizing Displaced stories.

7623615
Nope.
Calamity!Celestia is more than happy to engineer the cultural mindsets of other civs with self-destructive patterns to make sure her ponies remain on top of the shitpile.

In this case, Chrysalis wasn't thinking to get help, she was thinking to restore to herself all the territory and power she lost, and making Celestia's civ pay restitution by conquering it. A personality that stupidly narcissistic is Very much an engineered mindset.

Chrysalis only thought to ask for help after being completely emasculated in her own eyes, at which point her shell of narcissistic confidence shattered and allowed her past trauma to register as emotionally real, creating the dreams and inspiring her survival instinct to play the empathy card.

wlam #36 · Oct 7th, 2016 · · 11 ·

7623361

not the grand epic 10-chapter adventure examining every facet of this concept that everyone else seems to want.

I'm pretty sure the only one saying anyone expected that is you. Take the criticism with grace and either listen to it or don't, but please don't act like people are criticizing something completely different than they actually are.

I kinda like the idea of Celestia being an ultimate evil who got bored with it. I mean after so long of the same thing eventually you're going to think "Eh screw it, why not?"

Also, I'm interested in that Luna story you mentioned. :trixieshiftright:

7623142

You'll get that a lot in this fandom, sadly. They keep their mouths shut for all the "Luna is amazing and wonderful and the best" stories that aren't horribly written, but even the best written "Look, Celestia is tired of this shit and is going to take out the trash for once" stories get slammed to hell by noisy critics who act like them being annoyed actually matters.

Stories showing Celestia in a positive light or actually as powerful as the respect and position she has would seem to point to become a breeding ground for people trying to say that's impossible or not how it should be, or the downvotes pile up. The bias against Celestia is very strong, and very stupid, borne almost entirely on the backs of pseudo-intellectuals who have a severe Luna boner. Alternatively, those who hate where every conflict isn't brought down to the wire - which gets pretty boring when that's all there is.

To put a fine point on it, ignore the people saying you're doing boring work. You've actually done something LESS cliche than most other writers on this site, just from the nature of the story, even leaving out the dark magic bit.

wlam #39 · Oct 7th, 2016 · · 12 ·

7623779
I swear, the pretentious lengths you'll go to when ranting about how people don't appreciate your favourite pony enough are one of the saddest things on this site.

Well done. This is why I like Celly. She's broken in power terms, but never uses it because .. She's broken in power terms.

The only and the biggest problem with your stories is that they are too short. Badass Celestia is awesome, but I would love to read this for a while and slowly learning just how awesome she is.

PS: I hope this story gets a sequel. :twilightsheepish:

7623806

And yet you continue to prove me right. You also continue to seek out conflict with me, trying to make things personal.

Which we won't be getting into tonight on this person's comments section. Ciao darling.

wlam #43 · Oct 7th, 2016 · · 15 ·

7623840
In all fairness, after that wall of text, you kind of deserved it. I wouldn't keep making fun of you if you didn't keep asking for it.

7623361 well, the big issue for me was the bait wasn't all that great, so the switch was nothing.

I don't know, but the story was kind of about nothing.

0_0

Welp ok then.

I'll just be over here...

On the moon...

0______0

Well... That's one way to imagine Celestia. So that means Luna is her 'daughter'?

I like writing Badass Celestia way too much

I like reading that way too much. :ajsmug: Have a follow

7623779

ignore the people saying you're doing boring work

This is terrible advice.

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!