• Member Since 20th Jul, 2014
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

sonicfan05


I'm a Sonic fan (obviously) who is also a fan of this show. ...not much else to say.

E

*Spoilers for EG - Rainbow Rocks*

It's Taco Tuesday! Sonata had been waiting to get one since last week. But when there's only one taco left and another girl wanting to get it as well, they decided to battle for the last taco. Who will win?

Sonata vector by: starcrystal272
Trixie vector by: negasun
The rest of the cover is made by me.

Constructive criticism welcomed!


Edited: This story is updated as of 3/25/18

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 53 )

:rainbowhuh::rainbowkiss::rainbowlaugh:
Everyone loves taco Tuesday. There is no escaping the tacos on Tuesday, which just so happens to be today.:pinkiehappy:

Very nice ai liked this story. Taco Tuesday id a very dangerous day.

This story was very entertaining! Very nice!

I had taco salad today because this story made me hungry for tacos....

I haven't laughed so hard in a long time. I LOVE THIS STORY! A like, a fave and a watch!

You occasionlly switch between present and past tense throughout the story, but it was a fairly fun read. :twilightsmile:

totally obvious to the events

I think you meant "oblivious" :derpytongue2: Extra L and I. :twilightsmile:

I enjoyed!

A few spelling errors here and there, but overall a fun, silly story to pass the time. :twilightsmile:

Yes, bumbling villain sidekicks must ALWAYS receive their tacos! :pinkiehappy:

Oy, this is a mess. Where to start...

First off, let's talk verb tenses. Your verb tenses are all over the place. Pick a tense and stick with it. You can't simply switch verb tenses back and forth in the middle of a sentence at will. It doesn't work that way.

Another major problem you have is that you're doing a whole lot of tell and not nearly enough show. Instead of telling the reader that Sonata convinced the others to stick around until Taco Tuesday, you could have shown her doing that, and gotten a lot of comedic dialogue out of it in the bargain.

Now, here's a selection of sentences and phrases in which there are glaring grammatical errors.

One of the students in that line is where a certain blue hair and skin siren is at.

There are so many things wrong with the above sentence I don't even know where to begin:

- A student in a line is not a subject that an object can be "at". It's incompatible.
- "A student" is not a "where". I know you THINK you're saying the line is where she's at, but you're not.
- The description of Sonata is broken and stilted.
- How the bloody hell can Sonata be at herself?

Sonata Dusk is anxious yet eagerly waiting

If you're using anxious as an adverb here, it should be "anxiously".

She hoped that the cafeteria still have that certain food available that she wanted since last week

- "would still have". Or "still has". Either is correct; the above is not.
- "had wanted".

which means they can no longer gained magic

Gain, not gained. Watch your verb tenses. They're important.

a long list of reasons why it was a stupid idea of staying

"to stay", not "of staying".

with everyone remembering of

Why are you using "of" there? Why do you keep using "of" in places it has no business being?

After many hours of Sonata’s begging, her two friends finally agreed (so that they won’t have to hear any more of her begging)

Your readers already understood WHY they agreed. You don't need the redundant parenthetical aside that assumes the reader isn't clear on this point.

Here she is right now, standing in line waiting for that delicious taco that she hungers for… literally.

What was the point in adding "literally" there? Unless your reader has never heard of the CONCEPT of a taco, they know it's food...it makes no sense.

She’s determined to get what she came for and will not leave the cafeteria empty headed…

Two things:

- This is an example of you switching verb tenses mid-sentence, and you should not do this.
- "empty headed"? While that's fitting for Sonata, I'm pretty sure that's NOT what you meant to write there...

The longer it takes Sonata to wait for her food, the more anxious and hunger she’ll feel.

Hungry. Anxious and hungry.

This is as far as I got before the incessant verb tense errors and painful grammar forced me to stop reading. You need to get a proofreader or editor, preferably one whose first language is English (I'm assuming yours isn't. If it is, MY GOD.)

5170442 Thanks! :twilightsmile: Could you please tell me which part so that I can improve my writing?

5171123 Sorry that you did not enjoy my story because of my grammar but I still appreciate your constructive criticism. I wrote this story myself without a proofreader or editor and I tried to look over it myself for any mistakes before I posted this on the site. Guess I still have some practice to do. :facehoof:

The renders used for the cover image look like they'd fit perfectly in Smash Bros.

Welp, that's just two more Mii Fighters to add to the list. :pinkiecrazy:

Sonata and tacos. Huh. Guess that's a thing now.

Pinkie leaned down by Trixie’s ear and whispered, “Should we tell her that the new batch of tacos had just arrived?”

Trixie facepalmed.

Everyone else in the cafeteria:

Pinkie leaned down by Trixie’s ear and whispered, “Should we tell her that the new batch of tacos had just arrived?”

Trixie facepalmed.

Everyone else in the cafeteria:

5174091 it was a thing the second that line happened in the movie.

5175054 Huh. Must be in the unedited version. Or it just went over my head.

Trixie has to pay for Sonata's next taco. I suppose Aria and Agadio are not going to be happy having to stay at CHS for another week.

5190699 Especially when they'll learn that Sonata has a six week detection, making them stay at school even longer. :rainbowlaugh:

5191891 I suppose Aria (my favorite) and Adagio could always just drop out and go shovel roadkill for the county until Sonata's detention is over.

There's a number of grammar issues, but one thing that stuck out at me especially is the present tense narration. It's very distracting (there's a reason it's rarely done), but even worse, it's inconsistent, as you lapse back and forth between present and past tense narration. Pick one and stick with it; and I'd suggest that it's past tense you stick with.

That sequence in which the two of them alternate messying up the other...
I know I've seen it before, in an old cartoon.
I just can't. Remember. Which.
I want to say either Doug or Hey Arnold, though I'm leaning more towards the latter.
This is going to drive me nuts until either I remember, or someone answers it for me.
:twilightangry2:

“Uh… Miss Dusk, why are you licking the floor?” asked Luna.
Sonata looked up at Luna and said, “There’s no way I’m leaving this cafeteria without that taco. So I’m eating it!”
“But the floor could be dirty!” Luna exclaimed.
“Worth it!” Sonata responded and resumes licking the floor.
Luna is stunned while everyone else is grossed out by Sonata’s display.
Pinkie leaned down by Trixie’s ear and whispered, “Should we tell her that the new batch of tacos had just arrived?”
Trixie facepalmed.

Words cannot expression how hard I laughed.

The grey sophisticated girl with black hair, pink eyes and wears a pink bowtie on her neck shrieked as her crazy blue-haired, dubstep-loving friend with purple sunglasses, dumped a glass of milkshake on her head.
The cream-colored girl with pink and blue hair is running away from her mint-green friend with white hair who keeps throwing candies at her as she laughs hysterically.

TEAMKILLERS!

The
Tentacle
Arm
Kragle
Outside
Sprayer.
Or, T.A.K.O.S. (The S is silent)

On Taco (T.A.K.O.S.) Tuesday, it's going to Kraglize the entire universe so that EVERYONE! WILL STOP MESSING! WITH MY STUFF!!

Okay, the grammar in this story needs some SERIOUS attention (not to mention spelling errors here and there).

All in all, however, it was thoroughly entertaining. 9 out of 10!:raritystarry:

Awesome...
Yeah, it's a rough story.
Also, I'm not sure Sonata would go THAT far for a taco. Just me...

This was a pretty good story.

Like if reading on Taco Tuesday

The end was so funny! :rainbowlaugh: :rainbowlaugh: :rainbowlaugh:

Who can charm guys more: Rarity or Sonata?

6470925 Rarity by a landslide! She can easily charm any guy just by batting her eyes. :raritystarry:

6472200 Sonata can charm them by being Sonata.

6472215 With or without her singing powers?

6472367 Didn't you listen to me? I said Sonata can charm them by being Sonata.

6472395 Sorry, let me rephrase it. By being "Sonata", you mean she can charm the guys by being herself? Right?

6472491 Well, I agree. She so likeable, she can charm anyone without even trying! :twilightsmile:

Classic food fight story. Hilarious! Also, I can picture Derpy eating a muffin thrown at her and ignoring everything else. :rainbowlaugh:
Though I did notice a few mistakes in this story. If you don't mind here is what I found.

It’s no thanks to you

I'm pretty sure the right way to say that would be thanks to you, because it was their fault.

You couldn’t even sang a single tune right since then… you loser!”

The right way of saying that would be sing.

WE made you into the finals

Put would work better there.

if it weren’t for US, you probably wouldn’t make it to round two

"Have made" should go there, it matches the past tense they were using.

did someone threw a food fight party and didn’t invite me

change threw to throw.

spotted two legs walked up

walking

It wouldn’t be a fight if that girl would just let Trixie take that taco which was rightfully belong to Trixie

I would change that first part to "There wouldn't have been" and the second part to "rightfully belonged".
But overall great story, you just need an editor or something.

6537914 Thank you for liking my story and pointing out my mistakes! :twilightsmile:

I'm still learning as I'm writing the next story but I'll try to look for an editor If I need additional help.

EDIT: Mistakes fixed!

6538482
I'm glad I could help. I didn't want to seem rude when pointing out any of your mistakes so I'm glad you appreciate it. Your stories are good, they just need to be edited better. :twilightsmile:

Lol I love this story!

“Thanks to you, Trixie was mocked by everyone in school for being used as a tool to you three. Worse of all, Vice Principle Luna sentenced Trixie to clean the entire stage with a toothbrush, all because Trixie shoved the Rainbooms to the bottom of the stage just so they can’t compete!”

that was best part

5170776 that was funny! I wish I'd thought about that.

Cx You are amazing. This story is amazing. *claps* all the prizes, all the prizes. Twelve muffins out of ten :derpytongue2:
~SoDF

obvious to the events around her.

Yout mean oblivious here. But anyway this is just so funny xD

7111760 Fixed and thanks!

6538482
...ah, there's still some spelling errors. Not obvious ones, the words are "spelled correctly", they're just the entirely wrong words due to the misspelling, and since the words they wound up being were actually dictionary correct, they aren't triggering your spellcheck.

Best example:

Luna glared down at Trixie and said, “Wrong, it wouldn’t have been a fight if you haven’tcut in lineand not try to take the taco which wasrightfullyfor Miss Dusk! As punishment, you will pay for her next taco and the two of you will havesix weeksin detention, starting after schooltoday!During today’s detection, you two will spend the whole evening cleaning up this cafeteria until the place is completely spotless!”

Obviously, this is supposed to be "detention," literally one letter off from "detection," which is correctly spelled if you wanted a word that meant "The act or process of detecting; discovery"

Also, you shift tenses quite a few times.

Pinkie then leaned down to Trixie’s ear and whispered, “Should we tell her that the new batch of tacos had just arrived?”

:rainbowlaugh:

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