Flash Sentry, a new student at Canterlot High School, must adjust to life in a new town and school, make new friends, battle evil creatures that threaten mankind, and solve the mystery lurking within Canterlot's social media network.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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In light of Luna becoming the Hierophant, I think I'll make a prediction based on the small amount of research I've done into the Major Arcana. I think Fluttershy will be Strength, based on her compassion, patience, and self-doubt.
Gamer Luna. You already have my like and a favorite, what else do you want from me?!
Also, this is just what I get for second-guessing myself.
5393564
Nope. A previous comment from MythrilMoth has confirmed that it is not Fluttershy who gets Strength.
5393564 Applejack is Strength. I've already confirmed that.
5393592
5393578 Ah, derp. Well, she fits, too. I'm fine with it. Also perfectly fine with Gamer Luna, of course.
Justice and the Hierophant connected by bonds of family. Well, that's familiar. Also, I only just got the "day and night" system you've set up. Every week, either Celestia or Luna can be interacted with on a personal level, with the weekends as dawn and dusk. That's clever, and I feel kind of dumb for not noticing it until now.
In any case, the Hierophant. Structure, tradition, the trappings of the past made to guide the future along its proper course. And the past is always a concern for this Link. As Flash helps Luna accept and move beyond her troubled years, perhaps he can gain a greater understanding of Sunset Shimmer. I suspect such insight will be invaluable.
And then there's Octavia, whose track record offers a ray of hope for Vinyl. Is it the sun peaking through?
Looking forward to more. Especially since...
36.media.tumblr.com/1080a876774cbf85ad96f10d47a97e32/tumblr_mymdshYuOL1s9evxpo1_500.jpg
Huh, nine S.Links to go, I see:
Three of them are clearly supposed to form with the other three girls () and another one is likely to form with Chrysalis.
That leaves at least five other characters who aren't yet clear if they're going to be important or not. Unfortunately, we don't have "dialogue portraits/sprites" to see who would be the case.
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If you're asking if Octavia is Sun, umm...VINYL is Sun...
5393922
I know. Having a bit too much fun with the symbolism for my own good.
Should've seen the video game thing coming with Luna. (I don't care who you are, the idea of Luna of all ponies/people playing video games is absolutely adorable.) I think this will sum up the best my expectations for next chapter: The best laid plans of mice and men...
Huh, This Luna had a Nightmare-esque phase? This should be interesting...
WE HAVE S-DAY FOLKS! Let's get ready to rumble!
5394058 *GASP*
LLLLET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE!!!
Looking forward to seeing the design of Pinkie's Persona.
5394987 Believe me, it'll be worth the wait. I've been sitting on the art for her for about a week now.
5395001 Is it bad that the first image that came to mind after reading that is just you sitting on a piece of paper like it's an egg or something?
Hierophant. I didn't think of that.
5395030
So, having finally gotten caught up, it’s time for a rather lengthy review in the form of an overly long comment, as is my method.
One issue with reading through chapters as I go is that I can’t really leave comments along the way. Well, okay, I can, but too many times it makes me wonder “well, what if I’d say something different based on something that happens later?” Of course, maybe something will happen later to offset something I say here (something that did happen multiple times was that I had some kind of complaint but it ended up actually working out once it was all played out), but this is the best place I’m going to get to stop. So this is going to be a bit rambly with some thoughts on things that happened a while ago.
First off, on the whole, good job with the story. My knowledge of Persona is quite limited (it basically begins and ends with the Two Best Friends/Two Best Sisters Play of it), but everything made some sense. I’d like to particularly applaud you for sticking to a fairly consistent schedule of one update per day. It's certainly done a good job in keeping my attention; too many stories go for a while without an update so I forget to check them, then I eventually forget about that story. The consistent updates give me incentive to check for updates far more constantly.
Now onto some suggestions/criticisms I had. While this is going to get pretty long, be aware I liked this story a whole lot more than I disliked it; it’s just it’s hard to really say much other than “Well, I liked it, keep it going” for the parts I liked, which was almost anything I don't list in my criticisms. So keep in mind that this should really be considered a comment praising the story, even if I spend most of it on things I didn't care for. As a side note, it is a little sad to see the high number of downvotes that presumably are just there from the Flash haters...this story doesn't deserve to have that many.
Anyway, one issue I had was with Hoop and Score’s assault on Rainbow Dash. Now, I did see some complaints about that in the comments, but my problem wasn’t exactly what others had. My problem was that their protestations of their innocence, combined with how stupid someone would have to be to actually return to school like normal after that, leaves the reader with the impression that there’s something extra going on here. According to you, there isn’t, but that’s not the impression the story leaves for the aforementioned reasons.
My proposed fix would have been instead of them protesting their innocence, to instead say something like “Oh, come on, we didn’t hit her that hard.” This fixes the problems because it:
1) Makes it clear they were guilty; there wasn’t anything weird going on.
2) Drives home the fact they were stupid enough to do everything they did if that’s their response (not to mention the fact it’s a literal admission to the police).
One issue I have noticed is how irrelevant Fluttershy has been so far. I seriously can’t think of any role she’s had in the story so far. Even Applejack and Rarity have had some small roles, but Fluttershy’s just been… there. I might be forgetting something in the story, but she hasn’t made much of an impression. Yeah, I know she’s the shy one, but she really has been in the background for a little too long. I'm sure she’ll probably have a larger part in the future, but it still does feel like it’s been a long time without her doing much of anything, at least that I remember.
I’m not really enjoying Vinyl’s stuff too much in this story too far, but I'll admit this comes more from personal dislikes than anything else. I've never really been fond of the fan idea that she's blind (or in this case, going blind) and I especially really hate it when she gets shipped with Octavia. In other words, the two things that annoy me the most in terms of Vinyl's fan depictions are the main focus of her in this story, so I'm obviously not caring for her story. The good news is that it's a small part of the story--so far--but it's still something I didn't care for, as admittedly subjective as my complaint is.
I did think some of the sex jokes went a bit far. For a while I was fine with them (some of the early stuff with Rainbow Dash was quite good), but later on it kinda went a bit too far to the point it wasn’t particularly funny anymore. The good news is that it seemed to be aware of this fairly quickly, with it backpedaling due to Pinkie apologizing for going too far (as she was the source for most of it), but it really was wearing thin. Luckily, it seems to have died down since. Still, I thought the jokes earlier in the story in this area were better than the ones that came later.
Speaking of sex, now we have to come to the Cadance and Flash plot, specifically the “one hour” spent doing… something. I had a number of problems with this. The first is that it seems rather out of character for him to do… whatever it was he did with her, the vagueness does make it difficult to analyze. Regardless, at least to me, the Flash we saw up until that point hardly seems like the person who would go along with something like that, making it feel like contrived drama.
The funny thing is, up until that point one of my problems with Flash’s character is his lack of apparent flaws. He’s the main character, quickly befriends the others, is constantly the one dispensing useful advice to people and helping them out, etc. There’s a fine line between someone just being the main character while being a nice guy and being a Mary Sue, and he was really teetering towards as the latter due to the lack of apparent flaws. He seemed to have a bit of a temper, but even that is played off as in the right (he throws a ball at Suri’s face? The coach takes his side. He threatens Snips and Snails? He gets in a little trouble, but it feels like the story wants us to think they’re still the ones at fault). Maybe this is par for the course for Persona games, but I would’ve preferred he be a bit less perfect. So while this did fix that, I feel like it was doing it in the wrong way and going too far in the other direction. I would’ve preferred to see more done with his already-established temper than suddenly introducing this.
Speaking of Shining Armor and Cadance, I’m not too huge on their representations. I was liking them for a while, but the romance drama was a bit irritating to me. Though I think my problem is that it goes just a little too far for both of them. Shining Armor’s was fine even up through punching Flash, but going to Celestia and lying about it went too far in my estimation, and Cadance… well, whatever she did with Flash was going a little far with her (I kind of feel like it should have just ended with him rebuffing her advances). And then we get the sort of odd retcon that this sort of thing is normal for Cadance, which just feels… off.
So I don’t know. To be fair, that whole plot, once it happened, was handled about as well as it could have been and was resolved reasonably well (I was dreading the potential "Flash has to keep it a secret from Twilight" plot but that thankfully didn't happen), but I still question whether it should have been there.
I don’t know if there were any actually good suggestions in all of that rambling, but figured I might as well try to share my thoughts, jumbled as they might be.
In terms of recent developments, I'm pretty interested in what's going on with Chrysalis, though I am a bit worried about even more of the aforementioned "romance drama" happening thanks to her.
If Sunset is in charge of the Canterbook horoscope app... what about the Persona summoning app? Who made/is in charge of that one?
Like, I can believe that the Velvet Room is responsible for the Velvet Room and Wild Card Persona Management apps, it seems like the kind of power that longnose would have over the real world, especially that the door would just... appear on the screen, but the fact that everyone with a Persona can see the summoning app makes me wonder if it's something that just showed up because of the supernatural influence or not.
5396240
... The thing about the Persona games is, because the main character is you, the player, the main character basically is a Mary Sue. Because of the way the game is, he(or she) winds up forming what appears to be very important relationships with a huge list of people, usually being the one that inspires them, or aids their recovery, or helps them through a tough time when no one else will, or something. Not to mention the protagonist is typically the most exceptional person in a list of already exceptional people who have personas, which basically ensures they have some level of strength of character, and his powers with it are orders of magnitude more versatile, and often more powerful, than his companions.
In a video game you never notice because, as the player, you expect to be able to influence everything and be the most powerful and useful person alive. It's a bit more noticeable as a character in a story where you are not playing that character, though.
That being said, I suspect Flash's temper and maybe his quick-to-judge nature might be deliberate flaws, but since it's all Flash's perspective, he's obviously not going to disagree with his own judgements if he's a somewhat self-righteous or judgemental guy. If it's going to be addressed then later we're either going to get someone calling him out on his snap judgements, or something prompting him to wonder if he's judging too quickly.
5396240 I thank you for reading and for taking the time to comment at such length.
I have no specific responses or rebuttal to any of your comments at the moment. This is not a dismissal of your concerns or critique, it's simply that there are things I cannot say at this time without revealing too much. I can also say that there will be no substantial or significant edits to what has already been posted with the exception of error correction.
I respect that not everything in this story is to everybody's liking, and I thank you for sticking with it despite some of your misgivings about certain plot elements and running gags.
So that's how you'll handle Nightmare Moon? I like it. At first I was wondering how they would be able to relate to Luna, but it seems that issues of her past make her somewhat still a child at heart. Also, her being the Hierophant Arcana is appropriate.
5394058 I got my shot gun ready!
BRING IT ON!!!!
Pps birthday tomorrow?
denanicole.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/lets-do-this.jpg
5682312 give someone this weapon!
My goodness, this one was a curve-ball. I had considered mentioning trust issues, not-letting-go-of suspicions and even regret, but none of those seemed to describe this rank so well. I'm not entirely sure this one does, though.
I don't think I've commented as much in recent chapters. I'll keep it simple and say that everything recently has been good. And addictive.
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One would prefer to not take the risks of: repeating the past, letting another child walk down the path of darkness, allowing an avoidable tragedy to occur, enabling negative behavior through inaction...
It's pretty open-ended. A good statement for Rank 1. The other ones... Not so much.
Finally yes!!!!!
The whole team is assembled!!
The Fool!
Magician Red!
Hermit Purple!
Silver Chariot!
Hierophant Green!
Star platinum!
Now lets wait for the oraoraoraora!
6445217 WANT!
Dickson: Eat this! Thunderbolt!
(I know it's Thunder Bullet but thank Chugga for that one.)
Foreshadowing...nice.