Once upon a lonely afternoon, Spike and Silver Spoon had a talk. This is how it went.
Written for this contest.
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- Member Since 21st May, 2013
- offline last seen 10 hours ago
FamousLastWords
"Late night, come home. Work sucks! I know!"
FamousLastWords
Joined 21st May, 2013 ·
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You forgot about option four: Walk up to her and win her heart with an html 5 pickup line :D
4838009 Hey girl, are you coded with HTML 5? Because I'd really like to inspect your element.
4839007 *Swoons*
Short, cute, to the point, and both characters are really believable. I see nothing wrong with this fic, nice job.
Not more to be said. I was swooned by this good story.
31.media.tumblr.com/9af2e0d4c65fd8e0dbb5b3d044a1c385/tumblr_mn78rwqrpw1s46koto1_500.gif
4839007
Are you sweet lady propane? Because you're clean and efficient.
...
Damn. On the bright side, I wouldn't mind being single.
4839353 ha! King of the Hill references FTW.
4839354
4838009
we are screwed.
4839376 Actually, I think Follow Focus could win this one. His story is very unusual and interesting. Same with yours. MIne is just two characters talking.
4839387 tell that to those seven. I have 5 bucks that says one or two is because of the guard.
The others just didn't like it.
4839391 Nah, they probably just didn't like your family portrayal of Spike and Twilight. Nothing to do with the story itself.
4839398 most likely. annoying TwiSpike people.
How old are they supposed to be? They sound and act kinda grown up, but it seems they're still kids. With how you normally write Spike, I honestly can't tell.
Oh, and this was sweet, by the by.
4839410 I tried to write them in that awkward mid teen stage, where you have childish tendencies but at least start thinking like an adult at times.
Cute story.
I'm always a sucker for stories that show Silver Spoon in a friendlier light, and I really enjoyed reading this. Short, sweet, and well-written, this story has earned an upvote and a favorite!
Sorry, Silver. Survival of the fittest and all that. Or in this case, the most conniving, backstabbing and downright ruthless filly. Take a leaf out of your friend's book... it's the only way to get by in this pony-eat-pony world. Getting advice from that pushover Spike (Have you SEEN some of the stuff that manipulative b*tch Rarity makes him do?) is not a good idea. Go apologise to DT, accept you just lost out to a more worthy competitor and be a bit more forward next time...
4839376 Maybe, though I'm thinking that we may have a fighting chance this time around! :D
4839477 Especially since I was such a doof and waiting till last second to do this one.
4839477 looks like it.
4839480 I did the same thing almost
4839480 Precisely! :D
That was sweet. Nice job!
This is sweet, i like it.
So Sweet
It is sweet to see Spike be nice to somepony he knows has a bad history. The actions and mood were described very nicely.
That said, not all of the descriptions were as good. For one thing, the story starts off with no time given, and the standard for the show is a sunny day. Then it says it's evening when Spike thinks he wasn't going to meet Silver 'tonight'. Then later Silver says they're spending an afternoon together. I'd guess this is happening around dusk, then? In which case, an early description of a red sunset filtering through the windows would clear the whole thing up, the rest wouldn't need to be changed. And while I personally don't care much for distinguishing between foals, colts and fillies in terms of age (apparently a 'foal' would be a baby, even though ponies use the word 'baby', but that as an aside), the word 'mare' definitely refers to an adult, and I don't think Silver Spoon is an adult in this.
The other general remark is on dialogue, but this is an acquired taste, so don't take this as gospel. Dialogue in kid's shows tends to be simple, doubly so when it's spoken by actual kid characters. It's not often, but there are a few instances where these two use a big word that could easily be replaced by something simpler. But again, that's not gospel, wait for a second opinion on that one.
The story's sweet, thought-provoking (what colt would Diamond and Silver be fighting over? Rumble, maybe? Or Shady Daze, because he gets all the girls), all in all a nice little fluffy fic to feel good about.
Cute story. I appreciate those who try to do more with the background characters, especially ones like Silver Spoon who could be good if given some development. Nice work.
4839629 Thanks for the in-depth comments, bud. Definitely valid issues.
I was sad with a lot of people last night. It really does help.
Spike and Silver? I like it!
4839753
Same here.
#jointhecreed
Dis.
Needs.
Romance.
And.
Romance.
Tag.
Yes.
YES!
This was a pretty good story, but, Spike should have asked her to the dance, well, that's my opinion anyway.
Can you write another one about SpikeSpoon one-shot this time with love?
Does Pinkie Pie write the fortune cookies?
Why. The heck.
DOES DIS HAVE NO ROMANCE?!
Exuse me.
4840394
4840619
Sorry, guys. This was more of an implied feelings kind of story, where you can use your imagination to decide how things go. I'll probably write a more detailed SpikeSpoon story someday though.
Awww, that was cute.
I MUST HAVE MORE...... please
4841581 I agree. Completely.
4840627 excuse my outburst, I'm just really into comedy & romance
I know what mine says.
"Help! I'm trapped in a Chinese fortune cookie factory, and I can't get out!"
4843136 Mine says "Dude. Run."
...Wait a minute
4843222 mine says "you will die in 7 days if you do not kill 7 ponies" well it could be a trick but I dont want to tempt fate so *uses magic to conjure a sword* whos first
Simple and cute.
"Sneak out before she notices his presence and avoid the situation entirely" -> Should be "noticed", since the entire story is in past tense.
I think that the last line should have been “Want'ta go to the dance?” reply “OK”. Question and response could come from either of them.
Awww... Silver Spoon, is my favourite foal. Cute!
Five bits says it was Button Mash
4844708 I actually dislike the ButtonBelle shipping, but I avoided saying anything in particular so I wouldn't start any ship wars.