Darksonickiller
Joined 28th Aug, 2012 ·
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I have one word to describe this. Weed.
Who edited this for you again?
What the actual...
Do you have editor?!
4817210 are you offering?
4817210
you fucked up your comment while asking if he/she has an editor. That's too perfect.
Plez no caps when they yell. Just a ! at the end
Not a bad story; solid plotline, characters act like the way they should, and the clop isn't that bad.
However, there are a few grammar, punctuation, and spelling errors. Some words were even missing. You should have an editor look over the story before submitting.
4817912 Can you edit for me?
4817917 I'll think about it. If I do decide to do it, I'll send a message your way. No promises though.
HOLD THE PHONE, I HATE THIS FOR ONE INCREDIBLY OBNOXIOUS AND BLINDING REASON...
Scoots didn't get her cutie mark. That would have been the best ending in the history of ever.
Mmmmmm Tasty~
4818330
I was drinking Gin and Tonic when I read that. My monitor wishes I wasn't.
How the hell does RD know what chicken tastes like?, major error right there.
4818700
Because Gilda.
Btw haven't read yet but it's on the list.
Now that I've actually read the story...
Meh. It wasn't that good. It could be better. Kudos to you for publishing something, though. That's more than I've done so far!
Also, the other guy is right: How does Rainbow Dash know what chicken tastes like? Is
making his 'special sandwiches' again?
4818737
Like I said, because Gilda.
Read it. Ehhhh... not really impressed. No upvote for you, but no downvote either. Falls just short of 'mediocre' even with the lowered standards for clop.
4817049
Well I have this...
4818699 I regret nothing.
Yeah, I gotta follow the herd and say: editor.
not the worst clop ive read,kinda formulaic and yeah editors are good.
good effort but i could swear you wrote a bit of this one handed.
4820810 Its being edited right now chill
4820817
Mmm.
You should have done that before posting, honestly.
~Skeeter The Lurker
4820825 I had an editor and he didn't show up but it's getting edited now end of discussion
4820825 Also i pretty surprised this got featured I wasn't even aiming for the featured box.
4820862 It was earlier this morning so yes it was.
4820869
...Why are you arguing that point with me anyway?
Feature box is nothing impressive at all anymore.
~Skeeter The Lurker
4820872 You are absolutely right but that doesn't mean I can't enjoy being there.
4820880
...Deleting comments?
Seriously? Not cool, buddy boy.
Not when they offer decent advice.
~Skeeter The Lurker
First off, good story you have talent.
second, i ain't gonna be a negative Nancy, to all that bull about editors, buck it no-one is perfect (if anyone claims to be they have major mental issues)
third, keep trying and you'll get better, good luck!
Ok, so assuming ponies are herbivores wouldn't the fact that scootaloo tasted like chicken be like a traumatizing experience for RD then again the fact that she recognizes that she tastes like chicken lends credence to the fact that rainbow dash is actually a carnivore or at the very least an omnivore.
I'm pretty sure a lot of ponies would be kinda worried if she was.
She moves at super sonic speeds apparently and now eats meat
Oh dear god! Apex predator!!! (pun intended haha Chris Hansen will be knocking on her door)
Welp we're bucked!!!
I've read a story with a similar premise, at least the scoot-inviting-dash-to-the-movies bit, and sex, of course, but it's on google docs for some reason, dunno if it's here on fimfic or not, but if you'd like to read it:
Here
I'll have to read this "Movie Night" story too when I get time, see if they are at all similar apart from what the description told me.
4822466 That story use to be on here a long time ago but its not anymore. Its one of my favorites and i was sad when it disappeared thank you so much for the link so I can finally read it again!
Dam rainbow dash sex for good grades lol I'd take that deal ha any ways my only complaint "she tasted like chicken and dash wanted more" I appreciated the joke but come on how would she no what chicken tastes like try something like.... Sweet oranges or sugar even just not chicken it punches a hole i the story and moment for those who catch it.
4818803
Meh, I've got some pretty high standards for clop. Like this one!
Or maybe I'm just into crazy.
The world may never know...
Scootadash is my number 1 pairings. 10/10 have a magical clam
I facepalmed and thought"Oh please don't tell me it's going to go this route..." when I read this line:
To my disappointment, it did. I couldn't even bring myself to read the clop because of this.
3 things majorly wrong:
1. Dash was too easily convinced to go on with the act. It would take much more than a repeated question to get a just about ANY character to do such an act unless RD was a secret foal-fiddler but you didn't portray her as such plus the movie she grabbed was purely accidental according to the context. This further makes it less likely for her to be convinced so easily to do such a thing.
2. For a filly who was watching this type of content for the first time, she was way too forward. Curious questions are one thing, asking to be ate out more or less, so shortly after her curiosity question, is completely too forward. And given the amount of innocence you portrayed in Scootaloo's character, this makes it even less likely for her to ask such a question without something further coaxing the question out of her.
3.You barely made any dialogue between the two before the clop began. It felt as if you got impatient and went"BAH SCREW IT!" and half-assed the scene in order to jump strait to the clop.
Case and Point: You made the lead up COMPLETELY UNBELIEVABLE.
I've seen this style of writing in countless fanfics and it makes me facepalm each and every time.
Beyond that, everything before the clop scene gave great context to the story, despite it being somewhat short.
Hope this review helps you.
4820872
simplyreference.com/Media/Ragefaces/n/misc-you-dont-say.png
And there was me thinking the feature box got the absolute creme de la creme of all that FimFic has to offer!
Since you enjoyed my short comment enough to delete it, I made an entire blog post concerning my comments on your amazing story.
You posted this in a public forum, so don't delete people's thoughts that they took the time to write down just because you don't like them.
4824726
4824754 Thank you.
4824767 For what?
4824767 Save your thoughts till after it's edited trust me it will be much better.
4824782
i1149.photobucket.com/albums/o595/moviemaster8510/pATIENCE_zpsef4f4bc8.png
This gets a solid, "meh" from me. That's just kinda in the middle without going too far in either direction.
The story itself wasn't bad and there was decent plotting and pacing. I liked the dynamic between Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo. I liked the way that Pinkie Pie was so in tune with everything. And I liked the flow. Then there was the clop. How can I put this? It was pretty generic. Clop really isn't your thing although that's not to say you can't improve. You need to focus on the feelings more than the actual descriptions. When I was reading it, it felt more clinical than anything else. Not necessarily a bad thing so much as it just didn't feel right.