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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Rather abrupt, but well written.
Nice story. I don't like rainbow dash but I'm going to be a man and rate based on quality, not content.
1884167
Could I get a bit more elaboration on what you mean by "abrupt"? I appreciate the comment and the read, but I want to know what you mean by that so I can fix it if it is an issue or becomes one.
1884172
Well, I was thinking how they just started having sex out of nowhere, but the context justifies it.
Nevermind, it's all good.
1884204
I actually felt it was kind of quick too, but it is my first submission. Once I settle into my writing style I'll definitely have things lead up to it better than just a brush of the wing.
Like it so much
Sexy.
could be better....
1886657
Thanks!
1890134
How so? I really do want to improve on my writing so any tips are helpful!
1886751
I've found that never outright stating an action or a sexual area makes it that much more erotic... I don't know if this is true or not though.
Also the picture makes the story a foalcon misunderstanding.
It was okay. The story felt rushed though. Take more time to dwell on things and describe them. Let the reader really get into the moment.
It's good, but too fast, do more!
Nicely done.
Me and my demented mind rather enjoyed this short fic. But there are a few problems I should adress to you. For one, everything happened way too fast. there wasn't a build up between the beginning and when RD and Scoots "Get to it"
Also, there seems to be very little in-depth detail. there's plenty of good detail but going into very small detail can make for a good story. I'd also put in more paragraphs. Indent every time when you move on to a different speaker. It doesn't just make the story look better but it's English grammar. You should also leave a space between each paragraph. It makes the story more appealing to the eye.
Like this:
I hoped this helped you. It helped me with my foal clop and it got me to where I am today. I would recommend that you keep on this writing hobby, because you're pretty good at it! Have an awesome day and, as always...
*Brohoof*
LOVE IT!!!
Love it!
You've got a good story idea. Unfortunately, it goes a little fast for my taste. I mean, you've got Rainbow Dash saying that she's always thought about Scootaloo as a little sister, and then what... they're kissing like one paragraph later? I would have liked a little bit more character development, maybe some internal conflict, or something like that.
Also, there's the paragraph issue. When writing a story, each line of dialogue by a character gets its own paragraph. That is, if Rainbow Dash says something, it's a paragraph. If Scoots replies, it's in another. Never combine two characters' dialogue into a single long paragraph; it's bad form.
I'm gonna go ahead and give this story a 6/10 and No Thumb. It's above average quality, though it didn't really impact me the way I expected a ScootaDash clopfic to. I didn't like it, but I didn't dislike it either. If one's looking for a cute ScootaDash clopfic, then they'll probably enjoy this.
I will see if you've got any other stories, though. You do have interesting ideas.
I would like to know how and why you claim this is aged up when it takes place right after an episode where Scootaloo is still obviously a foal.
nice
You could definitely have used a better prompt. They just decide, pretty much out of nowhere, to have sex? Really?!