Darksonickiller
Joined 28th Aug, 2012 ·
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Dude, this is not a displaced story.
Too bad she didn't meet Blueblood at some point, that would've been another fun instance ^_^
6029861 Well she gets displaced in Canterlot
6029872 Did you even read the premise of the Displaced group? REMOVE IT!
I'm thinking, Okay, this is about Rarity being nude and embarrassed. I guess this is just going to be one of those weird meta comedies. Wait. It's rated M? She's just a pony! It's not like they're always nake-- *sees Anthro tag*.... Oh.
6029874 Not with that attitude ask nicely.
6029880 I shouldn't have to ask at all! There will be others.
That was an interesting story........
Discord has won this prize along with all those perverts who took pictures of Rarity nude:
https://youtu.be/0ecFPc1nVUQ
This was one of the funniest things I've ever read.
6029974 Glad you liked it! tell your friends about it! And dont forget to like and fav!
6029977 My friends will wonder how I got here...
Nah, found it in a group.
Gee, this isn't familiar at all.
Not at all.
6030077 Yea one's human EQG, the other is anthro. You are right they aren't similar at all
6030077 Oh oops I thought you said similar
6030081 Yeah, that's what I said. I don't know why you felt the need to confirm that.
6030085 It's all good
HOT :)
Sorry, Rarity, but this story was AWESOME!
I should point out that this story isn't a Displaced story nor does it have anything to do with the Displaced and should not be in the Displaced group. Please remove it.
6029880
Ahahahahahahahaha
Wow.
6030543
Buddy, you might wanna check a dictionary.
EDIT: I don't give a shit about what group it is or isn't in, by the way, but just know, "displaced" was a word before that shitty fad came along.
6030543
No.
I can't resist:
...first story?
There's going to be others?
6030724
Oh god.
~Skeeter The Lurker
6030754 ...the fad name is based on that first dictionary definition. It's not an amalgamation of two words.
I'm going to out on a limb here and say that everyone in the displaced group is a dick.
6030791
Doesn't seem like it. They're just enforcing the rules they've made.
This seems to break them.
~Skeeter The Lurker
6030754 You're kidding, right? You decided, 'Oh, a word meaning what our basic concept is should be changed to be an abbreviation, despite already meaning said abbreviation in this context and making no fucking sense'?
I have literally never seen anyone other than you say that displaced means "Dimensionally Misplaced." And I can easily guess why.
yeah but they're still pretty rude about it. I wanted to use a haughty rarity little face but they don't have one.
6030835
6030789
So here we are, having to explain what words mean to idiots on a fanfiction website. Do you ever just take a moment and wonder where we, as a species, are going to eventually end up?
Also, is this story featured yet from all the heat this comments section is contributing?
6030903 Not yet. I feel like the rating is gonna keep it down, though, so no big loss.
6030791 I agree
This was entertaining. Really entertaining. Least Discord could have done is got rid of the pictures in way of apology. Needs a sequel showing Fluttershy forcing him to do just that. One picture at a time.
6031321 There will be a squel, 5 of them actually one for each of the mane 6.
6031333 I WILL DO THIS COME HELL OR HIGH WATER!!!!!
(Unless of course Rarity bitch slaps me into next century)
This was a funny story, but i didn't i enjoyed it as much as i could have and after thinking about it I'm pretty sure i know why. For me the best sociopathic comedies have one of three things, the protagonist being an asshole victim that deserves all the misery heaped upon them, some kind of reward that makes up for all the suffering they went thru or having their tormentors receive some kind of karmic retribution. None of that happens in this story, Rarity didn't deserve anything that happened to her, the nicest thing that did happen was Hoity Toity not cutting off business relations with her (and giving her the coat, but that didn't last long) and the closest Discord gets to karmic justice (onscreen) was getting told off by her (and he immediately undoes whatever satisfaction we got from that).
Another thing is how Applejack and Rainbow Dash didn't seem to be pretty sympathetic to Rarity's situation. Mind you they where pretty much in character but it still a little off-putting to see them so dismissive of what should obviously be a pretty terrible experience, especially Rainbow in particular. Lets just say that when it comes her turn I would like to see a scene where Rarity gets to rub it in her face.
I also wonder about what the princesses think about this whole scenario. I cannot imagine that Celestia would find this gala as enjoyable as she did in cannon what with the humiliation of a several time national hero. In fact i like to think that after the girls teleported out of there the princesses preceded to put the fear of, well themselves into the gala attendees by reminding them that the mare that they laughed at is again, a several time national hero and that any insults and disrespect directed to her might as well be directed toward them as well.
Also also, I'm pretty sure that Rarity can sue any magazine that uses photos of her without permission.
6029872
You my good sir get a ribbon, for your bravery in the War on Whatever the Hell Displaced Means
6032069 Ywa im never going near that carzy rude group again.
It's not your fault they all overreacted. Displaced means dimensionaly misplaced my ass.
You well lol but yeah... A tad bit of an overreaction
I enjoy a bit of risqué comedy from time to time but I really wasn't laughing by the end of it.
KM The DM was correct on part of it but one of the main issues was the constant sexual harassment from every unknown stallion through the entire story.
From one or two characters I can understand but when we got to the scene with the dog and passers by taking pictures of her exposed nether regions, well I was feeling as violated as Rairity was.
And with the lack of comeuppance for anyone within the story I might as well have been reading sexual torture porn than a risqué comedy.
I'd suggest checking out a few "Carry On" films to understand how to do this genre right.
6034610 what do you expect from a city of assholic snobs?
If some told me this story is garbage.I would laugh in thier face because this is hilarious. It's fast paced which helps the comedy, it has all the characters act like in the show, and also it probably could've happened if the show wasn't for little girls.
Overall I give it 10/10
I am going to be up front here, I really liked this story, now that I have said that I have a few suggestions.
A good way to improve this story would be a few commas, there were some spots where I was a bit confused, and use the character's name less. The story reads a lot better when you use 'she' or 'her' in place of the characters name.
Word for word:
Slightly modified:
Never start a sentence with and, it just reads weird:
In the case above just drop the 'and' it isn't needed in the sentence at all.
Using the same sentence as above, your usage of '-' can be replaced with two commas:
It doesn't have to be, both work in this case, it just looks a little cleaner.
One other another thing, be careful with your words, I saw a few places in there , at least two, where you had repeated a word by mistake but now that I am looking for them I can't find them of course! :P Just keep an eye out for them.
Anyway, that is my ten cents for today. like i said above i really REALLY like this story, i just feel like you need a better editor :P