Snowflake can fly. Scootaloo can't. She's decided her best solution is for him to train her, get her in the air his way. And he'll do anything to make sure that doesn't happen. Because she wants to be strong like him... and that's something he never wants to see another pony go through. And besides, the Crusaders quit on things all the time, which means getting her to drop out should be easy.
But they don't give up on the Crusade...
(Original story concept plus title from Seether00, freely offered up on The Idea Exchange. Part of the Triptych Continuum, which has its own TVTropes page and FIMFiction group. New members (in both groups) and trope edits welcome.)
Chapters (4)
You know you Apple Bloom tagged not Scootaloo right?
Suddenly I understood something when you were describing the values on Rainbow's speedometer.
She has infinite turbo. It explains so much.
4642404
I like to make horrific simple-to-avoid mistakes in order to keep myself humble. Also flexible. Because you have to be pretty coordinated to kick yourself.
Thankee: fixed.
"coping". But good story. I'm looking forward to the continuation.
4642429
???
Seriously. ???
4642432
This? Is not my sulfur-scented holiday. Also fixed.
4642448
Oh. Bah, nevermind, misread the line.
Scootaloo never quits!
Wow you weren't kidding about taking the story in a different direction.
I think Snowflake underestimates himself. He could totally find a girl if he tried.
4642502
I promise that the core element does appear, but it'll be later on. And I did warn you.
The movie played -- but did so with a swapped-in director.
Oh, this is going to be good. I'm honestly not sure which of the two is going to suffer more.
I have to say, even I'm getting a little sick of your Scootaloo. I find her blend of tenacity and impatience grating in a way I can't quite put my finger on. Hopefully, the training will allay some of the worst of it.
Also, there's something wonderfully ironic about the Crusaders helping other ponies discover unknown talents. Even if most of those talents lie in getting away from the Crusaders by any means necessary.
Looking forward to more.
I'm not sure what this means....
4642802
That's one of those typos which I was fixing as you caught it: 'conducted'.
4642832
I've probably asked this before and forgot, but have you considered asking someone to be an editor/pre-reader?
This story is living proof the feature system is broken.
4642866
Pick your favorite answer:
#1. You're absolutely right. If you'll give me a few moments, I'll write the mods a letter requesting my own banning, along with the permanent removal of everything I've ever posted. I find that generally fixes everything, or at least puts me in a position where I don't wind up being blamed a second time.
I've said it before: this site would really benefit from a Delete My Own Account button.
#2. It's alive? Just great. I suppose now it's going to attack the village.
#3. We do not question the workings of Happy Fun Feature Box. Because it can hear us. And it gets mad.
#4. Put simply: I don't understand how the system operates. I'm not responsible for it, I haven't exactly tried to hack it, and I have the coding skills of a rock landing on a keyboard. (You may insert your own 'and the writing skills to go with it' joke at your discretion.) When I get into the Feature box, I generally just hope to get out of it before John Perry comes along. Or optionally, before anyone remembers I'm Piano Murdering Pony Hitler and reacts accordingly.
But it'll fall off the ranks soon enough. Everything does.
It's not as if I have Fluttershy being replaced by a Sherman Tank.
My reaction when that got into the box? Abject horror.
4643007 I wasn't belittling your story. I hope that isn't the impression I gave. I was vexed by this on a purely statistical basis, because the feature box has no clear objective.
Is it here to showcase proven stories, or direct traffic towards up and comers? Because right now it's trying to do both and it's not doing either well as a result. Right now, your story has 98 views (when it had 68 at the time of my posting), and it's sharing space with a story that has 5,210 views.
I wouldn't have bothered if I felt that the feature box was here only to highlight newcomers, because then other stories with low views and screwy statistics might get featured. But as is, stories can become self-fulfilling prophecies. You got lucky with 28 straight upvotes, and since you got featured your viewcount has already risen by an entire third in the time it took me to post.
Anyway, the feature box should either have a minimum view cap or a maximum view cap to better avoid bizarre statistical flukes, that's all. Your story was just an excellent example of that effect right now.
4643079
Understood, and I'm not offended. I truly have no idea what goes on with the thing, although I do think 'heat' is part of it -- how quickly a given story gets page views. In that sense, an argument can be made that the system has some bias towards people with lotsa followers. I'm nowhere close to a lot of writers in that category, but enough members read my work to, if I catch them at the right time, occasionally provide a touch of rocket fuel. But I got into the box before I ever saw even moderate double digits, plus I've completely missed it with any number of things, so... *shrug* As said, no idea.
(Risking my life here) I have wondered if there's something in the code which favors Snowflake. The last story I wrote which featured him also briefly made the box, and on relatively few views.
Maybe he just shoulders his way in.
Ooh, I quite like this idea. Keep up the hard work, Estee!
Lovely. The character development is wonderful, and watching these two play off each other is going to be a treat!
I think Snowflake underestimates Scootaloo's determination and will power. I can totally see him being flabbergasted when she shows up on day three ready to train some more. I appreciate that he doesn't want Scootaloo to suffer the same fate as him, but she kind of already is. I hope to see Scootaloo develope whipcord muscles that are sleek but still giving her good strength.
Good stuff, can't wait for more
I can't wait until the beans are spilled, but until then, let's see just how /fit/ Scoots is willing to become.
Snowflake then countered with jihad and so the Holy Pony War began.
Countless lives were lost... and Scoots still didn't learn to fly.
4643007
Don't know why you're worried. It's not like he's going to come over to your home to kill you or something.
//Hold on, someones at the door.
Who the hell are you? What's that behind your--
..........
... Well. Color me impressed. This looks like it has quite some potential to it, eh mate?
Just like a certain orange colored filly.
Faved and Liked. I'm watching you. Like a hawk.
fc07.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2013/008/9/0/watching_you_like_a_hawk_by_chicasonic-d5qwi0p.jpg
Or a Gilda. Either or.
4642866
...
While the mindless clop that usually gets featured is evidence that it's working just fine...
Oh, Snowflake. You're in trouble.
The CMC need a lot of wake-up calls.
4644637 That's more a social issue than a statistical one.
4643079
On the subject of proven stories vs. new stories:
The first seven slots are for new features - once a story falls out of those seven slots, it can't ever get back in. The last three slots are for repeat features - stories that have been featured before, and have now been featured again.
Now, as for how the featured box as a whole works... that is quite the mystery.
4644678 Honestly, I kind of wish there was a view cap on those slots. I mean, after you've got 1,000 views, I think you've gotten plenty of exposure. I might even go as low as 500.
4644715
If I recall correctly, the longer a fic is in the featured box, the more likely it is to fall out of the featured box. Whether that's because views from the featured box's link don't count for heat, or because there's a timer that kicks stories out after a day or two, we don't know.
Personally, I think if a fic's heat starts falling (i.e., most of the people who are going to read it have read it), even if it's still high enough for the box, it will get kicked if is total time in the box (not time since submission) is more than 24 hours.
4644779 *nods* Honestly I kind of dislike the heat system because it favors stories that shoot for hype storms, as the box has often proven. It doesn't help those stories that need it most.
I haven't even read the story yet (although I might) but I can't resist:
"Do you even Scootalift?"
1.bp.blogspot.com/-aU0slflpsKk/ThsUGmY13ZI/AAAAAAAAAIA/6XO61Tn6rn4/s1600/Lo-siento_large.jpg
4644788
Incidentally, there's a minimum wordcount (4,000) required for features, which makes it rather easy to spot fics that are written for the sole purpose of getting featured, because they'll be barely over it.
Also, look at the featured box right now (if you have Mature on). Between Two More was 1st slot yesterday, and now it's 10th slot. See, that's how the top seven slots should work. You write your fic, you get enough readers to hit the box, you get your exposure, and then one of two things happens:
(A) You fall out of the box entirely due to heat loss
(B) You fall out of the top seven due to the timer, only to immediately appear in the bottom three because your fic still has enough heat. But even then, you only have a short time before you lose heat and fall out of the box entirely.
The bottom three slots, of course, are either for the above scenario, of fics that are good enough to maintain heat after they get kicked out of first seven, or the obvious scenario of an update to a previously featured fic that attracted enough attention to re-feature the fic.
4644851 I tend to think there's a View>Votes system on the feature list, if the Votes^>Views greatly outweigh the VotesV>Views it'll get into the Feature List, for example, 2,000 views, 400 likes/8 dislikes, 400/1992(One fifth.) like the story, (roughly 19/20%) while 8/1600 dislike it. (0,05 200th's) don't like the story. (About 0,05%) the positive votes greatly outweigh the dislikes, thus having it wound up in the feature list.
Geez, I do complicated things when tired.
Ooh, this is interesting. Scootaloo's combination of confidence, desperation, determination and cluelessness is very fitting, and so's Snowflake's soft-spoken alienation. It seems to me that where Fluttershy is just shy and anxious, Snowflake's convinced himself that he is and will ever be an outsider, because that's easier to take than believing that he might find love and companionship and risk repeated rejection.
Also, I'm halfway sure that the code behind the Featured Box has undergone runaway evolution and emerged as an AI that for incomprehensible inhuman reasons likes clopfics, and none of the staff dare to poke at it lest they make the whole site collapse into a singularity.
Interesting start..,
I saw this at work on my phone when it was freshly submitted, and I KNEW I had to read it. So glad to see it featured, as this is a really good premise. I cannot wait to see where you go with this!
(Also, tempted to make Flutters and Snow siblings headcanon. XD)
4646001
Well, they're not literally siblings, they're just, erm, well, you should just read Triptych.
I love the whole 'personal blast zone' thing during the full first half
You know, I really like your work, Estee, as long as ponies are talking. I couldn't make it through Tryptych, because you kept describing things, and I couldn't concentrate. Not that your descriptions are bad... they just seem to drag on. For me, at least.
This looks good, so I'll follow it for a while. The concept is definitely a great one, and your characterization is top-notch. Just don't go too long without somepony talking, please.
i.imgur.com/EzhXxIN.png
4647578
...
...you know, I'm never going to be the most popular writer on this site. I'm always going to have people who hate my style, perspective, interpretations... the works. I accept all of that while recognizing that I will never lead FIMFic in any category but one.
The one I just picked up another +1 in.
I am the site champion of being praised with faint damns.
If anyone needs me, I'll be at the drinking fountain, trying to drown myself.
Also, the next chapter is ten thousand words of ponies internally describing their environment.
Because Internet.
Well cover me in frosting was this story BEAUTIFUL!
, you described Scoot's will to fly perfect, I just-It's so beautiful!
Congrats on featured as well dear sir! You have earned a fav and like! I can't wait for more!
Good luck!
4650076 Ahem.
YOU ARE A GOOD WRITER.
Just, I dunno, when you're writing those 10,000 words of environment monologue, try to be terse? Please?
The idea that Scootaloo might be the moderating influence in the CMC is so hilarious I kind of hope we learn over the course of the story that she really is.
Y'know, love, as much as this idea intrigues me...
You've already got six other multi-part, incomplete stories in progress, and some of them haven't updated in ages. Orange Is The New Blue hasn't updated since April, A Mark Of Appeal hasn't updated since March, Stupid Direction-Face hasn't updated in over seven months -- and your magnum opus, Triptych, has been stalled for nearly a year. Would it not be more prudent to focus on finishing some of those, first, before launching another multi-part story? The thinner you spread yourself, the less likely any of them will ever get done...
4655608 has a point, lots of them. But nonetheless, amazing fic and characterization. I'm faving it, but those other fics should probably get some headway done, someday.
I really thought Bulk Biceps was pumped up on Pegasus Steroids.
Part of me was briefly tempted to find one of my comments on your other stories and simply copy and paste it here, since I enjoy so many of them
And while you may have that experience with others, I hope you never feel like I've praised you with faint damns, as I adore your work and, frankly, seeing new stories from you excites me more than just about anypony else I follow.
No faint praise here, just sincere admiration and the admission of tears at Snowflake's past and path. Here's hoping both he and Scootaloo find some peace. I look forward to more.
Light and laughter,
SongCoyote