• Member Since 31st May, 2013
  • offline last seen 54 minutes ago

Hakuno


Sunxie FTW! And also Twily

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After Sunset is blasted by the Elements of Harmony and left in the human world again, she struggles with the consequences of her actions. But even if everybody hates her, there are five girls willing to help her redeem herself.

Meanwhile, a certain blue-skinned magician is more than interested in Sunset's knowledge of true magic.

Edition and Proofreading:
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Special thanks to crowscrowcrow.

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Chapters (31)
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Comments ( 387 )

i give it a watch, dunno how the story will progress but i'm quite curieus:raritywink:

Hmm, don't see too many Sunset and Trixie stories. I'll give this a try.

Not too bad of a start, giving us readers the perspective of Sunset during her defeat. Interesting take on how much pain she went through for the transformation.

Looking forward to how this plays out!

This is a nice story so far, so I too like the other reviews will watch this. Continue onward my good author.

I've been hoping to find a good sunset x Trixie story, you have intrigued, I look forward to more

I think that, in many ways, Sunset Shimmer was and is a lost soul and probably totally destitute beyond what little money she can bully off of others. It will be the biggest test of friendship for her to admit to the Five that she has no-one and nothing beyond what little she can steal.

Huh, this is building up a little slower than I thought, but it makes sense that Sunset would be reached out by the other girls first.

Seems that Sunset has a fair amount of soul searching to do yet. I continue to look forward to her development.

"She was really surprised; never in her life did she ever expect Sunset to apologize for nothing"

wow. really was not expecting for Rarity, of all people, to use a double negative in her own thought processes.

other than that, i'd say that i like this story so far. came here from a certain tumblr i'm sure you're familiar with. looking forward to the next chapter.

nice job, keep up the nice work, best of luck, and take your time. we all have things that keep us busy. also, hope you do/did well on your test, depending on when you find this comment.

She's right though black leather jackets do make you look badass.

I've got a feeling that the name Sunset is going to end up giving this group is 'migraine headache', or at least that's the nickname she's going to give Pinkie!

The build-up to the main plot is a little slow still, but the interactions with the group of girls Sunset was left with is still important. I suppose you could have skipped some of this, but that would have made for a more shallow characterization of Sunset. I don't want shallow! Go deep or go home!

Anyway, looking forward to where this all leads to.

Let's see...I hereby dub this ship 'Sexi." unless someone else can think of a better name.

4639399 Well, "Sunxie" is the non-oficial name I came up with when I decided to ship them. But your name is really good actually xD

4639608 What can I say? I come up with some great shipping names.:twilightsmile:

Twilight has very little cruelty but she DOES have a dangerously-clear concept of justice. She knew just how to make Sunset build on her Elements-induced repentance and she knew that involved being forced to face the consequences of her actions in the human world. Sunset has been running all her life, you see, and I think that Twilight had decided that it was time for her to stop running and look the consequences of her actions in the eye.

Thirty moons from now is soon enough to return to face the judgement and mercy of the Goddess of the Sun.

Huh, interesting dynamic with Sunset and this world's Celestia. It's gotta be a small shock to Sunset's system to be so close to a mother figure and yet so far.

Wonder what Rainbow's growing problem is? She seems to be holding in a major grudge.

Till next time!

And let the shipping begin :trixieshiftleft:

Oooohhhh, now the main draw begins.

Trixie sure made her presence known, but it wouldn't be her if she didn't do that. Looking forward now to how these two develop!

Some grammar errors. A few here and there are easy to ignore but when you get several in a row concentrated it can be distracting as happens here:

Sure, the fashionista had a fame of liking gossips,

You don't have a fame for something. I think you want the term reputation. And it should be 'for' not 'of'. The plural of gossip is gossip, not gossips.
So it should be "Sure, the fashionista had a reputation for liking gossip,"

She just couldn't explain how she didn't notice at all that her favorite jacket had been ruined, most likely because of the rainbow laser.

I see Sunset Shimmer is still projecting her own failures on others-- I think turning into a demon was probably at least as rough on the jacket as the rainbow laser. Don't wear your good clothes to change shape (on a side note, I suspect in Equestria she would have turned into something like Nightmare Moon).

You used 'brake' when you wanted 'break'.

I'm clearly smarter than he can ever hope to be! Just because I'm a girl he thinks he's better!"

Or, you arrogant moron, because he's a trained professional and you're a high-school student. Of course, it probably is in character for Sunset to assume the worst of people and that her abilities are 'obvious'.

Not a bad idea, could use a bit more editing.

No, she'd do a really bad teacher, mostly because she didn't have enough patience.

Should be 'No, she'd be a really bad teacher,'. Also, I don't think 'self-righteous' is the best way to describe Trixie's manner of speech. 'Self-important' or 'self-aggrandizing' is a far better fit. Or the simple word 'arrogant'. Self- righteous would imply that she's indicating her moral superiority over others, but Trixie instead talks about her general superiority.

something between guilt and self-loath

This should be 'self-loathing'.

"I want to amaze everyone with real illusions and not shameless camera movements.

I'm not sure what you want the last word in this sentence to be but it definitely shouldn't be 'movements'. Maybe 'camera grabs'? I'd probably change it to 'publicity stunts' or 'attention grabs' and take out the word 'camera', too.

She knew that tricks with decks meant that the deck was somehow tricked, so she was a little confused. And as she was told, she made sure that the deck wasn't tricked.

The word 'tricked' doesn't work here. If you 'tricked' a deck of cards you would be somehow fooling the cards into thinking something that wasn't true. 'Rigged' would work. So would 'marked'. Same for when Trixie uses the word later on.

But, luckily for you, I'm a special customer of them.

It should be 'special customer of theirs'.

4833193 Ah, thank you very much. Sadly, this is what happens when I try to make the edition myself (My editors abandoned me). I'll try, then, to pay more attention and maybe use a dictionary or something. And again, thanks for taking the time to point out those mistakes.

4841265
Sadly, for some reason FIM doesn't always notify me of replies (usually, but not always), so sometimes I just notice them weeks later.

As I said, while it could use some polishing, the ideas are solid. I did quite like the scene with Celestia, so there's definitely some potential here.

I'm guessing the 'complicated situation' is the OTHER Sunset Shimmer showed up, this should be interesting :trixieshiftleft:

She eyed the local; it was arguable spacious.

Ah, this is a simple typo but I believe you mean 'locale'. Local means near-by. Locale means place. 'She eyed the place' makes much more sense than 'she eyed the near-by'.
4965452
Or the other Twilight. Which seems more likely if this Sunset Shimmer is actually too old for High School (I think this was the fic where she was 25).

4966448 ah, good point ForSpite. It would be funny to see the other Twilight show up, everyone thinks it's the same Twilight they've known the past week and starts talking to her about it, then she's like 'I think I would remember blasting a demon with a rainbow... yeah that doesn't seem like something I'd forget' :rainbowlaugh:

4966473
Flash Sentry starts asking her for another dance... she has no idea who he is.

4966626 and Fluttershy starts talking to her dog asking what it's like to be a dragon in a dog body :rainbowlaugh:

4965452 Or maybe it's the OTHER Twilight Sparkle.

4966827 that's what me and ForSpite have been speculating :ajsmug: guess it's something for us to wait and see eh? :raritywink:

With that chapter title, I was expecting an omake rather than a real chapter, so I was pleasantly surprised.
As far as the movie goes, it's probably best to ignore most of it unless you see something you can work in really easily.
Besides, we already have the best possible fic about the movie's scenario:
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/209600/cafeteria-control
Though it works best if you've seen this preview first:

Sunset starting to warm up to the idea of friends? Will the madness never end?!

Well, she's got to get through the gauntlet of hostile students first. Might be time to find Gilda and Lightning Dust and hire them as bodyguards.

Trixie's putting a lot into this performance. Let's see how it will all pan out.

I'm really enjoying your characterisation of Sunset. I think that you have got the character's 'voice' just right. I think that you may also be onto something in how she's 'gone native' to a certain extent.

..Wait, if the family of the other Sunset is rich, why she need the scholarship? :rainbowhuh:

5065564

Well, even though they were rich, school can still be pretty expensive, so I guess that it would be more convenient to get a schoolarship than to pay the school bills. OR it could also be in part of Sunset pure evil, wanting to hurt Twilight? I don't know, but those are the only hypothesis that seem reasonable :P

It sort of makes sense. All the EqG girls and the FiM mares seem to be distorted echoes of each other with similar personalities, goals and attitudes. It makes a lot of sense that native!Sunset would be as amoral and sociopathic as her Equestrian twin.

At least that explains Rainbow's reaction to Sunset. She was responding to Twilight's story; the magic of Loyalty is strong indeed and Rainbow has always had pretty weak impulse control.

5065564
At a guess? For the acclaim and credit that comes from winning a scholarship.

going to be honest author...

I've read several tens of thousands of stories on here in the past 3-4 years, and this deserves more credit than it is given.

This is a very well written story, thank you for taking your time to create this.

Well...That was dark :twilightoops: Wonder if will see this more pyscho human world Sunset if she willing to kill she's definitely more evil.

Good Sunset vs. Evil Sunset ftw.

I think this may be my favourite chapter so far, maybe it's just cause the story started good then has been even better as it's gone on, but in any case I really enjoyed this chapter :twilightsmile: keep it up, Hakuno :raritywink:

"I… I slapped her back… And I… I told her that… That she'd have to do the principal some 'favors' because I was getting that scholarship…"

High School Twilight has a surprisingly sharp tongue, I see.

Well, I see this Sunset is even less subtle than Equestria's. I'm kind of amazed that "she tripped" counts as an alibi, but I'll just assume she had some kind of influence over some of the people involved in deciding who to believe, money or blackmail.

5077682 Yup, that's what alibi means for bullies and/or rich people. =D

I bet Sunset would call Trixie "My little show pony." :rainbowkiss:

This was Faaaaaaaaaaaaaaan -wait for it- tastic!
(Ok, pretty bad pun)
Anyway, can't wait for more, this is really good.

This is going to be interesting even if human!Sunset never makes an appearance. Twilight is going to have such a strong fear/phobic response to Sunset that it is going to make it difficult for her to do anything with her.

So sad yet amazing at the same time.
Trixie is the best character ever! :trixieshiftleft:
Loving the story, I was worried you'd cancelled it a while back.
Glad to see I was wrong! :derpytongue2:

My, oh my, it finally happened. And it was adorable! I am so happy for those two! :pinkiesmile:

Trixie's right that did seem a bit fast. At least the story acknowledges it.

"Don't get used to be in control."

being in control.

I'm practically an enemy of royalty in my world home.

home world

What can possibly go wrong?

You just had to say it. Now the great god Murphy will smite you for general stupidity.:twilightoops:

Ah, this was a great read to get back into this fandom. Continue on my good author.

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