After losing her powers at the Battle of the Bands, Adagio had separated herself from the Sirens and had spent the last several years adjusting to living as a regular individual in the human world. Attending the local community college for the new semester, she runs into Sunset Shimmer.
Written by: Lady Froey
Edited by: Madeline L-Equine, eLLen and gardrek
Cover art by: SILVERTRASH
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It was good, but you misspelled Outkast.
This feels rushed...yes its a lot of words, but the pacing was fast. At furst it was good but as the chapter progressed, the pacing got faster and faster
interesting
I will follow
good job
interesting
I want to see where this is going
good work
Hehehehe, you cheeky little...
This looks pretty promising so far. I'm not a huge fan of the Dazzling characters myself (at least compared to Sunset), but I'll admit that this ship seems interesting. Definitely giving this a follow out of curiosity.
Cute, fluffy, SunDagio shipping? I approve 100000000000%!!!
Nicely done.
Not to push aside the lovely ladies, but Troy and Canvas OTP.
What I'm saying is, MORE TROY AND CANVAS!
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Thank you.
7040885
I'll keep your criticism in mind for future chapters, hope you stick around for more.
7041089
Maybe my fic will change your mind.
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Unfortunately, they are just cameos. They will not have any major part in this story.
7042199
WRONGO BONGO.
So the prospect of watching the journey from where they are in this chapter to what's shown in the cover art is overflowing me with warm fuzzies. Nice twist on Adagio "letting herself go" the way she did, which also plays into what I said in the prior sentence.
Thanks again for taking this on, especially with the rare POV of several years having passed.
Technical-wise, while I won't fully agree with the rushed sentiment (t might slightly feel that way), and couldn't point out any examples here, one thing to think about for upcoming chapters is to really dig into what Adagio is feeling and what's going on in her mind as she's processing the changes that are going on. (same for Sunset if you do a split POV, of course).
And then something I've gotten into a habit of doing as I've written more is to keep an eye out for word repetition in the narration. One example of this would be
It's just a very minor thing, and something like putting that last 2% of polish on the narration, but finding a way to re-word the 2nd occurrence of the word "room" in the 2nd sentence would help the flow a little bit. Little bouts of repetition like that can slightly jar a reader out of the experience by bringing more focus to the words themselves than the picture they're painting. Again, really minor thing, but something I've noticed from my own experience that can make a difference.
7042295
Thanks for the feedback, I'll keep this in mind while writing the next few chapters. I hope you liked the chapter.
7042410 I guess I did forget to state outright that, yes, enjoying it quite a bit.
7042199 welcome
I love it so much!
She should've tried to show Sunset Bojack Horseman.
Shout they be a bit more concerned about this memory loss?
7082773 is Sensation8 even a real show? I tried looking it up but got nothing
7082773
7084456
It's a reference to the series Sense8 on Netflix, like Adagio said, it's a good show.
Maximum cozy.
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Adagio gaining weight does have some positives for once, she makes a great pillow!
Hmm. So the chapter title could have more than one possible meaning it seems.
And technical-wise, the immersive 'flow' of the scenes in the chapter feels nicely tuned.
nothing bad
I love it
I wait patiently the chapter 4
Something tells me that Adagio has just gained her first, tiny insight that it isn't necessary to suck off people's emotional energy to get a charge from singing! The 'Awakening', possibly of her new relationship with Harmony?
"And it was right (right) there in front of me!
(Oh-oh! Oh-oh-woah-oh!)
Just to close for me to see!
(Oh-oh! Oh-oh-woah-oh!)
Sometimes the things you want
Are not the things you need,
And it was right (right) there in front of me!"
If Adagio ends up getting her voice backs she needs to turn up the sexy to like 12, sing to Sunset(something sexy but love filled) and take her home...just sayin' ;-) Loving this story more with each chapter
7084856 Adagio has always been kinda thick anyway and i'm okay with that...Hell theres a reason shes called sexiest villain xD
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Thank you.
7128110
Maybe, maybe not.
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I can promise sexy Adagio at least.
i cant wait for the next chapter
i realy like this story
7133943 good nuff for me
Now kiss!
7137050
Done.
Quite a creative and clever move by Sunset near the end. Really liked that approach.
On the advice/feedback side, it's a bit of a toss-up on what I have in mind here. On one hand, I'd have loved to see and feel a bit more of what's going on inside Adagio's head in the last 1/3 of the chapter while all the heavy stuff was going on and how it's affecting her. But on the other hand, it's that balance between adding all that detail and dragging down the pacing. Probably could have benefited from just a little more. The effect of what you're going for certainly came across though.
Looking forward to the next.
Wow! It only took four chapters to get to this point, and it feels completely natural. The first time I tried writing a romance, it took me almost ten times that long. Bravo!
Nappa: Vegeta, what does the scouter say about their sexual tension?!
Vegeta: -takes off scouter and squeezes it- IT'S OVER 9000!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -Breaks it-
Hurry up and kiss!
Oh. Nevermind.
every time it gets better!
I loe it
I wait patiently the next part
you are a good writer
(tagging for those random people who read the comments before the story and then complain about spoilers)
Hey~! A tense and dramatic confession scene that culminates in a tastefully-handled sexual encounter!
manbunhairstyle.net/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/A-funny-meme-picture-of-Barack-Obama-holding-a-beer-and-saying-not-bad.jpg
I went to press next to notice there was none.
Cannot wait for the next part I really like how this is going ^.^
7163804
You can thank Madeline for that one, we did some changes throughout this chapter other than the initial split from chapter 3.
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I'm a bit late, but thanks y'all. Look forward for more next month.
7173654 thank you
I hope everything goes well at the end
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Just going to mark this post spoilers for those who have not read Chapter 5, this does not contain spoilers for future chapters.
I will admit, I wrote out Applejack as a bit of a bitch (I originally named this chapter 'Applejack is kind of a bitch' when first working on it actually, heh.) and I can agree she is a bit out of character saying she and the Rainbooms will break off their friendship entirely right on the spot.
At the same time however, if you catch one of your good friends sleeping with someone like Adagio who was a former enemy and a person Applejack never liked, not to mention was close to ruining her entire friendship circle a few years back. She would at least be upset with Sunset, with Adagio messing with Applejack however, it's no surprise she got angry.
Like a majority of drama however, it will have to end. Just to add as well, this is only Applejack in the chapter, we have yet to see any of the other Rainbooms in the fic. While Applejack is speaking for the other's, this doesn't mean they would agree with her entirely.
Anyways, I appreciate the opinion + criticism. I hope you stick around for more.
Happy to see the two of them were strong/mature enough to resolve things (between each other at least) in a timely way. As always, awaiting the next.
media.giphy.com/media/VT9DTMhEv5aQU/giphy.gif
7202577
I may have another one this month.
AJ surev jumped to conclusions fast. I'm sure Pinkie will be fine with it.
Like voiced by others, Applejack was way out of character in this chapter. Though I understand her concern and shock, to say she or the others would discard her over it flies in the face of what we know about their friendship and Applejack's personality. Other then that, good chapter.
Mmm. Naked arguments are the best kind.
In all seriousness though, I'm liking this so far. It's nice and fluffy at times while still having a little drama.
This was great. A lot of unexpected twists, but it was still good. AJ's reaction was a bit over the top, but I can sort of see it with her character.
You're very good at writing this sort of slice-of-life stuff. It has a warm, welcoming feel, even when there is tension. It makes me want to keep going, just to be part of the character chemistry going on in the story.
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Thank you.
7202518
Oh! I meant to address this but never got around to it.
Sunset is only visiting Adagio's place for a few days temporarily, I hope it didn't come off that she was immediately moving in at this point of the fic. I think a full move would require a U-Haul scene.