• Member Since 14th Jul, 2013
  • offline last seen Wednesday

AlliePastel


To be continued...

T

Fluttershy has kept her little secret for too long. When her friend Twilight finds out about her habit, she feels more than obliged to trust her friend. As time goes on, the two friends discover more about each other than they might like to have known.

(Note: This story contains a decent amount of age play and other aspects of it)

Cover Art: http://derpibooru.org/tags/artist-colon-rocket+manatee

Chapters (14)
Comments ( 61 )

This is...strange, but very cute. I've seen this fetish before but here it seems like something that could actually happen, what with Fluttershy having an inferiority complex. I'm very interested to see what you'll do with this.

Comment posted by the parasprite deleted Apr 22nd, 2014

4270854 What he said. This is... interesting! I'm looking forward to the next chapter :twilightsmile:!

This... isn't very good. Characterization is weak for the most part, and some of the writing just doesn't make sense. It's not irreparable, but it would need a good deal of work to be considered good.

That being said, it's not terribly bad either. There are a lot of worse things out there, there are just a lot of better ones, too.

>'In what appeared to be a more hostile town of voice'
>'a more hostile town of voice'
>'hostile town of voice'

Good fucking God, you didn't even try.

Comment posted by Darkentrophy deleted Apr 23rd, 2014
Comment posted by Thunderchaser23 deleted Apr 23rd, 2014

What is this crazy obsession over diapers!?

Not that I have anything against it, I just don't get it :/

4275434 i always looked at it as some are attracted to cute things, baby's are cute and innocent(mostly) the most visible sign is a diaper, and some blur the line between sexy and cute thus Diapers=Innocent=cute=Sexy, that's the simplest I can see it. for some it's deeper then that but going into that is like explaining pinkie sense.

I...I'm sorry but...what the hell man?

4274878
Thanks for pointing that out, pardon the acute dyslexia on my part! :twilightblush:

It's worth noting that any lack of characterization was intentional.:ajbemused:

I won't go into too much detail, but Fluttershy's character wasn't really mean't to be personified quiet like she always is. The only thing I wanted to imply in the first chapter is that Fluttershy is a generally lonely individual who doesn't feel particularly attached to any other person.

That's why in the first chapter, I wrote everything in choppy descriptions of sensation. A big part that'd come along with Fluttershy's depression is a high reaction to any physical touch. That being said, things start to change after that little moment Twilight had at the end of the chapter! :twilightsmile:

I take it the ending will be cut and replaced

Wow, very sweet and I enjoyed it; just a tad bit.... peculiar? Got a thumbs up though.

4280615
Haha, yeah! The original story was pretty convoluted, this version will have a different ending! :ajsmug:

4280195 Deleting comments is making you look really really bad.

And that's NOT how Depression works. Please don't write about such subjects, when you clearly have no experience or prior knowledge regarding the subject.

4285229
Depending on the cause of depression, the resulting effects of it differ. In Fluttershy's case, she really doesn't have a depression; it's more or less her coping with an irrational fear, which will be explained later.

Also it's not fair to assume I have no experience with depression. I personally have rarely suffered from it as I'm a pretty courageous guy. I did however, spend roughly an entire year of my life helping a girl out of her depression.

That aside, the second chapter is written better from a literary standpoint. It also reads in a more fluent manner. A big part of what screwed me up in the first chapter was my timing. When I wrote it, I was pretty well busy doing various other things outside of writing.

Between partying and church (I actually was actually having a little get together with my friends from the church), the time I had to work on the story got a bit choppy. :twilightblush:

Also, the only reason I deleted those earlier comments was out of annoyance. Yes, I'm aware the first chapter is awkward to read. But, I do have a life outside of this website. :ajsmug:

Is Twilight a princess in this story?

Comment posted by the parasprite deleted Apr 27th, 2014

Is the title of the chapter a reference to Beatles? Because it sounds like one.

Anyway, I didn't see the "Twilight is a lesbian" part coming.

Not enough nope in the world for this. And you delete comments too?

Captain! The Nope has reached critical levels! She's gonna blow!

4299885
Yeah, I was listening to "I Want You" when I was posting the chapter.

Also, I'll just say Twilight made an acception for Fluttershy. I'm pretty sure Twilight would be lenient when it comes to relationships, she is a rather sheltered personality! :twilightsmile:

Still strange but still cute, nothing really to say.

"Twilight had to accept the role as some pony’s mother"

old habbits........

why still keep the whole twi gets shocked and storms out segment only to immediately turn around and then be ok with everything?......

4299929 well parasprite is a butt sooooooo....yeah. There's that.

I think I see what you did there merging this with applejack's obsession

Damned trucks.... always pissin' me off

4285229 I know some people who actually had depression and went to go on like Fluttershy in the story, even the baby-diaper part, as much as I hate to admit it, but I did to, just being the 'dad' not wearing the diapers and stuff and I went through depression to, it was not fun, but MLP gave me the friends and hope back, I even RP with my friends as ponies from time to time, worst part is we play the Mane 6, minus pinkie pie, and the Alicorn's, but we are all guys so it's awkward sometimes. especially considering the fact I usually play Cadence and my CO plays Shining Armour (Yes I am in the military). Well on the bright side as long as they don't have foals in the show we should be ok :twilightsheepish: And no none of us are gay before you bring that up.:twilightangry2:

More, this story is so adorable.:twilightblush:

Technicolor ponies. A-MAZ-ING

I have a theory. The theory is that fluttershy connected with the show (mlp) so well that she changed her name to fluttershy because of her passion for the character. Allthough this doesn't explain twilight's name so well

4280178

I promised myself that I wasn't going to this, guess I'm like Flutters in that regard. All I ask is that if you read nothing else read the last paragraph.

The thought of rang through Fluttershy’s mind a few times before she came upon a decision.

Recommended solutions: either add the word it after the word of, or delete the word all together.

The small girl ascended to the couch and unto her feet.

This one might just be me, but it makes it sound like she was crying on the floor and used her couch to get up. Again, I might be the only one.

She gripped the undergarments soft puffy material, she felt it got through the cracks between her fingers; she closed her eyes.

I think you meant go. And I'm a little iffy on if undergarments needs an apostrophe or not.

Admitting, it might have been caused by her childish underwear.

Hmmmm, for some reason it feels off to me. I'd probably sub in Admittedly until I could think of something better.

Using the back tabs, she pulled the diapers elastic sung around her waist.

Forgive me for this one but singing diapers? :rainbowlaugh: I think you meant snug. I'm not trying to make fun of you but I just find that to be a hilarious typo.

She’d been doing so well keeping her habit closed off from her, and her she was alone in her diaper, sitting on her changing table half naked.

I think you meant here.

She looked at herself unable to grasp the site in front of her.

Should be sight. But I do give you kudos for using the right spelling of waist earlier.

Slowly Fluttershy reached behind her back and unlatched her bra, it ofcourse fell flat unto the nursery’s soft rug.

This obviously needs at least a space between the words, but I would suggest a phrasing more along the lines of "causing it to fall flat unto the nursery’s soft rug. But that's just my suggestion.

Naturally, Fluttershy turned away from her reflection and made her way over to her main dresser drawer were several items that in mind lay.

I think you meant where. Also I think you're missing a were in there, but I'm not entirely sure what you were going for.

She grabbed her nearest stuff animal and held it closely to her small chest.

Should be stuffed animal. Plushie would also be appropriate.

She promised herself she’d never do it again, she’d never do anything that’d cause her to feel helpless. Yet her she was.

I think you meant here.

She was just helpless anymore, undoubtedly helpless.

Uhhhhhh, bad grammar in general? I'm not quite sure where or what went wrong. I also don't understand what was trying to be said here.

Was she babysitting? She most certainly mentioned anything about it if she was.

I'm assuming that she said nothing about babysitting, and as such there should be a never in there. That is unless something else was going to go there.

The puzzled girl watched as her friend slowly opened her eyes in yawned.

Should be and.

“Eek! Twilight! H-how’d you get her, w-what time is it?!”

I think you meant here.

What’s going on her Fluttershy? How come you’re sleeping in a crib?

See previous correction.

Her strength wasn’t get but it was enough to pull Fluttershy in a hug

From the letters provided I'm going to assume that you meant great and something autocorrected you.

If only she hadn’t taken that thought about indulging in herself again.

OCD speaking here but I think that in might not be necessary.

Using her meager strength, Twilight escorted Fluttershy to rocking chair in the corner of the room and let her friend sit on her lap.

You're missing a the in there.

Sadly, the topic lost its fascinating touch in the pursuite of other more interesting ones.

You're probably using the British spelling of the word, because I think that one had an extra e on the end. If you were aiming for the American version just ditch the e on the end.

“C-can I wear my umm… baby cloths.

Again, I'm assuming you're not from the states, and that there's some slight differentiating word usage in the UK. If you were aiming for the American version it would be clothes. (I'm not entirely sure of your country of origin, so I'm giving both just to be sure I've got my bases covered.)

This wasn’t the first time Twilight had to accept the role as some pony’s mother either.

Did you mean somebody?

The two sat in the rocking chair as Fluttershy got accustom to the hold of another person.

Accustomed.

No one ever held, let alone so closely like Twilight did.

You're missing the word her.

The student

couldn’t help but smile, “I-I promise Fluttershy,

Should be self explanatory.

Alright? I wanna help you get through this little obsession of yours if want

You're missing another you.



First of all let me say that this has been highly enjoyable as a read. I've read through this chapter alone 3-5 times as of writing this. And while most of the grammatical errors don't take anything away from the story, I kinda find it bothersome when it's been a few months and your editor still hasn't gotten around to this story. I understand they're probably busy with other projects of their own, or that their life has probably been busy. Anyway, I'm still somewhat new here and am not sure of what the general practices are for catching errors. (PM or comments?) Still I've been enjoying story so far and can't wait to see what Mr. England comes up with. Also thanks to anyone who reads this all the way through.

I don't knwo why, but, the more I go on reading this story, the more it gets dream-like. I almsot expect an "all a dream" ending.

Twilight is going all Pattycakes (I mean the story) on rainbow.

4585180 "oniric"? holy fuck dude where did you learn english? danm i wish i knew half of these words that you use in your stories lol....


im not sure what you're doing with the characters in this fic at all , all these different mood swings and such doesn't seem like any emotions that any real people would express......

You had me completely fooled with RD! Great chapter by the way.

PS: My offer still stands. :pinkiesmile:

4587752 Uh sure, please feel free to edit if you really want. Just PM the Gdocs or whatever you'd prefer to edit it in! Anyhow, thanks for pointing out the corrections. I'd do it myself, but I'm a bit busy working on new chapters/a new story at the moment! :twilightsmile:

4585180
Haha, no. I get that this story has been pretty serial (With the MLP references and such.) but I think it'd be a little bit cheap.

Although I do have to say, it'd be intresting if the story just ended with pony Fluttershy waking up in a wet diaper, her friends; Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Twilight all sleeping in the same room with her, listening to a Beatles record stuck on replay! :rainbowlaugh:

4590646
You have no idea how excited I am to hear that. I just have 2 questions:

1: What is the easiest method for you to move the corrections to fimfiction?

2: I've noticed that you use the word 'unto' when you mean 'onto', is this a British thing?

PS: Almost done with Ch2 still working out a few things.

4610424
Uh, GDocs is the easiest way to do it. Really any document share feature will work, including "Pastebin" if you've heard of it! ^-^

Uh, it's a bit of a British thing. Really it's more of a dialect thing. I have a bit of a "Liver-pool" dialect when I'm talking at a regular pace and an Aussie one if I'm talking fast.

The funny thing is my writing style corresponds with the way I write sometimes, so with words like 'onto', comes out like 'unto' to me in my mind. I caught onto that around the 6th or 7th chapter I think! :twilightsheepish:

4610466

I'll see what I can do with G-docs, and thanks for the clarification. I'll go ahead and correct those.

Also since I've found about everything from Ch1 would you like me to type up an edited version?

Nice to see fluttershy is growing up (so to speak!) :twilightsmile:

What exactly is a

large table bear

I'll try to work on that one too. As soon as I finish this one.

Looking forward to it. :heart:

You make twilight seem like such a bad guy. I would love it if twilight and fluttershy had a falling out eventually also.

So I read this whole story while listening to the the Remington Steele Theme and now I gotta read it again without the theme playing cause the seriousness of the theme contrasted with the second chapter and I was laughing to hard to register what I was reading. BUT! What I did register I enjoyed. Good work!

Shouldn't this have the mature tag? It DID mention "toys" after all.... :derpytongue2:

are you planning to make more and when wil it be done :pinkiecrazy:

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