Equestrian Unicorn Society
The Equestrian Unicorn Society. A society established by the unicorns of Equestria, for the unicorns of Equestria. A society where unicorns gathered for the sole purpose of socialising. Tea and biscuits are served, games are played, conversations are had, gossip is spread, beer is broken into occasionally, and even romances are forged at this most wonderful of gatherings.
And who are the ones in charge of this society? The ponies responsible for ensuring these special meetings ran smoothly and oversaw all of the event that transpired?
“Trixie.”
“Yes, Rarity?”
“‘Tis another fine night, wouldn’t you agree?”
“Indeed. Everypony seems to be having a good time once again. And they seem to have taken a shine to our newest member.”
“HEY!” The music suddenly stopped and all eyes turned to the front of the room, where a purple-coated alicorn stood glaring at the three ‘elders’ at the back of the room. “What’s going on? I was never told of any meeting tonight!”
Rarity gulped and laughed nervously at the sudden visitor. “T-Twilight, darling… this is…”
“How did you find out?” Trixie asked, slowly backing away as much as she could in her chair.
“Discord told me,” she explained, “But that’s not the point! I can’t believe this! Why would you host a meeting and not tell me, one of the elders?! Why is Trixie in my seat, and…” Twilight pointed a hoof to the pony sitting beside Trixie. “And why is Sunset Shimmer here?!”
“Twilight, please,” Rarity pleaded, “We were going to tell you, honest, but there was just never a good time.”
“A good time for what?” Twilight asked as she walked closer towards the three elders.
Trixie sighed. “Look, Twilight… it’s nothing personal, but you have to understand that this is the Equestrian Unicorn Society, and you’re a… well…”
“Oh, so because I’m an alicorn you just decide I’m no longer good enough for the club I helped establish? Instead you decide to replace me with- Okay, seriously! How is Sunset Shimmer even here?!”
“I’m a holographic projection,” Sunset explained as she lifted her chalice to her lips.
“You’re holding things!” Twilight pointed out.
“… Hard-light hologram.”
“Twilight, I don’t know what to say.” Rarity climbed out of her chair and circled around the table to her friend, who glared at her the entire time. “But Trixie and I both agreed that the society should be kept strictly unicorn-only. I mean, if we veered off from that path, then we’d be going against the entire reason this society exists in the first place.”
“It exists to spread love and tolerance and to make friends and to discuss magic! We only made it unicorn-only because you were holding a grudge against Rainbow Dash and Applejack!”
“Though it was a good choice,” Sunset said. “Unicorns are the best race, second only to human-demonic.”
“Trixie still says you’re making that up,” Trixie commented. “Twilight, didn’t you say you were getting tired of our meetings anyway?”
“Yes! She did!” Rarity exclaimed. “She most certainly said that! I’m sure of it!”
“I said I was tired at our last meeting,” Twilight deadpanned. “And Trixie! I’m surprised in you most of all! You always looked forward to competing with me at our meetings. What changed?”
“Times, Twilight. Times changed. That and you grew wings, and then ponies just automatically sided with you and Trixie gets tons of hate mail any time she tries to challenge you.”
“But guys, I haven’t changed,” Twilight said, tears in her eyes as she pleaded with her two friends.
“By the way,” Sunset said, “Is it true that the Elements are now gone?”
“Quiet!” Twilight ordered. “We’re having a moment!”
“Perhaps we could let Twilight stay with us,” Rarity pondered. “Perhaps as an honorary member?”
“… Trixie supposes that would be fair, considering that it was with Twilight’s help that this society was able to be formed.”
“‘Honorary’ member?” Twilight asked in a flat tone. “Really?”
“Well we certainly can’t make you a full member,” Rarity told her, “But you’ll still be allowed to take part in our meetings and come along to our picnics and-”
“What picnics? We don’t have picnics.”
“The picnics we’ve been having for the past two weeks,” Sunset said. “You know, when they started to leave you out of the loop?”
Twilight’s glare returned in full fury. “TWO WHOLE WEEKS?! I THOUGHT YOU TWO WERE JUST TOO BUSY!”
“N-Now Twilight, darling, please do calm down,” Rarity said as she backed away from the fuming princess.
“NO! You know what?! Forget it! I’ll just make my own society! With books, and PRINCESSES! And there will be NO UNICORNS ALLOWED!” Twilight turned around and stomped through the meeting hall, stopping at the door to turn back and add, “AND WE’LL HAVE A DRAGON, TOO!”
The door slammed, and an awkward silence washed over everypony gathered. “… Damn, she’s got us there,” Trixie said. “Rarity, we need to get a dragon.”
“Later,” Rarity said with a heavy sigh, returning to her chair and taking a sip of her punch. “Well, that could have gone better.”
“Looks like everypony’s too uncomfortable to continue having fun,” Sunset said as she looked over all the frowning faces in the crowd.
“I suppose we shall have to bring tonight’s meeting to an end,” Rarity said, levitating her glass and a spoon into the air and clanging the two together. “Everypony! We thank you all for attending, but I’m afraid that tonight’s meeting will be ending early! As always, there are donation boxes to the side of the door. Please give whatever you can to those that are less fortunate than you.”
As the ponies rose and filed out of the doorway, the three elders remained to finish their drinks. After the final pony had left, Sunset Shimmer checked her watch and rose to her hooves. “Well, it’s been fun, but I should be getting to bed soon. It is a school night, after all.”
“You can’t leave yet,” Trixie said.
“Why not?” Sunset asked with a raised eyebrow.
“Didn’t Rarity tell you?” Trixie asked, turning to said pony.
“I thought you did,” Rarity told Trixie. She then turned to Sunset Shimmer. “Well, today marks the day of your promotion to elder. And when a society meeting ends, the elders traditionally stay behind to partake in some more… private activities.”
“Oh? Like what?” Sunset asked. “Scrabble? Cards?” Sunset’s eyes widened as she felt a tail tracing along her thighs as Trixie walked past her. She met Rarity’s seductive gaze and returned it with a knowing grin. “So Twister, then?”
“Gentlemares, I thank you all for coming on such short notice.” Twilight levitated some papers as her three guests sat before her. Princess Celestia sipped her tea with a gentle smile on her face, Princess Luna stared at Twilight with anticipation, and Princess Cadance rubbed her tired eyes and failed to stifle a yawn. “Tonight marks the first night of the Equestrian Alicorn Society!”
“Huzzah!” Luna cheered as she clapped her hooves together.
“This is fine tea, my faithful student,” Celestia said as she passed her empty teacup to Spike for a refill.
“Okay, so the first order of business,” Twilight said as she adjusted the glasses on her face and looked over her documents, “Is that UNICORNS ARE STUPID AND THEY SMELL BAD!”
“Uh, Twilight?” Cadance said. “You do realise that you used to be a-”
Luna cut Cadance off by placing a hoof over her mouth. “Ssh! I want to see where she’s going with this.”
Cadance simply sighed and used her magic to open up a bag of potato chips, grumbling angrily about the important meeting she was going to have the following morning.
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And thus did Princess Twilight Sparkle sow the first seeds of the conflict which would come to be known as the Smelly Unicorn War. A tragic stain on Equestria's millennia of harmony and tranquility.
It is a tale of racial segregation.
A tale of broken friendships.
A tragedy which pitted sibling against sibling.
(Pound and Pumpkin Cake play tug-of-war over a stuffed animal)
Own the 9-disc DVD box set of this groundbreaking documentary, "The Smelly Unicorn War" for only 59 bits. Place your order today!
-----
absolutely funny
And booze! And hookers! In fact, forget the books! And the booze! No wait, keep the books!
LOL I got some good laughs from it.
Good Story.
If Sunset is just a hologram how can she play Twister?...and by Twister I mean (beep).
3596808 Easy you pit your (censored) inside the hologram.
Unicorn Master Race!
This is an interesting story but I highly doubt they would turn down a princess. Not only would it allow them (the other members) to get close to royalty but they could brag about how their club has a princess as a member. I would like to see a continuation of this story to see to see how Twilight deals with her friends dropping her from the club she helped make (besides making her own club which she already did). But still, liked and faved.
To all you soccer fans.
Equestrian Pegasus League. XD
3596764
Where do I place my order? :D
3596872
This guy/gal speaks the truth
Doesn't need the SoL tag. Nice comedy though.
What's funny is that back at my high school we used the phrase "playing Scrabble" to mean... well, you know...
I was half expecting her to suddenly build a catapult and start launching Pegasi and Earth Ponies at the Society.
lol, so good!
so that is what the invitation was for... happy i didn't go, cause i would have brought lyra, discord and ditzy... well, after spooking the doc off... and besides, any club with uptight snootle in it is full of fail and more failishness
Haha, cute little fic. Poor Twilight. Though really, no party's the same sans Pinkie.
3596808
Hard-light hologram.
Just as good as being there in pony.
Like seriously? There isn't a social group in the world that would kick a member of royalty out of its ranks. Well unless she turned out to be a pedophile or a rapist-murderer or something.
First of all, doing so means they can't brag about how they have a princess in their ranks anymore. Second of all, Twilight could possibly go be a vindictive bitch and abuse her position of authority in malicious ways. Can you say zoning law changes?
If that was a Rimmer reference with the hard light, then you are now my friend.
And no, no you do not have a choice in the matter.
I'm surprised you didn't put in TwiXie. Given the cover pic, I'd have thought it was obvious.
3596764
Quiet AJ. I'd buy that. 'Sides, the FlimFlam Bros. are in need of some funds nowadays. They mysteriously dropped off the face of the apple market...
That was really really hilarious.
This needs more chapters. Seriously. More Chapters. MORE CHAPTERS!!
Random moustache!
Oh, I know that feeling.
I once joined something I call "The Nerd Club" (it was actually called the Chess Club but I like calling this one better) but then, I stopped playing chess and got popular at school and got more busy and stuff, they kicked me out.
Fuck.
3596872
I second that.
~Skeeter The Lurker
lol
3598786
There were surprisingly few SFW Twixity pics I could find for the CA. And I could find any TrixityShimmer pics at all...
The CA is basically the three of them hanging out before Twilight ascended. Poor Twilight... At least she has her alicorn friends now :)
3598088
It was a hard decision for them, but it was unfortunately one that they had to make. They don't see Twilight as a princess, but as their friend... and that unfortunately means they must treat her as they treat their other non-unicorn friends
Tbf, Twilight herself doesn't want her friends treating her any differently now that she's a princess
Good one, just missed Sombra and it will be overkill xD
Anyway Luna is best here
I love how blunt she is about stuff like that.
Also, TWISTER. Sexiest game ever.
Luna... not sure if actually childishly excited over a meeting or like me wanting to see what chaos and silliness will come of Twilight's tantrum.
*opens bag of Doritos*
Dis gonna be good.
I wonder what Shining Armor is going to think of Twilight's declaration that unicorns are smelly.
3602350
Well Shineing is a Big Brother too, don't all sisters declare their brothers as smelly at some point?
3596872
(HINT HINT HINT)
who grows the food
because it's not the Unicorns
3597978
Like Red Dwarf basically...(notes the author is from the UK) Yup, like Rimmer. At least in the later seasons.
3602952
Would you really want to eat anything Pinkie grew?
3596872>>3602952
The earth ponies exsist to feed 'em
The pegasus ponies exsist to protect 'em
The unicorn ponies exsist to rule 'em (or 'lead' 'em, if you wanna put it a little more nicely...)
(At least until those filthy alicorns intervened and threw everything into total disarray...)
3597354
Isn´t she an hologram?
3603297
an Alicorn is more superior than all races so therefor by the teapot 
Alicorns are the superior race
But an Alicorn has tributes from all races including Unicorn so by random untamed logic
3603132
for all we know she can grow cakes 
yes I would
3603685
Alicorns may be the strongest type of pony, but the other races have them seriously outnumbered. Why do you think Celestia is alicornifying so many ponies all of a sudden? She senses disturbances in her kingdom.
Good story. The only objection that I have is that Lyra Heartstrings and Sweetie Belle weren't there. I mean, come on, they're unicorns too!
3596764 That's funny, because that's pretty much the plot of one of the fics I'm writing.
3604488 Ah yeah, I have that one in my Read Later list.
As for Lyra and Sweetie Belle, Lyra's already involved with an earth pony, so her significant other probably wouldn't let her join (especially in the 'games') without her. And I don't think this is the kind of story where Rarity would allow Trixie or Sunset Shimmer to play 'Twister' with her little sister.
tinyurl.com/mbho6go
3602524 Touche, sir.
3603715
Of course, did you think Discord was the only Draconequus? He's not a tigger you know (though he may be part tigger, I dunno).
Sunset Shimmer's sporting a shiny, gaudy "H" on her forehead.
3604488
Well they were there, just as ordinary members. I didn't include any specific name drops 'cause the only ponies that mattered were the elders and Twilight.
If it's a canon unicorn in the show, you can safely assume that they're a member of the Equestrian Unicorn Society ;) (Of course it's most likely just the ones from Ponyville that attend the majority of the meetings)
It's over already?
Aww ...
3603715
and Princess Luna
yeah but the one thing people forget is that no one else can raise the sun and moon any more
only Princess Celestia
if they die then the world is stuffed
Hahaha!