• Member Since 20th Jun, 2013
  • offline last seen Apr 4th, 2019


Like a moth flittering towards a flame.


"Life is a matter of perception."

Scootaloo is alone. She's failed her family, her friends, her destiny - everything. Running away from her problems, Scootaloo lost herself in the sprawling city of Las Pegasus. Now, her life is grey and colourless, devoid of friends or purpose... until a letter arrives from Ponyville that finally draws her back home.

A story about perseverance, purpose and love.

Description liable to change.

-Index Page-

An entry to the Scootabelle Writing Contest 1.

Thanks to everyone who has helped me on this project! I've been tossing around ideas for this since the contest opened, and am happy to have finally begun proper work on it.

Thanks to LoveBronyOtakuChan87 for the awesome cover art!

Thanks to Cerulean Voice for his incredible work as an editor!

Thanks to FlutterPal for his own work as an editor and art!

Thanks to Pegasister Teagan for the Letter!

Thanks to The Incognito Brony for help with the description!

Thanks to Scramblers and Shadows for his awesome work as an editor!

Thanks to The Celtic Pony for his work as a pre-reader!
Thanks to my sisters (who unfortunately don't have anywhere I can link to) for their own help editing and supplying ideas.

And most of all, thanks to all of you! Thank you so much for taking the time to read my story about lesbian ponies, I love each and every one of you! :raritywink:

Well then, I think that's about all for now, bye!

Inspired by A Bluebird's Song. A beautiful story by Ardensfax.

Chapters (12)
Comments ( 211 )

This looks good, unfortunately I can't read it right now, because I have slight OCD about reading incomplete stuff, but if you promise to work on it and complete it, then I promise to read it and tell you what I think. :pinkiehappy:

I Pinkie Promise :pinkiehappy:

Cross my Heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye :pinkiecrazy:

I absolutely love A Bluebird's Song so you get bonus points, and you get triple points in addition to all that for including ScootaBelle, one of my all time favorite Scootaloo parings.

3496496 Welp, well I promise to finish this within two months! :twilightsmile:


You have my interest. This is very good.

Criticisms? I think you're laying on the mnerrgh-everything-sucks a bit too heavily at the start. You could probably get away with excising most of the "what has become of me?" introspection without losing much; the rest of the narrative gives that feeling by itself. Also, describing the ponies in the picture in such detail feels kind of awkward. Scootaloo knows who they are, so names should suffice.

But those are fairly minor issues. I'm interested in seeing where this goes, definitely.

3496557 Thanks very much for the feedback, the way see it, Slate warrants decription by simple virtue of being so Celestia damn big :twilightsheepish: But I think you're probably right with the laying it on slightly too heavy thing. Still, it was necessary form the later scene at Scoots' place.


When I saw this in the new stories box, I freaked out and clicked on it right away. ITS SO BEAUTIFUL!!!

3497026 xD I'm glad you enjoyed it :twilightblush:


Great story, I don't know too much about romance, but I know a lot about sad stories, and you sir have captured my heart. :pinkiehappy:

The only problem I really had was when you were explaining who was in the pictures, at Scootaloo's apartment. Scootaloo knows who they are, and it just seems kind of awkward.

Other than that this story is a A+ in my books. Keep it up. :twilightsmile:

I think I could do an image :pinkiesmile:

3497212 I'm actually going to address some of the reasons for that later on, have no fear! There is actual reasoning behind wording things like that. :twilightblush:


3497286 Ooh! I'd really appreciate that, do you have any already posted work so I can see your style?


3497516 dont'think so but I can change my profile pic

3497516>>3497516 no, but i will change my profile pic tomorrow with a pic i drew

3497665 Alrighty then, I'll figure out what image idea to dish out to you, then it's up to you :twilightsmile:


There needs to be more Scootabelle.

Great story, so far. This can turn out to be a masterpiece, keep it up.

3498355 Thanks very much, I have High hopes for this story, it's proving to be pretty fun (If difficult) to write.


The lack of indentations on any of your paragraphs was a little irritating, but that's the only complaint I have.
As far as first chapters go, this one was pretty great. Don't usually see Scootaloo as a failure, so it's pretty interesting there. Looking forward to seeing where this goes :pinkiesmile:

Lol, it looks like you have gained your first and only dislike. :rainbowderp:

I mean really, I took a look at your other stories, this is you're first dislike?

And why on such a beautiful story like this? :fluttercry:

Oh well, Good luck. Love the story. :raritywink:

3498091 Can I do one image? :applecry: Pwease?

3499604 Go ahead, I could use an image of one of Scoots' photos :raritywink:

3499166 :raritydespair: The horrors! I'm gonna stop writing now!
But on a serious note, thanks for the encouragement. I knew that this story was most likely going to be the first with a dislike, since it's so far out of my normal style. But I fully intend to realise it to it's fullest potential! :pinkiehappy: (Maybe)

3498852 Welp, I've actually never used indentions when it comes to paragraphs. I don't really like how it reads. :twilightsheepish:


Okay, first: It's really annoying when you ask for comments. If your story is remarkable, someone will remark on it of their own accord. Don't ask, it does not become of you.

Second, this story was remarkable enough to me to be remarked upon. I like the theme of an older burn-out Scootaloo. The stresses of her daily life are very apparent and well represented, what with her having random outbursts in public as shown in the middle. The reminiscence of her past and her reluctance to touch old pictures speaks volumes about her life decisions and how much she truly regrets where she's found herself in life. The ending makes me want for more, and if I might suggest, use that note at the end as your coverart, it'll certainly help to attract more attention which this story duly deserves. What you've got on your hands is something bordering on the lines of masterpiece. When you get enough words, I'd recommend you submit to EQD as well, you've certainly got the technical skill to hack it.

Loathe me,
Your Antagonist

Damn, I don't think I can beat this. :fluttercry:

I went into the contest before I read this, I don't think I have a chance.

Good luck.

3501341 Wow, thanks a lot. I kind of see what you mean with the don't ask thing, I'll see to it I remove that. I am honestly honoured that you think it could be that good, I have quite a few ideas for it (Still struggling a little with an ending idea) and am mainly just figuring out the ordering of it. Seriously though, thanks for the kind words.


3501543 Of course you do! Remember, I've never written first person, romance, or sad before. There is a high chance I'll mess up along the way, or won't finish in time. Besides, it's not about winning, it's about creating an awesome story! If you have an idea, go for it! :twilightsheepish:


3501651 Thanks mate, I feel quite happy that you think I have a chance. But there are quite a few great authors in the contest. (EX: Darkshadow051)

I think I will try anyway.

3501658 I'll be certain to check out whatever you come up with :twilightsmile:


3500817 Well, its always worth the try! :rainbowkiss:

*Sees a Sweetie Tag and a decent enough premise. Also recalls a certain thread about Scootaloo having a boring job.*

Well, looks like something I want to read.

Ah, this is quite good. I'm eager to see where it will go. The melancholy of the first chapter was short enough not to come off as droning, but was lengthy enough to set up the proper atmosphere for Scootaloo's mindset.. And the ending sets up the story very well with an apt hook for the readers. I'm curious as to how well you'll deal with the Romance tag on your first attempt. You've certainly got Scootaloo's character down, and the first person perspective as well. Of course the hard part of the First Person medium comes from interactions with other characters and keeping the reader intrigued through multiple chapters.

I certainly think you have the skills to pull it off well. Which I hope you do, because I'd love to have another Sweetie Belle story to write a solid blog about. Do your best in writing. I am eager to read the results. Thanks for writing,


I got so into the story so quickly I hardly noticed that I was done until i saw the letter... :fluttercry: So many questions that comes up... Great, great first chapter.

Amaaaazing job, DeepShift! :twilightsmile: Even though I have a major problems with getting online anytime when I'm not at school I'm going to follow your stories until the end of fimfiction.

3506734 Thank you so much! I really hope I can keep you interested, this story is currently my biggest (and most ambitous) project, so most of my writing will go towards it. You can probably expect semi-regular updates. :raritywink:


I want UPDAAAATEEEEEEE:flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage:

I really like the story!!

If you need help with ideas or advice, ask me! I am currently writing my first fic on here too. Well, I've written others, but none here.


3501543 try anyways. the more competition the better I think


will give this a read once it is finished.
Good luck to you brony person

3508359 Thanks, I'm glad you liked it. :twilightsmile: If I need help with ideas, I'll make sure to contact you :rainbowkiss:


3509148 Thanks good sir, same to you. :twilightsmile:



Sweet. I'll be looking forward to more! :twilightsmile: And you're welcome.

Holy horsefeathers that cover art is deja vu! :flutterrage: So much deja vu! Y???

Okay, I'm good... phew... so, story? Let's just say I'm SO glad you added it this week so I could read it! :pinkiehappy: The tone and atmosphere of your writing is painfully perfect through most of the story. It felt like you rushed through just a tiny bit, but not enough for me to point out where or how or enough for it to really bother me. I agree with most everything that's been said so far; little to soon to lay on the "life sucks" so heavily, but again it didn't bother me much.

That brings me to commas. Now, I don't claim to know everything about them, and I might be wrong on this front (since no one else seems to have pointed it out), but there are repeated occasions in which it seems to me that you don't need a comma, but you put one anyways...

On all sides, the featureless walls of my prison surrounded me.

I looked to my left to see what had fallen, but before I could find it, something hit the right side of my face.

If he wasn’t my boss, I would have decked him right then and there.

Those are a few instances of what I'm talking about. There are other instances, but I don't want to hunt them all down cuz I'm not yer damn editor here. I don't know enough technical words to explain why it sounds wrong... but someone correct me if I'm wrong about this, 'cause I've been told before that I use too few commas. I might point out another technical qualm or two later, but nothing that would really affect your rating.

Overall, this is well deserving of all the praise you've been receiving for it. good show, sir!

Rating: :twilightsmile: (I wish I could give you a :pinkiesmile:, but I'd have to read more before I could go there.)

Congratulations, you commited 0 of the 7 sins of writing MLP fanfiction! :pinkiehappy: yay!

This comment is brought to you courtesy of my Weekly Watch! This is my third week so I'm still working on the feature, but if you're interested in supporting me (or you just want to read the best of what I've read every week) then go ahead and join my group! I'd appreciate the tartarus out of it! :pinkiehappy:

A single, large, blue crate had become my centre of operations.

This one I'm fairly certain about, and though it seems to be an isolated incident I want to make sure you know why this is wrong. The first of those two commas should go, maybe both of them (less sure about that). This would be correct if "single" was describing the crate itself. However, I don't think you mean that the crate is a bachelor, in which case you should ommit that first comma.

3512265>>3512287 Welp, thanks Flux! I'm glad you've enjoyed it it so far :twilightsmile: I'm hoping to update it this week, so yay! Anyways, I see what you mean and have endeavoured to remove the unecessary comma's. Thanks a bunch for the review! :raritywink:


Hey man, just curious. When is the next update? I am not pushing it, I just want to know. :scootangel:

By the way, I finished prologue to my story. :pinkiehappy: *Little girl squeal*

Should be up soon. :raritywink:

3542925 Well, when I figure out how to smoothly ease into a flashback scene xD I'm a little stuck with it. Also, awesome! Can't wait to see what you come up with pal. :raritywink:


3506549 Welp, thanks very much for the support. Sorry it took so long to respond, life can get hectic :twilightsmile: I hope you'll stick with us for the rest of this! Thanks for reading.


Scootaloo's change of heart felt a little abrupt -- there's good potential for internal conflict here between "I wanna be left alone" and "I gotta do what's right" -- but otherwise this is great stuff.

Go Scoots!

3561340 Thanks!

3561317 Welp, I was worried about that. Ah well, the internal conflict will keep going so hopefully that will balance things out :twilightsmile:


Oh my gawd! Finally! I just need to finish watching Lord Of The Rings. 50 minutes to go, then I can read!

NO! I can`t wait for another chapter! :flutterrage:


Well, Nightengale is a Skyrim refrence...
(And Karliah was Galisus' 'little Nightengale')

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