//------------------------------// // Chapter 4: Shadows // Story: Perception // by Valen //------------------------------// Perception ~~~ “The brightest flame casts the darkest shadow.” ~~~ Chapter 4: Shadows Darkness. Darkness surrounded me. I couldn’t see or hear anything, I was alone in the darkness. I opened my mouth, trying to call out to Sweetie or Firelock but nothing came out. I was scared. Where the hell was everypony? Where was I? My heart began to thud in my chest… or at least, it should have. But it didn’t. I realised with horror that my heart wasn’t beating at all. My fear began to rise as I realised my body was doing nothing. I wasn’t breathing. It wasn’t that I was drowning or choking or anything. I simply couldn’t breathe. I was cold. The type of cold which can only be reached by a corpse. I raised a hoof, feeling a moment of relief that I could at least move before terror set in again. Frantically, I looked around, desperate to find something in the darkness, something to tell me I wasn’t dead. And why shouldn’t you be? I stopped in my tracks. Slowly I turned around to see… Nothing. There was nothing there, but I’d been sure that I had heard a voice. Why do you deserve to live where others die? What makes you so special? This time I was certain of it, I had heard someone—or something?—talking! I whirled around, trying to find the source of that sneering, evil voice. Nothing. That’s what: Absolutely nothing. My heart should have been throbbing, pounding in my chest. All I found was that awful stillness, as if something had torn out my soul. You are pathetic. You failed the Wonderbolts; you failed your friends; you even failed your destiny. I felt tears begin to blur my vision as I twirled around again and again, trying to find the source of my misery. But most of all, you failed me. I turned once more, and there she was. Snarling, scarred face. Eyes narrowed in anger. My breath caught in my throat. You, Scootaloo. You are nothing, whispered Rainbow Dash. * * * I woke up screaming, tears in my eyes. What the heck was that all about? My heart was throbbing—thankfully—and I was hyperventilating. That had been… awful. And the worst part, the worst part was that it was true. I had failed them all; I was pathetic; I was nothing. “Scootaloo? Scootaloo, are you okay?” asked a sweet voice from above me as somepony’s hoof stroked my mane, immediately cutting off my self-depreciating line of thought. I looked up to see Sweetie Belle watching me, a frown upon her face. I realised that we were still on the sofa—I must have fallen asleep next to her. “Y-yeah. Yeah, I’ll be fine,” I stammered, still shaken by the dream. Sweetie Belle’s frown persisted. “Are you sure? You know I’m here for you, right?” I was suddenly overcome by affection for the unicorn mare. No matter how much shit I had put her through, she still genuinely cared. Sweetie Belle really is a good pony. Without thinking, I pulled her closer and kissed her on the brow. “Thanks, Sweetie. It means a lot.” The white mare blushed furiously, and began to babble a little bit. “O- oh it’s fine, ‘cause we are friends and friends watch out for each other and it’s quite warm isn’t it? Shall I go open a window? That sounds good doesn't it? how abou—” I cut her off with another hug. She was still blushing furiously, and seemed to lock up a little, but eventually she relaxed. We sat there for a while, just enjoying each other’s presence, but as much as I wanted to, I couldn’t stay there for long. There were things I had to do. I glanced at her. “Sweetie, do you know what time it is?” “Hm? Oh yes, let me check…” Sweetie replied, seemingly lost in a world of her own. She slowly disentangled herself from my limbs and stood up. I looked around, we were still on the sofa in the living room. The fire had burned out, but the coals still glowed weakly with warmth. “It’s around eleven in the morning,” Sweetie called from the kitchen. I got up and stretched my legs, wincing with each pop, and gave a quick, shake of my head to dispel any of my lingering dark thoughts. Now was not the time. “When does the hospital open for visitors?” I called back as I walked into the kitchen after Sweetie Belle. The room had light blue walls, and a tiled white floor. There was an oven just next to the doorway, and a microwave in the corner. Further towards the back of the room was a door and window which lead to the garden. Sweetie was rummaging through a cupboard next to the fridge, pulling out item after item with her magic before shaking her head and putting it back in. “One o’clock, twelve for family members. Sorry, but we won’t be able to go visit her for a little while.” I frowned. “Couldn’t I just sneak in or something?” Sweetie turned around and looked at me, one eyebrow raised. The expression seemed to just ooze a single word: Seriously?  “Okay, maybe not. But still, can’t I get in any earlier?” “Sorry, Scoots, not even Applejack can get in early. The only reason Big Macintosh can stay is because they couldn’t move him if they tried.” I gave a tired chuckle—that sounded like Big Mac alright. I’d often found myself wondering what he’d ended up doing. He was always so nice to us when we were fillies. I smiled as I remembered the ‘Love Poison’ incident. Normally I wasn’t one for romance, but I had ended up getting wrapped in Sweetie Belle’s excitement at the prospect of finding Cheerilee a date. I remembered him telling me one time when Rainbow had stopped by to visit Applejack that he had always wanted to go and join the guard, or become a detective or something like that. He said that what he really wanted to do was protect ponies. When I asked him why he didn’t he replied simply with ‘My family needs me here. ‘Aint nothin’ else to it. So long as Applejack needs help with the farm then I’m here to stay.’ It looked like he really had never left. Probably because he was a good pony. a loyal, trustworthy pony. Unlike me… Pans clattered, snapping me back to reality. Sweetie Belle was trying to stuff them back into the cupboard, without much success. I grabbed one and slotted it back into place before it could fall. “Need a hoof?” Sweetie nodded, her cheeks turning red. “I uh, may have lost my concentration when I was taking them out,” she said awkwardly. “So what are you looking for?” I asked as we continued cleaning up the mess. “Oh, I thought I’d make us some pancakes!” Sweetie Belle declared happily, raising a box of pancake mix with her magic. I winced, remembering the last time I had seen Sweetie Belle cook. The fires had been… unnatural. The food which had eventually come out the oven looked more like a glob of purple mulch than a ‘pancake.’ Sweetie Belle let out an exasperated sigh. “Oh come on, Scoots, I’ve gotten better since Edgar!” “You named it?” Sweetie Belle simply shrugged at that, but she continued staring at me with a pleading look in her eyes which made my heart melt. I’m so going to regret this. “Okay fine, you win. But if it crawls out of the oven of its own volition trying to eat me then I’m going to shoot it.” I paused. “A lot.” Sweetie didn’t seem to care, she simply pranced over to the stove and began turning dials, levitating pans and ingredients all around her like a halo. A second later, the pan erupted in flames, but rather than screaming and panicking Sweetie simply levitated a fire extinguisher and blasted the pan with white foam. The fire extinguisher joined her halo, and she pulled out another pan as if nothing had happened. This is going to be fun. * * * About thirty minutes later I was munching on some barely-burnt, only-sorta-purple-looking pancakes. Sweetie Belle sat opposite me, smiling proudly at the sight of her work. Sure, it had cost twenty-two pans their lives, but still, progress. “Mm, it’s good,” I said around a mouthful, making her smile widen. I finished the last chunk and let out a small belch. “Sorry.” Sweetie giggled. “Not a problem. So, what do you want to do? We still have around an hour to go.” I pondered the question for a moment. What could I do? I mean, I had a few ideas for some things I needed to do eventually, but I didn’t want to deal with any of that just yet. Maybe… “Hey, do you think Firelock will be up at this hour?” I asked. “Probably. She likes getting up early so that she can see the sun rise. Not really sure why. Do you want to visit?” “Yeah, I’d like to properly meet this Alula too. From what Firelock’s said she’s the most wonderful mare this side of the grey mountains.” For some reason, Sweetie Belle seemed a little put out at that last comment, I couldn’t imagine why. She got over it a second later, though. “Sounds good. You grab your stuff, I’ll be with you in a moment,” Sweetie said, before trotting out the room and upstairs. I stood up, walked back into the living room, and glanced at my saddlebags which sat in the corner of the room. After a moment of consideration, I carried on past them. I wouldn’t really need anything from them right now. I heard a crash from upstairs accompanied with a muffled ‘Damn it!’ Worried, I walked up the stairs, going to the door it had originated from. I raised a hoof to knock, but found myself holding back as I heard Sweetie Belle talk. “...you need to put it behind you, Sweetie! You never had a chance back then and you won’t now, just give up. Scoots needs you as a friend now, not as anything else. And seriously, what was that? Alula is your friend! She didn’t even mean anything by what she said!” I shrunk back, ashamed at myself for listening in on my friend. But also curious: What did she mean ‘as anything else?’ Am I still hurting her? And what was that about Alula? I groaned. Why couldn’t life be simple? “Scoots, is that you?” called a voice from the other side of the door. My heart skipped a beat. “Um… yeah. I heard something crash, and I wanted to see if you were okay,” I replied. “Oh, yes. Alright, I’m fine. I’ll be down in a minute. Just hold on.” As she said that I heard something being righted and a few muttered curses. I found myself growing more worried, Sweetie seemed to be really upset. Should I ask her about this? After a few moments of consideration, I decided against it. If Sweetie wanted my help with whatever was upsetting her, she’d ask. I walked back downstairs and sat down. A minute later, Sweetie trotted down and joined me. Sweetie had apparently got over whatever had been bothering her, as I could see no signs of anger. She was wearing a purple and pink striped scarf, and a purple beanie. Little tufts of her curled mane stuck out from under it and I had to admit she looked utterly adorable. “Ready?” I asked, tightening my own brown scarf. “Ready.” She nodded. Together we stepped outside. * * * A little later we stood outside Firelock and Alula’s house. It looked a lot like Sweetie’s except it was bigger. The house sat near the edge of town, and was only about twenty minutes from the Everfree Forest. I was happy to see a warm light coming from the windows; it looked like they really were awake. We walked up the porch and Sweetie knocked on the door. Muffled voices talked for a few seconds, before the door was opened and we were greeted by a small, sand-coloured mare. She had a long, bouncy mane that hung over one side of her face. The most notable thing about her however, were her wings and horn. I had already known Alula was a Alicorn, but it was still a little surprising. Alula smiled at us with calm blue eyes. There was something more though, they were bloodshot and tired. My mind flashed back to the previous night in the cafe. “Alula hasn’t been able to stop crying.” I really hoped that she was feeling better and wasn’t just putting on a face for the guests. “Hello, Sweetie Belle. Hello, Scootaloo. It’s been a long time hasn’t it?” she said. Her accent reminded me of Rarity’s but her voice was softer and less dramatic “Uh, heh, yeah it has,” I replied, trying to avoid staring at her horn. “Would you two like to come inside? It’s freezing out there.” I nodded my thanks and she walked back inside, me and Sweetie in tow. We walked down a hallway, closing the door behind us and took a left into the living room where Firelock sat cleaning a steel helmet. She looked up and, seeing us, grinned. “Hey, you two! Feeling any better?” she asked as Alula walked over and sat down next to her. I nodded in response. “Yeah, I am.” “Yes. Thank you for bringing Scootaloo over, Firelock.” “Not a problem. So, what’re you doing here this early in the morning?” I thought about that for a moment. Saying that we were here to kill time before visiting Apple Bloom felt inappropriate. “I guess I just wanted to talk to you, besides I was curious about this Alula mare you were gushing over.” I was rewarded with a deep blush from both Alula and Firelock. Sweetie chuckled as she sat down on the sofa opposite the couple, she had removed her scarf and hat and placed them on a rack near the door. “Want me to get yours?” she asked, gesturing towards my own scarf. I hastily shook my head. “No thanks. I feel better with it on me.” She seemed to accept that, and turned her attention back to our friends. I took a seat next to Sweetie, relaxing into the comfortable sofa. “So when did you two get together? It must have been some time after I left right?” “Yes, we’ve been together for seven years now,” Alula replied, recovering from her embarrassment enough to talk. A small evil smile crept across her muzzle. “You should have seen Firelock in the weeks coming up to asking me. She was all over the place, stumbling over words, constantly blushing…” Firelock promptly cut her off with a quick kiss. Now it was Alula’s turn to blush. “And you should have seen Alula when I did ask,” Firelock grinned. I laughed at the two. Just by looking at them I could see the love which tied them together. The way Alula wrapped her wing around Firelock, the way they glanced at each other every few seconds. I wasn’t really one for romance, but even I had to admit that it was adorable. “So what about you two? When did you get together?” Alula asked smiling conspiratorially at us. Firelock coughed a little at that, and my mind drew up a blank as Sweetie Belle stuttered. “W-I don’t. I mean I couldn’t... We’ve only just... You don’t see... It’s not like that!” Sweetie managed. Alula looked a little confused at that. “Really? I could have sworn…but you two make such a good couple!” She seemed disappointed to say the least.  “...Anyway, let’s steer this conversation into safer ground, shall we?” Firelock offered, Sweetie said nothing, and Alula just muttered something about ‘sinking ships.’ That left only me. I shrugged and nodded. “So, Scootaloo. I forgot to ask this yesterday, but do you have anywhere to stay or work?” I mentally slapped myself. “Damn, no I don’t. I guess I didn’t really think that far ahead.” Alula immediately looked up, glancing between me and Sweetie. I raised an eyebrow but Firelock simply laughed. Sweetie stared at the Alicorn, and Alula sighed. She began to exaggeratedly mouth words at Sweetie which I could make absolutely no sense of. “Does this happen often?” I asked. “More than you’d think,” Firelock replied. Aluka gave an exasperated sigh, standing up and walking over to Sweetie. She whispered something in her ear, and Sweetie’s eyes immediately lit up in understanding. “Oh! Scootaloo, if you wanted you could sleep with me,” Sweetie suggested. Firelock burst out laughing, and Sweetie’s eyes widened. I raised my eyebrow again. “No, not like that! I meant in my bed—house! House!” Sweetie sputtered. Alula groaned, shaking her head and mumbling something about a ‘lost cause’ as she walked back over to Firelock. My mind wrestled with itself, thinking of all the ways I could tease Sweetie over this but eventually decided against it. “That’d be awesome, actually. Thanks, Sweetie,” I said to the brightly-blushing mare. She nodded a little, still keeping her face hidden. “Well, that sorts out where I’ll stay, but any ideas on where I could get a job?” I asked the others. Alula seemed to think about that for a second before brightening with an idea. “Well, my sister is the head of the weather team. I could see if she can get you a job?” I found myself dumbstruck. I had abandoned Sweetie Belle, and Alula barely knew me yet they were really doing their best to help me out. I blinked a few tears away and walked over to hug Alula. “Thanks, Alula. Firelock was right, you are a great pony.” Alula blushed but hugged me back. Then I hugged a somewhat annoyed-looking Sweetie Belle who locked up at the contact. I glanced at the nearby clock. It was nearly twelve-thirty. “We’ll have to be going soon, I need to visit Apple Bloom.” The mood of the room immediately felt darker. Firelock, just like her namesake, brightened it right back up. “This was really good, maybe we should get together again? I hear this new club opened recently.” Damn, I had missed Firelock and her ever-burning passion for life. When I had been miserable as a foal, she’d just jump straight in and bring me running along with her on some crazy adventure. It felt great to have her back. “I’d like that. When are you all free?” I asked, looking around at the others who all seemed to be perking up a little at the prospect. “Me and Firelock should be free on Wednesday next week. Sweetie?” Alula said. Sweetie nodded in response, moving her hoof away from her muzzle which was still faintly red. “Yeah, that works for me.” I grinned. “Perfect. Then we’ll all get together next week?” Firelock asked. “Yes, that sounds wonderful. Oh, and Sweetie Belle?” Alula pitched in. Sweetie glanced up as Alula straightened and looked directly at her. “Don’t wait too long to tell her.” Sweetie began to fidget uncomfortably, but gave an awkward nod. Alula seemed appeased and smiled again. What the heck was that about? Tell who what? I mentally shrugged and filed it away to ask later. “Anyway, we better get moving. Thanks for having us you two, and Firelock?” I said as I stood up, glancing at the orange unicorn. “Yeah?” “This one?” I gestured at Alula, then leaned in and whispered conspiratorially. “She’s a keeper.” * * * We walked through the snow in silence. I could tell that Sweetie was thinking smart-pony things and I didn’t want to disturb her. We’d been walking for awhile and the good mood from earlier had dissipated as we got closer and closer to our destination.The hospital wasn’t too far away, about ten minutes tops. After a few moments, Sweetie asked in a small voice: “Scootaloo, why did you leave?” I nearly tripped over, only just managing to keep myself from falling. The question had caught me completely off guard. “Sorry…” Sweetie added. Despite myself, a small smile crept onto my face. Sweetie Belle, always thinking of others. “It’s okay, Sweetie, it just… took me by surprise, you know?” She just gave a weak nod. Oh, this is bad. “Well, it’s just… I...” My mind clutched at half-baked responses. I had no idea what to say. “I don’t really think I can talk about it yet, Sweetie. I’m sorry.” Goddesses, I felt terrible. I show up after all these years and I can’t even give her a straight answer? “A-Alright. But you will tell me, right?” she stammered, a hurt look on her face. My heart felt like a dagger had cut through it. I wanted to do anything—anything!—to make her stop feeling so hurt. The one thing I couldn’t do was, the one thing which would help, so I settled with a simple response. “Yeah, I promise. Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.” I replied. And I would, just not now. Sweetie seemed to accept that, so we walked onwards. Within minutes, Ponyville Hospital loomed in the distance. I got the distinct feeling that it was judging me. Holding my head high, I trotted a little faster. Apple Bloom was waiting. * * * We walked through the doors of the hospital into the lobby. Everything in it was varying shades of green: the walls were ivory, the desk turquoise, all of it—Green. I supposed this was supposed to make you feel safer or something, but all I felt was sick. A white mare with a red mane sat there, reading a newspaper. I cleared my throat and she looked up at us, a grim look crossing her face as she noticed Sweetie. “You here for Miss Bloom?” she asked in a sympathetic voice. We nodded. “It’s down the hall, upstairs, take a left, room 4-E.” We gave our thanks and trotted off. It didn’t take long to reach our destination. Room 4-E. It wasn’t any different from the rest of the doors in the hallway, save for the ‘E’. But this door held behind it somepony I knew, somepony I cared about. I looked at Sweetie Belle, who gave me a small nudge. Well, here we go. This is it. “Geronimo…” I muttered, as I pushed open the door. * * * The room was surprisingly spacious. It had ivory walls, just like everywhere else in the place. The floor was turquoise and tiled, and I could see a couple windows with their curtains closed around the room. In the centre was a bed. Next to the bed was a small white table, with a lamp and a copy of the picture I had in my saddlebags—The one with the three young mares. The three friends. The three Crusaders. I was sent back to the many days I had spent in one of these rooms, thanks to a broken wing or leg. One time, I had even succeeded in splitting my head open. I could almost pretend that I was a filly again, and all that was wrong in the world was a missing cutie mark and a day where I couldn’t be out with my friends or Rainbow Dash. Only I knew it was a lie. Next to the bed sat a large red stallion, and a smaller but no less powerful looking orange mare—Big Macintosh and Applejack. But I paid no attention to them, everything else was ignored as I caught sight of Apple Bloom laying on the bed. Oh Luna, fuck me with the moon. She lay deathly still on the bed, pale as the snow outside.There was a deep scar running across the left side of her muzzle, accompanied by a blood-soaked bandage wrapped around her barrel. For a moment I thought she was dead, then I noticed the shallow crest and fall of her chest. Apple Bloom slowly opened one eye, then the other. A weak smile spread across her scarred face. “Hey there, featherbrain. How’re ya?” she asked, without a care in the world. The two ponies who sat beside her looked up at me. Big Macintosh gave me a tired smile, but the other one, Applejack, gave me a glare that could turn manticores. I felt hate oozing off her very being. “Not too bad, AB. Did ya miss me?” I replied, my voice cracking a little. She chuckled, a violent cough robbing it of the mirth it was meant to represent. I felt a bit of horror in my heart as I saw blood on the earth pony’s lips. “More than ya know,” she said after she had managed to stabilize. I could see tears brimming in her orange eyes. They looked faded, resigned. Sweet Celestia, she knows that she’s going to die. “Apple Bloom, what… what happened? Who did this to you?” That was it. Applejack stood up and began to advance on me, her eyes bottomless pits of rage. “You would know that if you didn’t go and fuckin’ run off like ya did! Do ya have any idea how bad you hurt these two? Huh!?” she hissed with quiet rage, sweeping a hoof to gesture at Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle. She focused on me again, her eyes boring pits in my soul. Every single word she spoke felt like a blow to the heart. “An’ now you come back expectin’ everything to be all fine an’ dandy? What do ya want, forgiveness? Well let me tell you somethin’ you bloody varmint, I—” “That’s enough, Applejack!” rumbled Big Macintosh. That stopped Applejack in her tracks. She looked back at her brother then at her upset sister, her gaze softening a little. “That’s enough,” he said again. “Can you two give me some time alone with my friends?” Apple Bloom asked. Applejack stood there for a few more moments, before swiftly turning around and marching out the door. She made sure to shove me as hard as possible as she passed by. Big Mac followed, stopping to apologise before leaving and closing the door behind them. “Apple Bloom, I’m… I’m so sorry I wasn’t here,” I began. “If I’d just stayed then I would have been able to stop—” Apple Bloom merely hushed me. “No, let’s not talk about that right now.” She was still smiling. Goddesses, how could she still be smiling? “All I wanna do is spend some time with my friends. Just like in the good old days, right?” I nodded, sitting down next to my friend. And so we did; Sweetie Belle, Apple Bloom and I sat there, sharing stories of the past few years. We talked about how Sweetie had moved to Manehattan for a while, attempting to make her way as a singer, but had moved back to Ponyville. We talked of Apple Bloom’s work with Bloom-Tech and how she had been developing some kind of flight suit, which would theoretically allow pegasi to fly faster and harder! We talked of the good times and the bad. We talked of some of my early adventures with Daisy back in Las Pegasus, we talked of Firelock and Alula, and how Apple Bloom personally thought that Firelock was going to “pop the question” soon. But most importantly of all, we talked. For a little while, we weren’t in a hospital. We were back in the clubhouse, just three friends happily sharing our lives. But nothing ever lasts—a racking cough from Apple Bloom reminded us of that. I felt tears in my eyes as I watched one of my best friends inch closer to death before my eyes. It was all I could do not to cry. “Hey, hey remember…” Another cough, a few more flecks of blood. “Remember back when we were fillies, and we did that school talent show?” She chuckled, a small smile making its way across her face. “And, do ya remember that song?” I nodded slowly “Y-Yeah?” Apple Bloom lay back, getting more comfortable as her heart rate monitor began to slow. “I want to sing it.” She closed her eyes, letting out a deep breath before singing in a raspy, hoarse voice. “When you're a younger pony,and your flank is very bare. Feels like the sun will never come,when your cutie mark's not there. She coughed, more blood trickling from her lips. Apple Bloom gazed at me, her orange eyes pleading. “Go on, Scoots. Please.” How could I say no? “So the three of us will f-fight the fight,” I began, shakily. “There is nothing that we fear. We'll have to figure out what we'll do next, ’til our cutie marks appear.” Then Sweetie Belle joined in, the three of us singing together: “We are the cutie mark crusaders, on a quest to find out who we are. And we will never stop the journey, not until we have our cutie marks.” Apple Bloom smiled as she lay back, closing her eyes. “We are the cutie mark crusaders, soaring up high in the sky. And we will always have each other, never stopping ’til the day we…” I let out a strangled sob “...die.”   Apple Bloom settled back down, her heart rate slowed but—thank Celestia—didn’t stop. “Thanks you two. I’m gonna take a nap now, thanks for comin’ back, Scoots. Oh and sorry for Applejack, she’s been… volatile.” I nodded, leaning in to hug my friend. As I was about to pull back she whispered in my ear. “Oh, and Scoots? Take care of Sweetie, she’s been missin’ you a heck of a lot, if you catch my meanin’.” I leaned back, and looked at her in confusion. She chuckled and added. “Ah always knew you were oblivious but really? Don’t worry, you’ll figure it out. Just hold onto each other, ‘kay?” I looked across at Sweetie Belle, smiling at the beautiful mare. “That won’t be a problem AB. Talk to you soon okay?” “You bet.” “Do you want us to send the others back in?” Sweetie asked, Apple Bloom nodded, closing her eyes. With that, I walked over to Sweetie Belle and gave her a little nudge. She stood up with me and together we walked over to the door. Outside sat Big Macintosh, who explained that Applejack had left to ‘cool off’ for a bit. I made sure to thank him for standing up for me earlier. “‘Aint no trouble, Scoots. You’re a good pony ya know, just one who made some bad choices.” He was right about the second part, at least. I couldn’t even begin to count the amount of times I had fucked up. “And thanks for comin’ back. Apple Bloom’s been talkin’ about how much she wanted to see ya’ll before she… before she went to sleep. She needed this.” I gave a weak smile to the stallion as he stood up and walked back into the room. “Goodnight, Apple Bloom,” I whispered to my friend. Then I closed the door, for what would be both the first, and the last time.