Perception

by Valen

Epilogue II: Closure

“Hey there, AB. I... uh, I brought you something,” I said awkwardly, placing a bouquet of crimson roses in front of her headstone. I stood on top of a hill on the outskirts of Ponyville. Its only features were a large apple tree and Apple Bloom’s grave, which sat a little further away. She had apparently come here to think when she was still alive, and I could see why. From up here, the entirety of Ponyville was laid out before me. When it was dark outside, you could see the lights of Ponyville scattered all around like insects. It looked beautiful, and I found myself comforted by the idea that Apple Bloom would always be able to see this.

 “We miss you. I know funerals are meant to bring closure or something, but I don’t really feel any better.” I paused, gathering my thoughts. I didn’t even know what I was doing here. The funeral had finished an hour ago; Sweetie had already gone home to sleep. I would have gone with her, but instead I had found myself drawn here.

The funeral had been… it had felt wrong. It was too rehearsed, too fake. It seemed to me like the words were more about the emotion they provoked than the feelings behind them. It had felt less about Apple Bloom and more about following social conventions. So here I was, standing like an idiot in front of Apple Bloom’s grave, looking for some kind of closure. I looked around, checking no one was watching me. Satisfied I was alone, I plopped down on the ground and sighed.

“Honestly, I don’t really know what to do. The funeral just felt stupid; the mayor said a few words about you and then we were done. We should have… I don’t know. It just wasn’t right.” I paused. I didn’t know what to do. This was just so wrong, all of it, everything! “It’s just… fuck! I don’t know. I’m just so angry and I don’t know why! It’s like I want to say stuff, but nothing’s coming. My mind is just such a damned mess right now.” I stomped the ground. Slowly, taking a deep breath, I calmed myself down enough to try and use actual sentences.

“I guess I just didn’t want things to end like this, y’know? I always imagined that maybe one day I’d come back and we’d all just go out to a cafe and get a drink. Obviously, things didn’t go the way I planned. Instead...” I sighed. “I died, AB. I died, and a little bit before that, you died. How the heck do you respond to that? What is the appropriate reaction? It’s bad enough losing you, but dying myself? I don’t know what to think anymore. It’s all just such a mess.” Suddenly a droplet of rain landed on my muzzle. A few seconds later, more fell, and soon it was raining. I shifted a little further under the cover of the tree.

“Do you know what was really awful though? I barely even managed to get into the funeral, Applejack was pretty solid about keeping me away, said that I’d ruin your memory or something. Big Mac managed to reign her in enough to let me stay, but I don’t think I’m gonna be able to be anywhere near Sweet Apple Acres for a long time. Back when we were foals Applejack was always so calm and level-headed, it’s horrible seeing her this angry and knowing it’s my fault.” I sighed. This was stupid. I was sick and tired of all this depressing shit.

I shifted myself over so that I had my back to a tree and relaxed a little, finally coming up with something less awful to talk about. “So, what’s happened recently? Well, I finally figured out what you meant when you said that Sweetie had been missing me a lot. We’ve started dating, and it’s going pretty good so far. We have a lot of baggage to deal with, but I think we’re gonna make it. I’m a little worried still, I mean what if I fuck up again and hurt her?” I shook my head, dispelling the thoughts. That was a conversation to have with Sweetie, not Apple Bloom’s grave.

“Firelock suggested that we all go to Elkenheim in a few months. She said that after all that has happened, we could use some time away from Equestria. I’ve gotta agree—it’s been a heck of a few weeks, and we could all use a break. In fact, between you and me, I think that she’s finally planning to pop the question to Alula. I hope so. It’d be nice.” I sighed, my mind casting back to the most recent events of my life.

“I saw Eidolon—Gaurus, whatever—yesterday. He… he wasn’t what I expected. I thought he was just going to rant about how he was going to kill me for what happened to him. Instead he was just… calm. He talked to me about how war was coming to Equestria and how… how you were just another contract to him.” My muscles tensed, but I forced them to relax. There was no point in lashing out.

“I was so angry at him for saying that, but I managed to keep my cool. Then he started talking about how we were the same… while we definitely aren’t, I couldn’t help but notice similarities. He just had this… this seething anger just below the surface. I don’t know what, but something happened which drove him over the edge. It… it scares me how close to him I am—I mean, what if I hadn’t found my way out of Elysium, or if I had let the shade win? Would I have just ended up another Gaurus? I like to think that I could never be like him, but I know that’s not true.” I glanced back at the simple grave. A carving of Apple Bloom’s cutie mark—a crossed spanner and screwdriver—and her name were all that it bore. Just how she would have wanted it.

“I hope you like it wherever you are. You deserve some peace.” I laughed a little as a thought struck me. “Hey, if you think about it, I’m technically undead. I’m pretty sure that makes me a crime against nature or something. Oh well.” It helped to joke about my ‘condition.’ Made me feel a bit more normal. More real.

“Alula managed to get me a job with the weather team. As soon as I can fly without breaking something, I’ll be working with Cloud Kicker’s group. Speaking of work, a friend of Alula and Firelock’s—Bee Bop—is working on an album and she asked Sweetie to do the vocals. They have their first recording session on Thursday, so that should be good for her. Sweetie’s been needing something to do. Aside from look after me, that is.” I chuckled at my own joke. I let out a long breath, I was running out of things to say, so instead of continuing I just sat back and closed my eyes and letting some of the rain land on my face. It was soothing.

I thought of Apple Bloom as I had known her, the foalhood we had shared. I remembered the day that me and Sweetie first met her. It had been at Diamond Tiara’s cutie ceañera. Me and Sweetie had resorted to hiding under one of the tables to avoid being made fun of, but when we had seen the other foals make fun of Apple Bloom, we had jumped to her aid. That day, the ‘Cutie Mark Crusaders’ were born, and thus started an epic two-year long quest to find our destinies.

I remembered the day that Apple Bloom got hers. I’d been doing a stunt on my scooter when I had a particularly bad crash. I was fine, but the scooter was busted. I was pretty upset, but seeing that made something in Apple Bloom click. She just grabbed some scrap from a nearby bin, and started fixing it. Within minutes, my scooter was as good as new!

That was the day she finally got her cutie mark, A crossed wrench and screwdriver. It was her destiny to build and fix things to help other ponies. I couldn’t even begin to count the amount of times she tinkered with my scooter after that, always making it better than before.

A fluttering caught my attention and I opened my eyes. A bird flew into my field of vision, snapping me out of my thoughts. I looked down at the little creature. It was light blue, and seemed to be watching me. We stared at each other for a few moments, and then the bird let out a chirp and flew off. I turned back to the grave, a thought springing to mind. “I’ve gotta go now, but thanks for listening, AB. I’ll stop by and talk to you again soon, okay?”  There was, of course, no response. It didn’t matter. Just being able to talk like this brought me a sense of closure the funeral hadn’t. I turned and with one last glance at the grave, I trotted down the hill. It was time to visit the library.

“...remember this: Never, ever back down. Not even when the sun and moon fall, dragons start invading and the gates to Tartarus itself open. Never back down. Good luck, squirt. I love you.”

I sat on a sofa in the library, Rainbow’s grey recorder on a table in front of me. The pounding of rain against a window could be heard from where I was, it was a pretty bad storm out there. I clutched a mug of cocoa in my hooves, drinking from it deeply. Twilight Sparkle sat across from me, her face a whirlpool of emotions as the recording finished.

Slowly, she looked up at me, her purple eyes boring into my own. “...Where did you find this?” she asked. Her voice was weak, confused. I wasn’t really sure what I had expected to happen, but this wasn’t it.

“It was in Rainbow’s house, on the table.” I paused, trying to think of something else to say. “I… I just thought you should know,”

Twilight just closed her eyes, swaying for a few moments. Her wings kept on shifting, and there were a few times when i thought that she would simply collapse. Eventually, she opened her eyes again and walked towards me, stopping only about a metre away. I carefully placed down the cocoa, preparing myself to get shouted at or something.

“I missed her so much. When Rainbow left I had no idea what to do, and just when I finally get over her this pops up?” Not good. She paused. Tears glistened in her eyes, and then she broke into a huge smile. “Thank you so much, Scootaloo!” she exclaimed, pulling me into a hug. I was confused, but didn’t resist, simply hugging her back.

We remained like that for awhile, before Twilight pulled back, still crying a little. “Are you okay, Twilight?” She shook her head, the smile not fading one bit.

“No, no I’m not. I haven’t been okay for a long time, Scootaloo, but I’m certainly better. Because now I know, Rainbow really did love me, what we had did mean something.” she stopped a moment, taking in a deep breath. “And you know what else this means?” Twilight asked, seeming to get a hold of herself again.

“What?”

“She’s going to come back. Not once has Rainbow ever broken a promise. Not once. Don’t you worry, she will return.” I smiled at Twilight, I didn’t know whether or not I really believed her but it was a nice thought. Twilight walked back over to the sofa, taking a seat and gesturing for me to do the same.

We sat there for a while, our minds turning over what we had heard. I hadn’t really had much time to consider it the last time I’d heard the recording, I’d been a little busy getting attacked, but now I had a chance to really think over what I’d heard.

Rainbow said that she was on some super-secret mission for Equestria, but if that’s true why doesn't Twilight know about it? Isn’t she a princess? Where did she go, and why? The recording really brought more questions than it answered, but at least I knew that no matter what else, Rainbow had cared. I adjusted the goggles which now almost permanently rested on my head, and Twilight gave a little giggle.

“They suit you, you know?” she said, gesturing towards the goggles.

“Thanks Twilight.” We lapsed into silence for a few moments, before Twilight hesitantly began again.

“Listen, Scootaloo, I’m sorry.”

“About what?” I asked. Why would Twilight be sorry? She hadn’t done anything.

“I… I wasn’t there for you. When Rainbow left, I should have realised how much it would hurt you as well, she was your sister. I should have tried to help you, rather than just dwell on my own problems.” She looked away, unsure of what to say. I scooted closer, putting a hoof around the lavender mare.

“Hey, it’s fine. It was a rough time for us all, right?” I offered. It wasn’t fine, and honestly I wished that she had helped, but that was the past. Twilight was obviously trying to do better, just like I was, and we had to stick together.

“But I still could have done better. I was thinking, we were getting pretty close before Rainbow left, and I thought that maybe... we could try that sister thing? if you’d like to that is, I mea-” I cut her off with a far stronger hug. I felt tears in my eyes, but these were tears of happiness rather than misery. Twilight yelped a little, but soon hugged back.

“I’d love to,” I replied, grinning. I looked up at Twilight, who seemed to be sharing in my joy. She had a wide smile on her face and tears in her eyes.

“Would you like something to eat, Scootaloo?” She said after we had managed to calm down.

“That’d be great, thanks sis.” And so we got up and trotted into the kitchen, talking and laughing. We recounted our adventures of the past few years, we talked about Daring Doo and her latest exploits, we talked about absolutely anything, and it felt incredible. Sweetie Belle, Firelock, Alula, and now Twilight. I had love. I had friends. I had a sister. I had a family; and there was no way that I was going to ever let it go.