• Member Since 20th Jun, 2013
  • offline last seen Apr 4th, 2019

Valen


Like a moth flittering towards a flame.

E

A Lunaverse story.

Alula has always been nervous around others, especially when her resemblance to an Alicorn is involved. Typically on Nightmare Night she just stayed in-doors and played with her sister, however this time things will be a little different. She's going to be going out dressed as that which she fears most, but there's no need to worry! Firelock and Bee Bop have got her back, and they are going to make sure that tonight will be a night to remember!

~~~

This is my first pony story and my entry to the 'Lunaverse october writing event'. I just want to say a huge thank you to everyone who helped me on this story.

To my editor/co-author/conspirator/pretty much everything else FluxerCry, thank you!

To my artist and friend LoveBronyOtakuChan87, thanks!

To my co-author and collaborator Whiteeyes Thanks for the help!

And last but not least, a huge thank you to Cerulean Voice my grammatical editor.

If you liked this, please drop me a comment, if you didn't, post me some ways to make it better! I appreciate any feedback you can give me.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 36 )

I just have to ask....is firelock a pyro-maniac?:rainbowderp: other than that, i loved it :pinkiehappy:

3403772 Thanks very much, and yeah, that's basically how I pinned her. Fire for everyone! :rainbowlaugh:

I love fire!
Infact a have a fire costume.
*Suddenly starts on fire*
See how realistic the flames are,
its almost like im....really...,
*Remembers he hasn't bought his costume yet...*
Oh....
....
AHHHHHHHH!!!

3403970 :rainbowlaugh: Find some water, quick!

3404015
Why Did I Build My House In The Dessert!!!!!
I Dont Even Like The Dessert!!!

Looks like you accidentally included some of your editing commentary there towards the end.

This was a nice story, simple and cute. Though I do wonder where the fire ants came from...

3405971 Welp! :twilightoops: Thanks for pointing that out, and all shall be explained when dear Whiteeyes uploads his story :rainbowkiss:

3405971

This was a very fun little story.

I'd like to see Luna talking to Alula to calm her fears of being banished for pretending to the a princess, of course somepoiny would see them together and think that Alula was being corrinated or something.

I think I smell Snails hoof in the fire ants. I'm surprised Firelock didn't try to keep one as a pet though, a fire breathing pet would be just up her street.

“BASS FOR THE BASS GOD! WUBS FOR THE WUB THRONE!” yelled a familiar cobalt pegasus. She sped through the air, dumping buckets of water on groups of ants. Unfortunately Bee Bop had been too preoccupied with her warcry to notice where she was flying.

All hail the great chaos goddess Vinyorn!

3406149 I never said she didn't... :pinkiehappy: In all honesty, that's an amazing Idea and I may use it some time. On another note, I'm really glad you liked it!
Anyways, for chaos!

~DeepShift

3406155

Well it would give a reason for Firelock and Snails to bond over her totally cool pet.

It's probably just as well Snails's sister helps out with the ponyville fire department.

Great fic! The foals were adorable and I loved the added inclusion of Cloud Kicker and Twilight.

3406224 Thank you very much! I'm glad you enjoyed it :twilightsmile:

~DeepShift

3406221 xD Yeah, ah no! Now I'm getting more ideas, now I'm gonna have to write more Alula and Firelock! (Not that I'm complaining, these are my two favourite characters to write out of anything I've ever done) :pinkiehappy:

~DeepShift

Something that kept throwing me off was where I've heard Alula's name name before, and why I kept subconsciously saying 'no' when her alicorn features were mentioned. Now I remember! Alula is Cloud Kicker's little sister in "The Life and Time of a Winning Pony," and is a major supporting character (and a Pegasus).

Has Alula been mentioned in the Lunaverse by anyone before, even in passing?

3407792 Yes, she's currently a character in 'Magic Tutor' and has had several brief appearances in the past :twilightsheepish:

~DeepShift

Yayz, I finally get to throw in my two bits in a comment! :pinkiehappy: or just one bit, cuz you already know what I think... lovely story. :twilightsmile: can't wait to see where else you take these characters.

3412239 Thanks buddy! I'm slowly planning a Lunaverse potential episode based around these characters and a few other things mentioned during the story. :twilightsheepish:

Thank you everyone for getting this to 100 views! :rainbowderp: It's awesome that my first story has made it this far and I really appreciate everyone who has read it, liked it, favourited it and so on! You are All awesome! :rainbowkiss:

~DeepShift

I'm pleased how this turned out. I think we did a bang-up job together. I hope you learned a bit about a few of your common mistakes. It's also good practice for me with my editing.
All around, we both gained from our time together. This was fun to read and work on :twilightsmile:

3420326 Thanks so much for all the help man, it's done very well for my first story :pinkiehappy: I really appreciate it.

~DeepShift

3424865 It's coming! BWAHAHAHAHA!!! :trollestia:

~DeepShift

Interesting story. Firelock is pretty fun, but then what could you expect from an spunky cute pyromaniac? I'm hoping that Alula, adorable as she is with her retreating personality, grows herself some confidence in the future. Character growth is always good.

The idea of tying in events with another author is very interesting.

The ending scenes felt rushed and confusing. Roughly around where Bee Bop first separates from the group, it started to get difficult to follow everything. I wasn't actually certain at first which one had run off.

3470720 Thanks for the feedback. I'll make sure to work on that, the ending could definitley have been excecuted better. Do you have any suggestions on what could have been done to make things clearer?

~DeepShift

3470746

Hard to say, really. Maybe make it a little clearer on who's speaking. Slow down the pacing a bit. Those things. Can't spot any other concrete mistakes at the moment.

3470815 Alright, well thanks very much! I'll keep this kind of stuff in mind for my next fic involving these two which I'm currently working on. :twilightblush:

~DeepShift

Wow. I can honostly say I've enjoyed every story. This took the cake on being the cutest :pinkiehappy:

3507027 :twilightsheepish: Why thank you! The kind words are really appreciated, and I really hope that you liked Alula and Firelock. 'Cause these two will be showing up pretty often in my writing, along with the occasional dose of Bee Bop. :pinkiehappy:

~DeepShift

3507766

Sweet! :pinkiehappy: Glad to hear that. Also, as always... -Equestrian voice time- YOU'RE WELCOME~ :yay: lol

It would be better to make a unique calender instead of referencing October; but unfortunately however, the show has references to WeekDayNames and MonthNames from our universe.

Since Princess Luna never became NightMareMoon, I do not get NightMareNight in the LunaVerse, but I love NightMareNight:

¡NightMareNight!
¡What a fright!
¡Give us something sweet to bite!

3559355 The name for Nightmare night was explained in a story by RDD actually :twilightsheepish:

~DeepShift

FireLock probably will spend mo0st of her life in a PrisonCell of MentalHospitalRoom made of nonflammable materials.

3559378 Nawh, she's gonna move in with the phoenixes!

~DeepShift

3559375

I shall have to read that. Frankly, I was busy with real life, so only now do I read the NightMareNightStories and this is my first NightMareNightStory. I shall read the 1 by RainBowDoubleDash next.

I read the Meaning Of NightMareNight. Now I understand NightMareNight in the LunaVerse. Speaking of NightMares, it seems that we have a fragment of NightMareMoon in the form of the Pony Of Shadows. Until now, the Elements Of Harmony meant that if it showed itself, it could be destroyed. If it merges with a vulnerable pony, it could lead to the rebirth of NightMareNoon. ¡Something tells me that the Mane 6 will need the contents of the chest desperately!

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