• Member Since 11th Mar, 2013
  • offline last seen June 9th

TheGreatEater


T

8/21/2014 Yay! My first fic to get to the Feature Box! I'm so excited. Thank all y'all for helping this story reach this achievement. You all are awesome.

Retroactively giving this the AU Tag, and making this part of a series: "The Golden Saga". Stories will be split into arcs. With each new story having a recap chapter so new readers can catch up to stuff without being lost.

Part 1 of "The Golden Saga"

Raindrops is a mare who's lived a full and interesting life, and is a close friend of Ditzy Do, as well as a volunteer to various help groups in the community. When she sees Scootaloo diving for a meal in an alley way while covering for an ill Ditzy Do. She decides to take her in before the upcoming early winter hits. All the while trying to help her find the family she's lost long ago. This is a story of love, friendship, and the healing of old wounds.


Cover Art by: ImJustAnotherBrony

Editor: kingtiger666



Thank all of you readers for getting this story into the Popular Stories box. [8/14]

Chapters (16)
Comments ( 360 )

well written , i cant find any problems with this, cant wait for whats to come !:rainbowwild:

Hmmmm. Not a bad start...

But, Scootaloo was a touch too quick to trust Raindrops, in my mind.

~Skeeter The Lurker

Wow, now this is going to be a great story. I haven't read all that much about Raindops, so this will be interesting for me.

A bit quick, but otherwise ok.

I'll give a follow, just for the heck of it.

~Skeeter The Lurker

3045958

I hope so. I got a lot of good things planned with Raindrop's character, as well as a few other lesser seen background ponies. Thank you for your comment.


3045949

Thank you for your comment, and while I personally see it as her holding Raindrop to her Pinkie Promise, I'll try to keep the pacing at a less quick point, but a more slower pace to allow things to develop naturally. Although if you think the later chapters are going to fast. Let me know, and I'll be sure to tone the speed down a bit to a more appropriate speed

I noticed a few errors:

Seeing this filly tear into trash to survive filled her with a deep ache her chest and made her want to do what ever it took to get her back on her hooves as it were.
--------------------------------------------------
Rainbow Drops came down and with an agitated cloud gave Scootaloo a quick wash off of her hooves, and face. before throwing the

Rainbow Drops I'm not sure about. Was it a joke relating to her earlier words?

Anyway, this was nice.

Also, Boss mare is best pony:scootangel:

3046053

Raindrops is a new char for me and I accidentally had Rainbow Dash on the mind ... that darn sex, sexy, mare. So that's one of the four Rainbow Drops that I failed to fix into Raindrops.


And yes Boss mare is best pony. Well one of my favorite ponies.

ok good so far cant w8 for more :pinkiehappy:

and while Ponyville was different that Canterlot she knew enough about out door survival that she could piece together

Sorry :twilightsheepish:

I look forward to where this is going. Have a like, favourite and follow :yay:

3046094

Thank you and no problem :twilightsmile:. I'd rather an error be pointed out so I can fix it, rather than leave it hanging. So thank you for pointing those out. :pinkiehappy:.

3046108
As long as you keep writing this, I think we'll call it even:rainbowlaugh:

not bad if a bit short, looking forward to chapter 3.

Wow this is good chapters are short but really good hope it gets updated soon !!

3047373

:pinkiehappy: Thank you. That Homonym almost always gets me. On a side note. I really must thank you for inspiring me to write this fic. I owe you one :pinkiehappy:.

Technical: You have a ton of grammar errors.

Originality: Scoot-adoption is not particularly original, but Raindrops as the guardian is.

Realism: Scootaloo seems far too trusting

The story's interesting enough to follow, though too unpolished to warrant a thumbs.

3047616

I'm posted a thread in OEE to get an editor to fix them up. I'll admit that I'm working on improving my grammar, but it is still something that I need work on. So hopefully I get an editor soon. When I do I'll edit what I've already done. And if you'd like I'll give you PM.


As for ScootAdoption. I know it's not original in and of itself. But I'd thought I'd give it an original spin. That plus I'm a sucker for ScootAdoption so I'd thought I'd give it a go, with a pony who gets so very little love in fics.


I know. I was thinking of working on that angle as less trusting [and more trusting in the power of a Pinkie Promise which is a very sacred oath. Especially to a filly/colt], as is caught between wanting a warm place to sleep, and wary of what would happen if she tried to run. But it's something that has been brought up and something that I am going to work on polishing in later chapters.



But thank you for posting your opinion, and those will be somethings that I'll be working on polishing up in future chapters.

So this indeed needs an editor pretty badly, but not quite as badly as one might think. It's still quite legible, but defintely needs some polish... and only one skipped line between paragraphs, dear. Just one. :twilightsmile: I'm glad you're looking into getting a proofer.

That aside, the events taking place in the story are warm cuddly and absolutely have my support. Seeing Scoots dumpster-diving was a little out there for me but the "adoption part and everything afterward were joys to imagine as I read.

Keep at it, and don't be afraid to polish!

3048337

Overly Extensive Editors, Story Thread Link. Yep I'm looking for an editor so that I can really give this a nice shine.

Although I'm going to have two revisions in chapters 1 and 2. One to fill them out a bit to explain some things that have been asked. And if I don't have an editor by next week. One additional revision on chapters 3&4. [A revised / fixed chapter, and one that has been gone through by the amazing people over at OEE.]


Thank you for your comment, and I hope you'll stop by later to see the final edited chapters. Also, One space between paragraphs? Wouldn't that make paragraphs run together to much?

3048381

Great to hear! Good luck.

And hey, try it, see how it comes out! Also check out other stories and I'm sure you'll see that placing a space one line wide between paragraphs is pretty much the norm. But the two to three between each you have here? Can mess with readers's heads. :twilightsheepish:

3048415

Ah! That'll be so much easier than going through a story and making 4 spaces between paragraphs. Again thank you for pointing that out to me. :twilightsmile:

3048432

You're quite welcome! :twilightsmile:

(Also please excuse the typos that keep cropping up in my posts. Tablet typing... :ajsleepy:)

3048467

Fixed spacing, and indented paragraphs.

Also you are forgiven. I know how horrible tablets can be. Darn Autocorrect. But that's why I :heart: my lovely laptop.

My only major complaint is that Scoots was too trusting. It's basically:

stranger: Hello, my name is X
Scoots: Why are you here?
stranger: I was like you once. Come with me and I can help you
Scoots: Ok!

Besides that, I have no other problems with the story setup, and it's interested me enough to continue to see what story you have planned out.

3048484
Thanks. Actually I got that alot, and it's something that tomorrow when I have free time [around 4 pm est] I'm going to fix up by adding internal dialog, and mental conflict into scoots to show her thought process.

But I promise you, and anyone reading this comment that by Friday, 12 PM EST. Both chapters will be filled out more and hopefully will make things more believable / a more solid foundation. Then all I need is an editor to give it a final polish.

3048476

Tablets are great for whipping out when you have a busy schedule and really need to fight for writing time, like me. :pinkiesmile: I do miss my laptop so, though. Definitely getting a new one before the year is out.

And wow this story's like ten times more readable now. :heart: Excellent job!

RD's wing power is actually 16.5.

3049466
Sorry was thinking of a Fic that I read that had a different number. I'll fix that after I get out of my meeting.

Or else Pinkie Pie will eat their soul like a cupcake, or shoot them to the moon with her Part Cannon, or maybe she has a team of ninja squirrels that she trains to turn ponies who break their promise into acorns and then hide them in a tree

I was laughing my head off :rainbowlaugh: till the part where you misspelled party cannon :fluttershyouch: I may be nitpicking but I'm sure you don't mind :scootangel: other than that it's good so far been enjoying it :pinkiehappy: Oh also why you leave Princess Cadence out! I know Discord is awesome in all but if you going to include everyone why forget Cadence :fluttershbad:

3051086

Fixed and I don't mind if you nit pick. I welcome it actually. If you check the next chapter around 4:30 PM EST you'll get another adorably hilarious part, since I'll have updated and revised it a bit.


As for Cadance, well her and Shining Armor are rulers of the Crystal Empire, and are busy with that. Although when I get my little army of chaos together I might have them stop over for a small vacation. But truth be told. I'm not sure this story will have all 4 Princesses in it. Other than as an honorable mention or a small cameo here and there. Twilight is a given, being the ruler of the library, even before she was a Princess. As well as a needed part of the plot.


As for Discord ... well he is Fluttershy's friend, and now that he's reformed needs to help ponies. What better way than helping those who attract (as a whole) more chaos than Pinkie Pie on a normal day (Pinkie Pie normal, not normal ponies normal).

3051623 Ah, I see I guess that makes sense and I'll be sure to mention any nitpicks I have then. :twilightsmile: Also I'll make sure to check back around that time. :scootangel:

Wow! That revision is amazing :raritystarry: and you were right I did love it :rainbowlaugh: I can't wait to read more and FPS was clever :scootangel:

3052097

:twilightblush:. Thank you. The next chapter is being set up right now and I'll have it up by this Saturday. It is going to be rather informative and sweet :raritywink:. If I can I'll also try doing another double chapter week next week :twilightsmile:.

This wasn't too bad.

The bit with the tea kinda threw off things.

~Skeeter The Lurker

3056282

Thank you.

Originally I was going to skip the tea after Raindrops commented on it. But then I remembered this was Twilight I was talking about. If it interest her she will usually geek out and take control of a conversation and go on a few hour lecture on it.

I hope that it didn't throw things off too badly, or overdo the mini Twi Geekout moment?

3056378

The whole thing just felt out of place.

The switch between orphan and tea was faaaar too abrupt.

~Skeeter The Lurker

D'awww nice start to the story bro (glad I finally got time to read it) I'm pretty much with everyone else that it's an awesome story and I agree Scoots was a tad to trusting but hey it is true that you can't break a Pinkie Promise without having your soul become the daily special at Sugarcube Corner anyways great start can't wait to see what else you have planned

3056404

Sorry it took so long to get ahold of you. My computer decided that it wanted to be retarded.

Anways, I cut out everything between "Celestia's favorite blend", and "Well Spike should be getting here soon." Hope that makes it flow more smoothly.

thirty thousand hours of community service between school work

Assuming 2 working hours for community service per day (which is more than should be expected of any filly), she would have to work for 41 years. Pretty harsh, dont you think?

30,000 h / 2 (h/d) = 15,000 d = 41.1 a

3056821

That's a touch better, yes.

~Skeeter The Lurker

3056843

*Is so bad at math :pinkiesad2:* Looking back I did that totally wrong in every way. So yes. That is a bit harsh. I wanted her doing Civil Service for a year. So I'm going to change that over to 730. Thank you for pointing that out.


Although she did do about 650 bits worth of goods in total. And I'm not familiar enough with the judiciary system to know what 12 counts of misdemeanor Theft by Taking (50 - 200 USD) would be worth. I didn't want to be to much, but not just a few month smack on the wrist [or whatever a wrist would be for a horse]. [3 Dollars per bit.]. So I wanted a single year of work.


Is a year better, or what sounds like it'd make more sense?

3056932

What sentence would be passed heavily depends on the kind of law you want to see present in Equestria.

Taking most European law systems, she would have been under the minimal age of criminal responsibility (can't really guess the age so I assume between 10-14), meaning there would be no penalty at all. Assuming she is older, I would say in Germany she would face a maximum of 30 hours community work, as the penalty is thought to bring her back into normal society and she had to steal to life.

Now, assuming a law system like in the USA. Everything is possible. Some states have a death penalty for stealing cigarettes three times and there are cases where people get arrested for writing bad comments in the internet or helping their little sisters pee. I would daresay everything goes depending on the state and the mood of the judge.

3057017

That is some good food for thought later. With what I can only assume from what I've read in other fics, and the medieval setting of the Gaurds armor / ruler in a castle. That they'd have dungeons. So a more American version of the judiciary process [retribution instead of rehabilitation]. Although It would be interesting if they had a Medieval version of the Norway system. Which I just remembered reading about, and rechecked after you brought up that wonderful point.


So I'm going to have to say my version would be a mix of American Jail's building structure, sentencing, and containment. But with some of Norways rehabilitation systems within the prison walls. As well as no death sentence. So that gives me lot of lee-way, while it not being something as horrible as a dark fic would be.


Thank you for giving me this to think about for future fics.

Gives Cookie
mlpchan.net/pic/thumb/1342824002658.png

this was another great chapter, loving this story so far :pinkiehappy:

btw are stories are so close on views and likes right now :rainbowlaugh::rainbowwild: (of course your story is better !)

3047616 3048337

This story is now fully edited. Chapter four will be edited later and posted up when it gets polished.

im kind wishing cooking here on Earth had a chance to end up like that (Iron Chef would be so much crazier:pinkiecrazy:)

3093495

Me too. It would definitely make restaurants more fun to go to.

Damn now you're making me hungry.

the first read through of the chapter was very good, i like how Scootaloo, Dinky and Sparkler are getting along well as friends, and the way that Raindrops acts as a fun sort of foal-sitter at the moment is of good nature to the story, there's no need to jump straight in with this story and go too fast, i have to say i like the chapter very much as well and i did find myself very amused about this chapter. i would go more in depth but i read it quickly because I've got to get my story chapter up soon before i go to R.A.T.C (royal air training corps) tonight, i will probably read it again before tomorrow though:pinkiehappy:

all in all another great addition to the story, cannot wait to read more :rainbowwild:

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