• Member Since 10th Jun, 2013
  • offline last seen Yesterday

Matt11


I'm a recently returned writer and plan to release alot of stories again.

T
Source

Scootaloo has been homeless for as long as she can remember. At least until a certain pink pony finds out.

Edited by: Mike from ShadowBlades

[img]http://redpointdesignstudio.com/equestria/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/smiling_pinkie_pie_approved_stamp_by_9qsm78-d4t0t3y.png[/img]

Chapters (17)
Comments ( 337 )

I hope that you like the edited version!

~ Michael

3390193 your doing the edited version and is the edited version going to be different then the not edited version

3390477 From now on he is only going to post the edited versions. We only left the original to show the difference I make when edit.

~ Michael

Just realized that somethings got mixed up when we transferred this from G-doc. I'm going to have to fix that later.

~ Michael

3390559 I think you missed a closing tag of italics after this line

10 minutes before Scootaloo launched herself

Overall it is a nice improvement. You both did a pretty good job. But if I may give you a small advise, move the edited version in front of the unedited one (aka change the chapter order). You will prevent potential grammar nazies from leaving the story.

PS: In one of the first sentences of the part taking place in library there is 'twilight' with lowercase 't'.

There we go! Now that stupid italic mistake is gone.

~ Michael

This was all over the place with pacing. :twilightoops:

Please don't take any offense from this, but when are we going to see the edited version?

EDIT: Also, the nightmare thingy and the last scene confuse the hell out of me. It is very far from what I would expect from this story. Diablo? Are you making a crossover?

It is better than the original second chapter. Sadly, it is still a giantic ball of grammar errors. And didn't Sweetie and Bloom just see in what direction Scoots flew? Why would they have to look for her?

:raritystarry: "a wild rarity appeared"

Sorry I don't know how to do the quote thingy but that was funny XD I liked this chapter.

Still incredibly rushed. And since when does abuse tie into punishment? :twilightoops:

Comment posted by Matt11 deleted Nov 26th, 2013

ummm i really had a hard time reading this.
twilight and some of the others really felt out of character.
twilight the most.

Comment posted by Matt11 deleted Nov 21st, 2013

3516278A little bit to short for my liking, but fairly good.
And no not That good it can use some work In some places. Like ' How did Dash get a cannon?' or ' Y would Scootaloo disobey Dash?' but all-an-all A good story.
(:pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:4 Out Of 5 Happy Pinkies)

Shined,
Slowbro95

really cool. :rainbowkiss::rainbowkiss::rainbowkiss::rainbowkiss::rainbowkiss::rainbowkiss::rainbowkiss::rainbowkiss::rainbowkiss::rainbowkiss: x one thousand (out of 10 rds)

3556793 im glad you liked it

Not true. Fighting a bully just gets you into trouble. You stand up to em, and ask em if they're really happy wasting their time picking on others. But you don't ever fight em, if you're attacked you can defend yourself, but you don't fight back.

3783023
you make some good points there maybe i was wrong but this still adds good drama to the story

I need to ask before I read because I'm not a fan of tragedy, but is this story actually tragic or is it just sad? What I mean by this is does this story have a happy ending is it a tragic end? The tragedy tag is the most incorrectly used tag and many of the stories that are marked tragedy do not actually need that tag. If the tragic element is the death of scoots parents or some back story within the story, then the tragic tag isn't needed since the story itself has a happy ending.

3783030 yeah its happy thanks ill go ahead and remove that tag :pinkiehappy:

3783030 forgot to say its sad pretty much

I know a better punishment for Scootaloo, no treats from Sugarcube Corner for a month!

God, why are they scolding Scootaloo for beating Diamond Tiara's butt, she did deserve it for crying out loud, quit being a bunch of f**king wimps and face reality!

Amen to kicking a bullies ass. I've been there two.

3783170 lol im so glad someone is on my side iv faced bulles before and iv been down that road

ugh, you had to make a cupcake reference? :ajbemused:

3813274 i guess u arnt a big fan of that are ya ill be sure to put a warning if i do somethan like that again lol

rainbowdash is scoots "sister" but she is still homeless? Dufuq?

3813403 :pinkiehappy: i am so happy this fic is getting the love it deserves i will work on the next chapter soon

Bad grammar, poor word choice, and spelling errors, twilight seemed incredibly OOC. I dont think any of the mane 6 would have the nerve to punish someone else's child. I could see them trying to go to scoots parents and offer to punish her but just outright doing it no. All negative things aside the way you write the interaction between scoot and dash is fantastic . I loved that you had scoot struggle and try to flee rather than just be a passive aggresive grump about it.

TL;DR grammar and concept issues aside the way you write scoot and her interactions is unique and original. It made me believe she was homeless beacuse she had a survivors attitude. Flee when threatened and wait for opprotunity when cornered.

3813563

TL;DR grammar and concept issues aside the way you write scoot and her interactions is unique and original. It made me believe she was homeless because she had a survivors attitude. Flee when threatened and wait for opportunity when cornered.

omg im so glad i did Scootaloo at lest that good i may not get a like or fav from u but i thank u for this tiny review here

You have entered into Twilight's laboratory now playing Dexter theme song

Not bad, but you didn't need to make that Cupcakes reference.

3814326 yeah my bad ill make sure i don't do that again

you might just get worst

Should be worse.

3834627 thanks I'll fix that once I'm on my computer on my phone right now so how do u like it so far?

Have you ever considered getting an editor? I love the story but the grammar and spelling mistakes are getting on my nerves a bit. I also agree with 3813563

3876807 but i all ready got an editor a good one

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