Story Link: Golden Wings

Cover Art:

Source

Plot / Description:

Raindrops is a Mare who's lived a full and interesting life, and is a close friend of Ditzy Do, as well as a volunteer to various help groups in the community. When she sees Scootaloo diving for a meal in an alley way while covering for an ill Ditzy Do. She decides to take her in before the upcoming early winter hits. All the while trying to help her find the family she's lost long ago. This is a story of love, friendship, and the healing of old wounds.

A twist on the old and used ScootAdoption. It updates weekly. 1,000 word minimum.

Tags: Slice of Life, Romance

Characters:

CMC, Dinky Doo, Sparkler, Mango Dash, Raindrops, and Mane 6. [Guaranteed list]

Holly Dash, Discord [SweetieBelle's, and DinkyDoo's Magic Teacher [potentially]], Pip, Rumble, Time Turner, and Ditzy Doo [Possible List]

What I'm looking for: I'm looking for an Editor that can offer two days a week before Friday at least. Excluding IRL problems, or things that just come up. To give it a quick once over and help give it a polishing. This way I can keep my self imposed once a week deadline that I put up. I promise no less than 1000 words [other than chapter 2], and no more than 5,000 words [uber rare for this fic].

Pre-Readers, and any imput appreciated. Any of y'all want to just stop by give a comment or critique I'll greatly appreciate it. All Chapters [3 on up] will be on GDocs so all y'all can read it if you'd like.

-TheGreatEater

Raindrops is a Mare whose lived a full and interesting life. A close friend of Ditzy Do, and a volunteer to various help groups in the community. When she sees Scootaloo diving for her meal in an alley way while covering for an ill Ditzy Do. She decides to take her under her wings, and give her a chance at having a happy foalhood. This is a story of love, friendship, and the healing of old wounds.

Bold areas are the areas I'm referring to below. A couple quick critiques, because you seem to have copy/pasted this from the description of the story:

-Whose is not a contraction of "who has". And considering this construction is using the Present Perfect construction, you need to separate them regardless.

-This sentence lacks a verb. It makes no sense.

-A indefinite article would make more sense here.

-Kinda sounds like a Mary Sue the way you're describing this.

Just some quick feedback regarding the description. A Group Admin will be or has already been here to get the ball rolling.

1521111

I'm sorry for my ignorance. But what is an indefinite article? And how does it sound like a Marry Sue?

1521128

You're fine. Indefinite articles don't make reference to a specific noun, rather a generic one or the idea of one: a & an. Definite articles refer to one specific instance of noun: the, that, his, her, etc. Specifically to what you wrote, it should probably be "a lunch" rather than "her lunch", because she is looking for something that can pass muster for a meal, when you say "her lunch" you make it sound like she lost it in the garbage, which context indicates is not the case.

It sounds like you're portraying Raindrops as a Mary Sue because you're portraying her like a saint. On the same day that she (happens) to be covering for a sick coworker, she ALSO adopts an orphan? That's what I'm talking about.

1521161

Ah! She doesn't adopt her on the same day. Rather takes her in. Personality wise I've built her up as a Fluttershy [with ponies other than animals] and Ditzy Doo [fanon / Trop personalities that I've read] personality wise. Mostly inspired from her [Raindrops] Tropes page, but I'm skipping out the baguettes. And I'm tweeking the above personalities to make them different slightly although similar.

Actually at the moment, she's just taking her in [similarly to the Vinyl based ScootAdoptions where she sees her and takes her in]. I think I clarify why she does why she does in the first two chapters. Although I don't if that makes her more or less Mary Sue.

As for the indefinite article I'm going to fix that and the other problems you pointed out right away. Thank you very much for your comments as well as your help.

1521195

I don't know whether or not she is, all I know is that that is the impression your description gives. Some people who read it will think that way. I'd suggest altering the sentence.

Glad you find my critiques helpful.

Cheers,

-Comrade

1521213

Raindrops is a Mare who's lived a full and interesting life, and is a close friend of Ditzy Do, as well as a volunteer to various help groups in the community. When she sees Scootaloo diving for a meal in an alley way while covering for an ill Ditzy Do. She decides to take her in before the upcoming early winter hits. All the while trying to help her find the family she's lost long ago. This is a story of love, friendship, and the healing of old wounds.

Is this better?

1521246

I'm still not a fan of the first two sentences, but the grammar is much better! My advice would be to not worry too much about that for now. Write the chapter, and have your editor look over description before you publish. Fair writing!

1521273

Thank you. Also I gave you a shout out in my blog giving appreciation to all the awesome peeps who favorited and upvoted this fic. I hope that it gives you some extra traffic. You deserve it, since both threads I've posted in your help with the grammatical problems have been most beneficial. Also when my reading list goes down. I'm going to look into your fic.

1522059

Many thanks

Shared Golden Wings GDoc to OEE.

Also I could be good with an Editor who has a free moment between Sunday and Friday. And can do at least one chapter a week. I work fast, and other than mondays and thursdays I'm on for at least ten hours a day. So I work fast, and I'm not the kind of person to make a lot, if any, complaints. The way I see it. If there's an error or a problem and I know about it than I can fix it. Arguing about problems in a story doesn't fix anything.

The only time I'll make a debate is over the path of a story, and even then I'm very civil and open to other peoples points of view.

1527862
Oh lawdy, sorry it took so long to get back to you. I hope you weren't waiting too long though.
I'll see what I can do. I'll also try to tailor the request to your specifications as best as possible, but that may be something you have to hash out with the editor once I find one.
Thanks for the request.

1528282

It's all good . Thank you very much, and I am eagerly awaiting whatever editor you can hook me up with.

1528429 Salutations TheGreatEater,

I'm just checking in to see if IRpony has assigned an editor for you yet, or not.

Peace,

AuthorGenesis

1539560

Thank you. *Gives Cupcake, and a Moon Pie*

-TheGreatEater

1540868 So, has IRpony found an editor for you yet? It's information I need to know, because if he's handling things on his end, then I can go about with my editing and performing my duties as a forum moderator. If not, I need to know, so I can start asking our editors who would like to take on your story.

Peace,

AuthorGenesis

1540882

No not yet. At least I haven't heard anything from anyone. Although he said that he'd be looking for someone. And it's only been 1 1/2 days so far since he's said that he would look. I was thinking of bumping this thread or PMing him if I hadn't heard anything in two more days.

I didn't see it on the rules. But what is the appropriate, and respectful wait time on y'alls thread to wait before bumping a post to see if an editor had been found? I don't want to come across as spamming a thread.

1540899 I'd ask that question in the Staff: Troubleshooting, Questions, and Suggestions thread, considering that, while I am a Moderator, I'm not on the OEE Council, which discusses and/ implements ideas and technology to make staff member jobs more efficient, while laying down a guideline for everyone to follow, so that we don't descend into backbiting and backstabbing, and bad feelings amonst our members. But yeah, that's the thread, I'd post that question in, to bring to their attention, so that we can establish a rule/ guideline for how long a request goes unanswered or the timeliness/ time frame in which the request gets resolved.

Peace,

AuthorGenesis

1540960

Thank you again. Well *crosses fingers* hope that I get an author soon / soonish. And I'll go over to that thread to ask.

- TheGreatEater