This is the first story of the Nyx Chronicles on my account.
Twilight has to go to Canterlot for a few months to learn more from Princess Celestia about being a Princess. Turns out she can't bring Nyx, and has to leave her with Rainbow Dash. But when a bond between the two develops, it leads to an awesome time. but when a dangerous pony named Dark Shadow threatens to use Nyx to take over Equestria, Nyx will have to learn how to use the Ancient Legendary equestrian emeralds from the original holder, in order to protect Equestria and herself from the threat.
This is an unofficial sequel/side story of Past Sins
Nyx is created by Pen Stroke
A/N:I will be doing alot of updates to this story, such as More scenes, corrections and more.
Chapters (17)
yay a story with Nyx in it and i always love theirs kind of stories that people make with this character and i like it
Aww look at Nyx and Rainbow Dash.
They are playing, flying, going on adventures........
And Then Comes A Giant Fist!!!!
Caught my attention because I also have an OC named Nyx
3422807 Well since this is my first fanfic, i plan on making this a big one and a bond between Nyx and Rainbow Dash. Trust me wait and see what I have planned for the next chapter.
Love this story but might want to get an editor or proofreader. Just saying. I give this story 10 mustaches out of 10
Should 8e Nyx's Time with R8n8ow Dash, not Nyxs Time with R8n8ow Dash.
yay Scootaloo get her cutie mark
and i did enjoy it
they should have a term called Misdeveloped primaries, a blessing and a curse.
it's a blessing because the wings are better than average, when it comes to horizontal propulsion.
it's a curse because the wings are worse than average when flying.
3429186 Thanks for feedback man, Trust me this is going to be a big fic. I'm Deciding what to do with the next chapter. might come out tomorrow or tonight. Trust me,, the next one will be the most shocking one ever
i'm not gonna spoil the surprise, but it'll be really good.
3429274 well undeveloped primaries came to my mind. so i made it undeveloped primaries be the term for a pegasus not being able to fly for the fanfic. sorry for the confusion.
3429297 Your welcome for the feedback and ok
i love it and yes i liked the idea that Rainbow Dash is now Nyx Godmother in this story
Pinkie Pie is going to throw a 'Rainbow Dash became Nyx Sparkle's Godmother' party.
3430789 ok
3430789 well that can be a possibility, but you have to wait and see. who knows maybe its a party or something.
Shadows could be taken as an allusion to Nyx's identity crisis.
wow they break the 4th wall by talking about Past Sins in this chapter i like it and wait what Luna has son in this story
3439164 Luna does have a son in this story. i came up with the idea with lunar eclipse being Lunas son.
3439282 ok and i like the idea that you brought up Past Sins in this chapter
I would like to offer some constructive criticism:
Much of your dialog is very dry. You can add a-lot of color to your dialog by hinting at their VOICE, their body language, and what they are doing while talking.
Consider the following example:
Current (chapter 2)
Edited
I also recommend proofreading your chapters at least once before posting. You'll be surprised by all the little mistakes that make their way in when you are not looking.
3446375 thanks for the tip. reallly appreciate it.
"wow, just wow"
— Sweetie Belle
nice work
3455735 Thanks. glad your enjoying it so far.
that ok and i like it
3464983 glad your enjoying. i got plans for Lunar but that will be later. The Next Chapter is gonna be a "Big one". Hint: The fight against the Children of Shadow.
3465218 yeah and ok
i like it and i hope Nyx win
3467128 at times like this Only one photo says all
twilight.ponychan.net/chan/fic/src/130392594349.jpg
3467164 yeah
Some better refusal lines might have been
3467164 3467169
Because endangering Nyx's friends causes her to become unexpectedly powerful, I'm sure that Nyx and the Nyxian army will be victorious.
3467477 ok
3467477 If you want to know the truth i got the idea from Naruto, when Naruto uses his Nine Tails ability.
Nyx has a father and mother now i am happy for her and yay an epilogue can't wait to read that
3476284 i plan on making the epilogue tomorrow.
3476311 ok
3476317 heres something about the epilogue its gonna show The true mastermind. and he is gonna be similar to Lorcan but very, very different.
3476378 alright
3476382>>3476378
3476461 yeah
ok i won;t lie this whole story was badly written to no end. Good concept which is the only thing that kept me here and that was being pushed several times.
You need to put more into your writing. what you have given is more of a rundown of the story than an actual story. You nded up writting barely more than Nyx found super emeralds. Nyx found out about bad guy. Twilight got a boyfriend. Nyx used super emeralds on bad guy. Other bad guy shows up.
3483191 Don't get me worng. but this was the first story i ever did, i now its kinda bad, but the others i will try my best to do. i will find an editor to help me with this when i decide to come back to make changes.
sombra?
As much as I love Nyx stories, the bad grammar in this story is giving me a headache.
3494866 I do plan on coming back to the story and plan on doing some fixes, like if i get to The Nyx Christmas edition fic, i will come back and do some corrections, i may have to have My friend help me out with it though. also i do admit i have slight bad grammar.
3490931 it can't be sombra, remember in crystal empire, he died from the blast of the crystal heart. if you read further, you will know who the king is.
NOOOOOOO
I had a joke to point out that reference already
Like a certain trio of hedgehogs we all know and love
3673866 yea i know. I made a sonic reference.
Decent premise, but yeah. Get a proofreader.
We can never have too many Nyx stories.
Well, you might want to revisit this but intreresting
Tell you what, I'll favorite this. If you fix this, I might give it a thumbs up.