After Twilight became an Alicorn, Twilight, Nyx and the gang gets taken to a new land by an unknown enemy, and Twilight became the ruler of it with the long forgotten Prince of Equestria.
This story use Nyx is from Past Sins by Pen Stroke-"This story is an unofficial sequel/side-story to Past Sins by Pen Stroke"
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Did you know that this site has a guide to help you with your writing? It gives an easy-to-understand explanation of that thing called "grammar" that you seem to have trouble with. It's something you
shouldneed to read.Well it looks like I am not cut out for writing. Don’t worry I will finish this story and not write another story.
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dude... you are an asshole, if he do some mistakes correct it, dont criticize, and hurt him
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It isn't the criticizing that hurts. I know full well my grammar sucks; it is the 2 thumbs up and 6 thumbs down. I would rather have someone tell me what I am doing wrong than just tell me they just dislike it.
normally I don't point out things (cause I still haven't written anything but explain!! all this stuff you have in two chapters needs way way more you just dump it on us and got a headache trying to understand
2976593 Aside from the grammar, I like this story.
I bet the statistics are due to the grammar.
you should be able to find most grammar errors by reading over each sentence.
I gave this a "Thumbs Up" and a "Favorite."
2976593
meeeh dont worry about it my story at first got a lot of negative attitude, after that, i try to improve and dont give much mind of that
much better on the grammar this time, keep it up!
keep those chapters coming.
P.S. first view, first comment.
just thinking outloud, if you want, i can edit yhis for you, also, give you some pointers
this is ok but you need to work on your dialogue.
contractions are used more in actual conversation as well as inner thoughts
it is also a bit bland and comes out feeling emotionless and robotic
to fix this you could try to make it less factual as well as adding more details during conversations and splitting up longer strings of dialogue from the same character by placing the verb in between there sentences.
“Oh sorry, I am Twilight sparkle and this is Nyx. Could you help us? Last night we went to bed in our library in Ponyville and we woke up here in this castle,” Twilight explained.
would be better as
“Oh sorry, I'm Twilight sparkle and this is Nyx." she explained "Could you help us? Last night we went to bed in our library in Ponyville and when we woke this morning we were here.” twilight said, clearly trying to piece together an answer herself. (at least i hope it's better)
i am far from an expert on this (i'm 14 and haven't wrote anything longer that 5 pages) but i hope this helps
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Thank you for your advice. I don’t have a problem editing what I wrote.
The fact I finish this is something major. I was never good at English, so I been hesitant to write a story. But I wrote it anyways because someone told me that I can’t because I can’t do anything without my team of helpers. What is painful is that it’s true. I lean on people that are strong where I am weak.
You don’t know how happy I am that I got those 7 thumbs up. This will sound weird but I am happy I got 4 thumbs down because it means they read it.
3629773 sure editor it,
What happen to chapter 6? there is 2 chapter 7!!
4066397 you're right. And I fixed it
That author's note tho
This should be Twilight, Nyx and the gang get taken to a new land by
The two errors in the specified portion of the description were: you spelled Nyx's name wrong, and the b in by shouldn't have been capitalized.
Shooting Sparkle is love
Shooting Sparkle is life
You will die if you don’t worship
First!
I guess losing her sister was just the humble pie she needed.