• Member Since 11th May, 2013
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MaskedPony


It doesn't matter what interests you're into. What matters, is taking your idea to new horizons and making them a reality.


T

This story is a sequel to Nyx's Time with Rainbow Dash


For a long time, peace has been going on in Ponyville, however recent nightmares have been hitting Nyx hard. What's worse is that it turned out there are more children of Shadow members and they are out for revenge. What's worse, their leader wants the group that eliminated Dark Shadow dead. It's now up to Nyx, Rainbow, Nyx's family, Tex, the Mysterious Dragon Blaze, and Nyx's alter ego, Dark Nyx, to take down Onaga

Nyx belongs to Pen Stroke and this isn't a sequel/side story of the original Past Sins.

with help from Nightmare Nyx

Chapters (8)
Comments ( 9 )

Dropping the apostrophe is a recurring error.

Lunar looked at Tex with a curious look. "Well, what was it?" he asked concernly.

with concern

"No harm No foal. Anyway, you wonder why I summoned you?"

foul

destroyed a area of the nation

an area

which are now in ruins and rubble.

As Onaga finish explaining the plan

finished

As they were walking Twilight had her wing over Lunars back.

Lunar's

As you get older, you will understand."

When

She always prevented bullying at Nyxs school

Nyx's

by moderating from a distants where she can see clear.

clearly

Just then, the approched the library.

they

This made them surprised, Twilight now remembered.

This surprised them, until Twilight remembered.

Twilight decided to have Nyx miss school for a couple days so she could recover from what happen, Cheerilee even allowed it. Twilight and Lunar knew Nyx would hate missing school, however due to what happen

happened

"I am, can ask mom if she can make me a daisy daffodil sandwich? Please Tex."

can you ask

Can you make her one, shes hungry?"

you forgot the apostrophe

Diamond Tiara, for the first time, hope Nyx recovers and she never knew this would of happened

I'm not sure what this is

As they hung out, They were wondering what Applebloom and Glowing Auroras talent would be,

"They" doesn't need to be capitalized and you forgot the apostrophe in "Aurora's"

wind gust asked.

Wind Gust should be capitalized, if it is a name

I found out that I am used as a pawn for Onagas amusement.

You forgot the apostrophe in "Onaga's"

i betrayed him and I want to take him down."

a lone "I" should be capitalized

Dark Nyx at Schoo
l

where is the-oh it is on the next line

She then was being charged at, and she used her magic and used a spell.

clarify that

The spell caused a look alike to come and started running around.

start

Dark Nyx let out a relieve.

relieved sigh

You should really take some English writing and composition classes.

This is interesting but I want more

You just took the ending of Borderlands 2 and shoved it into your fic like a toddler trying to put the square block in the round hole. Do you even care about your story, or plot, or writing? Or is it just I PLAY VIDEO GAMES! LA LA LA. Does the fact that you just copied something matter to you at all?

5140869 I added in that reference into the fic. I had it planned to be added to the fic.

Comment posted by BlackCod deleted Oct 15th, 2014

4256523

"No harm No foal. Anyway, you wonder why I summoned you?"

foul

You missed the de-capitalization of that second N.

As they were walking Twilight had her wing over Lunars back.

Lunar's

You forgot the comma after "walking."

by moderating from a distants where she can see clear.

clearly

You missed their usage of the word "distants," rather than "distance."

Just then, the approched the library.

they

Also missed "approached" there.

4260167

Twilight decided to have Nyx miss school for a couple days so she could recover from what happen, Cheerilee even allowed it. Twilight and Lunar knew Nyx would hate missing school, however due to what happen

happened

"Twilight and Lunar knew Nyx would hate missing school, however due to what happened" is still really bad English. It should be, "Twilight and Lunar knew Nyx would hate missing school; however, due to what happened."

Should also change that comma after "happened" to a semicolon.

"I am, can ask mom if she can make me a daisy daffodil sandwich? Please Tex."

can you ask

They should also be capitalizing the M in "Mom." They also need a comma after "Please."

Can you make her one, shes hungry?"

you forgot the apostrophe

You're whining about the apostrophe in a broken sentence? :unsuresweetie: Also, it's, "You forgot the apostrophe."

Diamond Tiara, for the first time, hope Nyx recovers and she never knew this would of happened

I'm not sure what this is

Allow me to help, then. :ajbemused:

Diamond Tiara, for the first time, realized how she felt. She hoped Nyx would recover. She wished Nyx would forget this had all happened. She just wanted it all to be over.

Also, you forgot the period at the end of your sentence.

As they hung out, They were wondering what Applebloom and Glowing Auroras talent would be,

"They" doesn't need to be capitalized and you forgot the apostrophe in "Aurora's"

Once again, you're missing something else that's kind of a big deal.

As they hung out, they wondered what Applebloom's and Glowing Aura's talents would be,

Wind Gust should be capitalized, if it is a name

Missed a period at the end.

You forgot the apostrophe in "Onaga's"

Missed another period. Just make sure you put it inside the quotes.

where is the-oh it is on the next line

Where is the--oh, it's on the next line.

clarify that

Clarify that.

The spell caused a look alike to come and started running around.

start

You missed the fact that "look alike" is improper as well. It should be "look-alike."

Being a half-assed "I'm so amazing at English that I can point out a handful of minor issues while still missing the entire point of editing a story" kind of commenter doesn't help the author. If you really want to edit his story for him, then actually help him edit. Don't just point out a few poorly conceived corrections, actually try to help. As it is, you don't seem to have helped much, if at all. :applejackunsure:

The one thing that irritates me more than bad grammar is people with bad grammar trying to tell other people that they have bad grammar. If you're going to try to be an editor, at least know the rules of the language you're trying to correct, lest you further prove that you're being a dick just to be a dick.

The title of this chapter reminds me of this song

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