• Member Since 26th Jan, 2018
  • offline last seen 5 hours ago

markelsmith866


Most stories will be based around Rainbow Dash, Twilight, Sci-Twi, and Scootaloo! Support Me On Patreon!

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Scootaloo isn't what she thinks she is. She was never what she though she was. And it all began on her tenth birthday. Bat wings, hunger, and pain is all that this filly knows now. And what does Rainbow Dash and Princess Celestia have to do with this?

Chapters (27)
Comments ( 61 )

“There was no pupil, just purple orbs”

Bat ponies have slitted pupils, and that is canon from the NMM timeline of the Season 5 finale. If they had no pupil, then ANY light that entered their eyes would blind them, the pupil regulates the amount of light filtered by the eyes, and allows them to adjust.

I think the pace is pretty good, it kept me wanting to read more and more!

Actually "Thestrals" were also shown in season 2 as part of Luna's guards. That leaves the question why the Thestrals were hunted down and why they have to hide their identity. Well, I'm sure we will find out... sooner or later.

8710403
Oh yeah, that's coming in. I didn't forget about that. Trust me... there's a reason why the thestrals aren't shown that many times. ;)

8709862
Actually, if they had no pupil, it’d be they’re plain blind. The iris is what expands and contracts to control the amount of light entering an eye, and is the part surrounding the pupil. the iris is the part that is colored. The inner eye receives the light through the pupil, while the iris contracts to prevent too much in bright conditions.

Hmm, having read all of this so I do so far I have a few thoughts.

First I wonder if it was really Queen Chrysalis changlings that attacked while disguised as Celestia and her guards, it seemed like something they would be able to pull of while it seems rather out of character for Celestia to do so but at this point we know so little.

Then there is Luna's guard which were looking rather good for a race that 'Celestia' supposedly wiped out which will be interesting to explain.

Finally while a bit is likely silly and I am likely I am reading too much into it but it seems to me that there might be attraction between Rainbow Dash and Twilight.

... and then Celestia turned into Daybreaker. :rainbowderp:

Btw.: Since a genocide/massacre is an important part of the story, shouldn't this story have the "dark" tag and a "teen" rating?

8713983
Thanks for letting me know. I'll have to add it in.

Celestia you are a motherfucking MORON! Considering you just banished the Element of Loyalty, good job making Equestria defenseless. I hope everypony close to you betrays you, imprisons you, then hands you over to Chrysalis and Tirek so they can make you their personal mindless bitch.

Oh no, the Tragedy tag. I have to be careful with this story. :fluttershysad:
Btw.: The more I think about it, the more it seems that Celestia is somehow possessed... by some sort of dark alter ego or a completely different entity.
Oh, and Sandstorm94 is right (I did not think about it): Celestia has practically banished the bearer of the Element of Loyality completely ignoring the judgement of the Tree of Harmony itself.

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And thus also compromising one of Equestria's most powerful weapons.

"You don't think daybreaker is trying to return, do you?" Applejack asked fearfully.

Capital D for Daybreaker.

The whole Draybreaker thing is a little bit confusing right now, since we don't know of any Draybreaker incident in this universe. In the canon universe of the series Draybreaker was just part of a nightmare, and she tried to destroy/kill someone (Nightmare Moon).

8717411
Ok. Daybreaker was seen in the episode "a royal problem", where she and Luna have an altercation. But after that, she is not mentioned much if at all. In this story, she is only a reference, not a significant part. Daybreaker will not have a role in this story.

Is it me or is there someone else want to deck a Princess

Honestly, this story is so adorable and creative!

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Thanks! I'm trying to make it very interesting to the viewers by tugging with emotions! I appreciate the positive feedback!:scootangel:

Tgis is a fine chapter you did, while it reminded me of another story someone else did back then, it's not unwelcoming to me personally and hope you expand on it a bit later on.

Also about Equestria Scootaloo, I wonder her knowledge about sex is frim abuse or she watched other ponies while she was young, if able can you give a small explanation about that.

Keep up the goid work.

8760734
That's actually going to be in the next chapter. And what story does that remind you of? I want to check that out!

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I just found it Scootaloo's Distant Secret I remember listening to it and liking it, I recommend checking it out it's really good.

Wow this turn for the worst for Scoots, I already feel bad for the girl and worst she lost the most important thing in her life right now hope.

I'm glad you didn't take the easy route and let Dash take her in, it felt real reading it and then seeing the reaction.

Good chapter so far.

...Oh, dear. That was the EqG portal. Dash is going to FLIP.

This is a nice chapter I truly enjoy the interrogation bit, gave me a quick chuckle. Also EQG Scoots in a new situation, and I fear the worst may just start beginning if Zol start seducing Scoots to give up her body. I'll take great interest how you'll handle that in future chapters.

Celestia, yeah done GOOFED!

Author, you're doing great!

Comment posted by markelsmith866 deleted March 2nd

You've done great writing! You controlled the pace well and so is the characterization. I'm really looking forward to your next chapter.
But I have to say there're a lot of logical flaws and they all start from the sudden introduction of Scootaloo's tragic life. Since this is the chapter where everything starts to go wrong, I'm gonna type all my comments here.

If she got scars all over her, then why didn't her friends find out earlier? It's not possible for her to wear long-sleeved shirts all the time! She's quite sporty.

And acoording to her condition I bet she has no cell phone... It's much bigger a clue than wearing the same clothes for years.
In chapter 15, you said "Scootaloo looked down for a moment trying to remember the last time she had foood that wasn't rotten, dirty, or contaminated." But there's a party girl named pinkie, remember? The pinkie who can just pull cupcakes out of nowhere?? The pinkie who knows the birthday and favorite things of everyone and everypony and is always there to brighten up their day?
The fact that CHC doesn't know there's a student stealing classes for such a long time is already weird enough... Well, I think it's even weirder that Pinkie doesn't feel upset about having hardly any record about Rainbow Dash's surrogate sister!
Besides, she survives the past ten years and... still got herself into the trouble of food poisoning??? Hold on kid I know you're really hungry but haven't you been even hungrier before?? How did you survive the past ten years without understanding the power of food poisoning!

And .. she also had a hard time two years ago, right? The five guys, taking advantage of her, and even cutting her in the breast really seriously.... Well it should also be the year she entered CHC, I guess? She's supposed to enter school at the age of 13, right? Well I guess she probably entered school or met her friends after a while. But it's still astonishing that she could even survive that. A 13-year-old girl, badly cut in the breast, raped, and beaten like a "pin cushion," having no food, no comfortable place for recovery, having no friends around to help her, no medical treatment, and yet, still survived. Please tell her she was just awesomely marvelous.

And.. Considering Twilight was smart enough to realize Scoots must be living on her own in the streets since it was what had happened to Amaryllis, why isn't she smart enough to consider the possibility of human Rainbow being related to human Scoots as a correspondence to the relationship between the thestrals? And Rainbow Dash does have parents here. Are the human counterparts of the thestral queen and king? It seems more like they're just adopters, though... My point here is that it's weird that they don't feel weird about this. Twilight already realized that things happened in Equestia corresponds to things here!

I see your effort trying to highlight how miserable a life she lived, how tough she is, how bad we should feel about her... I get it! But you're pushing her too hard, making things a little bit not logical. I guess it's okay since this is a fiction! And actually I like it overall. But maybe you can try making her life simply "hard" instead of "impossible"? I feel bad for her already for being raped twice. It was already my extreme amount of sorrow. I felt nothing but absurdity when she told about the five guys. Well, sure I was angry, and shocked, but it didn't help me feel more connected to her. I only spent more time trying to figure this whole thing out that I realized it was full of flaws...

So if you're open to advice.. My advice here is that no more tragic back stories! Let's just get her a scooter!

Looking forward to see your next chapter! :scootangel:

ohmygod scoots has a crush on a boy?
nonononono who's the lucky guy!!!!!!!!!
andHowCanAGuyBeSoLuckyQAQ
Will the boy be mentioned later? or is he not important at all?

8774094
I'm actually thinking about that. But things actually get really dark for her. So it may or may not be likely. It's fifty-fifty.

Love this story.... sad but love it.:heart::fluttercry:

Comment posted by NannyLamb deleted March 8th

Finally Zolan decides to do something, I was wondering if you forgot the character or couldn't put her in the story but it's good too see.

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There was one character I DID forget, though.

Spike.

I love this it makes me fell sad and happy and sad again just for scootaloo she is so special

pinkie you're close. guess harder

Poor scootaloo I hope karma strikes back at the wicked ones in a most brutal way

I believe rainbow dut what happened to zolan where is she

D

"But you two seriously need a room. 'Exploring my feelings.' Just admit that you wanna have sex with her, it's not that hard. You're in high school, just do it already."

Make it kinky!:pinkiecrazy:

"You've never tasted hospital food before, huh?" Green Rush asked her sincerely. Scootaloo glanced at her before taking a small bite out of the food. Her eyes widened instantly before she took another larger one, eating half the of the whole pastry.

Scoots hospital food is disgusting trust me :pinkiesick:

Why would becoming a bat pony make Scootaloo feel pain?

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No the other one. The one who's in the hospital.

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