//------------------------------// // Chapter 9: Awakening // Story: Perception // by Valen //------------------------------// Perception ~~~ “A single event can awaken within us a stranger totally unknown to us. To live is to be slowly born.” ~~~ Chapter 9: Awakening My heart was thumping painfully in my chest. I felt as though I had been hit by a train. My mind dragged itself out the pit it had been lying in, slowly clawing its way back to a state of usefulness. Breathing hurt, but that wasn’t important—I needed to move, to get up. Beep. “Uh, did you hear that?” “What?” Beep. Beep. “...Shit, shit! We’ve got a pulse! Get somebody in here!” Beep. Beep. Beep. I began to slowly crack open my left eye. A bright operating light blinded me and I shut it again. Ouch. My mind was still fuzzy, but I could faintly hear two stallions talking. I could also hear somepony crying, but I couldn’t tell who. I tried to move, but I was too weak—all I succeeded in doing was shift my left foreleg. I opened my left eye again, trying to get my bearings. When I tried to open the other I was confronted with a burst of pain, and I quickly gave up. Beep. Beep. Beep. “She’s moving, she’s actually moving!” “Doctor Greymane, what do we do?” “Get an oxygen mask. Somepony else, pass me a nova.” There was another bright flash of light above my eye as a vaguely-familiar brown stallion shone a torch in my eyes. I let out a pained groan. Fuck, my chest hurts! Every breath felt like a thousand daggers in my side. I raised a hoof feebly to block out the light. “I… I don’t believe it…” muttered a voice from my left. Or was it my right? I couldn’t tell. Everything was so fuzzy and distorted. I couldn’t focus on anything. I was beginning to feel tired again, in too much pain to make any sense of anything right now. With one last groan, I let sleep take me. * * * I woke up again to a decidedly less painful situation. I still felt like shit, but at least I could think. A soft, light blanket was draped over me while my head was resting on a surprisingly comfortable pillow. It had been ages since I had actually slept on a bed; I made a mental note to do it more often. With a groan, I began to prop myself up on one of my forelimbs. It didn’t work. My leg fell out from under me, and I collapsed back onto the bed, hissing in pain as my chest flared up again. Okay, not the best idea. “Scootaloo!” cried a voice from nearby. A voice I recognized very well. “Sweetie Belle?” I asked, surprised at the sound of my own voice. It was raspy, hoarse. I sounded as though someone had torn out my windpipe and replaced it with a rusty exhaust pipe. “Yes, yes! You’re alive, you’re really alive!” she exclaimed. I could practically hear the tears in her voice. I felt Sweetie’s hooves carefully wrap around me, and I leaned into her hug. I felt wet droplets fall on my coat, felt her heartbeat on my chest. This was Sweetie Belle—she was here, even if I couldn’t see her. “I was so worried when you went missing, we were looking for you, and then you were dead-and-and—” she broke down again, crying into my shoulder. I raised one of my forelegs, feeling along her own limbs until I reached her face. Her coat was so soft, so warm. She pulled back a little and I got the distinct feeling she was staring at me. “Scootaloo?” she asked with a hint of worry. I smiled, thinking back to Rainbow’s last words before she was taken by Sitharii. “And when you get back out there, don’t wait to tell Sweetie how you feel. Trust me, I know.” I wasn’t going to wait anymore. Life was too short. I hooked a fetlock around her neck, pulling her closer.  I could feel her breath on my muzzle, quick and heavy. Geronimo. I brought my muzzle up and kissed her. Or at least, tried to. I was off by a little bit and ended up kissing her somewhere on the side of the mouth. If I was perfectly honest, it was probably the most awkward kiss in the history of all kisses. Ever. Of all time. I pulled back, unsure if I had overstepped my boundaries. “Scootaloo?” asked Sweetie Belle’s shocked voice. “Y-yeah?” I stammered back. Yep, I fucked up. I could tell that she was going to let me down easy, which in a way hurt even more. If she just told me she hated me I could move on, but— My line of thought was cut off as I felt soft lips press against my own. The contact was short, only a few seconds, but that was enough. Sweetie pulled back, both of us grinning. “You missed.” I laughed, Sweetie didn’t hate me! Everything was going to be okay! I hugged her close, relishing the feel of her coat against my own. It was okay, everything was okay. Then, finally, my brain caught up to me. I couldn’t see. I hadn’t seen anything since waking up. That wasn’t surprising, considering my eyes were closed. What was surprising was that even after I opened them, I still couldn’t see. I could feel a bandage around my head, but even then I should have been able to see something, right? My mind flashed back to the warped version of myself I had seen in my dreams, and I shuddered. No… no, I’m not her, Eidolon didn’t even cut that deep... “W-why can’t I see?” I asked, stammering as my heart began to thump in my chest again. I heard a sharp intake of breath. “Why. Can’t. I. See,” I repeated more firmly, I had a feeling I knew the answer, heck I had seen it, but I didn’t want to believe it. “I’m… I’m sorry, Scoots, they did everything they could. It was just too deep…” I began to shake. No, please no. I flashed back to the moment my shadow’s helmet rolled off and I stared into that gaping hole where an eye should have been. “S-Sweetie, please take off the bandage, okay?” I felt Sweetie nod from next to me, and the bed shifted as she moved. There was a soft, tingly sensation as the bandage around my head was unwrapped with magic. Slowly, Sweetie unrolled it. I was in one of those sickly-green hospital rooms, like I had seen Apple Bloom in only a short while ago. Sweetie stood before me looking intensely worried. Something about my vision, it felt off… “Sweetie, get me a mirror please.” “Scootaloo, are you sure? I mean—” “Please!” I snapped, my breathing irregular and painful. I was terrified, but I immediately felt guilty for acting so hostile. Sweetie had been through just as much as I had this past week, maybe more. “Please,” I repeated, quieter. Sweetie’s horn flickered to life and a mirror from my bedside was lifted. I braced myself for what I would see. Then, with a deep breath, I turned. My left eye was fine; it looked as it always had, if a little more bloodshot. My right eye, however… My right eye was dull. Lifeless. Grey. A long, jagged scar ran down from just above my eyebrow to the top of my jaw. I was blind. Not entirely, but that didn’t matter to me at that moment. All I could think about was how I would never get into the Wonderbolts, or any professional flying team, because as far as they were concerned I was blind. I took a deep, shuddering breath and then looked away. It could have been worse—heck, I could have been dead. This, by comparison, was a small injury. “Scoots, are you okay?” Sweetie asked. I put on a fake grin, unwilling to worry her further. “Y-you kidding? Of course I am! I’ve nev—” I cut myself off. Who was I fooling? What was I trying to prove? I would just be making things worse by keeping my feelings locked away. I breathed out a long, shaky sigh. “...No. No, I’m not. I know I should be ecstatic, I mean I’m still alive but…” Sweetie swept me up into another hug, being careful to avoid touching my ribs. I sighed into her shoulder, unable to shed another tear. “Thanks, Sweetie. I… I don’t know what I’d do without you, you’re just so—” “Shhh. Not right now, Scoots, you need to rest. We’ll talk about that later okay?” she said, rubbing my back. I slowly nodded, but then a thought hit me. “Sweetie… earlier, you said I was dead. What did you mean?” She pulled back again, looking me in the eyes—eye. “You… after Firelock found you and the griffon, she brought you back to the hospital. You were in really bad shape: broken rib, fractured wing, torn up neck, your eye...” She paused, looking away. After collecting herself, she turned back to me and continued. “They couldn’t do anything about the eye, but everything else they managed to bandage and fix up before you could get infected. You were fine... until yesterday, when you just… died. All your vital signs just dropped.” What!? “We were there, in your room. Everything just stopped and then, ten minutes later, you were back. Your heart started beating and you began to move. Then you fell asleep, just like that. I haven’t left since.” This was too much to handle. I had died? As in, actually died? I had thought that I’d just maybe been in a coma or something, and that the entire ‘Elysium’ thing was a dream, but had it been more? “How?” I eventually managed to say. Sweetie just shook her head. “I have no idea—the doctor said he’d never seen anything like it. As far as he was concerned, it wasn’t even possible until yesterday.” I turned that over and over again in my mind. Had I failed? Had I finally become the monster I feared? Was I some kind of undead abomination? Would I become the shadow which dwelled within my mind? “Don’t even start thinking like that.” I glanced up at Sweetie in confusion. How did she know what I was thinking? “Because whenever you think like that, you get this ‘I’m a monster’ look. You aren’t a monster, Scootaloo. You know what I think?” She pulled back the sheets, pointedly tapping a hoof on my cutie mark. “I think you’re a phoenix.” A huge surge of affection burst through my heart and I pulled Sweetie Belle into a deep kiss. She ‘eeped’ a little, but swiftly melted into it. We stayed like that for a while—the entire world bled away, leaving only us and our newfound love. Of course, all good things must come to an end. “Hey, Sweetie, I just came by to— hello!” I pulled back to see Firelock standing in the doorway, a surprised look on her face. Within seconds, it became a grin. “Scoots, you’re awake!” She paused. “And kissing Sweetie! I guess miracles do happen!” she laughed. Then—practically sprinting forwards—she enveloped us both in a strong hug. I winced in pain, and Firelock quickly released us, smiling apologetically. “Sorry. Got a little excited, there.” “Not a problem,” I reassured her. Then I noticed a long scar across her muzzle. “Shit, how did you get that?” Her smile dampened a little. “The griffon did it,” she replied, scratching a little at the scar. “You mean Eidolon?” I asked, remembering that Sweetie had mentioned Firelock finding me. “You saved me, didn’t you? I remember: he was about to kill me, and then his head just burst into flames.” Firelock nodded, frowning a little. “Yeah. When I heard what happened, I went looking for you. I was out near the Everfree when I saw an orange shape falling out of Rainbow’s old place. I couldn’t really think of any other orange things that would be around there, so I went to investigate. When I arrived, you were at the edge of a lake with a griffon ready to tear out your throat.” She sighed. “Never fought so hard in my life. That griffon, Eidolon? He’s something else. I’m just… I’m sorry I didn’t get there in time...” she trailed off, pointedly not looking at my eyes. “If I’d been a little faster…” “No. Don’t blame yourself, Firelock, I shouldn’t have gone running off like that. Besides, if you hadn’t come I’d be dead right now. Remind me to buy you a drink sometime, okay?” Firelock smiled gratefully at me. “So, what happened to Eidolon?” “Well, after I managed to knock him out—real hard to do when you’re a pyromancer and your opponent is drenched by the way—I hauled both of you back to Ponyville. I dropped him off with one of the other guards on the way in. They took him over to the prison to be held until he’s escorted to Canterlot. He really was one tough bastard. Even after what you did to him, it took almost all of my magic to take him down.” “Do we know who hired him?” I asked, thinking back to his mentions of a contract. Yes, Eidolon may have been the one to pull the trigger, but he wasn’t the one who had planned the kill—nor was he the one who had decided Apple Bloom needed to die. He was just the tool, the instrument. There was something bigger going on here, I could feel it in my gut. “No, we couldn’t find anything indicating an employer on him, and he hasn’t spoken since he was imprisoned. Said he’d only talk to the one who bested him. I tried, but he said that I didn’t count. Looks like you’ve earned yourself a fan, Scoots.” Firelock chuckled. “In all seriousness though, if it hadn’t been for you, I don’t think we would ever have caught him. You’d make a good guard, y’know that?” I smiled a little at that. “Thanks, Firelock.” I paused, thinking for a moment about what had been said. Only talk to the one who bested him, eh? Alright then, let’s see how you like talking to a ghost. “Hey, I wouldn’t be able to speak with him, would I?” Firelock seemed taken aback at that; Sweetie let out a small gasp. “You sure about that, Scoots?” Sweetie asked. I nodded. This was something I had to do. “Yeah, I guess… I guess I just want to show him that no matter how many people he killed, he missed one. Give him something to think about while he rots in prison.” Slowly, Firelock nodded. “Okay, that’s fair enough. Well, he won’t be going anywhere, and for that matter you won’t either. You are going to sit back and take it easy on your bones for a while. You can talk to him when you can take five steps without wincing,” she said in a commanding tone I’d never heard her use before. I nodded in response and Firelock immediately dropped the guard-act, reverting her expression back to her usual carefree grin. “Good.” “Hey, Scoots?” Sweetie asked from my side. “Yeah?” “Do you remember anything from when you were unconscious? The doctor says that your eye movement suggested heavy dreaming.” I chuckled awkwardly. Ouch. Right, yeah, broken rib. Laughing not good, avoid. “It’s uh… it’s a pretty long story. Are you sure you want to hear it?” Sweetie just stared at me. “Right, sorry. I did promise to tell you everything. Fine, can I have some water first, though?” She nodded and walked out the room, presumably to go and fetch some. “Yeah, I’ll go get Alula, actually, she’s been really worried about you and will want to know you’re back among the living. Oh, and she’ll want to hear the story too, if that’s okay?” Firelock added. I waved a hoof at her, nodding. She walked out the room, leaving me alone. I wondered what I would tell them? Where would I start? That fateful day, all those years ago when Rainbow had left? I thought back to what had happened over the past few days; it was almost funny how much my life had changed in that short period. How much I’d changed… A familiar shape caught my peripheral vision. I turned my head to see myself—the same me from Elysium, the shade, but different. Where before there had been fear or anger, I now saw… hope. Her right eye socket was also no longer empty. Now, it contained the same eye which I had been looking at moments ago. “Thank you,” she whispered to me, before slowly fading away. I felt an odd sense of closure as the last remnants of my other-self disappeared from view. It was as if six years of pain and regret were finally starting to heal. True, the scars would always be there, and the future surely held many more, but maybe, just maybe I’d be able to handle it now that I wouldn’t be fighting alone. After all, if I could face my inner darkness and come out on top, then there was no reason I wouldn’t be able to handle the future too. I found myself thinking back to my journey through my own mind—through Elysium. The trials I had faced... they had all been designed to batter me, to break me, to tear me apart from the inside-out by the one being who could: me. But I had persevered, pushed past it. The thoughts of my friends had kept me going, and had apparently brought me back from the very edge of death. I felt a strange sense of clarity. It seemed like for the past six years, I had been asleep and only now was I finally waking up. I had been hurt, but now that I was through the pain I was emerging stronger than ever before. A phoenix rising from the ashes, said a small, distinctive voice from inside my head. At that moment, I knew what I would tell my friends. I would tell them a story—but not just any story, for this was a true story. It was a story about perseverance, about purpose, about… love. It was my story. A few minutes later, I was sipping a glass of water. Alula and Firelock sat together on one side of my bed, with Sweetie Belle on the other, holding my hoof in her own. Alula couldn’t stop grinning as she looked between us—I could tell that she was going to have a lot to say when I was done. Best to make it a long tale then, but that wouldn’t be hard. I had been collecting my thoughts, organising them into what would hopefully be a tale worth remembering. “Alrighty, story time with Scootaloo! Sit down and listen!” I exclaimed. Firelock tapped a hoof against her chair, raising an eyebrow at me. “Point taken. Now before I start, I want to ask you all a question. Something I read some time ago, just something I want you to think about. Does the walker choose the path, or the path the walker? I can tell you that I have asked myself that question many times—not in those exact words, but the essence of it. Do our destinies choose us, or do we choose our destinies?” Firelock’s jaw hung open, and Alula worked her mouth silently as if trying to string together a coherent sentence. “Hey, I can be poetic if I want to, y’know,” I said, sticking my tongue out at them. Sweetie giggled cutely from next to me and my smile grew wider. “Anyway, I guess it all really started about a week ago. The first word which jumps to mind is… Grey. The world around me was a dull grey. Monochrome, colourless, whatever you want to call it. That was my life...