Boast Busters
“Valiant! What is that Celestia-awful banging noise?”
“Just doing some metalworking, Twi. Go back to sleep.”
“I would if I could!”
I grinned and swung the hammer again. Beating the steel plates into submission wasn’t the greatest way to shape them, but there were no fabrication shops in Ponyville.
The plans for the powered exoskeletal armor were coming together. Twilight had reviewed my design, and pronounced it “plausible.” That was good enough for me.
Twilight appeared, looking a little tired. “I’m going to be practicing spells today. Could you please take that mess outside?”
The pile of steel, hydraulics, boilers, and electronics was going to be a chore to move. Twilight rolled her eyes and gave me a magic helping hand.
“Thanks.” I went back to beating on the metal outside. Twilight slammed the windows shut. Two younger colts went by as I worked. I heard something in their conversation about a magic show.
I had built up a little bit of a reputation as the village crackpot, although neither of them paid any attention to me as they ran by. I had heard from Applejack’s little sister that the school kids all talked about me. No matter. Like any good mad scientist, I would show ‘em.
I had few other things to do in the dream other than work on this mechanical monstrosity. The dream was getting rather long, and I hoped I would wake up soon. It wasn’t a bad dream, I was just getting bored.
Throughout the morning, flashes and puffs of magic kept coming from inside the library tree. With Spike’s help, Twilight was trying out some new spells. There were no major accidents.
About midday, Twilight’s friends showed up. The five of them wanted to go to a magic show in the town square. Supposedly, the magician was really something to see. It looked like the rest of the town was going, so I didn’t feel bad about leaving the library alone.
A medium-blue unicorn with a cape and a pointed hat was standing in front of the crowd when we showed up.
“Come one, come all! Come and witness the amazing magic of the Great and Powerful Trixie! Watch in awe as the Great and Powerful Trixie performs the most spectacular feats of magic ever witnessed by pony eyes!” She produced some colored lights and fireworks.
I was already losing interest. With a human stage magic act, part of the intrigue is trying to figure out how it works. With unicorns, well, it’s magic. You already know exactly how the tricks are performed.
“Come on, no pony's as magical as Twilight,” said Spike. “Oh hey, Rarity. Um, how do you think I would look with a mustache?”
Rarity ignored him, focusing on Trixie. “My, my, my! What boasting! And that tacky outfit!”
“There's nothing wrong with being talented, is there?” asked Twilight.
“Nothin' at all, 'ceptin' when someone goes around showin' it off like a school filly with fancy new ribbons,” replied Applejack.
“Well, well, well, it seems we have some neigh-sayers in the audience. Who is so ignorant as to challenge the magical ability of the Great and Powerful Trixie? Do they not know that they're in the presence of the most magical unicorn in all of Equestria?”
“Pfft,” said Spike. “We all know that Twilight here is—”
She cut him off. “Did you see the way they reacted to Trixie? I don’t want to look like a showoff, too.”
Rainbow Dash flew over to the stage. “So, Great and Powerful Trixie, what makes you think you’re so awesome anyway?” I sighed. When Rainbow started getting aggressive, things were about to go downhill.
“Why, only the Great and Powerful Trixie has magic strong enough to vanquish the dreaded Ursa Major!”
“What’s that?” I asked Twilight.
“It’s a gigantic space-bear,” said Spike. “There’s no way she could have defeated one of those.”
“Is that true, Twilight?”
“Well, I—”
“Who dares interrupt the Great and Powerful Trixie?” I looked around, realizing she was talking to me.
“Oh, hi. I’m Valiant. This is my roomie Twilight Sparkle. We live in the library slash treehouse over there.” I gestured vaguely with a hoof. “We were just talking about how we don’t believe you.” Twilight cringed.
The pony on stage laughed. “Oh? Is there anything you can do that the Great and Powerful Trixie can't?”
“I'm nothing special,” said Twilight.
“Yes, you are! You're better than her!” encouraged Spike.
“I’m not better than anyone.”
“Ha! Nopony is better than the Great and Powerful Trixie. You think you have more magical talent? Well come on, show Trixie what you've got. Show us all.”
“Who, me? I'm just your run of the mill citizen of Ponyville. No powerful magic here. I uh...I think I hear my laundry calling. Sorry, gotta go.” Twilight dashed away.
Trixie laughed again and walked off stage. The rest of the crowd dispersed. Spike stood with his arms crossed and a stern expression on his face.
“Let it go, man” I said. “Taking flankholes down a peg is satisfying when it works, but you run the risk of it backfiring. Twilight did the right thing.”
“It doesn’t feel right,” he said.
“I know, but planning an operation to sneak up on Trixie at night and knock out some of her teeth sounds hard. Come on, let’s get some lunch.”
From what I could hear, Spike kept trying to convince Twilight to do something about Trixe for the rest of the afternoon. As dusk began to set, I took a break from working on the exoskeleton and decided to take a walk.
As I went up the street, I felt the ground tremble. Something large moved in the distance. It came closer and appeared from behind a row of trees. I thought it looked like…a gigantic space-bear.
“Uh oh,” I said. I could really use some powered armor right about then.
I ran back towards the library, meeting Spike along the way. Judging by the look on his face, we both had the same thing to tell Twilight. Somehow, we managed to communicate the point between our panicked shrieks.
Twilight charged out of the library. A heavy book titled Extraordinary Magical Creatures fell to the floor. Spike and I tried to keep up.
The Ursa had found its way roughly to the center of town. “That’s only an Ursa Minor! Twilight said.
“Only!”
“Right. The Major is larger.”
Up ahead, I could see Trixie doing some magic, but none of it seemed to be very effective. Twilight skidded to a stop, looking nervous, but confident.
By this point, the roaring of the Ursa had woken everypony in town. They were all watching the spectacle unfold.
“Do something!” a bystander said.
“I can’t!” said Trixie. “I’ve never done this before. I made the whole thing up.”
Well, that was a welcome revelation, but we still had a Minor problem. Twilight’s horn lit up. It was brighter than I had ever seen before.
The wind began to blow, soothing tunes drifting from the reeds down by the creek. The town water tower detached from its mounts. The water dumped out, and the tank drifted over to a dairy barn. It came out the other side full of fresh milk.
The Ursa Minor was now swaying on its feet, slowly being lulled to sleep by the music in the wind. It nearly fell over on top of Trixie, but Twilight intervened at the last second.
Her horn was now spitting off showers of sparks as Twilight put forth the effort to levitate the Ursa Minor, along with the former water tower that it sleepily sipped milk from. The Ursa drifted away over the hills and presumably back to its cave.
Twilight shut her magic off and caught her breath. The assembled ponies cheered. She downplayed the event, revealing to the public that it had actually been an Ursa Minor the whole time.
“You may have vanquished an Ursa Minor, but you will never have the amazing, show-stopping ability of the Great and Powerful Trixie!” The blue pony laughed and a puff of smoke briefly hid her hasty retreat before the wind dispersed it.
“GTFO Ponyville!” I shouted after her.
“What’s that mean?” asked Spike.
“Nothing, it just makes me feel better.”
Back at the library several hours later, Spike complained that the mustache Twilight had given him hadn’t worked on Rarity. I thought it looked pretty swell, but being as cleanshaven as a pony could be, I was not one to judge.
I went back to tinkering. Before the next adventure, I wanted armor.
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I was gonna post Iron Man by Black Sabbath, then I remembered this.
501637
Tony Stark just got 20% cooler
*Snerk* You know you're considered crazy when you outdo PINKIE for the title of village crackpot.
Like any good mad scientist, I would show ‘em.
Bring in the Tesla Coil, Lab coat and thunderstorm background
its seens our friend Valiant is going to become a SPESS MEHREN
oh good god
"Well, that was a welcome revelation, but we still had a Minor problem"
unintentional pun is really bad *facepalm*
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1410652
NOOOOOOOOOOOO YOU SHALL FAIL!
414502 cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/grumpy-cat-22.jpg
Almost as bad as
No wait... that ones worse
Given that he still hasn't figured out it's not a dream, I'm starting to wonder if he really IS crazy.
this is so fast paced...
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GTFO
.
.
.
>>>The dream was getting rather long, and I hoped I would wake up soon. It wasn’t a bad dream, I was just getting bored.>>>
No human being can possibly be this stupid... can they?
414502
I'm so done! The story itself and to top it, the comments are hilarious!
This all seems kinda rushed with a lot of parts missing.
I decided to read this after seeing your most recent blog post. So far, so good. Keep it up, bro!
6726094 Cool. I'd be interested to hear your thoughts, especially if you're planning to marathon it.
Hey, well, you'd think a foreigner would recognize a stage act as just that, but, well, it is your story, so do as you will. Works for me either way.
Gee, I wonder why.
4284130
Absolutely they can! For example, <insert member of opposing political party>.
well, at this point the story is very rushed, but for me it feels good in that way, I always write my dreams and they are always rushed
i never did like how trixie was treated in this part shes a intertainer shes supposed to be over the top and lie/exaggerate to be intertaining though she was a bit excessive in the way she treated the hecklers and its not her fault that kids lured a gaint monster to town for her to defete
9625789
Aged like fine wine...
Lol, or the village idiot, but hey, who's keeping track?
I've always had a gripe with this scene. You know how many cows it takes to fill a tank that size after only one milking? Approximately 600 Holsteins. Somehow, I doubt Applejack has that many cows in her barn, unless Twilight used a duplicating spell of some kind to increase the volume of milk, but then you have issues with the law of conservation. Not to mention that cows are used to being milked at only certain times of the day, so either Twilight got really lucky and happened to milk the cows right when they were ready to drop their milk, or she forced them to milk at the wrong time, which can be really uncomfortable to a cow.
... or, you know... magic.
I'd be pretty ticked. Now the town has to get a new water tower before they get running water!