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After fighting off the alien fleet that menaced Earth, XCOM turns their focus to warning other worlds of the possible threat. When Doctor Moira Vahlen is accidentally sent to one of those worlds, she learns that the the invaders have attacked Equestria. Who will protect them from the horrors they're about to face?

Sorry, I should clarify that last bit. Who will protect the aliens from what they've just gotten themselves into?

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 198 )
Eakin #1 · Aug 9th, 2013 · · 1 ·

Just a fun little one-shot I threw together on my phone during downtime over the last week or so. Wanted to experiment with a story that shifted perspectives frequently and somewhat non-linearly. Let me have a lot of fun writing the same scenes from two viewpoints. Hopefully it's still fairly coherent.

3017830 "little". Yeah okay. Commencing Read.

Edit: While. I have never played XCOM, or read it or what have you. But despite my confusion. This was cool as hell.

Seems like a good read.:pinkiesmile:

Pfft... That... Was SO *ing amazing, you do not even know... My mind... BLOWN...

The vicious aliens that I hate so much have been wiped away without a sweat. By civilians, too! Never have I felt so weak. :ajsleepy:

Oh Celestia, you are such a terrible troll. That wasn't nice at all, sending her eggplant.

I did enjoy the bit about the moon.

Overall, amusing. Poor aliens.

Of course, at least half of that was bad luck on their parts.

This was exquisite. The translation confusion, the epically failed assault on Cloudsdale, Mister Screamy, the amazing bureaucracy catalyzing Berserker... Fantastic work.

"Oh, you fledgling interplanetary civilizations are just so adorable!" declared Luna. "You're all awkward, none of your old social paradigms quite fit after your philosophical and ideological growth spurt, and you start noticing other planetary bodies in exciting new ways. I just can't wait to come and visit!"

Not only is this hilarious, it also implies that if ponies are not an interplanetary civilization, then they've certainly encountered one. I suppose it would explain why the princesses are princesses if Equestria was just a colony world...

In any case, thank you for this. A magnificent tale of epic curbstomping.

HAHA, That Was Hillarious! A Mighty Fine Read Indeed!:rainbowlaugh:

Well that was an unexpected curbstomp. I am... not sure how to feel about this story, especially since I keep mentally comparing it to Arad's "Stardust" (which takes a much more serious and "realistic" approach to the whole thing), which is probably to be expected. I see you nerfed the aliens by a ridiculous amount and/or buffed the ponies by the same. Seeing the ponies being portrayed as so massively OP usually doesn't sit right with me but... Eh, it's a comedy so I suppose that works.

What the hell, thumbs up from me.

Question though: Shouldn't the moon have been destroyed by the Temple Ship when it turned into a black hole upon its destruction?

Eakin, can i hug you?

Well, it felt little to me, probably a side effect of writing several scenes twice. XCOM is a good game, if you catch it featured in a steam sale it's worth looking into if you like turn based strategy. Keep in mind that it's VERY punishing though, even on easier settings.

It's... uh... a really durable moon?

I've never liked the "The ship will turn into a black hole and destroy Earth!" thing. Because it would turn into a black hole with the same mass as the temple ship and therefore have no more effect on the planet than the ship in orbit would.

You could have if you'd been at Bronycon! Maybe next year.

"Oh, you fledgling interplanetary civilizations are just so adorable!" declared Luna. "You're all awkward, none of your old social paradigms quite fit after your philosophical and ideological growth spurt, and you start noticing other planetary bodies in exciting new ways. I just can't wait to come and visit!"

This is my favorite part. Not quite sure why; it could be the casual tone, comparing our entire world to a adolescent reaching puberty, the implication that Luna's visited several such worlds in the past, or maybe the implication that ponies are a highly-advanced space-faring race.

I have one small point of contention, namely the green gas. If you're referring to what I think you are, that gas isn't supposed to melt everything; it's supposed to trap subjects in a thick layer of silk/goo stuff, keeping them alive but immobilized until an alien craft can reach the area and pick them up. That's why you always find those gas-leaking pods on abduction missions; it's even depicted in one of the introductory cinematics. It's certainly within the realm of possibility for them to use chemical weapons, but in the game at least, they didn't.
Didn't affect my enjoyment of the story, however. Nice work. :heart:

I just assumed that it had Red Matter from Star Trek inside it. As for how THAT is supposed to work, either... Uh... techno-babble.

Yes, that bit and Mr. Screamy were my personal favorites to write.

I guess I derped on the effect of the gas. Could have worked just as well with them getting covered with their own goop and being blinded that way, I suppose.

3018562 Ever play Sins of a Solar Empire? Endless Space? Halo on Legendary? Earth 2160? Supreme Commander: Forged Alliance? Those game from my experience can and will punish you with instant death if you make a mistake. Or to many of them. Company of Heroes: Blitzkrieg Mod is one such game. I remember this one match where a friend and I failed to take a bridge, and we got pushed back to our mainbase. We didn't lose though. Oh no. We were 'Mericans. After taking out a dozen Tigers, a few Tiger II's and assorted other tanks we pushed'em back to the bridge were we started taking our turff back. Three hours that match lasted. Even on expert on that map we've taken' them down in 30 Mins. That one took us three hours on hard.

Oh, that one is easy to explain. See, the red matter from Star Trek works based on the Oh Look A Moose!
*runs in the other direction*

That's XCOM, baby! :rainbowdetermined2:

I've played most of those games as well as the new X-Com, and let me tell you... I don't think they compare.

In X-Com not only will one stupid little mistake or stroke of bad luck punish you with instant death for a squad member, but it will have a domino effect where everyone else suffers/dies as well. I've had at least one hilarious moment where one of my squad members gets killed horribly, which causes another one to panic and shoot blindly, killing another squad member. This causes ANOTHER squad member to freak out and run out of cover and get a helping of plasma to the face. Rocks fall, everyone dies, mission aborted and now you are down your most highly-trained and well-equipped squad and the worldwide panic levels are rising because you failed so badly. And in Ironman mode there is no reverting to a previous save. You have to live (or not) with every single one of your mistakes. And they build on top of each other.

Instant loss would be merciful. XCOM is a war of attrition, where each little screw up is another click of the ratchet you can be in a no-win scenario for weeks and not realize it.

And f*@k the panic mechanic. I like most of the game, but nothing makes me want to put the game down for good like the game taking away control of my guys from me.

I think it is hilarious, but then again I am a Dwarf Fortress player.
I just think of it as a tantrum spiral.

Eh, I didn't like this too much to be honest.

In what way, specifically, if you don't mind me asking?

So... The Princesses Celestia and Luna ARE the Council?

Probably not the whole Council, all I meant to imply between that and what Celestia said about not offering them overt assistance was that she might have had a hoof on the scale, so to speak.


XCOM seems to have a non-trivial amount of interest with authors, it would seem.

XCOM: EU is alright, but it was a chore for most of the time I played it. I prefer playing excruciatingly long games of Civilization or Total War.

It's hard to not compare an XCOM fic against Arad's, which probably isn't very fair.

I love me some OP ponies, though, if only because it's hard to imagine beings with magic as an everyday facet of their lives living on a planet alongside most of D&D Monster Manual as NOT being way tougher than the fuzzy cuteness would imply.

It's a nice change of pace from all the 'rawr human' stories that overplay our abilities somewhat but I've never liked OP ponies. This was alright for what it was, though I've never touched XCOM so some of the specifics were slightly lost on me. It was ... well, this was alright. Not great, not mind-bending, not hilarious (to me anyway), just alright.

Good job!

Those sort of games do have more 'marathon' appeal, I will admit. What I like about XCOM: EU is that putting together an assault, executing it, and watching it work (or not) happens a good deal more quickly. They're all good games, although Gal Civ 2 is still my favorite 4X.

I did enjoy Blue's fic, which is one of the reasons I stayed away from the absurdities of the game itself and put the focus more on Equestria reacting to the aliens. Room in this town for both of us, I hope.

I love Stardust, as I mentioned in the author's note. Heck, go to my user page and it's my #1 incomplete story. I even tried to make Vahlen arriving and getting 'captured' by Twilight a little role-reversal homage to how it played out in that fic. You can probably spot a few other references to Stardust fanon as well (Vahlen mentions a brother, it 'wasn't the worst day of her life,' because that would be the day of that phone call, Bradford is the Commander rather than the unnamed player, etc) and this may well be a Stardust-compatible 'what if.' They're pretty different tone-wise, though.

I didn't like how the invaders were turned into a bunch of ineffective jokes, and I didn't like Celestia and Luna talking down to Moira. It just rubbed me the wrong way, to put it mildly.



I prefer the regular Civilization series over Galactic Civilizations. Gal Civ 2 only had a few natural barriers to prevent anyone from entering territories, which is something I prefer. A huge expanse of space with a color layered over it doesn't do well enough to impress my imperialistic needs.

I need land! :raritydespair:

The "invasion" seems rather out-of-character for the XCOM aliens. It's entirely too localized (why stop after cloudsdale?)


I confess this bugged me as well. While agreeing that the aliens would find pegasi in general to be hard targets, skycities like Cloudsdale aren't hosting the majority of the Equestrian populace. It seems like there'd be more casualties before the aliens would be turfed out of a place like Manehattan.

This was actually my initial thoughts on it and I still have a bit of an issue from it.

I just keep telling myself not to take it at all seriously, that it is just a silly parody. Like XCOM: Equestria Unknown.

Though yes, Condescending!L&C was more than a bit annoying.

I, on the other hand, despise OP ponies. Also OP humans. Basically, I don't like Mary-Sue races.

Headcanon Accepted.

Celestia and Luna are on XCOM's 'anonymous' funding board.

I also couldn't really stop laughing.


Not sure if you've played the original X-COM, but from what I've played of the new X-COM, the old one was a lot meaner with soldiers panicking and being mindcontrolled.

Also, I never could get into the new one. Just so many things that I didn't like, compared to the original.

Well usually there are a few days between attacks, and Luna resolved the invasion within the week, plus... uh...

Yeah, the real reason is that I had a couple jokes for 'XCOM aliens attack Cloudsdale' and no fresh material for a second 'invasion' anecdote. This is very much a 'humor trumps verisimilitude' sort of fic, hence the comedy tag.

I've only played Enemy Unknown, though the others are sitting in my steam library untouched after I snapped up the lot of them for five bucks. Mind control I don't mind, that's a legitimate enemy action. Random panic gets me, though. If it just made them freeze up I'd be fine with it, but having them actively try to kill themselves just pisses me off. It's more or less and instant reload to the start of the turn for me.

3019120 Fair enough, I suppose. It just feels like arming the Predators (from the franchise of the same name) with Nerf weapons and poking fun at them for it. It can make for good fiction, but suspension of disbelief is more difficult to maintain.

Although, I did notice that both this fic and Blue's feature Equestria casually/accidentally repelling an enemy incursion :trixieshiftright::trixieshiftleft:

Okay, it was funny. Mildly.


1)Celestia and Tia-- you made them obscenely arrogant, condescending, and shall we add UNFEELING. They were blase' about this alien invasion, yes, but they were also obscenely unsympathetic and inconsiderate to a species that had just seen huge portions of their population wiped out in a war. The good doctor had probably seen friends and loved ones reduced to bloody gibbets, and your Celestia was toying with her? What a bitch. Double bitch, because she apparently sat on her fat tuffet and watched while earthlings were slaughtered by alien invaders.

2)Can you say God Mode Sues? Arrogant bitch God Mode Sues, too. "You primitive little species... you're so cute and quaint" oh screw you, Celestia. And screw the pretentious ivory tower college professor that came up with all that asshattery about 'antiquated and outdated paradigms.' Every generation born thinks it's debunked all the "old fashioned" ways of thinking... then they all grow up. That or they stay in college where noone expects them to do anything useful and get tenure.

3)Oh, we haven't "evolved" to the point of a One World Government? First off, NEITHER HAS EQUESTRIA.
Second off, there's few reasons an entire species would have a one-world government.

-Because there's more than one planet and the people that DON'T agree with the government on one planet can move to another, to set up a system of governance that meets their wishes.

-Because all dissent and difference of opinion-- in short, all free will-- has been crushed.

Guess which of those two would be most likely. And it's not going to be a sparkly magical mommy figure sitting on the throne of skulls it took to make that one-nation empire, either.


I once had my entire team in Enemy Unknown panic, whereupon they all started using their turns to rush forward and blast aliens. The mission ended without giving me back control of any of my forces. It was like, "Well, okay then!"

They did end up shooting each other a bit during the crazed blitz, but that seemed like a small price to pay for watching the show.

... I cant even stop laughing, that was too much fun. This made my day:pinkiehappy:

I think I would have come to this conclusion sooner had I not skimmed some of the parts, but yeah, I completely concur with this.

Upon further reflection, going to have to second all this (including the having skimmed some of the parts bit).

Also, you forgot to mention how Luna calling Humans primitive is HILARIOUS because, which species has landed on the moon again?

3019543 Mind, I'm a temperamental bastich, and easily disgruntled. Guys like me don't stay gruntled long. It started out funny-- with the alien invaders faceplanting so hard because of how strange some things in Equestria are--- but it quickly fell into patronizing "humans are pathetic" territory, complete with a treacly 'we ascended past those primitive notions' topping. And it went right up my nose.

What happened here was the equivalent of what happened when Napoleon and Hitler tried to invade Russia... it was the Russian winter and the miles-deep territory that defeated them as much as the Russian resistance. You don't get to congratulate yourself on your military superiority just because the enemy wasn't wearing the proper shoes for the terrain.

This is hilarious. I can't stop laughing at how outclassed the aliens were.

I played X-COM: Enforcer on the PC about five times and I have to say I can't wait to read a story that will bring that kind of nostalgia. Also, that game had some of the coolest looking skins I've ever seen. Halo should take after them.

Also, the level editor was really hard to understand.

Will read this story after I watch Big Bang Theory to get caught up before the new season starts.

I loved the story but i think the only thing i didn't like was the way Celestia and Luna looked down upon the human race and almost didn't seem to give a merry fuck about the humans suffering. But i still found this to be an awesome story!

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