Blowjob
Sweetie Belle looked around to make sure her sister wasn’t anywhere in sight. She was told to stay out of her sister’s personal library, but she had to take risk. Her friends counted on her.
“Okay, so which book should I read?” she asked to herself browsing the long rows of adult novels. “She sure does read a lot of these stories. Picking just one she won’t notice missing is a little more difficult than I thought.”
She went through the rows of books until she stumbled across one that caught her eye. She used her magic to pull the book out, which had a silver maned colt holding a riding crop in his mouth, sweating outside in the field.
“Crop of the North,” Sweetie Belle read the title, “by J.R. Pennywhistle? Is that even the writer’s real name?”
The question she asked herself made her think; should the Cutie Mark Crusaders actually put their names on their, or develop a pen name? It was certainly something they would have to talk about during the next meeting.
“SWEETIE!”
The young filly froze as a wrathful voice loomed over her. She knew who the voice belonged to, but at the same time she was praying that it was just her mind playing tricks on her.
“Just what are you doing in my private collection!?” Rarity demanded harshly.
“Well…I was just trying to…”
“What, trying to get on my nerves as usual?” Rarity grabbed the book and repositioned it neatly on the shelf. “I thought I made it very clear that when you visited, you were not to go into my personal belongings, especially my books!”
“Well,” Sweetie began trying to explain herself, “I was just curious and wanted to know what was in the book.”
“I keep telling you young lady, you are too young?”
“So what’s in the book that you don’t want me to read?”
“That’s none of your business.”
“Well ain’t that peachy! I have to tell you every little detail when you ask for it, but when I ask I get the ‘you’re too young for this’ treatment! It’s not fair!”
Rarity was getting slightly agitated with Sweetie’s sharp tongue. “Listen, I am not going to argue with you on this anymore. Since you obviously can’t stay out of my things, I’ll just have to lock them away like I do everything else. Now if you don’t mind, could you go find a way to keep yourself entertained? I want to unwind and read a little.”
“Yeah fine whatever,” Sweetie Belle muttered as she began leaving the room, “you’re probably just going to clop to it.”
“What was that?”
“I said have fun reading it!” Sweetie Belle lied before leaving the room.
~~~
Inside the tree house, Scootaloo was going over the list she had made. It was a list of terms that she gained from The Cloppy Brothers that might help them write their stories.
“So you couldn’t get the books from her?” Scootaloo asked reviewing the short list of terms.
“No,” Sweetie sadly replied. “She wouldn’t even share with me what was in the book!”
“That’s why I told you to try and sneak one out while she was sleeping. But nooo…you said it would be easier in the day because ‘she had errands to run’!” Scootaloo stated mocking Sweetie Belle’s tone.
“Oh be quiet!” Sweetie looked outside the tree house trying to spot their third member.
“Where did Apple Bloom go?”
“She said she was going around town asking if there were any publishers that might take our stories.” Scootaloo explained. “Apparently you can’t just go to any old publisher and show them an adult fic.”
“So when do you suspect she’ll be back?”
“How should I know? I’m not a mind reader! But since she’s been gone for a while, I think we should go ahead and get started without her. If she comes back while we’re writing, she’s free to give her input.”
“Sounds fair,” Sweetie said. “So what’s on that list you’re looking at?”
“Well Snips and Snails told me some of the things they've heard ponies clop to, and I wrote them down. Here are some terms; tell me which one you think we should write about next.”
Sweetie Belle scanned the paper to figure out what they would tackle.
“How about this one? Blowjob.”
“Hmm, interesting,” Scootaloo stated. “I don’t know how we’re going to make something like blowjobs interesting but I’m sure we can find a way. From what I’ve heard though, it would appear that guys really like getting blowjobs from girls, so I think that’s what the focus should be.”
“Alright. We should think of a pen name too!”
“What now?” Scootaloo asked confused.
“A pen name! You know, a different name other than the ones we have. It’s just so we don’t get in trouble for writing these kinds of stories.”
“Ah, thinking ahead! Good job Sweetie!” The compliment boosted Sweetie’s moral after failing to grab the book they needed.
“Great, so you want to start writing it now?” Sweetie asked receiving a nod from Scootaloo. They planned their new story.
Periwinkle Gets a Blowjob
By Alpha Wolf
“Naw, I don’t agree with this name honestly,” Sweetie stated.
“Fine let’s see if we can come up with something we all agree on.”
By Moonlit Flower
By Golden Gun
By Twinkling Cider
By Strawberry Mist
“Eh, I’ll take this one,” Scootaloo gave in. “I’m tired of trying to come up with names.”
Periwinkle just couldn’t seem to keep a job. He either kept getting laid off of work or replaced by somepony who could do the job better. It was a discouraging time for the colt, and he was starting to get slightly desperate. He would take any job in the world at this moment if he could only find a way to make a living.
The only problem was he wasn’t a very interesting person. He wasn’t good a carpeting; he wasn’t the best baker; he wasn’t a skilled dancer or anything. He was devoid of any real talent outside of his admiration of certain flowers.
While browsing through the paper drinking his coffee he noticed an offer in the paper.
“We are hiring at Silly Dan’s Balloon Factory,” Periwinkle read out loud. “Little to no experience required. Come between the hours of 8 am and 7 pm.”
He checked the town’s clock tower to see what time it was. It was half past 12 at the moment, which meant he still had time to prepare.
“Looks like an opportunity to get some work!” he stated to himself. “Let’s hope to Celestia I can keep this one.”
He ate the last of his lunch and headed home to prep for the meeting.
“Hello girls!” Apple Bloom exclaimed trotting into the clubhouse. “Wait, ya’ll started without me? ‘Ah thought we were gonna write these together!”
“You were taking a while so we decided to go ahead and get a jump on the project,” Scootaloo explained. “Don’t worry though; we didn’t get too far in yet, so you can still give your input!”
Apple Bloom glanced over what they wrote and smiled approvingly.
“’Ah can work with this” she responded.
“So, did you find anypony willing to publish our stories?” Sweetie asked.
Apple Bloom sighed sadly. “Notta one! Everypony ‘Ah talked to told me they couldn’t sell…what did they call it…smut in public stores, nor could they explain to a young filly where ‘Ah could possibly find one.”
“So adults aren’t helping us!” Scootaloo huffed upset. “So we’re going to have to find somepony else who might know something. “
“We’ll worry ‘bout that another date,” Apple Bloom waved off. “Right now ‘Ah wanna continue this story.”
The other two nodded in compliance and handed over the paper and pencil, allowing her to continue the story.
Periwinkle was wearing his best attire. He was sporting a black suit with a silver tie running down. In the back of his mind he was wondering if this was too much for a job application to a balloon factory, but he wasn’t willing to risk it. He needed this job, and he would go through any means to do so. The young mare he was meeting was named Scarlet Sky. He had no idea how she looked since the only information, though he was hoping that she wasn’t an intimidating business lady.
The building had a blowup balloon that swayed around in the air. The building itself didn’t look too intimidating, and he relaxed at its homey look. Inside the building was who he needed to meet; the amber mare wearing glasses. She was rummaging through her desk sorting out paperwork that she was filling.
“Um, Ms. Sky I assume?” Periwinkle inquired.
“That would be correct,” she professionally responded. Her focus still remained on her papers. “And you are?”
“I’m Periwinkle mam,” he replied nervously, “and I saw in the paper that you needed some employees for the job.”
After filing the last of her papers, she looked up at the shaky pony before her and began to snicker. Periwinkle looked puzzled by her reaction.
“Um, what’s funny?” Periwinkle could feel his nerves breaking at the moment as the giggling mare trotted closer to him, inspecting his appearance.
“A little overdressed for somepony who wants to get a job at a balloon shop aren’t we?” she teased jokingly. Periwinkle was sweating profusely, wetting up his attire he had on.
“Um…well..I um…” he was at a loss for words, breaking apart every second Scarlet observed him.
“Don’t think nothing of I,” she said trying to ease Periwinkle’s mind. “You’re trying to make a good first impression. Believe it or not, I like a colt that goes above and beyond. “
The heat began to rise in Periwinkle’s face, and then he came to a realization: he wasn’t nervous about the job; he was smitten on Ms. Sky.
“Seems like you really want the job.”
“Yes,” Periwinkle stated slightly embarrassed. “I’m not the luckiest guy recently when it comes down to employment. I guess you can see why. I’d understand if you don’t see me as a valuable member.”
Scarlet Sky could see the disappointment in Periwinkle’s face, feeling really bad for him.
“You know, most companies want to hear about accomplishments and such. However at Silly Dan’s, we like to give applicants a physical assessment. You seem desperate for work if I do say so myself.”
Periwinkle nodded weakly, making Scarlet smile warmly.
“Then follow me. I’ll see if you’re fitted for the job.”
She opened the door to the balloon storage, indicating to Periwinkle that he should follow her.
Apple Bloom looked over what was written so far trying to get the general flow of the story. “So where ya plannin’ on goin’ from here?”
Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo discussed to her what they planned on taking the story.
“Okay! ‘Ah think ‘Ah can work with that.”
The back room was stacked with boxes, all labeled differently based on different types of balloons.
“Okay, I’m giving you a proposition here,” Scarlet Sky began. “I want to give you a blowjob.”
Periwinkle’s eyes lit up. “Really?”
Scarlet nodded her head smiling. Periwinkle’s hopes were beginning to rise.
“But I don’t just hand out blowjobs to any old chum. In order to receive that, you have to prove your worth.” She pulled out a box and opened it. It was filled with multicolored balloons, just begging to be blown up.
“The employees I give blowjobs to have to go through a timed assessment. We pride ourselves on our speed and efficiency when it comes to these services. Your task is to blow this entire box of balloons within ten minutes. Once you get through this box, I’ll hand you the job. Tell me when you’re ready.”
Periwinkle found no reason to wait. The sooner he could prove his worth, the sooner he could be employed.
“Remember Apple Bloom,” Sweetie Belle reminded, “be descriptive. It’s a key element to clop.”
“Okay, I’m ready!” Periwinkle enthusiastically replied. Scarlet smiled softly and took a stopwatch out of her.
“Well then, get blowing,” she demanded pressing the stopwatch so it could start.
Periwinkle moistened his lips and grabbed some balloons. He took a balloon into his mouth and began to blow air into it, inflating it to the point of bursting. He continued doing this repeatedly with each balloon, moving as fast as he could but stopping to catch his breath. After blowing through 20 balloons nonstop, he stopped, lolling his tongue out panting while sweat dripped down his face.
Getting this blowjob was going to be harder then he thought.
“Seven minutes left and still over half a box!” Scarlet exclaimed impressed at how well Periwinkle was doing.
The clock was ticking; his chance would be blown if he couldn’t finish this box. He refused to give up now. He wiped his brow and wrapped his lips around the rubbery exterior, expending air into each of them, one by one.
His cheeks reddened; his face was dripping sweat; he was losing breath…
…he wasn’t going home without a job this time.
“Five minutes.”
The pressure was building, and the rush made Periwinkle work faster, blowing into each balloon with vigor and speed. Scarlet began to smile in satisfaction. She was beginning to believe that he was the best balloon blower she’s found.
“Four minutes.”
Over half the box was depleted, and balloons were slowly floating towards the floor. Every time Periwinkle’s mouth felt dry, he licked his latex flavored lips and continued blowing into the balloon. He refused to give up. He wouldn’t fail this time.
“Three…”
Most of the box was already gone, but he was slowing down. He stopped blowing again and took a hefty breath. He had to continue though.
“Two…”
Only a few more left. He had to press on.
“One!”
Down to the last wire. He only had the last five to blow and with only a minute to spare. He was so close to succeeding he could almost taste it. It would be a pleasant taste considering the plastic balloon taste lingering in his mouth. Two balloons, one balloon…
“Time!” Scarlet stopped the stopwatch and looked at Periwinkle. The final balloon hit the ground as Periwinkle panted at the loss of breath.
“Huh, looks like you barely made it.”
“Yeah,” Periwinkle responded breathing heavily. “I honestly didn’t think I could do it.”
“But the most important thing is you did, and quite impressively too,” she complimented causing Periwinkles face to redden from something other than lack of breath.
“So when are you ready to get to work?”
“So…I get the job?” Periwinkle asked in near shock, causing Scarlet Sky to giggle once more.
“There was no string attached when I said you’d get the job after blowing this box,” she replied. “I’d suggest you take a day off; I’ll see you first thing in the morning.”
Periwinkle smiled widely. He finally secured himself a stable job.
“Thank you!” he exclaimed shaking her hoof. “You don’t know how much I needed this! Thank you!”
“No problem. Though tomorrow, try wearing something a little more comfortable okay?”
“Got it!”
And with that, Periwinkle left the building with newfound confidence. It was satisfying to finally get a job he felt he could keep. Restless, energetic, and absolutely thrilled, he walked home knowing that he had secured a job.
But not just any job. He managed to keep himself a blowjob.
*The End*
“Another satisfying story!” Sweetie proudly stated pleased with their work.
“Just too bad that we don’t have anyone who will publish this,” Scootaloo pouted. The biggest issue with writing stories that weren’t family friendly was that without anypony willing to publish it, they wouldn’t get anywhere with it.
“Maybe we should try finding somepony who can help us,” Apple Bloom suggested.
“But the question is who?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“What if we ask Twilight! She might have some information we could use to help us find a publisher.”
“I’m almost certain we can’t do that without, I don’t know, having her rat us out for writing these stories in the first place,” Scootaloo stated.
“Then what are we gonna do?” Apple Bloom moaned. After sitting for a while thinking of how to get information on a publisher, ideas began to spring in the trios head.
They would indeed go to the library, but a purple mare wasn’t going to be the one they would seek help from.
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i love this story. the CMC unintentionally writing troll clopfics is just to funny.
Wow I can see spike reading it with a raised brow and then agreeing to publish them just for giggles.
I'm actually laughing with shits and giggles! As usual, I look forward to another chapter.
Oh crap... That ending... RUN FOR TEH HILLS SPIKE!
PFHAHAHAHA ... i love it =)))
Can't wait for the next chapter ..
Eventually, the CMC are going to have to write a sequel to this one where, to get some extra Hearts & Hooves money, Periwinkle gets a side gig putting spinning rims on rich ponies' carriages.
(...)
(...)
(...)
(I... think it's about time I had a little... talk... with my little sister about... um... certain things... oh dear.)
(Me, Ah'm just gonna sit back an' watch th' fireworks. This is gonna be a hoot.)
I almost couldn't finish this.... thats how hard I was laughing!
SERIOUSLY! This is some funny shit!
2777682
Well at least I made some laugh before I go to hell
2777946 Since I will probably get there before you, I will save a table for you, and there will be a kilo and a 5th waiting with your name on it
Okay, I started reading this thinking: 'I can understand clopping being misconstrued as actual clopping, but how is blowjob gonna be portrayed?
"We are hiring at Silly Dan’s Balloon Factory..."
D Soul you magnificent bastard!
2776869
Oh don't give me ideas
Another chapter that threw me into a fit of laughter. You know... a chapter about the term bucking would be hilarious. CMC innocently assume it is bucking apples and decide to take up the pen once more. Hilarity ensues.
Make it so they ACTUALLY find OUT what clop is in the third or fourth chapter!
Sweet Celestia's Stripey Socks, this has almost 100 likes and no disses. The comedic exploitation of the CMC's naivete is pure
. It's just going to get better until the point when they eventually find out what cloppery is 
, or when somepony else finds out about their little project and confronts them about what turns out to be nothing! 
The potential hilarity of the misunderstanding of terms like bare-backing, fudge-packing, sword polishing, and muff/clam diving just gives too much potential 
.
I'm honestly surprised that no one downvoted this story yet
. This has been the only story I've written so far that has never been graced with a downvote.
I guess even haters have pity on those who know they're going to hell for their writings
I am loving this. I am eager to find out what happens when they learn the truth about these things in the end; however, it would be a tragedy if they didn't manage at least a few more stories first. The possibilities are infinite and the further it goes the more innocence must ultimately be lost. I have contributed my like hoping this gets many more and never sees the horrors of a dislike.
No need to bring ice, the ninth circle is literally made of that shit.
Holy shit, this was golden! Didn't have such a good laugh in quite a while.
Please continue this!
Wow...just wow. I got nothing. This is perfect.
You magnificent bastard, I read your book!
I have no idea what kind of suggestion Spike is going to throw out there, but knowing that it will have something to do with his Rarity fantasies warms the cockles of my heart and also makes me weep for him if/when Sweetie Belle actually finds out what Spike said he wants to do to her sister.
This is the one and only clopfic I'm willing to read!
Somehow, when I read the chapter title, that is exactly what I thought would happen. And something tells me Spike knows all about these types of books.
Ice for hell? No, but this guy does!!
Can't wait for you to continue this!
You forgot the "T" :3
Ehh? out of her what?
Get himself a blowjob would be more accurate
You have no idea D Soul..... but hey thats 1/4th the fun
Amazing.
My good sir, this has proven to be quite entertaining.
As for the whole "damnation" bit, I think you will be fine. Your intentions are as pure as those of the Crusaders: bringing a little enjoyment to us adult readers. Besides, I have found from personal experience is that the funniest moments in life are when children misinterpret something in a reasonable manner.
*reads first and second chapter*
... How clever.
I had to look away so I could wrap my mind around how hilarious this is. Now, listen to this:
and read at the same time.
I was worried about reading this. Now I don't have to...right?
3068022
Yes, you have to
3068025 Eh...why?
3068031
Cause you commented here...MUHAHHAHAHAHAHHA!!
Besides, not is all it seems.
I see the references and I am only thirteen! It's odd.
"I’d understand if you don’t see me as a valuable member.”
Exactly how much of the innuendo was on purpose, and how much was accidental?
3068095 same here buddy I have noticed sit of innduendo's I'm I'm "18" if u catch my drift.
3068025lolz when will the next chapter be out? PS u won't go to help for writing this If u do ill c u there for all the racist jokes I tell to my friends
This is by far the best CMC story I've read to date, and absolutely the most epic anticlop fic! I laughed my ass off.
One thing, though: You desperately need an editor. I'm volunteering.
So an idea to a future chapter, make them write about creampies
Not as funny as the first one, but still a good little story none the less
“Um…well..I um…” you have forgotten a period in your second ellipse here
“Don’t think nothing of I,” should it not be it instead of I?
I hope you continue this marvelous piece of fiction. As it is, have a follow.
Also, you won't need ice for going to clop heaven with this. I clopped all day to the cute mares, my hooves stomping frantically on the ground.
I swear, I've
seenheard of pornos that start exactly like both of those stories they've written. It's like... They don't know what they're doing, but they're doing it right, but still not at all.Ahem..
Simply put, Chapter 2 is particularly relevant to my interests and thus was probably more entertaining than intended. XD
.........This is a perfection.
Will there be sequels in hell?
2820038 I think all the downvoters went to the spot in hell you were supposed to go to, so I suppose you'll be here for a good while yet.
You can borrow mine for the rest of eternity. At least they aren't, say, reading clop, then trying it out. They'd need 3.5 billion ice blocks
heh
this is great
so many laughs to be had
pinkie would be proud xD
targets locked for now, its time to watch em sink.
spike would advise them to add a mustache.
its gets the ratings