Hope Blooms
Hi, Babs!
Congratulations on becoming our fourth Cutie Mark Crusader! We're super-glad you're with us... but a lot of things still happened, and I'd like to set them square if we can.
See you tonight?
~Apple Bloom
---
Babs Seed tossed the note into a nearby wastebasket and walked up the steps of the Apple Family's barn-house.
Strange... the trip had never taken this long before. When she'd taken over Apple Bloom's room, she'd taken these steps two at a time and never broken a sweat. Now she felt weak trying to walk half a flight.
Why were her legs shaking? What was with the cold weight in the pit of her stomach? Bad enough she was used to being scared of bullies back home, now she was getting scared of ponies who had already accepted and were trying to help her?
Ponies who were family, even?
Get it together, Babs, she scolded herself. You knew you got off too easy. Shoot, you're lucky she gave you a letter o' warnin' first. Would you have done the same?
She chuckled, with only the stairs around to hear her. Heck, no.
'Course not. So go on an' take your punishment like a real Manehattan girl.
She gulped.
All right, then. Let's do this.
---
"Hope Blooms"
A My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic Fanfiction
by Bookish Delight, 2012-2013
All characters and referred properties belong to Hasbro.
---
Babs closed her eyes and held her head high — at least she'd learned one useful thing from Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara — and trotted up the rest of the steps, taking them steadily, one at a time. Finally she reached the door to Apple Bloom's room, which was closed for reasons she couldn't deduce.
She knocked. "'Cuz?"
No answer.
She knocked again. "Apple Bloom? Y'there? It's Babs! I got your letter." She placed her ear to the door and heard a muffled sound coming from the other side. "Whazzat?"
"Snot rocked!" came said voice from the door, a little louder this time. It took Babs a few seconds to realize what it meant. Once she did, she turned the knob: it wasn't locked. She walked inside.
Green-tinted apples and flowers lined the wooden walls. In fact, the only piece of interior design which didn't conform to the theme were her cousin's heart-knobbed drawers. Meanwhile the scent of actual apples — always a constant in the household — was stronger than usual. Swing music emanated softly from an old record player in the corner.
Babs's eyes fell to the bed — the same bed which she had once forced into her possession. It looked the same as always except for one huge difference: drapes had been pulled over each of the posts, giving it the look of a miniature house. She approached it slowly, looking for an opening.
That was when Apple Bloom suddenly poked her head out. "Boo!" she said in a harsh whisper, just before giggling.
The prank, however, left Babs flat on her rear end and not quite as amused. She got back up, rubbing said rear with several swishes of her tail as she did so. "Whoa! What in the hay're you doin', Bloom?"
"Shhhhhh!" Apple Bloom stuck a hoof out of the makeshift tent as well, beckoning with it. "C'mon in. And be quiet 'bout it!"
"I..." Babs pointed. "...what? In there?"
"Yeah! Come on already!"
Babs did so, lifting up one of the drapes, scurrying in and joining her cousin on the mattress. "So why we bein' all secret about this?"
"'Cause we don't want Applejack to suspect nothin'."
Babs tilted her head. "Suspect what? That I came up here? I know I'm not up on all o' your country manners but I thought I at least had free run of the house—"
Apple Bloom waved a hoof. "No, no, it's nothing like that." She smiled and touched one of Babs's hooves. "And you're always welcome here, okay? I don't ever want you to think otherwise."
"I-I..." Immediately Babs's heart did flip-flops, warm happiness and a still-lingering cold fear bumping against one another. She fought through the conflict to form words. "Th-thanks. But okay then, why the huge hush-hush act?"
"'Cause I don't want my sis to find out I snatched this," she said, gesturing with a flourish to a tin to the side of her. She pushed the tin between them and took off its lid, revealing a still-lightly-steaming pie.
The smell of apples and cinnamon — the same as earlier, Babs now realized — overpowered the makeshift bed-house in seconds. Babs felt her body warming and her mouth watering against her will. Fortunately she managed to swallow just before any drool escaped. She'd actually heard about Sweet Apple Acres' pies from her own sister. Even in Manehattan they'd gained a reputation as an importable delicacy.
To think she'd been so busy making enemies as to forget to try one.
Apple Bloom noticed Babs's reaction and smiled again, this time with a satisfied nod. "I was waitin' till you got up here so we could eat it together."
Babs gasped, taken aback. "R-really?"
"Yeah. I figured it was the least I could do, you know? I mean, after everything that happened. It's no olive branch but I promise it's a whole lot tastier." She took the blunt end of a plastic knife into her mouth, cut out two slices and put them on paper plates. She then reached to her side again, fetched a small cylinder and opened it.
Babs looked at the creamy substance inside of it and pointed. "Wait, is that—"
Apple Bloom giggled. "Yup! Would ze madame like some whipped cream with her dessert?" she asked with a mock accent and several unnecessary flourishes.
This time a small amount of drool did escape. "You kiddin'? Always!" Taking a spoon, she put a giant dollop on her slice of pie. The dessert now complete, she spooned off a bit and shoved it in her waiting mouth, took a few pensive chews...
...and froze.
"Celestia," she whispered.
Apple Bloom blinked. "Babs?"
Babs swallowed. "This... this ain't no pie," Babs breathed. "It's a whole lotta things — it's the best candy I've ever had, it's a party in my mouth, it might even be my new favorite food — but I can't call this 'pie.' It'd make all the other pies out there feel real bad, even the best ones I've had back home. I can't go back there and try to eat one now without thinkin' o' this. You've just spoiled me," she said with a laugh. "I hope you're happy!"
Apple Bloom laughed in kind. "My sis makes the best pies for miles around, and we make the cream here on the farm, too! But I made sure to help her out on both of these, so I'm real glad to hear you like 'em."
"Glmmmph..." Babs couldn't reply right away, still preoccupied with gobbling up pie and whipped cream like it was going out of style. After two whole cream-covered slices, she smiled and sat back, licking her lips and giving off a happy sigh. "Wow. I... I just... how do you guys eat this stuff all the time and not... you know..."
"Blow up like balloons?" Apple Bloom gave her cousin's tummy a few playful pats. "S'one of the perks o' bein' a farmhoof. Plenty of chances to work it off. Sure you don't want any more?"
"Whoa!" Babs scooted back a bit. "No, no more! Seriously, I'll fall into a sugar coma! Maybe a little later, okay?"
"I get it." Apple Bloom leaned in with a knowing look. "So, you mind if I ask you something now that you've forgotten to be all scared?"
The question stunned Babs speechless, until she relaxed with a sheepish look. "Caught me, huh?" she said with a sigh.
"Well I thought about it, and the letter I wrote probably sounded way more mysterious than I meant it to. Plus I saw you actin' completely the opposite of how you used to since you got here." She giggled. "Y'all never knocked to get into my room, for one."
"Y-yeah, well..." Babs put one hoof behind her head. "I-I guess you haven't had too much of a chance to see the real me, huh?"
"And that's why I called this meetin'." Apple Bloom smiled. "Look, I get it. I know I'm always on hay-needles after I've had to apologize for something, like to you with the float. So we're on equal ground here. I just wanted to start over, same as you." She grabbed Babs's hoof from behind her head and held it in her own. "And I promise this is part of it."
Babs took a few moments to think, then replied with, "All right, you got me on board. Ask away, 'cuz."
"Sweet! Thanks!" said Apple Bloom, scooting even closer in front of her cousin. "Okay, I need to know: What's Manehattan like, girl? Y'all from the big city an' yet I ain't heard a peep about it!"
The tiniest of crimson tints shone on the sides of Babs's face. "You really wanna know that badly?"
"Since before you got here! Thing is, Sis lived there once, but whenever I ask her what it was like, all she ever says is 'ain't nothin' y'all would be interested in.' But she's wrong. An' I never got to ask you since we all started off on the wrong hoof, and you're leaving tomorrow!" Her voice took on an air of desperation. "I wanna know what all you're leavin' us to go back to. You gotta tell me! You just gotta!"
Babs held up her hooves. "All right, all right! I guess that's fair. When you put it like that, anyways."
"Yay!" Apple Bloom said with a squeal.
"Sheesh." Babs shook her head, then took a breath. "Okay, so. Imagine... a place where everything's bigger than you are. Like, not just the grown-up ponies, but everythin'. The streets, the coaches, the crowds, the noise. And then you've got the houses. I've walked around this town a couple times now, an' it looks like the biggest buildings ya' got are the got are this place an' the clock tower." She raised a hoof over her and Apple Bloom's heads. "The buildings in Manehattan make those look like us. They're that high."
Apple Bloom's mouth widened. "Whoa."
Babs chuckled. "Yup. Everything's faster than you too. Somepony's always out to get somewhere, so not too many are gonna take the time out to care about anyone but themselves. So you gotta look out for yourself, too. There's all kindsa ponies livin' together in the same city, but there ain't really a sense of everypony bein' together like out here in Ponyville. That's actually one of the things I liked seein' while I've been here. Kinda wish I'd stopped to appreciate that more."
"Wow," said Apple Bloom. "It sounds like the craziest, coolest place! I'd love to visit!"
"S'a great place to visit," Babs replied. "We've got tourists for days. But to live there..." She preened. "...yeah. Takes a certain kinda pony. Bein' raised there really helps."
"I bet. Anyway, Babs, thanks for telling me all that." She paused. "Oh, and I'm, um... sorry."
"Sorry?" Babs blinked. "For what?"
Apple Bloom glanced to the side. "For... uh... lyin', technically?"
"What?"
"Well, not tellin' the whole truth. See, there's one other reason I asked you 'bout the big city." Apple Bloom's face turned serious. "I wanted to get a picture in my head about how you might'a felt when you thought you had to go against your family just to make sure you weren't teased here like you were back home."
Babs lowered her head and sighed. So it had been too good to be true. "This was all a setup. Well, I guess I deserve it."
"No, not at all." Apple Bloom placed her hooves on Babs's shoulders. "You're a Cutie Mark Crusader now, and Crusaders look out for each other. Over here, the worst we have to deal with are Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara. But when you got here, you managed to make friends with 'em in seconds. Even Scootaloo was impressed!" She paused. "Well, as impressed as she could be given... you know..."
"She was?" Babs perked up momentarily, then calmed down and chuckled. "Well, I am pretty impressive."
"Maybe here. But when you get back home... well, I'm a little scared of what you might face there. I mean, aren't you? If what y'all just told me about Manehattan's true, you're gonna have to deal with a whole buncha challenges, which Applejack said you came here to get away from, and—"
"I told you, I can handle myself. I've lived there all my life!" Babs wriggled, but Apple Bloom's grip firmed. When it was clear she wasn't going to be able to get away from her cousin, Babs sighed and closed her eyes. "It's just... school's a little tougher than I thought it'd be, is all. Sometimes you think ponies just can't get no meaner than they already are." She lowered her head. "Then they do."
"Oh, Babs..." Apple Bloom sighed as well. "Look, I ain't really ever told anypony else this. But when we first formed the Cutie Mark Crusaders, it was for a reason. It wasn't something we planned on, but something we just knew. Which wahmmmgh—!"
The last was courtesy of Babs placing her hoof to her cousin's mouth. "Mind if I take a crack at guessin'?"
"You... huh?" Apple Bloom blinked. "Uh, okay."
"Well, in the short time I've watched the Cutie Mark Crusaders doin' their thing, I've seen a lot of crazy stuff. Weird scheme after weird scheme. And I thought, 'maybe it's some kinda cutie mark acceleration program.'"
"Aw, c'mon. The stuff we do isn't that crazy!"
"Skydiving?"
"From a tree!"
"Jelly pig farming?"
"Thinking out the box!"
"Surviving being kidnapped by an evil queen?"
"That one was forced on us!"
"Matchmakin'?"
Apple Bloom's hoof met her forehead with a dull smack. "Has Sis been tellin' you all about the stuff that's happened to us?"
Babs grinned. "Maybe."
Apple Bloom groaned. "Girl never could just let things be," she muttered.
"I still saw some o' that stuff myself, though," Babs said. "Was enough to make me keep watchin'... and then try some things. Do a bunch of stuff on purpose. Get all up in your faces. See how much you could take."
Apple Bloom gaped. "Y'all were testin' us?"
Babs blushed. "Looks like you got me. In the back of my mind, yeah, I guess I was. And you'd keep failing to get your cutie marks, either on your own, or because you got railroaded by me. And I'd keep rolling my eyes... just before always seein' somethin' else."
Apple Bloom raised her eyebrows. "What was that?"
"You pickin' yourselves up and keepin' right on goin'. I'd always see other ponies throw pity parties, but ain't none o' you ever had the time for it. The Cutie Mark Crusaders I know are three fillies who've learned to be proud o' themselves before ever caring about getting some dumb picture on their butts. So don't sell yourselves short. You impressed me probably as much as I impressed you. Which is when I said to myself, 'I wanna be one o' them.'" She put a hoof behind her head again. "'Course, by then, it was a little tough."
Apple Bloom nodded. "Y'all were stuck with the friends you'd chosen."
"Yeah. 'Least I thought I was. But when you saved me from that runaway float—"
"That we rigged?"
Babs chuckled. "Heh, yep. When you saved me from that, I wondered if maybe there was still hope."
"There's always hope." Apple Bloom re-grabbed Babs's hoof. "That's what we're about. What brought me, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle together in the first place was that we weren't just tired of being judged for being blank flanks — we were tired of judging ourselves about it, too. We hoped to get ours every day, but if we didn't, there was always tomorrow."
Babs nodded. "I'm all about that. Which is..." Babs took a deep breath. "...which is why I wanna make a new branch of the Crusaders when I go back to Manehattan. I don't just wanna bring the spirit of the club with me. I wanna make it real."
"You what?" Apple Bloom did a double take. "R-really?"
"Really." Babs clasped her hooves in her cousin's. "Apple Bloom, do you know how many ponies totally obsess over their cutie marks? It's like you said. You try to find yours too, but if you don't get it, you know it's not the end of everything. The world needs more of that, trust me. Manehattan needs more of that."
Apple Bloom nodded. "So you wanna spread the Crusaders because of that?"
Babs shook her head. "No, 'cuz. I gotta spread the Crusaders because of that. There are a lot of fillies and foals out there who just don't have a whole lot of faith in themselves... and who'll either let themselves be bullied, or stoop to bullying others, all because they're scared. Like I was." Babs's head drooped. "I don't ever want anypony else to do what I did. You have no idea how glad I am that you and your friends forgave me. Must be that 'country hospitality' I've heard so much about. That'd be a whole lot harder to see 'round my neighborhood, much less my school."
The record player's song ended, and a silence fell over the room for minutes, until Apple Bloom got tired of it. "Hey, stay here for a sec. I wanna give you something."
"Huh?" asked Babs, only to see Apple Bloom already on the other side of the room in the blink of an eye, digging through one of her drawers.
"No... no... gosh, no... wow, I've been looking for that.... aha!" the yellow filly exclaimed in triumph, just before holding up a solid green scarf with a large red apple embroidered on both ends. She scampered back onto the bed and presented it with outstretched hooves. "Big Sis gave this to me last year for my birthday, but I stopped wearing it because I didn't want to tear it during any of my cutie mark stunts. Something tells me you're not as crazy about doin' those as I am." Apple Bloom winked. "So I want you to have it. For luck. Or whatever."
"Whoa." Babs gingerly took the scarf. "A-are you serious?"
"''Course I am! Plus you're further north than us, aren't you? I've heard it gets cold up there even when it isn't winter."
"Heh. Long as it isn't summer, yeah." Babs gently ran the scarf between her hooves. "Oh, wow. This... this is so soft, a-an' beautiful..." She brought it a little closer to her face, studying the design, and her eyes went wide. "Wait, doesn't it..." She ran to a nearby mirror and wrapped the scarf around herself. "It does go with my eyes."
Apple Bloom held back a blush. "Y-yeah, that's the last reason why I thought of it. The apples kind of go with your hair, too."
Still in front of the mirror, Babs stood on her hind legs and placed one hoof on the dresser before her. She used the other hoof to hold the scarf to her cheek as she stared at her reflection: a face positively overwhelmed with remorse. "A-Apple Bloom, I... I don't deserve... not after what I—"
Apple Bloom simply sighed as she stood behind and to the side of her cousin. She then draped a foreleg over Babs's shoulder. "Babs, I told you. Starting over. That's what you asked for, right? So that's what you're gettin'."
"But—"
"No 'but's! Just this. C'mere." She tugged at Babs's shoulder prompting her to turn around, then pulled her cousin into a two-legged standing hug. "Sure glad I finally got to do this before you left."
"Me too. Thanks, Apple Bloom." Babs smiled, a sniffle escaping her against her wishes.
"No worries, girl." Apple Bloom wiped below Babs's eyes with a nearby cloth, stopping tears which threatened to escape.
"But, you know..." Babs started.
"Huh? What's up?"
"This... this reminds me of something." Babs's smile went from heartfelt to mischievous. "I got a story to tell. Wanna hear?"
Apple Bloom nodded with energy. "I love stories!"
"You sure? It's about when I was hanging around with those snooty rich girls."
"Oh." Apple Bloom took a few seconds to think, then replied, "Go for it."
"'Kay. Well, back when I was still with them, Diamond Tiara invited me to her house once, and while I was there I went to get some water. Just as I was to trot into her room, I saw her and Silver Spoon huggin'. Really huggin'. Like... like we are now. Pretty sure they don't know I saw, though."
Apple Bloom gaped. "Seriously?"
"For serious. So you an' your friends might wanna watch 'em, 'cause there might be some hope there, too. Do me a favor though, and don't tell them I said that."
Apple Bloom giggled. "You got it. It's just between the two of us. I don't think Sweetie or Scoots would believe me anyway."
"Good. 'Sides, even if it turns out they are really friends, there's still one thing that gives us a huge leg up."
"Whassat?"
After taking a second to gather up her nerve, Babs leaned in to give Apple Bloom a light kiss on the cheek. This time, the blush between both of them was unavoidable.
"Babs..." Apple Bloom whispered.
"We're family," Babs said. "And I'm really glad we are."
---
"She's gonna get it."
Applejack stormed through the house the next morning and walked up the steps to her sister's room in full-on warpath mode.
"If I've told her once, I done told her a thousand times: Don't pilfer my pies!" she said, throwing open the door to Apple Bloom's room. "Now I'm short for an order and—"
Instead of continuing her planned loud wake-up speech, she stopped short upon getting a full look at the room. To be sure, a pie tin was sitting to one side of the bed, and Winona was soon at its side, chomping away at the scraps. The other thing Applejack saw, however, was sister and cousin sleeping peacefully in each others' forelegs, and with a familiar-looking scarf folded and draped across them both.
"Well I'll be," Applejack whispered, tucking them both a little further under their covers. "That's the one thing I've wanted to see all month. Thank goodness."
After shooing Winona out of the room, Applejack left as well, closing the door gently behind herself.
If that was what was to be gained through the a sacrifice of a single pie, so be it.
Pies could be remade.
The sight she had just witnessed came but once a lifetime if you were lucky.
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Daww~.
This is such a sweet story. It's nice to see Apple Bloom and Babs really connect as cousins, and Babs's newfound determination truly resonates. My only point of contention is that if this takes place the night before, then it happened before Babs told Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon off. Remember, she did that at the train station before hopping on the train back to Manehattan.
Otherwise, nicely done.
2693604
I've made a fix.
Appreciate the positive vibes--and good eye on my error! S'what happens when you watch a single episode over and over, I guess--stuff blends together.
Thanks!
Very cute story! I loved it.
I liked it. Cute, and warm, and all the stuff a good friendshipping fic should have.
One issue I saw is that in a couple places, you say that Babs is talking, when I think you probably meant Apple Bloom. Also a few missing, or additional quote marks. Maybe also a spot or two where a comma was needed to separate a character's name from the rest of the quote.
(...um... Ah did what, now?)
I think "facehoofed" is the expression you're looking for here. ("Facepalm" = apply palm of hand to face; therefore, "facehoof" = apply hoof to face. "Hoofpalmed" would mean applying the palm of the hand to the hoof, which makes no sense no matter how you slice it. 
)
Ponies don't have palms.
Applebloom's dialect sometimes reads a bit "off". One of the things that really jumps out is her saying things like:
Take it from someone who lives in the south -- people in small towns down here not use "girl" as a form of address like that.
That particular bit of slang is strictly a big-city urban thing, and at the risk of being politically-incorrect, one mostly confined to the inner-city black community (at least around here). Characters on TV shows may do this, but that's because most TV and movie scriptwriters who live almost exclusively in Hollywood or New York have no clue how southerners actually talk. 
Also, the only people I know who use the phrase "no worries" come from Australia. I don't think Ponyville is quite that far away from Manehattan!
Just a suggestion: When you use a double-dash as a separator like this, put a space before and after it:
"It's a whole lotta things -- it's the best candy I've ever had, it's a party in my mouth, it might even be my new favorite food -- but I can't call this 'pie.'
Just makes it stand out a bit more, and makes it easier to read.
Aside from that -- cute story! Always nice to see something with Babs; she's a sadly under-utilized character. (Granted, the fact that she lives in Manehattan, well away from all of the other characters, probably makes it a bit harder to work her into a story, but still...)
2694168
...wow, yeah, thanks. :O I've replaced the whole "facepalmed" alias with an actual sentence. I did screw up equine-translating the expression at first but after trying your (correct) replacement I figured I may as well just go for clarity in the end.
As to your dialect grievances: while I've personally lived in the deep south for a third of my life, I'm actually quite rusty. As such, I tend to run all my Apple Family stories by a longtime friend of mine who has lived in NC all his life. He tends to call me out on southern wording every time, and the "girl" acknowledgement didn't phase him. I'll run it back by him but it could be urban, or it might just be that the South is a big place.
Also, where I live now, I can vehemently assure you that Australians aren't the only ones who say "no worries."
Anyway, your comments are filed and will be kept in mind for future story releases. This includes hyphenation. (No, seriously, I take all pieces of feedback into account and decide where to go from there.) Thanks for your in-depth review and I'm glad you enjoyed the story otherwise.
2694157
Thanks!
Some last-minute edits took place before I posted this, and I also noticed that Google Docs messed up my formatting when translating this to rich text. I thought I'd cleaned things up but it appears I might have to go back over this with a fine-toothed comb later tonight.
And there we go, back to form.
Welcome back, Bookie.
2694254
(Aw, don't mind him, sugarcube, he likes t' get persnickerty.)
(...What doth this word 'persnickerty' mean?)
("Fussy", your highness. Picky. Pedantic.)
(Ah.)
(Hey! Get away from my keyboard, you two. *sigh* Everybody wants to get into the act.)
(Now you know what Trixie has to put up with.)
Anyway -- I suppose that use of "girl" could be spreading in some areas; a lot of slang does tend to start in the inner city and work its way outwards. "No worries" does surprise me a bit, though; I didn't think that had spread that widely. Maybe it's just because whenever I see that phase in someone's dialogue, my mental picture of the speaker immediately switches to Crocodile Dundee or Steve Irwin.
Cutie Mark Crusader Crocodile Hunters, YAY!) (YAY!) (YAY!)
(Nnnnnope!) 
(Heyyy, there's an idea we haven't tried yet!
(NO!!)
(Awwwww...)
Adorable, love it.
To begin this comment, I'll say that I enjoyed reading this. Apple Bloom is my favorite character in the entire show, and having her interact with Babs Seed was enjoyable to read. It was simple enough to not be melodramatic, but it was varied enough to encompass your goal: to have them talk about a lot of things (but not exactly everything, and I'll get to that in a little bit).
One thing I think you did particularly well, and one thing I liked a lot about this story, is that you take the time to set the scene. The drapes over the bed was a nice way to set this up as a secret meeting, and I feel like that brought the two closer to each other. The swing music further set the mood as secret, and was a nice touch. Also using the sense of smell was nice. I think this part:
Was especially strong, since you incorporated the setting into a particularly characterizing way, showing a sense of nervousness and conflict with just going to a place. Overall, your setting is strong, I think.
Besides setting, though, I think your characterization is much stronger. Babs Seed is this sorta wounded pony that wants to be on good terms with Apple Bloom, and you show her nervousness and guilt fairly well, methinks. It comes out much more when she's trying to enjoy herself, too. Apple Bloom comes off as this pony that wants to bond with her cousin, and wants to put the past behind her. The bonding they have is very heartwarming, and the resolve Babs Seed has for establishing a new branch of the CMC in Manehattan is believable given what's happened to her here. That bit with Applejack at the end was heartwarming as well. Overall, I think characterization and character interaction might be the strongest aspect of this story (I can't say writing, since I've not read any of your other stories).
I think all that's left for me to talk about is the plot. I think you set out to write a simple bonding story between Apple Bloom and Babs Seed, and in that regard, it's really good. Talking about the big city was great, and you segued into the next topic about bullying nicely. The conversation between Babs and Bloom was very good; it flowed very well, it transitioned very well, and it concluded in a very heartwarming manner.
When you talked about the size and speed of Manehattan, it was believable and impressive. I think, though, that talking about bullies was a little underplayed from Babs's point of view. We know she was bullied, and you talk about her being bullied, but perhaps I wanted Babs to talk about individual bullies or experiences about being bullied. Apple Bloom talks about Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, but Babs doesn't talk about individual bullies of her own. I think, since Babs was talking about her experiences in Manehattan, talking about her own bullies would've made the story more complete. As it is, it feels like the story is lacking a bit—but not by much, mind you.
Overall, I very much enjoyed the story. The grammar was solid, the story flowed, the setting and characterization was excellent, and the conversation was great. There's just that one part I wanted to see more of, but that may be just me. I am upvoting and favoriting this. Thank you for writing it.
I wish you the best of your talents with your next story!
I have to say, I'm blown away by the elegant simplicity, the accuracy of Babs and Applebloom, and most of all, their various emotions that directed and effortlessly changed from one to another in the dialogue. This is definitely one of my favorite fics right now.
Absolutely sweet. Ever since the two reconciled at the end of One Bad Apple, I loved seeing how close Babs and Apple Bloom have become, and this just solidifies it. Accurate characterization, heartwarming all around, and even a few laughs with Applejack at the end. Bravo!
Good job, nice story
There were a few mistakes here and there, and Babs's New York accent was a bit off
, but great story.
Also:
Completely true. But from my experiences, moving from a big part of New York to a small town, people here are meaner. Everybody knows each other, so rumors, insults, jokes, etc, spread like crazy. Less diversity, too, so even more discrimination.
You know, this was already in my Read Later list. Really cute slice of life story, anyways. Added to Twilight's Library.
Hey... just a couple editing notes:
^ In context, it's pretty apparent that that should be Applebloom xD
*You
Nice job! I'll be watching this
EDIT: Several fixes made! Thanks again for all who pointed out problem spots. :)
Hi all!
It looks like a significant amount of typographic errors ended up in this copy of the story. For that I apologize. I'm out right now (on a tablet) but will be fixing those errors and touching up the grammar when I return to my home computer tonight, as well as answering any replies.
In the meantiime, huge thanks to those pointing out errors, and I hope you all still enjoy the story as is.
2695076
Thank you! I am honored.
Cute and well written.
Oh, these seems cute *reads*
2694322
Hahahaha, thanks.
2694911>>2694642 2694819 2695087>>2695296
Thanks, folks! I sort of live for fitting cute scenarios into the canon wherever I can, and the second Babs was redeemed in the show, I fell in love with her (I already liked her as we share a common origin point, but her becoming into the CMC's "extra ranger" pushed it over the top
).
So yeah, this story's actually been in the making since "One Bad Apple" aired. I just didn't want to just rush something out until I knew I had a decent concept and details to work with. (Editing will always be that thing that luck screws me over on, it seems...
) Glad you enjoyed!
Dawwwwww
this was so adorable. Now see these are the stories I love to read. When you get characters like babs and Applebloom to really have a moment. Nicely done with setting the mood at the beginning too. Completely won me over before I got right down to the center. Great job and not like it matters but I have decided to follow you.
2694945
From one native Manehattanite to another, then: I think we both know Babs's in-show "accent" is exaggerated to the point of adorableness.
That said, it's my first time writing her and wow it's harder than it looks, especially when you're trying to both avoid and channel said adorableness.
I also have a rule with accented characters where I tone down trying to "spell out" the inflection all the time. It actually tends to have a counter-intuitive effect in the readability of prose.
Also, you're totally right about the "moving from a big-city to a small town" thing and I'll keep that in mind! By the same token, I merely figured AB and BS would both be suffering from the same sort of "grass is greener" syndrome. AB's country habits/behavior/environment would slip Babs up where AB herself doesn't really see it as a huge deal since she's lived there and gotten used to ponies like SS/DT (and let's face it, the show paints the Crusaders as pretty well-liked socially!) and vice versa.
Anyway, this isn't the only time I plan to tackle Babs and/or the CMC so if you want to check back in to see how I'm doing when I throw up future attempts, please feel free.
Much thanks for the feedback!
2698566
Okay
And yeah, you're pretty much right about Babs's accent. But your comment made me realize something. Something important.
Babs's initials are "BS"
This was a nice little story 5 moustaches
And now for my thoughts.
Positives: This was a really good emotional fic. Everypony is in character and the analysis of the relationship between Babs and bloom was relay well explored. To top it all off the story has a really heart warming ending.
Negatives: The thing with Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon felt a bit unnecessary and really did not contribute much to the plot.
Overall: This is a fantastic heart warming fic that does a good job exploring the relation ship between Babs and Apple Bloom there is one useless section of the story but the fic is a must read.
-Keep writing and as always Don't Forget To Be Awesome.
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2699947 I kinda disagree with your negative point. The story is about Apple Bloom and Babs Seed bonding, with Apple Bloom getting to know Babs's side of her life (mostly, as I talked about in my comment), and Babs and Apple Bloom reconciling the past events and getting a brand new start. Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon are two characters that the two have gotten to know well, so they have common ground in that area. They're talking about getting a new start, and Babs remembers a scene where Diamond and Silver display emotion, leading her to believe that they can feel, and that they aren't completely lost to cruelty and bullying, and that they can begin their relationship anew. Babs also makes a point about helping fillies and colts avoid bullying before they are lost to it, and she makes a point that even though Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon are bullies, there is still hope for them in the future. I feel like it's a good thing to have in the story not only to keep a common ground between them, but also to illustrate the power and possibilities of a helping hoof.
However, I do agree that it doesn't do anything as is, and that's because, in my opinion, there's no context of the hug in relation to the current scene. Apple Bloom is hugging Babs because she's trying to get it across that she wants to truly start over with her; all the story implies about Diamond and Silver's hug is that they were, in the story's terms, "really hugging." It's vague, and doesn't give a clear picture of why their hugging was unusual. Friends hug, even if they're perceived as bullies by other people. There's nothing truly significant about the hug that gives it weight, that characterizes the bullies in a new way, in a way that shows that there's hope for them. It's just "really hugging."
And that may suffice for people; I don't know. That's my thought on it.
Really touching and well-done.
I know people tend to hate comments that are just an image, but I don't think there will ever be a better story for this gif.
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also, I liked the story, even if I never liked Babs.
Really good :) The characterisation of Apple Bloom was great! Definitely heard all the lines in her voice and didn't hear anything jarring that wouldn't make sense for her to say.
I know this was written by a five year old, (because of the profile pic.) but I liked it.
Only because Babs was in it.
2703410
...hey!
Five and a half.
2700390
First thank you so much for critiquing my critique. I have to say I agree with your point, if I could expand my thoughts I probably would have said the same thing. Though I need to keep my critiques short and semi explain just so I don't waist to much valuable time of the author. However if anyone asks I'm always happy to expand my opinion.
I must say thought while D.T. and S.S. might help expand the relationship between Babs and A.B. the entire D.T. and S.S. subplot goes nowhere and does nothing to further their relation ship and provides information that does nothing. However I could think of several ways to turn this nothing into something which I won't get into the details but, it would mainly involve an epilogue, a sequel, or like you said explaining in a way that describes the what a "hug" means.
That was a very sweet story. Great job!
2694682
Hey, thanks for such a meaty reply! I love in-depth feedback but it takes me a little longer to process and respond to because, well, they're longer.
I'm also really glad this piece has managed to please hardcore Apple Bloom fans like yourself and Babs fans. I've loved the CMC as characters even during the days of Season 1 where they struggled to find their footing (hoofing?) and always wanted to do some in-depth works involving them. Technically I have a long-form Scootaloo character piece which I'm currently in the process of retooling.)
Then along came Babs who refused to let go of me. Manehattan pride!
So here we are. Going as in-depth on which characterization and description techniques worked is appreciated--I'll be sure to remember those comments as I towk on future fics.
As for your comment regarding going more in-depth re: Babs's background, I actually have some plans for that, but they were beyond the scope of this story. Here I just wanted to write something up that could really fit into the actual episode without bogging it down. Anything I have beyond that falls into me making up my own (head)-canon, and I've deemed that more suitable for a separate, more relevant story. So, uh, watch this space, I guess.
Thanks again!
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A huge "thank you!" wave to all of you.
Beautifully done little story...five stars!
Well, that was a nice, heartwarming story to read before I pass out for the night. I liked your characterization of Babs and Apple Bloom, it was really nice and seemed to fit well with their character. I am curious about this:
What exactly did Babs mean by that?
2694168 This is a bit of information both of you may be interested in. You can use alt+0151 to create this— Or, alt+0150 to make this– Which takes the place of this--
I personally like to do it this way– instead of spacing both sides. Personal preference, obviously you can do what you want, after all this is your story.
I loved this story! You're a very talented writer. I particularly enjoyed your narrative work and your excellent mix of narrative and dialogue. The whole thing flowed really well. The only pity is that it's not longer. There are a few grammar errors, but that would just be picking. They are barely noticeable in any case.
The reason I came across this is because I'm in the process of doing research in to Babs for a story I'm writing and I must say, your characterisation of her is wonderful. I can see a few aspects of her character here which I really agree with and had never thought of myself.
Keep up the good work!
Yay! Makes me feel pretty happy. I feel that the dialogue needs something, but I can't put my finger on it. Oh well worth a upvote.
A very heartwarming story all around. It's nice to read a really proper heart-to-heart between the two cousins – The sort of scene that one must imagine happened somewhere during One Bad Apple but that we were never shown. My only negative criticism with the writing is that the dialogue seemed just a bit too mature for the fillies. It was slight, and it's a forgivable flaw, considering that dialogue is hard to get perfect, but it was definitely something that I felt nagging at the back of my mind as I was reading.
Overall, an enjoyable read.
2711265
Hi! Thanks for your feedback and help
As for your question, "What did Babs mean by that?" Exactly what it says on the tin. Just that Babs saw DT and SS bugging they way they were at the moment. There really wasn't anything "deeper" meant by it--except perhaps a look into the future...
2756298
Yeah, I know what you mean. My forte is snappy dialogue, and you'll see this happen a lot in fics wherever you go--unless it's Diamond Tiara, the fillies on the show tend to only be snappy by accident.
Hence the dissonance. I can only promise to keep trying to refine things as I go.
Thanks for your honest feedback! Sorry it took me so long to get to this--it's been hectic. ^^;
2895058 Thanks for the response, I appreciate the acknowledgement of my feedback. Promising to work on refining one's writing in the future is all anyone can ask for, and I wish you luck in your future endeavors.
Finally got around to reading this, and I really enjoyed it. I don't come across many stories that are so purely character driven, yet still work so well.
2738497
Wow, thanks so much! I'm flattered that you're using me as a benchmark, but be sure that you finish your research (if you havent't already!) and follow your own heart with her characterization. I took liberties too.
Best of luck with your story!
2905667
Thanks a lot!
And yeah, as I'm sure you've seen by now, character pieces are what I love. Comes at a price, though--I'm not really the one to call on when it come to grand sweeping adventures, for example.
Ah, this is such a well-written 'dawr' worthy piece! Your characterization of Babs is absolutely amazing, and the dialogue is just so fun to read. Both AB and BS's emotions and interactions are so authentically canon that it should have been in the actual episode! It really is the missing link between One Bad Apple and Apple Family Reunion!
3176536
Thank you! That really means a lot to me -- especially that last sentence.