I had a pretty good life. They called me Spit Shine, I worked in the palace, cleaning this, doing that. Hell, I even got to talk to the Princess, and learned all sorts of interesting stuff. It was stimulating, prestigious, and hey, call me weird, but I liked the work.

Shame I was also secretly a changeling infiltrator with a name too annoying to pronounce in polite society trying to observe and potentially subvert your nation state.

I mean, these things happen.

Of course, you'd be surprised what you can learn about a pony when you have a different perspective.

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Original Concept by SoloBrony

Grammar-Less-Suckification by CarcinoGeneticist

Vector by Ackdari

Brand new Spanish Translation by Spaniard Kiwi!

There's a crime wave gripping the sleepy town of Apple-Morepone, and nopony on the City Watch seems to care. Corporal "Rainbow" M. Dash naps through her patrols, her partner Dobby is an infamous kleptomaniac, Captain Rhymes is a drunkard, and the entire Watch is a group of burnt-out misfits.

They're about to meet a batpony (adopted) by the name of Carrot, visiting town to return an overdue library book.

And none of their lives will ever be the same.

A crossover/homage to the "City Watch" books of Terry Pratchett's Discworld, written to be readable without any familiarity with the series (though they're excellent, and if you do read them you'll catch my Pratchett in-jokes).

Winner of Aragon's "Comedy Is Serious Business" Contest! "I was quoting this offline for days, forgetting where I was remembering the lines from. … This story made me legitimately jealous, both of its cleverness and of its funniness." –Contest judge MrNumbers

Rated ★★★★★ by Louder Yay! "The best comedy I've read in a long time."

"Highly Recommended" by Super Trampoline! (Video review here @ 09:17) "It's 13,000 words long, but it doesn't feel long, because so much fun stuff is happening."

Reviewed by Ghost Mike! "It features meticulously laboured-over prose, rhyming with actual metre for Zecora, perfectly-timed jokes and reveals that are often outrageous, a sneakily clever plot and character investment that works its magic throughout ... This is a phenomenally executed piece of work."

Other reviews: Present Perfect | City of Doors

Thank you to Themaskedferret and Caliaponia for prereading, and GaPJaxie for motivation/inspiration!

Nopony has heard from Fluttershy for three months. Not Rainbow Dash, not Rarity, not even Pinkie Pie. Her friends have been tending to the cottage and her animals, keeping it clean and organized, but even with Twilight's constant magic scans and a semi-constant guard search Equestria-wide, no hint has been found of where she went, how she vanished, or why she didn't tell anyone. Some ponies even think, in their darkest nightmares, that she might be dead.

Then she shows up one day, very definitely not dead, but just as definitely not the same as she was.

And does she have a story to tell. Boy, does she ever...

Coverart by Paladin.

With the opening of the Equestrian embassy in Kansas City comes a new age of interspecies cooperation. Naturally, the first pony tourists want to explore the most exciting of all places in the US Midwest: Wamego Kansas on the Fourth of July

Editing assistance by Tek and Admiral Biscuit

Picture schleped together out of some public domain clip art and scribbles

Sunset's friends ask her for help with a lot of things. Pretending to be Rarity's boyfriend at her cousin's wedding is a new one. It can't be that hard, right? A sharp suit, some expertly applied makeup, and a good backstory and she'll be charming the pants off of the bridesmaids in no time.

But just what is Rarity hoping to get out of this subterfuge in the first place?

Russian translation

The Elements of Harmony. Six artifacts of legendary power that have provided for the peace of Equestria for over a thousand years. While Queen Chrysalis managed to deny the ponies their ultimate defense, she still lost to a different unexpected surprise in the form of a love-powered shield spell.

However, the Elements won't be so easily denied. Unbeknownst to anyone, they awaken in their vault and cast Chrysalis into another world to teach her a lesson or six about life and harmony.

Stripped of her power, trapped in a form unfamiliar even to a changeling, and at the mercy of the locals, Chrysalis must learn how to get along with others before she is allowed to return to save her hive. And if successful, she may just be allowed to keep her new friend... If he's willing, and if he can survive the drawbacks of being one of the rarest changeling classes ever seen:

A breeding drone.

Join a spoiled rotten queen and a workaholic electrical engineer in the retelling of an adventure that brought them together across the boundaries of space and time. Because sometimes, a little change isn't all that bad.

(Changeling Drone 'Gazer' design artwork courtesy of oFimFiction.net member 'More Dakka')

[img]http://i.imgur.com/6MrWqNZ.png[/img]Twilight takes on the most important task in her career as a princess of Equestria, when she opens up a magical portal to a distant world with extra-Equestrian intelligence. With her organizational skills and keen understanding of scientific principles, she leads diplomats and scientists in a well-planned expedition to a historic first contact.

The first exchange doesn't quite go without a hitch, however, as the portal opens near a pony ranch at Texas, Earth.

For the purposes of this fic, assume Equestria Girls didn't happen.

Former one-shot.

3/14/24 Still Alive Edition

There's only one pony in Ponyville that the Mane Six have never met. Pinkie Pie has never thrown him a party, Applejack has never sold him a mug of cider, and Twilight has never seen him check out any books. And as far as that unicorn, Lapis Print, is concerned, that's exactly how it should be.

Lapis can't risk them knowing where he lives, what he does for a living, or even what his name is - if he gets his way, the Mane Six won't even know he exists, and nopony in Ponyville will miss him once he's gone.

It should be a piece of cake - after all, it's not like the biggest magical power in Equestria is about making sure everypony looks out for each other, right?

(Rated Teen for language - mental cursing mostly.)

Dragons, as a rule, are not subtle creatures.

Dragonlord Ember is far from a typical dragon.

Garble wishes he had a sane dragon for a Dragonlord, instead of some Cunning Optimist who's going to get them all killed.

Change is coming to dragonkind, one way or another.

Received an Honorable Mention in FanOfMostEverything's Imposing Sovereigns Contest. (It was in the "Ember the Mad" slot.)

Edited by SirNotAppearingInThisFic.

Cover Art borrowed from DeathPwny.

After being stranded in Manehatten, a changeling is saved by a young filly who is being terrorized by a monster hiding in her closet. After the horror has been taken care of, the changeling and the young filly become close friends... and the changeling and the filly's foster father become something more...

The second story in the the rebooted Cricket-Verse, aka the Nonsense-Verse