//------------------------------// // The Best Bed Bug Ever // Story: Five Changelings In Equestria: The Monster Under The Bed // by Bucking Nonsense //------------------------------// "Achoo!" If there is a single sight in the world more pathetic than a sick changeling on a rainy day, Ladybird had yet to find one. She was wet, she was miserable, and worst of all, she could not maintain a disguise... Fun fact: when you sneeze, your brain quite literally shuts down for a split second. When a changeling loses consciousness, for any reason, their disguise drops. Thus, every time Ladybird sneezed, any disguise she had on would vanish... and she was sneezing at least once a minute. In this state, she couldn't secure any means of shelter, asides from a cardboard box in an alley. In a way, she was very, very lucky. After Canterlot, she had ended up being launched at high speeds well away from the capital, and had ended up splashing down in the bay outside the city of Manehattan. Had her trajectory been even slightly off, she would have ended up as a rather spectacular stain on the side of one of the buildings. She was a pretty strong swimmer, and after reaching the surface, she was able to make her way to the docks. But from there, her luck had run out: in the last few weeks, she had encountered a number of problems, not the least of which was the fact she had picked up a cold during her swim that simply would not leave her be, and with winter on it's way, it was going to start getting worse... Another fun fact: unlike mammals, insects store all of their fat in a single organ called a fat body. This organ performs a variety of biological functions. However, while changelings are insect-like, their diet is pure love energy: they don't have a fat body organ, since they never consume fat of any kind. This means that, while they don't gain weight like a pony does, they also don't have even a thin coating of body fat to keep their bodies warm. This makes them very susceptible to cold temperatures. Ladybird was struggling to think of something that she could do. In other circumstances, she might "burn" love to boost her body temperature, but she'd already burned a good portion of her supply during the failed invasion. She had enough for a few days, at most, and if she burned it, she'd end up empty very quickly. During the winter, changelings would sort of "cuddle" together to stay warm in an underground hive. Not likely to happen here. At a small gasp, the changeling looked up to see a small crystal pony filly staring at her. Well, that was just great. There was no way that she could deal with this: she felt too weak to run more than a dozen paces, and the way she was feeling right now, if she tried to capture the kid, the filly would probably trounce her. With another sneeze, the changeling resigned herself to what was about to come and closed her eyes. When she opened them, the little filly was gone... ...And was back a few minutes later with warm clothes, an umbrella, and cup of hot coffee. ------------------- "So let me see if I understand this," Ladybird said, a few minutes later, warming up nicely and walking home with the nice Crystal filly who had probably just saved her life. While a changeling can't digest food, they can swallow it, along with liquids, and after drinking a cup of hot coffee, they can be warmed up from the inside. She was already feeling a hundred times better. Her cold was greatly reduced, and she was only sneezing every few minutes now. The filly, a cutie with a honey-colored coat, golden blond mane and tail, and big green eyes, had been smart enough to get hold of a full-body ensemble, enough to cover the changeling from hoof to head, with a nice big hood to top it all off, so in addition to being nice and toasty, nopony realized that a changeling was now walking down the streets. "You want me to get rid of the monster in your closet?" The little filly, Honey Darling, nodded enthusiastically. "He comes out every night, and won't let me sleep in peace. He's really mean and scary. I tried telling daddy about him, but he just tells me it's my imagination." Ladybird thought for a moment. This could be a once in a lifetime chance: an opportunity to have a warm place to stay for the winter was nothing to sneeze at, and she'd had it up to here with sneezing. But she'd have to play her cards just right... "Tell you what," she said, a smile forming on her face, "I can do that for you. It sounds like you've got a standard bogeymane hiding in your closet. They're not that difficult to get rid of if you know how to handle them. Thing is, if I do that for you, a new one will probably sneak in after I leave, and you'll end up right back where you started..." The little filly seemed a little sad after hearing about that, but then perked up, saying, "Well, what if you moved in?" "Oh?" she asked, with mock surprise, "You'd let me stay in your house? A scary monster like me?" Giggling, Honey said, "You're nowhere near as scary as the monster in my closet. Besides, if I have a nice monster like you under my bed, I'll be able to sleep a lot better at night." Nice? Really? That was... actually, it was really sweet of her to say that. "Alright, Honey," Ladybird said, with a genuine smile, "You talked me into it. I'll move in and take care of the monster in your closet. But where are you going to put me?" Smiling, the crystal pony said, "There's plenty of room under my bed." Well, Ladybird had slept in stranger places... ----------------------- Getting inside of the apartment building that Honey Darling lived in had not been difficult. The weather was just cold enough to justify bundling up in general, and the filly was already wearing a scarf and earmuffs. Once inside the elevator, it was, according to Honey, a straight shot to the top floor. This place was... ritzy. It was in one of the nicest parts of town. And when the filly hit the button to take them to the penthouse, Ladybird realized that this kid's parents must be loaded. Money didn't really matter to a changeling, since love wasn't something that could be bought at a store. However, she understood that money mattered a great deal to non-changelings. She may very well have hit the jackpot... "Okay," Honey said, as the elevator rose, "When the elevator stops, you go left, I'll go right. My room is at the end of the hall on the right. I'll go and see daddy: he'll be in the kitchen, cooking dinner. Do you want me to sneak you something?" It was sweet of her to ask, but Ladybird said, "No thanks, Honey. I don't eat pony food. We'll talk about what you'll need to feed me after we take care of the bogeymane. Deal?" Honey nodded, smiling. After the elevator stopped, as directed, Ladybird turned left, and made her way to the little filly's room. It was a pretty standard little girl's room: There was a certain amount of pink-ness, and frilly-ness, to the entire room, as well as several stuffed animals of various sizes. A lot of this stuff seemed new. Not surprising: the Crystal Empire had only been back a few weeks. Odds were, Honey Darling was an orphan that had been adopted by somepony who lived here in Manehattan. Somepony with lots and lots of money. Looks like Ladybird wasn't the only one to hit the jackpot recently. After shedding her nice, warm clothes, Lady walked over to the closed closet door, and placed her ear against it. She heard exactly what she expected: silence. Not the silence of mundane emptiness. Instead, it was the sort of silence from some supernatural force holding it's proverbial breath, keeping quiet so no one would notice that there was a lot more on the other side of this door than clothing. Definitely a bogeymane... Honey Darling walked in, and saw the changeling listening at the door. Putting a hoof to her lips, Lady very quietly shushed the pony, then motioned for her to shut the door behind her. After the filly shut the door, Lady swung open the door, placed a hoof on the threshold between the closet and the room proper, and... ...It was like grabbing an eel. Something slick and slimy that wriggled relentlessly in it's efforts to escape your touch. It didn't want to be touched, or held, and if Ladybird hadn't known, with the sort of certainty that most would only assign to the sun rising each morning, that the monster was there, it would have escaped. Without that certainty, she wouldn't have been able to pierce the event horizon that separated the pocket dimension within from the real world. The thing inside straddled the line between real and unreal, and Ladybird was forcing it to come to this side of real, whether it wanted to or not. With a sound like a bubble popping, the imaginary space was disrupted, and the bogeymane was forced out. No two bogeymanes look alike, but this one was odd, even by bogeymane standards. It appeared to be a chalk white pony with neither mane nor tail, and a blank white space where a face should be. It wore a well tailored suit with a bright red necktie. Two black tendrils wriggled from out of it's back. When it rose to it's hooves, it was clear that it's legs did not have anything like joints in them: the creature stood on legs like noodles. With a smirk, Ladybird said to Honey Darling, "I thought you said this thing was scary?" The filly was staring at the creature in shock. Here was the monster that had haunted her for days, and the changeling had just dragged it out as if it were nothing. Well, the filly hadn't seen anything yet. Picking up a teddybear, Ladybird smiled, and said, "What's your name, handsome?" A voice sounded in her head. Well, not quite a voice: it was more like a collection of disjointed sounds cobbled together to form words, like a portrait formed by putting together a collection of pictures together in the right arrangement. It was, admittedly, kind of creepy, especially since most of those sounds were terrified whimpers. "I am Slendermane." With a grin, Lady threw the teddybear as hard as she could. With a solid smack, as if she had thrown a brick, rather than a stuffed toy, the bear hit the bogeyman square in the lack-of-a-face. With a scream of anguish, the bogeymane fell to the ground, whimpering, as a scorch mark formed where it's face would be if it had one. "Well, Skinny," Lady said as the filly watched, now grinning gleefully, "This is your eviction notice. I'm the only monster with permission to stay here, and I have no patience for a bully who preys on little fillies. If you're not out of here before bedtime, I'll hit you with this." She then picked up an over-sized fluffy bunny, almost as big as she was, with one hoof, and asked, "Are we clear?" The bogeymane shuddered, then said, in it's cobbled together voice, "Crystal. Just let me gather my things, and I'll be gone." She gave the horror a glare that made the creature shudder, then chuckled, and said with a snort, "Fine. Don't let it be said I ever forced anybogey out on the streets without letting them pack first. But don't dawdle." The bogeymane nodded, then rushed back into the closet, closing the door behind him. Honey Darling, staring up at the changeling in awe, grabbed hold of Lady's leg and started hugging her fiercely. "Thank you." Lady had to admit, it was a good hug. "No problem. Now, would you be a dear and fetch me a blanket? I'm still a little bit chilly," she admitted, then sneezed. Well, that kind of ruined the tough girl image that she was going for, but the filly didn't seem to mind. "Ah, and maybe a book? The kind without pictures. It's been a while since I've cuddled up with something to read." The filly nodded, and dashed off. -------------------- "Daddy, the monster under my bed wants a blanket." Well, that was a new one. As Brass Ring put down the book he'd been reading, the earth pony looked over at his foster daughter, and asked, "Oh? So now you're doing what the big, mean monster is telling you?" She'd been going on for a couple of weeks about this monster, and how scary it was. She'd taken to insisting that he leave the door open, and the hall light on, else the monster might jump out and eat her, or something. It had been worrying. After the divorce, the young crystal pony had been having nothing but problems, this monster being the latest. Her grades at school had dropped noticeably, and he'd often peek in on her, only to see that she'd clearly just been crying. When his wife had left, making it clear she was never coming back, and that she didn't really care about him or the crystal pony that the two of them had adopted, it had hurt both of them deeply. You spend seven years with somepony, and you think you know them, only to find out they'd only hung around long enough that they could get half your money. He was still financially secure (he'd made a huge amount of money in the stock market, enough that, even with half gone, he was still in the league of Fancy Pants out in Canterlot), but their home in Manehattan just wasn't the same. His father had always told him that it was better to be poor and happy, than rich and miserable. At the time, he hadn't believed him, but now, well, he'd trade his penthouse suite and all his money just to hear his daughter laugh again. His lovely daughter, Honey Darling, giggled(!), then said, "Oh no, daddy, that one's the old monster who lived in my closet. A new monster came in today, and got fed up with him really quick. She hit him with my teddy bear, yelled at him for being a big bully, then told him that if he didn't scram, she'd hit him with my fluffy bunny toy, too. He's packing up his things right now. She just wants a blanket because she's a bit cold." Brass tried very hard to keep from laughing, but that was, quite honestly, the silliest thing he had ever heard. What an imagination she had. "Well, Honey, you know where the blankets are. And you might want to take her a pillow too. A monster like that sounds like a keeper. Best to stay on her good side." Honey Darling nodded solemnly, then asked, "Oh, and she wanted a book, too. Preferably the kind without pictures." Brass chuckled, then hoofed over the one he'd just been reading. It was a novel from one of his favorite authors, Page Turner, and he'd just read the last chapter when his daughter had walked in. "I just finished it. Feel free. I will want it back later, though. Oh, and dinner will be ready in an hour." Honey took the book reverently, as though she were handling some sort of sacred relic, nodded, and then took off. What an active imagination she had. But hey, if it helped her sleep better at night, he didn't mind if she started inventing new monsters to scare away the old ones... -------------------------- "Okay, Miss Bird, I got you a blanket." The monster under her bed smiled and took the blanket gratefully, then said, "Thank you, Honey. And you can just call me Lady." Honey handed over the pillow, and then the book. Smiling cheerfully, she said, "Daddy also said you could have a pillow. And he had a book you could read, too. He will want it back, though." Looking at the cover, Ladybird smiled and said, "Ah, Page Turner. Your daddy has good taste. I was hoping to get a peek at her latest." After a moment, she frowned, then asked, "Ah, if you don't mind my asking... um... where's your mom?" Honey looked a little sad, then admitted, "She wasn't my real mommy, and she's not here anymore. Not-Mommy left a couple of weeks ago. She said that she never really liked daddy, or wanted to adopt a filly, she'd just played along so she could take daddy's money..." She looked as though she was about to cry... Geez. What a terrible thing to do to a kid. Especially an orphan. Placing a hoof on top of the youngster's head, she said, "I'm sorry I brought that up. Look, sometimes a pony just doesn't know a good thing when they see it. I mean, a nice warm home, a guy as nice as your daddy, and a sweet kid like you? If I had that, I'd never turn my back on any of it, no matter how much money I was offered. If she's not smart enough to know something that simple, then you're better off without her. Besides, you still have a daddy who loves you, right?" Honey nodded, smiling. "Then that's more than enough for anypony." After a moment, Honey Darling wiped at her eyes, smiled, nodded, then hugged Ladybird fiercely. "Thank you," she said. Lady could swear she felt tears trickling down her shoulder. More surprising, however, was the stream of love the little filly suddenly poured into her. While small in volume, it was... potent. More so than any love she had ever felt before. It was like suddenly having been given an expresso, when before all you'd ever had was weak tea. She felt like she could run a marathon... while juggling a trio of elephants. She'd have to keep herself on the lowest possible burn, or she'd start vibrating in place from the power she now felt... Ladybird heard a sniffling sound from the closet. Turning her head, she saw the bogeymane standing there, wiping at where an eye would be with a hanky. "Great," the horror said, "Now I feel like a total jerk. I honestly had no idea. I'm sorry." The changeling narrowed her eyes, glaring at the creature. After a moment, she raised an eyebrow, and asked, "Seriously?" With a nod, the horror said, "Seriously. I'm a monster, but not that kind of monster. I thought I was just messing with a spoiled rich kid, not tormenting a filly who already had more than enough to be miserable about." Kneeling down, the creature rubbed Honey on top of the head with a tendril, and said, "I really am kind of fond of tykes like this one. Ah, but don't let that get out, or it'll ruin my reputation." Honey actually giggled, and then hugged the horror. "It's okay. I forgive you." It was hard to tell who was more surprised, Lady or Slender, but after a moment, the horror said, "Thank you. Look, I don't know if it'll ever be useful, but if you're ever scared, and you're someplace dark and scary, just say my name. I'll come running." After a moment, Lady had a thought. "Hey, ummm, Slender, have you ever considered moving up to adults?" The horror seemed surprised by the question, but then, after a moment, it's absence of a face twisted. If it had a face, the changeling would have sworn the creature was smiling. "You know, I had never really thought about it... but it might not be a bad idea. And I know just where to start." With a flick it's tendrils, the horror grabbed a suitcase out of the closet, along with a fedora. Slapping the hat upon it's head, Slendermane said, "Well, I should be going. A good night to you both..." And with that, the horror vanished. ------------------------ Brass Ring was putting the finishing touches on supper. While he could certainly have hired somepony else to cook their meals, the earth pony had always preferred to do his own cooking and cleaning. It had always seemed a waste to pay somepony to do something that he was perfectly capable of doing himself. After he wiped a foreleg across his face to clear the sweat away, he saw, where before there had been only empty space, there was some sort of creature there. It was... ponyish, save for it's lack of features, and the pair of tendrils sprouting from it's back. While alien and terrifying, it didn't feel malevolent, as strange as that seemed. Maybe that was just the fact it was wearing a hat. Hats generally aren't scary or threatening. After a moment, he asked, "Are you the one under the bed, or the one from the closet?" He heard a chuckle in his head that sounded surprisingly pony-ish, then the words, "The closet. And I'm on my way out. I just wanted to apologize: I've been a poor tenant, and I can make no excuses for my terrible behavior. Ah, and I wanted to ask you just a quick couple of questions." Nodding, Brass said, "Shoot." He'd not gotten as far as he had without having a great deal of courage. He'd stared down businessponies who thought they could destroy him financially in a heartbeat, and probably would have if they'd not lost their nerve before he did. He wasn't going to let something like this break his nerve. The creature's voice sounded in his head, asking, "What was the name of your ex-wife?" "Sugar Withers," Brass Ring said. "And any idea where she is now?" With a shrug, he said, "Last I heard, Van Hoover. Beyond that, I have no idea." There was another chuckle, and the creature said, "More than enough to work with. Well, I should be going. I'll see myself out. Ah, and I would recommend that you treat the monster under your daughter's bed well: it's rare to find somebuggy willing to take on Slendermane for the sake of a child she just met. But that's just my opinion. Farewell." With that, the creature was gone. After a moment, Brass walked over to his daughter's room. He could clearly hear giggling inside. Whatever was going on inside, it was clearly better than the crying he'd been hearing over the last few days. He knocked on the closed door, and said, "Honey, dinner's ready." "Okay, daddy. I'll be right there," his daughter said. She definitely sounded much happier than before. He turned away, then turned back a moment later, saying, "Oh, and tell the monster under your bed she's welcome to join us." ------------------------ A week later, in Van Hoover, Sugar Withers, ex-wife to Brass Ring, and ex-mother to Honey Darling, was found curled up in a ball in her penthouse apartment, whimpering slightly, her normally bright purple coat and mane bone white. After an extended hospital stay, and a rather impressive number of medications, she was returned home, having been assured that the thing she had seen wasn't real. They were wrong. She insisted, from then on, that the lights in her home be kept on at all times, and had mysteriously developed an intense fear of individuals in well-tailored suits, as well as anypony wearing a necktie. She also refused to step into her walk-in closet, and in fact had it chained shut. Not that it helped in any way. He kept coming back to terrify her every night. She'd spend the rest of her long, unhappy life, trying, and failing, to have a good night's sleep. And all the money in the world is worth less than nothing if you're too miserable to enjoy it... Slendermane, on the other hoof, was settling in just fine in his spacious new closet. He had to admit, moving up to adults had been the right decision: after all, it was rare to come across an adult with a teddy bear, or with any of the other traditional defenses against bogeymanes. As long as everypony around her kept believing he wasn't real, he could take as much fear as he wanted, whenever he wanted. It was all anybogey could want out of life...