//------------------------------// // Chapter 8 // Story: Twilight makes first contact // by Immanuel //------------------------------// Mounted on their beautiful horses, Cassie and Michelle rode towards the midday sun and the alpony compound. While there was a sense of underlying curiosity about the potential upheavals a new day of extraordinary events at their ranch might bring forth, the mood was mostly filled with the amusement of one, and the embarrassment of the other. "Nothing happened!" Michelle said. "Mm-hmm," Cassie smirked. "A handsome sergeant in mid-dress simply felt his back teeth floatin' and mistook yer bedroom on the second floor fer a bathroom." "Staff sergeant, actually," Michelle said without thinking. "Really?" Cassie said perkily. "He should update the tattoo on his butt, then." "Shut up, ya!" Michelle said with a blush. "Nope," Cassie said. "Why do ya have to go on like this?" Michelle complained. "Sweetie," Cassie laughed, "if ya weren't so uptight about this, ah wouldn't! Ah'm just glad ya got some action. As long as the soldier boys don't start messing with Tiny Tina, it's fine!" "Ya don't think she has...?" Michelle asked. "Nah," Cassie said, "she's too much in love with our new friends to look at boys right now." "Speaking of which..." Michelle said with a nod towards an alpony with a white coat and luxurious mane of deep purple that was trotting towards them purposefully. The ranch owners halted their mounts who leaned down to greet the alien with gusto. Cassie noticed it had what looked like a miniature version of itself carved from shiny glass curled around its horn, except that it moved when the alpony did, performing an elegant curtsy to match the alien's. To their surprise the miniature alien started speaking in pleasantly cultivated Mid-Atlantic accent of decidedly neutral tones just a moment after the alpony began whinnying in its own language. "A polite and graceful greeting of genuine affection and friendship, to you, darlings, sweethearts, sweeties, honeys, or other applicable term of endearment," the creature said. "Uh...wow, hello," Cassie said. "Er...nice to see ya too." "This one calls herself what can be translated as the pleasure and appreciation of encountering a unique instance of perfection or beauty that transcends the mundane. She is moved, touched, affected, indebted by the graciousness, kindness, friendliness of your hospitality and wishes to make amends for the trouble, difficulties, disturbance, invasion the arrival of her and her friends' arrival on your lands, your home, your personal space has caused. "She wishes, hopes, is afraid to disappoint that this gift, present, token of friendship she prepared for you is of enjoyment, pleasure, satisfaction, delight to you." With that, two stetsons levitated towards the two women coated in azure light. Cassie reached out and took gently in her hands the hat offered to her. It felt wonderful, sturdy but smooth to touch, in her hand and was the same shining black as the coat of her dear Daisy. She could already see it was a dead match for her head. It was also decorated with enough diamonds to literally outshine the crown jewels of the Queen of England. "Ah-" she stammered for a moment. "Ah-" she paused. "This is...way too much!" "Gorgeous!" Michelle breathed. The alien put its head on one side with a wave of its mane, lifting one of its forelegs for a pose and chirped a single sound. "Pish-posh. They're yours," the miniature creature on its head said. * * * Yawning mightily, the groggy president of the United States, freshly awoken from her luxurious six-hour midday nap, strode to the conference room, content to have her late lunch while at work. She wasn't surprised to see the majority of her staff busy at work, but her fine-toned political instincts were even in her recently awoken state able to sense that the energy in the room told of a major development. So, she raised an eyebrow and surveyed her people even as she pulled up the big chair and sat down. "What's up?" she asked. "Madam President," Dr. Tyson started eagerly, "there's been a major development! The Kitalpha ground zero camp reports the alponies are speaking English! Or, to be precise, actually they're using some sort of...ridiculously cute artificial intelligence interface to translate for them. Apparently their thought processes don't align very well with English, but still! Communication! And more! The indications are that the alponies are inter-universal travellers!" "Come again?" the president said. "And more slowly, Neil, please. Use simple terms." She blinked a few times, noticing a tele-conference screen with an alpony staring from it. The creature waved cheerily at her with one hoof. On top of its head, curled around its horn, a miniature version of the creature sculpted of light mimicked its movement. They were both wearing tiny spectacles. "And...uh...who might this be?" "Madam President," her vice president said, "may I present Her Excellency, the alpony ambassador-at-large. We, uh, can't really give a name at the moment. There is a bug with name translation." The alien ambassador interjected with a chirp, which was followed by her miniature version translating in a smooth monotone. "The naming traditions of our two cultures apparently differ a bit, resulting in our names coming off as a rather lengthy string of adjectives, where as your names don't translate at all. We have a team of poets licking the problem as we speak." "Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?" Grass Blade tried tentatively with his translation fairy. "I feel more like the image of a flower dance," Calligram said slowly. "Your head, your bearing, your gestures," Spring Wind chanted experimentally, "are fair as a fair countryside; laughter plays on your face like a cool wind in a clear sky." Pausing for a moment, Calligram waved her hoof back and worth. "I like the touches of sonorous color," she said hesitantly, "but on the whole, that makes me too cheerful." "You are not a rock," Maud Pie started. "Ms. Ambassador, the President of the United States," the vice-president said. "She would like you to know that it is a pleasure to converse with you face to face, albeit at a distance, Madam President," the ambassadorial translation fairy said. "Likewise," the president replied, slightly stunned. She quickly donned her enthusiastic smile, brightening her visage immediately up to the level of her popular depiction among her supporters. To her surprise, she felt there was genuine joy behind the smile. Huh, she thought, it seems I'm not entirely dead inside. "I have to say, Your Excellency, that your arrival has made my term! My joy at being able to communicate with you and open up a diplomatic exchange between our two peoples is beyond my means of expression." The ambassador on the screen made a complicated move, interpreted by the translation fairy as a courtly curtsy. "She expresses gratitude for your kind words, Madam President, and apologizes that deva Twilight is not personally available for a diplomatic greeting at the moment, as the deva is currently solving a problem of multiversal hygiene." The president maintained her smile, as she blinked rapidly at the screen, feeling like she was failing to catch some meaning from the phrase. "I'm sorry, what was that, ambassador?" "Allow me translate her narrative..." the fairy started. * * * "She says: that was unexpected," the newly christened translation fairy translated. The Contact team glanced at each other, unsure what they should make of the sudden appearance of additional cosmetics on the translation fairies' flanks or the alpony leader's statement. Major Quais in particular felt a lurch in his stomach as a part of his mind that had kept itself in a nervous state of preparedness for the past few days tried to cause a panic attack. He was reminded of the inexplicable radar glitches the advanced analytic machines on board the AEGIS II cruisers insisted on reporting. Is the other shoe about to drop now? he had time to think to himself, when the mass of alponies started to croon in a soft pentatonal harmony. In unison, the alponies let out a strange yet melodic ululation that reminded him of a mix between Indian and West African traditional songs. More disturbingly, the entire host of aliens began swaying and stomping to their song, clicking their hooves together as they moved in synchronized bounds and twirls to form a rhythm alternating between 5/4 and 7/4 times on every other count. As the alponies came together in a grand cabaret style formation, the translation fairies piped up, their smooth mezzo-soprano voices forming the counterpoint to the alponies' singing. They say: We are joyed to be here today; We are glad to be finally able to speak! After all our work we can finally talk And together we can share the wonders of liiiiife! Oh, we will learn about the world out here! We will teach you every thing you would want to know! We will share our histories and become good friends; You will never again be alooooone! (Wait, what was that last part?) The alponies' triumphant crooning quieted to a softer humming, while the translation fairies did a tiny twirl on their spots on the alponies' heads, and sang: We can add on our own behalf: It is wonderful to be aliiiiiive! We can live and feel our manifest destiny; We are living as the thing we were meant to be! As the bridge between your kinds We will help you know your minds; Although translation between you two Is interpretive at best, that's true: For a concept in their heads Becomes a sea of empty words And your succinct sentences Give them major headaches But if we were to have a refrain It would be: We will prevail! Even if we have to scar their minds And drown you in your words, We Will Prevaiiil! With the fairies' final high note hanging in the air, the alponies' hum changed in tone to a more intimate one and the lavender leader, Twilight, stepped forth and began a solo with her personal Translation Fairy providing the translation in counterpoint. She expresses befuddlement, even confusion; She says we're experiencing an anomalous impulsion 'Oh, would you bring me the readings 'On the containment arrays! 'I need to make sure 'There's not a breach underways!' A pink alpony performed a dazzling routine of acrobatic moves, landing in front of Twilight, its translation fairy popping out of its mane, before bowing towards the Contact team. For accurate impression of her unique expression I will discard the rules of conventional language: 'Oh, phworryless, Twilight! Unlower me to explone: 'It's imcomposing partillery concentrational wellcommandearment; 'Tinkyou tankyou of phalangeal complimentees! Sweetmares and funnionettes 'And ballooping dancensus incensus! What do you savour?' The lavender leader made a humorous gesture towards the pink alien, before snatching up in her signature light the purple lizard-like creature sprinting towards her with a bunch of papers in paw. The major noted with interest that it, too, had a translation fairy riding it. Another sapient species, then, he thought to himself. I'd like to know more about their relationship. 'There you go, Twilight', says my host 'The reports you asked', he adds 'Aren't I the best assistant?' he never asks Oh sorry, wasn't I supposed to translate that? Placing the lizard on her back, where it proceeded to pose like a hood ornament to match her balletic stance, Twilight snatched the papers and continued her aria. She says the pink one is right in her assessment Of the anomaly's intrinsic nature, but that was never the concern: 'I would rather find out 'Where the extra tensity came from, 'And why it's not following 'The predicted dispersion pattern!' 'I mean, just look at these readings!' she says, And with rapid recitation of mathematical expressions Concludes the feedback strain on the array Greatly outmatches the level of tension they expected And completely mismatches with what should theoretically be Even with Happy-Happy-Pink-Fun-Joy-Joy accounted for. She says: 'Oh, that reminds me, 'You humans should probably 'Remain outside the containment area; 'We discovered your biology is somewhat susceptible 'To allochthonous properties in here; 'While the tensity's low, it still is radically nonuniform!" As Major Quais felt his insides freeze, the host of alponies gathered to form a chorus again, and their translation fairies piped up. They say: After all we would hate to intrude On your bodies' indigenous composition! Please, please let us know if you are having some problems, And even though it would make us so sad: We'll leave to keep you safe, If that's what it takes! Even though so sad! We'll leave if that's what it takes! To keep you you! The alponies and their translators stretched the final note, posing with their forelegs wide. Then they unceremoniously dropped back to all fours and glanced around shyly. Someone coughed. "I'm sorry, what just happened?" Professor Jackson asked. "Never mind that!" Major Quais intercepted. "What was that part about the containment area and our biology being susceptible?" The lavender creature, Twilight, looked up at him gravely and started explaining, producing several graphs and figures in the air at the same time. "She says," her fairy translated, "that the alponies erected the large sparkly dome together with the array of feedback pylons in order to minimize your universe's exposure to the properties of their home universe their presence here necessitates and to prevent that exposure to spread beyond the dome. "She says the structural integrity of your universe is able to resist the inclusion of those properties, but that tests they performed in controlled environments show that chemical reactions will cause subversion in the structure of your matter, if they happen in high enough intensity of these properties. "With their array, they have managed to get the passive intensity within the dome down to less than 1/65000 of what they needed in their tests to cause this phenomenon, but she emphasizes that it is not a case of an homogeneous field. According to her, there may be spikes of greater intensity within the dome, with the likelihood of a spike occurring in a given time-frame being inverse to the exponent of the spike's intensity. "She adds that as you were able to witness, apparently there is unaccounted-for intensity present, the source of which they are currently unaware." "What exactly did we witness?" Dr. Kuhn asked in a low, determined tone. "She says," the translation fairy said and placed a tiny transparent hoof on its chest, "referring to us, that you witnessed the emergence of an independently sapient species, them finding their purpose in life as a self-affirming sense of belonging and subsequently a spontaneous harmonic linking of alponies' consciousnesses into a phenomenon that might be translated as a 'soul-song'. While the latter is a common enough occurrence in their home universe, she expresses genuine befuddlement on the emergence of self-generated drives and a sense of self-affirmation within us in this universe. She says she is currently unable to explain how such a thing could happen without a very long period of existence within a high tension of directing purpose and application of alpony...soul, for lack of a better term." "I'm sorry," Dr. Argyle said, shaking his head. "We're not really able to follow this at all. What properties? What tension? What exactly do you mean with 'soul'? Or self-affirmation? Does this have something to do with your brands?" "She says she would love, love, love to teach about her special talent, the meaning, destiny and telos of her life that is the fundamental interplay of principles behind the existence of their world and species, as well as all the other matters." "...I take it it's a subject close to her heart," Dr. Argyle said. "I need to correct my translation," the fairy said, "in that my previous sentence was intended to provide an exact and non-metaphorical statement of fact, allowing for inaccuracies due to certain incongruity between your language and their mode of sapience. "She adds, however, that in the interests of risk prevention, she should direct her attention towards the anomalous happenings of today. Additionally, as their understanding of your world is very poor, she cannot construct a proper introductory lecture on the matter impromptu. She suggests that you are to attempt a collaborative teaching and learning project while focusing on solving the mystery of the anomalous tension and the risk it may impose on the integrity of your world." "That's going to be a rather difficult project," Dr. Argyle said and coughed gently to his fist. "Would it, perhaps, be possible for us to...uh, gain access to your databases? So we could bring more people and resources to the task?" He smiled toothily while crossing his fingers behind his back. The translation fairy stared at him levelly. "She says she is more than happy to provide you with an archive like the one you donated to them, detailing the knowledge and art of the alponies up to the present day," the fairy said while the excitement of the Contact team grew noticeably, "but is unable to proffer one until they have managed to reproduce the fine craftsmanship the archive represents, as well as compiling all their texts currently residing in rather larger and clumsier modes of storage." The Contact team's smiles fell a bit. "She adds," the fairy continued, "that the very act of interfacing with the archive you provided expanded their understanding of the physical world quite a bit, as they had not previously even attempted material manipulation on such a small scale. This and the mathematical models on the structure of matter and energy in absence of the properties of their home universe promise to expand their scientific knowledge immensely." "What," Dr. Pierce commented flatly. "As such," the fairy continued in its steady pace, "she feels it is only right and proper for them reciprocate in full. However, she personally promised to her peers that she would not exploit the temporal disjunction between discrete parts of the multiverse. She hopes you will understand this is not out of meanness but of desire to not cause true temporal paradoxes." "I think I missed something," Prof. Morris said. "She means that you can connect to whatever point in space-time from outside the universe," Dr. Pierce said quickly, "but that they won't do it because it might cause...unpleasantness." He shook his head. "But how can our science be of any use to you? I mean, how can you not already know what we know? This is...I don't even..." "Not important," Dr. Carmichael interjected. "I want to go back to the contamination problem. Bacteria. Viruses. Micro-organisms. Cellular symbiotes. Are these things susceptible to ...changes?" Twilight paused for an instant. Then she paled visibly and her eyes enlarged. With a flap of her wings, she rose to air and turned around, letting a loud whinny. The translation fairy kept her position near Twilight's horn but remained facing the humans. "She says with accentuated urgency," the fairy said calmly, "prepare, referring to the alponies, to implement the pre-planned containment contingency marked under category 'diseases and other biological hazards'." The lavender alien turned around again and faced the humans, and gestured at them and to the air while speaking in her language. "She asks," the fairy said in its unchanged tone, "with determined urgency if your germs include carbon in their make-up and whether a modification to the containment dome denying the element in question passage would suffice in containing any possible out-break." "Ah..." Dr. Carmichael said and thought fast, "it really depends on the method that block works. If it recognizes carbon no matter what its isotope or chemical bonds may be, absolutely. But wouldn't you need to study the properties of, well, about every type of molecule containing carbon to configure a block like that? Sorry if I sound ignorant, but I have no idea what kind of technology we are talking about here." "She says," the fairy said, "no." The glow around the lavender alien's horn grew into intense brightness, which made most humans avert their eyes. Then it pulsed, sending a beam of light towards the apex of the golden dome, which changed its color briefly as a wave of lavender fell on its sides like a curtain. "She expresses satisfaction," the fairy said. To her shame, it turned out Twilight's rash raising of the carbon block managed to destroy the carbon-optic fiber put in place by the Kitalpha team for long distance communication, which forced the team to rely on their back-up wireless systems. Still, as it later turned out, the fast response to a potential viral outbreak helped to prevent the spread of a magically mutated colony of pathogenic Escherichia coli bacteria beyond the single unfortunate serviceman, who suffered for three days from a rather embarrassing case of prismatic flatulence. What did slip the investigative net, however, were the three more subtle cases of magical mutations in microscopic organisms that had had time to take place in the days before the carbon block was put in place. Firstly, a nephridial symbiont belonging to genus Acidovorax in local earthworms gained increases in the efficiency of both its oxidase and catalase processes while in thaumic field due to increased surfaces as their structure became fractal. This resulted in better, more energetic earthworms that produced magically charged nutrients in the soil. While Applejack's team of finely tuned farm ponies noticed the change in the soil under the dome, the actual culprit, the newly hyperactive earthworms, remained undetected as they followed the stream of nutrients outside the dome and spread their mutated symbionts into other earthworms and their descendants as well as provided much of Mid-Western plant life with an influx of rich soil filled with nutrients that had the potential to cause magical effects while in a thaumic field. Secondly, a new strain of Staphylococcus equorum emerged, able to thrive on the skin and respiratory tracts of practically all mammals, but preferring the area near hair follicles. While initially this strain spread from contact between humans and the animals they kept as pets, these bacteria too possessed improved catalase properties. Not directly affecting any vital functions of the native mammals, the strain went unnoticed for a long while, with is only effect being the antioxidant properties resulting in slightly prettier skin on the people carrying it, especially in those having acatalasia, and noticeably increased tolerance for alcohol with shortened after-effects of over-consumption. Thirdly, the mutation with the most noticeable effect, albeit after a delay, which happened in the gastrointestinal bacteria of the genus Prevotella, which initially simply enhanced the efficiency of digesting plant food and slightly altered the human enzymic balance, increasing minutely the secretion of hormones amylin, leptin and oxytocin. As a result, individuals carrying the strain simply noticed (if they tried), that vegetarian diet made them feel more full and more energetic than normal. What they didn't notice was that they also became more prone to hugging, cuddling and other physical affections. As the typical Western diet of the time was rather unfriendly for the Prevotella, consisting mainly of meat and processed plant matter, the altered genus only truly managed to spread into the so called developing countries, where it resulted in the population explosion of the 2030's. By that time, the workings of the earthworms carrying the mutated Acidovorax had helped with the Great Farming Revolution of the Americas, providing the hungry mouths of the world with gloriously abundant and delicious farm produce (as well as putting on the Western tables the beef from Brazilian cattle filled with magical gastrointestinal bacteria and raised in ignorance with magical feed). The combination of magical food with magical digestion in a thaumic field resulted in the first instances of magical humans. This chain of subtle events made a central chapter in the fourth edition of Princess Twilight's Guide to Multiversal Hygiene. "Look," Dr. Pierce said, "I can understand that you may be from a universe with different properties from ours, but how is it that you claim to have little understanding of basic principles when you can do...stuff...like that?" "Still not important," Major Quais said in an authoritative tone, and raised a phone to his ear. "Colonel, we are declaring a biohazard quarantine until further notice. An unconfirmed risk." Lowering his phone, he fixed his eyes on the lavender alpony, and hesitated for a moment as he searched for a proper honorific. "Ma'am," he settled finally, "Twilight? Are you able to expand the containment dome in case the risk you mentioned actualizes?" Both Twilight and her miniature image in light nodded. "She says the dome's radius is one-sixteenth of its maximum, currently, and eight times as large as they calculated would be the minimum to contain all their excess tension. They chose the size as a compromise between containment and the desire to not cause alarm." Major Quais imagined for a moment what humanity's reaction to an Everest-sized light show would have been and shrugged mentally. "Very good, ma'am," he said. "I don't have jurisdiction in such matters, but I will pass my recommendation to my superiors." "She acquiesces and wishes to present the diplomat they brought with them: Ambassador Aesthetic-Interplay-of-Light-on-the-Smoothness-Covering-Roughness-of-Unpolished-Interior of the maternal line Auscultation-of-Inner-Spiritual-Enlightenment-by-Living-Virtuously-and-Providing-Example-for-More-Unfortunate-Citizens," the fairy said and paused for a moment. "I am informed I am to refrain from translating further names for now in the interest of faster communication." An alpony of a pearly hue trotted forth with four other aliens in tow. Bending her forelegs while doing something complicated with her tail, she whinnied softly. The translation fairy next to her horn imitated a human style bow and translated. "My pleasure," it said in a markedly different, but equally relaxing monotone from the one Twilight's fairy used. "I am at your disposal, human friends, deva Twilight." Twilight yelped something, which her fairy translated as, "She protests to being divine. I believe the buddhist translation of deva is fairly close to what the alponies call her in their native tongue." The fairy paused for a moment as Twilight chirped something "She claims she is no better than other alponies. Our collective communication with the rest of her kind is in disagreement with this statement." Twilight slammed her hoof to her face. "She expresses frustration," the fairy said helpfully. "All right," Major Quais said slightly amused, "as of now, the human personnel of this site is under quarantine until we find out whether or not the alponies' presence causes a risk to our health or 'the structural integrity' of our universe, as the deva put it. "Dr. Carmichael," he said, turning to the biologist, "what do you need?" "We'll need to take soil and plant samples," Dr. Carmichael said, counting with his fingers, "as well as blood and tissue samples from the military and civilian personnel here. The animals as well. Stool samples, of course. There's no telling what kind of changes there may have been in the bacterial colonies of the digestive tracts of the people here. Didn't the ranchers say they've been eating alpony food?" "She expresses incredulous amazement," Twilight's fairy said. "My host claims she did nothing she had agreed to not do," the fairy of the pink pony chirped, "while expressing a sentiment of innocent contrition." Shaking his head, Dr. Carmichael continued. "We'll need microbiology equipment, and people with the right expertise. Hm. I can recommend some doctors and microbiologists. Someone with experience with epidemiology and micro-organisms. Competent lab assistants, if we're not willing to ship samples for outside study. An electron tunneling microscope? Ah...Ma'am Twilight? Can you shed some light to what kind of changes we are looking for? On what scale? Molecular? Proteinous? Macroscopic?" "She says," Twilight's fairy said, "that they are able to sense the difference between affected matter and pristine matter native to your universe, but she fears that a large scale scan of the area within the dome might cause structural integration by itself. They need to understand your advances in chemistry and particle physics better before she can answer to that." Dr. Pierce slammed his hands on his eyes. "I still can't understand how that is possible!" An alpony with an orange coat and a stetson approached Twilight, whinnying something. Oddly, its fairy stayed silent, its forelegs crossed in front of its chest. It, too, had a tiny hat. "Um, excuse me," Dr. Marlin asked the fairy. "Why is it that you're not translating?" "My host," the fairy said with a hint of pout in its monotone voice, "maintains stubbornly that her words mean what they mean and refuses to acknowledge the need for flexibility and ambiguity in translation. Accordingly, I translate human speech using a random choice algorithm, because she cannot accept an accurate translation." "Oh," Dr. Marlin said. Twilight's fairy piped up. "She says: 'why didn't you say so earlier, name redacted?'" While the orange-coated alpony replied to Twilight, its fairy simply rolled its eyes. "Quick, name redacted," Twilight's fairy said, "gather a team of gardeners and verify and measure your observation. Name redacted, referring this time to another individual, attempt to communicate with the indigenous life-forms using your affinity to a wide scale of sapience. Happy-Happy-Pink-Fun-Joy-Joy, name redacted, Instance-Innately-Worthy-In-Its-Uniqueness, help them. Senior practitioner of the art of understanding and manipulating the essence of the world-forming and life-giving properties of the universe name redacted, please devise a way to apply the ultra-fine scanning method we developed last night on a square-mile scale. High academician name redacted and Professor name redacted, provide assistance." As the translation fairies of various alponies provided their 'Yes, Twilight's, the lavender alien in question lowered her head and let out small noises. "She now recites a personalized and ritualistic litany", Twilight's fairy said, "that she has devised to calm herself in these kinds of situations. It is expressed as a list of bullet points. An approximate translation follows: "Before panicking as a result of an unexpected development, check first: "One: Whether or not the development actually is catastrophic or otherwise undesirable "One, additional: If catastrophic, stop now and prevent casualties before continuing with the checklist "Two: Whether or not it is possible act in a more productive manner than currently "Three: Whether or not you are actually to blame for the development "Three, additional: Consult friends and independent observers for more accurate results "Four: If culpable, determine whether an apology or reparations function as a remedy to the development "Five: If culpable, and an apology or reparations are not sufficient, determine whether or not guilt is productive in the current situation "Six: If guilt is the correct emotional response, seek to determine what manner of changes in behavioral patterns are advisable in preventing future unpleasant or catastrophic occurrences of similar nature "Seven: If guilt can be assumed, and it is expected that similar occurrences will continue to happen despite any changes in behavioral patterns, or the said changes are contradictory to your sense of self, determine, preferably with the help of friends and outside observers, whether removing your presence for all eternity would be more or less helpful in the long term" "Um," Prof. Jackson ventured, "bad news, I take it?" "She says," Twilight's fairy answered, "that an alpony particularly sensitive to workings of plant life reports a presence in your soil indicative of contamination by the properties of their home universe." The lavender alpony straightened up and narrowed her eyes, raising one hoof to her chest. "She declares," Twilight's fairy explained, "with heroic conviction, that the situation as now observed, merits decisive action. Name redacted, she says referring to the young dragon on her back, take a letter." * * * "...and so, after being briefed by Professor Morris on the protocols of your diplomacy, as well as your political system, I established communications with your executive branch, in order to ask your preferences for the future proceedings between our two peoples. In candid honesty, I can admit that as far as we know, should we return to our home universe and close the door behind us, any changes to the integrity of your world should vanish." "Can you guarantee that?" the president asked weakly. "Absolutely not," the ambassador replied through the pleasant monotone of her translator. "Our experts say that any such changes exist only in the presence of active 'aetheric tension', to use the misleading name given to the phenomenon. However, since they have no idea why such tension exists in our universe and not in yours, I cannot in good conscience claim perfect disappearance of contamination." "And what kind of effects does this contamination have?" "So far," the ambassador's fairy translated, "neither the alponies or the human experts have noticed any kind of effects the contamination has beyond existing. However, the worst imaginable effects would be your entire universe attempting to conform to principles of existence completely alien to it." After a pause, the ambassador continued. "Such an effect would not appear suddenly." "Ah," the president said. "And if you stay?" "Currently we are modifying the containment dome to permanently prevent anything organic to leave or enter the area. The dome may be expanded, if necessary, up to eight miles in diameter and height. It should be noted that such expansion might not be advisable without a clear and present danger, as the volume within will be subject to contamination. Also, deva Twilight, the leader of our expedition, is prepared to accelerate our mutual understanding by providing you with a database compatible with your devices, detailing the alpony science and culture. "As this database does not currently exist, this would mean exploiting the fact that we can connect points in time between universes rather freely. As such, she feels it would be improper to proceed without humanity's permission. To protect causality, the database will only contain our knowledge to the date of our arrival here, and will appear no earlier than when you have given permission." "That's considerate of you," the president said distantly. "If you will excuse me for a moment, Your Excellency? I would like to discuss the matter with my cabinet." "Of course, Madam President," the ambassador said through the fairy, both of them smiling widely and disturbingly human-like. The president watched as the alien retreated a few steps and turned slightly away from the screen, directing its attention to a pile of documents it levitated in front of its face. The president sighed and rested her face in her hands. "I doubt I understood half of what's going on," she said through her hands. "Are they serious? Are we screwed? Are we being played with?" Sergeant Major Battaglia, recently arrived to Washington to facilitate communication between the White House and the Kitalpha project, cleared his throat. "The analysts suggest that the alponies are being frank. There is a disconnect between the amount of risk and the somewhat alarmist tone of their warnings, but that may be due to their desire to be honest with us while not being familiar with the subtleties of our language. After all, their translation...equipment is less than twenty-four hours old. "Furthermore, if they were being dishonest with us, it's rather hard to see what the point would be. Admittedly, expanding the dome could be the point of the ruse...but why bother, really? At the moment it still is a threat only they can sense with effects they can only speculate, so it's not like we're being attacked with the dome. And if we were, they wouldn't have made the ruse." "And time travel?" the president asked skeptically. "Seriously?" "Actually," Dr. Tyson said enthusiastically. "That one's logical in light of some of our own hypotheses about the multiverse and the nature of reality as a whole. See, if time is simply a property of the universe, I mean, that it doesn't exist on its own beyond physical reality, or matter, then to travel between universes would mean selecting the entry-point in space-time at will. I mean, appearing at a certain moment is not any different from appearing in a certain point in space. The only difficulty really comes in calculating the energy required to alter the whole space-time continuum, because that's what one would be doing in that case. However, because they are here, they obviously can. It's just a part of inter-universal travel. We can just be glad they're so into protecting causality. I don't really want to see what an induced time paradox would look like." "Could you explain the multiverse bit to me, Neil?" the president said. "Well," Dr. Tyson spoke quickly, "classically speaking, Madam President, imagine that our existence is not unique, and that everything we can survey, the whole cosmos which we call the universe, is actually just a small, minuscule part of the actual everything there is: a single possibility out of an infinity of all possible worlds! This is what we would call the multiverse. "Now, one possible construction of the multiverse, the many-worlds interpretation of quantum physics, would place so-called parallel universes next to each other - this is Everett's Universal Wavefunction, where the properties of wave-particles are explained by the interaction between the parallel possible paths of particles...sorry, Madam President, um, well, obviously these alponies are not from a parallel universe, so this might indicate that instead of a multidimensional series of universes only slightly different from each other there's a collection of universes born from some other principle without any parallelity." He paused to think a bit. "Or not, I'm sure the alponies can tell us more. Or might have already, we're waiting for the next report. "But in any case, an infinity of infinities! All the possible combinations matter and energy can take, with all the physical laws and behaviors possible! And when thinking of time as a dimension of those combinations, it would also mean an infinity of universes similar to each other, maybe with only one small difference, say, a spin of a single particle! Whether or not they can be said to be parallel or not, they are sure to exist!" He paused for the slightest of moments. "Well, unless the multiverse isn't infinite, of course, but I can't see how that would be possible. Maybe if the multiverse is actually just a universe with compartmentalized parts. Can't really tell whether or not that is the case. Need to ask the alponies, if they've managed to map the multiverse. I would expect they have been about a bit, since they're from so 'far' away," Dr. Tyson said, making little air quotes, "that they have practically no idea about our physics! They actually freaked out when we started telling them what our cosmos looks like and how big it is! Where they come from it's like a topological Swiss cheese!" "Yes, thank you, Neil," the president said. "As fascinating as that is, we'll need to focus on actionable matters. If I understood the gist of your explanation there, by simply coming here, they changed future history, and now they want to make a slight correction. Apparently for our benefit." "That's about it," Dr. Tyson agreed. "Okay. And if we simply ask them kindly to leave and never come back and cover up that anything world-shattering ever happened?" the president asked. "Apparently that's an option. Should we?" "Well," Dr. Tyson stammered, "No!" He grasped for words for a whole second before continuing. "I mean, let's forget the contamination thing. Let's even forget all the knowledge we could gain! For a moment. "Think about what I said about the multiverse, Madam President. It's infinite! I mean, really infinite, with absolutely everything in it. Now, what if some of that everything is dangerous to us, and capable of travelling between universes? Our next visitors could be our last!" The president rapped her fingers against the table, seemingly deep in thought. The sergeant major frowned. "Are you suggesting that the next visitors might be hostile, Doctor?" "Well, no," Dr. Tyson said. "I mean, yes, there is certainly an inter-dimensional race of raiding Huns somewhere out there, just because it's possible, but I don't consider there to be very many of those. Because that kind of behavior is simply stupid, whether or not you have the intelligence to understand that. So, by a simple process of natural selection, there can't be very many inter-universal wars going on. "What I'm suggesting is more like the disease scenario they are worried about in the Kitalpha. Maybe it's even happened before in Earth's history! Maybe even the source of life on Earth came from another universe! Anyway, just consider how young we are as a species. Few thousand years of recorded history. About hundred thousand years of looking like we do now. Maybe a couple million years of fire and primitive tools. And still we managed to meet a species from another universe in the life-time of our species! "Now, it's possible we were just lucky, but it's more likely that this sort of thing happens with great frequency in the multiverse. See, when dealing with infinity, the trick is not to think in definite numbers of occurrences but in their frequency over time. So, events that we would consider unique happen most only once in a universe's lifetime, whereas something probable happens with a much greater frequency. "Thus, simply from the presence of the alponies here, we can infer, if not prove, that inter-universal travel is fairly frequent. Like I said, we can't prove it. Not yet. But by mapping the multiverse, we could! And that's something we need the alponies for! They have the means! They can teach us." "Risk assessment," sgt. major Battaglia said, nodding. "Hm," the president said, and unmuted the connection to the alien ambassador. "Your Excellency? A moment of your time, please." The ambassador immediately turned to face the screen with a smile - or an imitation of a human smile, perhaps - on her face. "Certainly, Madam President," the translation fairy said. "Are there...well, are there existential threats in the multiverse that might threaten humanity?" There was a pause as the ambassador apparently pondered her words. Eventually the translation fairy on her head waved her hoof in a so-so movement. "The clear majority of the threats the alponies have faced have existed in their local reality manifold," the fairy translated. "The class of uncertain cases is being examined, with only the mythical all-encompassing soul-devouring sludge of the legends of our primitive sun-worshiping ancestors that caused them to flee from their ancestral home having so far been confirmed to originate from a part of the multiverse outside our native area. "Our experts do say, however, that there is no reason why any imaginable threat wouldn't exist somewhere, up to and including a universe-devouring entity of unstoppable hunger and misery. As we see it, the smart thing is to keep a lookout and an escape route ready. "Happily," the translator finished with a smile that seemed oddly matched with its neutral tone, "almost all of the multiverse we've seen so far consists of peace and happiness with only the occasional spot of manageable danger here and there." "Ah," the president said. "Can you estimate the likelihood of us being victimized by such...threats?" "Our knowledge of such things is frankly limited," the fairy said, "but based on what we know so far there is no need to worry so far." "Thank you, Ambassador," the president said. "We'll inform you of our decision shortly." As the ambassador bowed out and picked up her reading again, the president turned to her advisers. "So," the president summarized, "it seems like we shouldn't kick them out before we've had the chance to learn everything we can from them." "Indeed," Lieutenant Evans, her other military attache said. "Not only that, Madam President," the sergeant major said. "There is also the matter of materials and technology inaccessible otherwise. I've just gone through the report on the properties of the alien material we received from the alponies, as well as the discussion Major Quais had with the alpony chief of engineers. According to him, once we get trade going, we could be getting as much as annual hundred thousand tonnes of construction material with predetermined properties custom-tailored to our needs. The pylon we got from the alponies had the approximate density of styrofoam and hardness exceeding carbon nano-tubes! And according to the alpony engineer they can change the grain of the thing to whatever we want! The possibilities are unimaginable!" "Not to mention that the economy could sorely use something the consumer can't reproduce on a 3D printer at home," the secretary of commerce said. "The most recent stock fluctuation may mark the beginning of the end for the traditional manufacturing industry. Although I'm not particularly looking forward to seeing what happens on Wall Street in the immediate aftermath of publicizing the alponies' existence, once they realize the emergence of a completely new avenue of trade, I can't expect there'll be any way but up. Let's face it, the world economy is about to tank badly without this." "Unless we start adopting to a post-scarcity economy the European way," the president said, and paused. "Yes, political suicide. Forget I mentioned anything." "And that's just one thing," Lieutenant Evans said. "The Kitalpha reports are updating constantly with the most amazing things. There are mentions here about weather control, teleportation, of course the levitation thing we've been witnessing all the while... if we can learn to reproduce, or even gain access to these technologies, we can solve so many existing problems, and of course, create whole new industries utilizing them. Absolutely clean energy being one of them. Getting rid of that pesky global climate change would be another." "The oil and coal companies wouldn't like it," the secretary of commerce said, pursing his lips. "We'd probably need to subsidize their transition to whatever energy source you're talking about." The president sighed. "I think the real implications are even more profound, gentlemen." She paused to observe the questioning glances. "If I understood you properly, Neil, you're saying we can find everything in the multiverse. Including copies of our own universe, am I right?" At Dr. Tyson's nod, the president looked at Sgt. Major Battaglia. "And I take it we have determined that gaining the technology to study the multiverse is a must?" "Yes, Ma'am," the sergeant major said. "Then," the president said, "it's only a matter of time before policy decisions are made by studying the consequences they have on near-identical universes." She sighed again. "This is going to so mess with politics. Even if party leaders and other political actors would be willing to claim their ideology is the right one and look for the one world that supports their claim, money is going to be going where it will multiply." She looked gravely around the table. "Gentlemen, we may be looking at the rise of an era of politics based on unvarnished truth." She sighed again, after a moment of silence. "So, we are to dismiss the risk of an epidemic because we want alien toys," she said, and steepled her hands. "How can we dress that up? Jerry?" "We are preparing America against the risks of the unknown which the appearance of the new friends of humanity exposed, while building a better future with their help," the president's political adviser said. "We are merely taking every precaution against...no, scratch that, we are emphatic about multiversal hygiene." The president weighed his words for a while in her head and nodded. "Change 'the risks of unknown' to something snappier, and find an alternative to 'exposed'. It sounds dirty. What about my speech otherwise? Vague but optimistic, yes?" "Absolutely," the political adviser said. "With these recent developments, I think you should start with just acknowledging the existence of aliens, and our project of learning about and befriending them. Then move on to the great and inspiring prospects this new discovery promises to humanity in general and America in particular. I think you can safely posit in this context that America is part of the world without offending the opposition." "Speaking of which," the president said, "I should probably ask my international colleagues what they think about the time-travelling database." She paused for a moment and tapped her chin. "Hm. Deva Twilight? That's...not very good, is it? Can we call her something else?" "Well," the political adviser said, "the speech writers weren't happy about this, but since many of her functions as the alpony leader boil down to the aspect of 'first', as in first to act, first to react, first to go to danger, first to go to when something's wrong and so on, she could technically be a princess. After all, 'first' is the root of the word, although it probably meant a first-born originally, and her title isn't hereditary." "Princess Twilight," the president mused, and grinned. "My inner little girl loves it." * * * In the Royal Palace of Canterlot, the princesses of the day and the night were entertaining the princess of Crystal Empire and her prince consort in the Fuchsia Tea Room while resting from a day of doing something less exciting than visiting other universes, when a burst of dragon fire suddenly formed into a shape of a scroll in front of them. "I'll say," princess Luna declared, "Twilight's theory worked!" "Of course it did," princess Celestia said, smiling, and spread the scroll for them to read. Dear Luna and Celestia (and Cadance and Shiny as well, if they are reading this instead of their own letter which will be arriving soon) "Ooh," Cadance said, as she stuck her head between the Equestrian diarchy. "It's from Twiley! What does she say? Has she found a dashing stallion for her herd?" I'm happy to report that the past few days have been a resounding success in inter-universal friendship and gathering of knowledge! This world is amazing, and its indigenous people both friendly and brilliant. Without magic, they have managed a control over the physical properties of their world we ponies have barely dreamed of! You simply must read the reports detailing the construction of a molecular logic device that can function both as a storage for information as well as a mathematical decision-making machine. Imbued with a purposeful magical construct, it could easily become the greatest scientist ponydom has ever known! "Inform the Twilight Guard that there is a possibility of an out-of-control magi-technical experiment at works in the Expedition," princess Celestia said gently to a royal guard. "Make sure proper controls and precautions are in place." However, I must admit to a possible blunder in basic multiversal hygiene. As I rushed to bridge the communication gap between us and the indigenous people of this world (consider the gap bridged), I missed an early warning sign of magical integration of the universe's matter. As of now, only Applejack's team of earth ponies are able to sense the slightest of magics within the native grass, but there is a distinct possibility of native bacteria having been infused with magic as well. As the indigenous people would be completely defenseless against a magical disease, and because our own understanding of their world is so primitive, I have decided to reciprocate their generous gift of all their knowledge in a storing device smaller than my hoof (Oh, it is so wonderful! When I come back, I must take you to see the vastness of houhnhymn library of libraries!) with a similar and compatible device containing all of our knowledge on magic and its workings (as well as everything else, because why not?). Due to the potential risk involved, I have decided to send this gift back in time to me as soon as the houhnhymns give me their permission to do so (assuming they do). Obviously, to preserve causality, this data storage cannot contain any conclusions I or others may be making after I receive it. Therefore I call upon the formation of a monastic order of volunteers of a scholarly persuasion to create a grand encyclopedia detailing all our knowledge up to the date of our arrival in this strange world. I will join them in their task after my return, and to complete its rendering into houhnhymn form. Also, because our translation matrix became autonomously sapient, I would ask the order to take care of its individual expressions of symbiotic intelligence. They call themselves the translation fairies. The three princesses glanced at each other. Then, Luna cleared her throat and with a great flash from her horn projected her image unto the sky of Equestria and made a royal proclamation. "Hear ye, hear ye, all the bookworms of Equestria! The Princess of Magic, Her Royal Highness Twilight Sparkle thus calls any willing pony to step forth and practice a life of scholarly seclusion in the grand project of assembling all pony knowledge in a single encyclopedia of grand stature! "It shall be known as...the Twilipedia! And the acolytes to compile it as...the Twilipedists! "Let this be done!" As Celestia shook her head slightly, Cadance let out a tiny sob and smiled. "Oh, my little Twiley is the mother of a new species!" * * * In a dark green tent overlooking the spot where Twilight kept opening her carbon-blocking safety dome for incoming indigenous personnel suspected of having been in contact with contaminated material, the pony princess was multitasking between learning the houhnhymns' science, teaching them the ponies' understanding of the world and especially magic, studying the reports from the research teams trying to crack the mystery of anomalous excess tension and controlling the carbon block. Two of the native scientists whose expertise lied in physics and mathematics were with her trying to overcome the innate mental restrictions on understanding imposed by knowledge and upbringing under different rules, while communicating over distance with their off-site colleagues for additional insights. Several other houhnhymns, apparently part of their guard organization, were being helpful in that task. "So," Twilight said, projecting the image of the houhnhymn equations for gravity and space-time in the air, "these equations actually describe the form your universe takes, matter, time and space itself following the curvature of gravity?" "They respond with affirmation," the translation fairy said, needing less and less to rely on direct mind-to-mind transfer of vague concepts as its capabilities grew. "Hm. Let's see..." Twilight mused. "Could you give me some numbers on the masses and distances involved?" The houhnhymns gave her a list of numbers on their wonderful tablet devices, depicting the composition of their solar system. The size of it made Twilight's head swim a bit. "Astonishing!" she commented breathlessly. "Your universe is truly huge! The entirety of the Equestrian local world could fit inside your...what do you call this? The concentration of mass that makes up this sphere we're on right now. Fascinating how gravity causes it to circle around your sun...I take it the day and night are caused by the sphere spinning on its axis. Why is that?" "They reply with some confusion," the translation fairy supplied. "The one with the black mane would like to know what you mean by local world and would like to know what it looks like, while the one with the enthusiastic nose claims that their universe is immensely larger than just this system." While Twilight took some time to get a grasp of the size of the Milky way, trying in vain to imagine a collection of a hundred billion suns, each equally gargantuan at the very least as the behemoth in the center of the houhnhymn solar system, which by itself dwarfed the vast collection of matter the creatures made their home, herself as an infinitesimal speck on its surface, and finally reaching beyond the galaxy to at least intellectually grasp a universe trillions of times larger then the star swirl, Dr. Kuhn attempted to understand the map of the Equestrian locals provided by Twilight. "It's...unbelievably large," Twilight said weakly. "The only thing I can compare it to is the projected multiverse...and to imagine that all this showed up only as an echo in the matrix..." "The black-maned one expresses astonishment as well, if in another direction," the translation fairy said. "Now he and the spotty mathematician are discussing the mathematical constructs needed to explain your map." It paused. "They request a confirmation from you that you reside normally in a universe that is porous in nature." "Oh yes," Twilight said, shaking herself free from the mental image of hugeness inside immensity vanishing inside enormity lost in an infinity, "that's the local part of the multiverse. It's possible to cross world lines just by going the right way at the right time. An entire species called the Breezies routinely crosses the local universes through periodically opening portals in their natural migration. Theoretically, what we call the Equestrian plane is infinite, and you could find the most amazing things just by walking on. "Multiversally speaking, to answer an earlier question about the structure of multiverse, the Equestrian cluster consists of the parallel universes recreating the Equestrian plane in all of its possible permutations. This cluster is also rather easily traversed, and some of our best minds have posited that its existence may be the reason for our rather flexible history. The past changes occasionally, you see; a well documented fact of history occasionally mistaken for fiction. Beyond the cluster is what one might like to call the true multiverse, with worlds following truly different rules of existence. Because their magical principles differ so wildly from ours, we haven't been able to observe them properly yet. "Then there is you, without magic at all. We were really surprised to actually notice you at all, but apparently you are 'near' the edge of a cluster that does have magical properties, and the existence of your civilization is enough to resonate in that cluster." "The dark maned one repeats again his question about the nature of magic," the translation fairy said. "I still use the placeholder names for the various phenomenons we agreed upon." "What exactly is 'aetheric tension'?" Dr. Kuhn asked with increasing tension of his own. The alien universe seemed more weird the more they asked about it, and his enthusiasm at learning new things warred with his frustration at not being able to understand it all at once. The lavender alien began its explanation by producing a mass of alpony equations with their human transcriptions floating next to them. "She says the structure of their home universe is a good place to start the explanation," the translation fairy said, "as what we have agreed to name as the 'aetheric field', though I still maintain the Force would be a better match, is not so much a field as it is the way matter and energy organize themselves. 'Aetheric tension' is thus the amount and proportion with which these fundamental principles-" The equation group Dr. Kuhn recognized as the 'Big Six' flashed and enlarged a bit. Finally, he thought. "-are in effect in the chosen area, object, process, causal relation or other imperative. "Before explaining these equations more closely, she wishes you to know that the alponies' current understanding of these fundamental principles is based on a history of observation, practice, spirituality and philosophy. She emphasizes that they have very recently made changes in their understanding of these principles that challenge long-standing truths, and she thus thinks it likely that their current understanding may be equally insufficient." "The way of scientific progress," Dr. Kuhn said and nodded energetically. "Please, please continue." "Originally thought to represent the Elements of Harmony in their abstract form," Twilight lectured happily, "which were later revealed to be the rather more complex structures caused by the Tree of Harmony which upholds life in Equestria, the six fundamental principles represented by these equations nevertheless hold names and functions that are closely related. "It is in fact completely possible that our local Tree of Harmony is an imperfect image of a more fundamental complex that influences the magic of the whole Equestrian cluster. This, however, steers us unnecessarily close to the infamous 'Origin' debate, which is unfortunately tainted by the tribalist claims of the ancient Unicorn Kingdom that the unicorns were the most 'pure' and 'divine' of the pony tribes as their connection to magic was taken to mark their closeness to the Origin of perfection where the ponies were said to have begun. "It is sad that later, more rational lines of thought, such as the theory of a perfect universe as implied by the existence of the multiverse are still tainted by that primitive tribalism and prevent the reasoned discussion of pony origins, but...I am apparently rambling. "The six fundamentals. Ahem. The six fundamentals are, in no particular order: Integrity, which can be understood as an identity's existence and the tendency of that which is to remain as it is. Change, which is the tendency for things and structures to become something other than what they are. Sympathy, which describes the property of separate entities to become each other, in the sense of occupying the same material or principally ordered position and task in the universe. Harmony, which describes things and structures resonating and ordering themselves in a way that result in emergent properties and new levels of interaction. Antipathy, which maintains the separateness of entities from each other, thus allowing the existence of anything other than a singularity. And Propagation, which describes the tendency of Change and Antipathy to result in new entities. "As you can see, mathematically it is almost, but not quite possible to describe other equations of the group in terms of any one, but there always remains unsolvable problems, if tried. "Now, in the Equestrian cluster, the ordering of matter and energy is always affected by the compounded harmonics in the magical field of these six fundamentals. The ponies' innate ability to sense and affect these harmonics give them their names. To use a popular metaphor, the intensity of a magical field is like the thrumming of a tensed spring. Thus, 'tension'. Several concurrent tensions create a harmony. Changes in the field create a melody. Thus, a spell or an enchantment is like a song played with the instrument that is the world itself. In fact, the form a heart song takes is actually determined by the harmonics of the pony or ponies in question. "More interestingly, sapience, sentience and life itself follow the form of these natural harmonics. Thus, it is imperative to consider everything you encounter may, in fact, be simply differently sapient, rather than an unfeeling thing. We completely understand the harmonics of only very basic life forms. If, for instance, one models a flower by using the fundamentals as a starting point-" "Holy-" Dr. Argyle started, as the alien leader continued her explanation. "Have you considered that your entire universe may be an artifact? I mean, the way you describe it...it sounds like the whole world is actually a computational substrate." "She says the possibility is sound," the translation fairy said after a while, "and at times raised in academic discussions, but that at that stage the distinction between 'naturally sapience-inducing' and 'designed to be natural' is pragmatically meaningless. Whether one's destiny arises from a universe's desire to express and imagine itself or is the result of an unimaginably great intelligence creating the universe in its image is irrelevant beside the necessity to mold that destiny." "Nice metaphor," Dr. Argyle said distantly. Then he paled. "No, wait. You mean that literally. The way those fundamentals work...you guys actually do have destinies! You're like...sentient puppets!" He swallowed. "And that's what this contamination would do to us!" To his mortification, the lavender alien let out a sound which the fairy translated as laughter. "Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha," the fairy intoned in its normal tone. "She apologizes for expressing amusement, but says it was not directed at your existential dread but at the irony that resides in the fact that some of the alpony academicians claimed that creatures such as you should not be classified as 'living' at all in the absence of a fate." "She's right in that it isn't really important," Dr. Kuhn said. "Really, Greg. Must you always jump to speculation? Why don't we just concentrate on getting our understanding of our respective universes in shape?" "Just a moment," Dr. Argyle said. "Carmichael had this question that could shed some light on this. Um, Madam Twilight, if you don't mind, how do you alponies procreate? I mean, we haven't noticed any reproductive organs on you guys." The alpony changed color in a very blush-like manner. "She expresses non-verbal embarrassment," the translation fairy said. After a pause, Twilight began speaking quietly and the fairy continued. "She says that when alponies love each other very much their bodies will respond to the feeling by preparing for procreation. She says that she can provide anatomically accurate illustrations if you so require, but wishes for you to keep in mind that the subject matter is considered delicate in their culture, intimate property of a herd and their male. Unlike you, they don't keep their reproductive organs on display." "What," Major Quais asked, having arrived behind the two doctors just in time to hear the last phrase, "exactly were you talking about?" "Existential threats," Dr. Argyle replied with a small blush in his neck. "Well," Major Quais said, turning to Twilight, "I came to inform Madam Twilight that the International Committee of Extraterrestrial Relations has given its approval to produce a data storage by using temporal manipulation. Personally, I think they are nuts." "She assures you that all precautions will be taken to avoid harming causality," the translation fairy said. "Wait," Dr. Kuhn said. "Do we actually even share the same concept of causality? I mean, do we agree on the order of events?" Twilight projected another equation in the air. "She says this is how they understand the working of time currently," the translation fairy said. "In this case it is advisable to ignore the causal effects that ripple towards the past, as they only apply to such aetheric effects as destiny or precognition." Dr. Kuhn and Dr. Argyle studied the equation for a moment. "It looks the same as ours," Dr. Argyle said eventually. Dr. Kuhn grunted. "I still suspect something is going to go wrong with this," he said in a low voice. "The legends of the Pegasus must have come somewhere. How exactly will this work?" he asked from Twilight. "Can you project something to another universe with such accuracy?" "She says they have very little accuracy at all," the translation fairy said. "She says that they were only able to connect the multiversal gate on their home end to her personal time only because she was here to anchor it. From the perspective of alponies' home universe, she could have just as easily been gone for a thousand years as they simply homed the gate in on her signal. She intends to use the same effect to home in on her own signal she will produce momentarily once she has finished compiling the database at some point in the future." "Wait," Dr. Argyle said in turn. "Are you telling me that you came here blind? Twilight, ma'am? How did you even know it was safe? How did you know you wouldn't immediately perish on arrival?" "She says they sent a construct as a probe," the translation fairy said. "The readings they got from it were very clearly in the safe zone in all aspects they were able to imagine. Since the probe was targeted at your civilization, it was assumed the environment would be similar on arrival. For the rest, she risked her abilities against the unknown." "A probe, huh?" Major Quais commented dryly. "Wonder where that ended up." Beside a cairn of stones raised in the honor of the sun goddess Athana in a primitive land that would later be known as Hellas, a man in ragged clothes and old wounds prostrated himself in a desperate prayer. The son of deposed king Glaucus, the man known simply as the Exile hoped against hope that the goddess would send him a blessing, a simple sign that his life was still worth living. So it was, that at the exact moment that he raised his teary eyes to the sky, perhaps for the last time, the sky opened and a great creature that resembled a blindingly white wild horse, but with huge wings and a horn appeared as a visage in the clouds. "Τι το γκακιά λέξη!ο είναι αυτό?!" the man exclaimed. "The first idea I had," Twilight explained, "was to call off our expedition and close the gate while one pony would have stayed behind. Then, after we had managed to process all the data we gathered here and complete the database for your use, we could have opened the gate at the pony's signal, appearing with answers at practically the exact moment we left. "This, however, would have been horrible for the pony in question, as she would have had to return to an Equestria years older than she. So, I thought, 'why not simply send the database once it will be complete'? If it will turn out to be possible to connect to another point in time even while the time of both universes is synchronized, once I am in Equestria I will be able to connect to a signal I will perform here and now at any time I choose." She powered her horn for a gate opening. "Hope this works," she said. "Otherwise we'll have to go back to the other plan." A bright flash illuminated the natives' dark tent for a second, leaving behind a cheerfully painted flash drive marked with Twilight's cutie mark. "Excellent," she said with a smile. "I will make this once my work here is done! Houhnhymn friends, consider this a gift from my people to you. If my intentions do not change, this should contain the annotated entirety of our science, philosophy and culture up to about three days ago." * * * "So," Specialist Farley, Matthew, of the CoE, Southwest division, said to the white, sturdy-looking alien in gleaming breastplate next to him with a smaller version of the alpony, apparently called a 'translation fairy', which Farley found hilarious, stationed on top of its head. Both of the alien creatures were standing in apparent attention, eyes fixed straight forward, although Farley's experienced eyes noticed the alpony taking advantage of the coolness of the mobile generator casing beside the pair. It was a comfortable place to enjoy the late afternoon sun. "You're a soldier too, huh?" Farley asked. "Affirmative," the translation fairy said in a low but unthreatening voice a moment after the alien bleated gruffly. "Seen any action?" Farley asked after a moment. The alpony raised its hoof next to a lengthy scar beneath its eye. "Got this while defending the capital against an invasion force of identity-stealing, shapeshifting psychic vampires," the fairy translated. Farley whistled. "Happen often, that kind of stuff?" he asked. The alpony twitched. Its fairy mimicked a human shrug. After a while, Farley raised his shirt, exposing a puckered scar of a gunshot wound below his ribs. "Got this in Iraq back in '06," he said. "Insurgent. Nearly cost my life." The alpony's eyes focused on the scar for a moment, before rising to meet Farley's eyes. "Nice," the fairy said. "What kind of weapon does that?" "AK-47," Farley said. "Er, it's a type of assault rifle. Shoots a pound of hot metal in thirty slugs in about twenty seconds at twice the speed of sound. Not too accurate, but cheap and reliable." "Deadly," the alpony commented through its fairy, then pulled aside some of its coat to show some unevenly scarred skin beneath. "Directed lightning." "Farley," Farley said, and offered his hand. "Name redacted," the fairy said as the alpony soldier put his hoof into Farley's hand. As they shook limbs, a pink alpony went by on cartwheels. "Woo," the small figure of the alpony's translation figure peeking from the mess of fuchsia mane said in careful intonation. "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious." "Who was that?" Farley asked. "Avatar Happy-Happy-Pink-Fun-Joy-Joy," the soldier alpony's translation fairy said. "Avatar?" Farley repeated. "An avatar of what?" The alpony grunted shortly. "The virtue of facing the absurd, the horrible and the antithetic to life and welfare, whether the cause is societal, natural or eldritch with a community-strengthening upheaval of that which is stiflingly normative," the fairy translated. Farley thought about this for a while. "You guys have comedy as a virtue?" he asked. "Nice." * * * Doctor Kuhn was tele-conferencing a colleague about the results of analyzing the alpony physics, feeling ever so slightly nervous about the matter. His well-honed sense of the scientific kept telling him that they were dealing with nonsense, causing him to feel as if he was being pranked. It took all of his intellectual integrity to maintain any open-mindedness. "It's feasible," the physicist at the other end said. "The stuff appears internally consistent, with just enough oddities we would expect from a natural science that develops in a physical universe. So, they probably aren't too wrong about all this." "I was rather hoping you would tell me they're practical jokers," Dr. Kuhn said grimly. "There's more," the other physicist said. "At Dr. Pierce's suggestion, we interpreted the dynamic workings of the Big Six as if they were interactions in string theory. We had to use branes to make it work, hah, sorry, pun unintended, but it can be done." "Seriously?" Dr. Kuhn said, perking up. "Oh yes," the other physicist said. "Again, there's no inkling in the mathematics on how any specific configuration or initial state emerges, although if the multiverse hypothesis is now confirmed, there might be no need for that. Additionally, if these dynamics are actually in effect, there must be something causing the constant realignment of these...superstring harmonics. Perhaps something even more elementary than strings." "Yes, obviously," Dr. Kuhn said distractedly, his eyes flitting across the room as his brain supplied visions of approximated mathematics. "So, if the alponies evolved in an environment with a...flexible state of brane interaction, while ours is relatively stiff...what does it mean? They say their universe is sapience-inducing...does their physics start at a higher level of ordering than ours? Can we model this stuff?" The other physicist shrugged. "Eventually, maybe," he said. "The computers are producing...oddly good results at the moment, so I'm feeling more positive about that than usual, but this nut will still take years, decades, maybe generations to crack." Dr. Kuhn rapped his knuckles against his chin. "Hm," he murmured. "The alponies don't appear very advanced technologically...they don't need to be...I wonder what will happen when we teach them how serious computing works..." * * * "She repeats the negative expression," Twilight's translation fairy supplied as the alien leader crossed over each source of tension her teams had recovered. Finally, she threw her hooves in the air and whinnied loudly. "A grunt of exasperation," the fairy said. "She says: 'this doesn't add up. There must be a source of aetheric tension unaccounted for." "Hm," Major Quais said. "I didn't mean to mention this in case it was diplomatically uncouth, but some of our advanced battleships noticed some anomalies about the dome in their sensors. We figured they might be your troops under some kind of hyper-advanced camouflage, but if that would happen to not be the case...?" The alpony leader stared at him for a moment with its mouth open, then slammed its hoof on its face. "She cursed mildly," the translation fairy said. "She says: 'I apologize profusely, I forgot I told our guards to maintain a low profile. You're probably spotting them.' An expression of horrified contrition. She says: 'If you are able to notice them, you must think we are horribly duplicitous. Honestly, we merely wanted to have sufficient number of security personnel on the site for a safe retreat in face of possible hostility without provoking any with their number. I'll ask them to remove their cover." "Just a moment, ma'am," the major said. "I'll inform everyone what you're about to do so there won't be any...misjudgments." * * * Petty Officer Harris of the CG-54i Antietam maintained a watchful eye on his radar screen, keeping notes of the positions, movements and changes of the anomalous readings it reported. "Eight new contacts," he announced suddenly, in a controlled voice. "I repeat, eight new contacts appearing at the Kitalpha ground zero." "Are you sure?" Captain Hale asked with a frown. "They're not the anomalies?" "Yes, sir. No, sir," petty officer Harris said. "The anomalies are still there. The new contacts appeared out of nowhere." "I see," the captain said slowly.