This story is a sequel to A Colt Once Forgotten
Their mission was to drop into Pakistan and retrieve a CIA asset, a quick in-and-out rescue op. But the op was more than a little odd; communication with command was immediately lost, a cloud bank appeared seemingly from nowhere, and the CIA lost its people in even an shadier way than usual. Pararescuemen Jack "Frost" McDaniel and Harris "Duke" Sky will soon learn that there is a lot more happening in this not-so-simple rescue operation than anyone could ever have known.
Preread by the incredibly talented totallynotabrony
Chapters (73)
Fuck yes, a PJ story. Haven't even read it, giving a like and Fav
DAMMIT!!!!
I had a Story that was EXACTLY that title just not posted yet!
Oh well, snooze ya lose
A tad bit of constructive criticism, mostly on your quotation. As is a rule, every time someone speaks it is a separate paragraph. As it is now, that would mean a lot of paragraphs. The problem lies in that you have many quotes that are only one or two words long. Even in military fics, quotes should only be used when the characters have something to say, not just simple orders. Instead of two small fragments, combine them into a compound sentence. Like so:
Could be written: "Alright, Do you speak English?" Frost said, the stallion struggling weakly under his boot.
As a general comment, there is just too much talking done in this story, it should be toned down to when it is absolutely necessary to the story.
Well, thats the end of my quasi-rant. So far I like the story, and expect to see more in the future. Liked.
it's really hard to read as it is right now, i suggest dividing it into paragraphs. it is much easier for the eyes of the reader
I really hate to be "that guy" but my inner /k/ommando won't let me not say this. okay, here goes.
1) the united states military does not issue any handgun (with the exception of the FNH 45 tactical) made by fabrique nationalle
2) the hk 416 uses a gas piston operating system similar to the Avtomat Kalashnikov series of russian military rifles, the united states military almost exclusively uses direct impingement (basically means that the rifle shits where it eats)
3) the united states military also does not use the mp7 as NATO has tested, and verified that the 9mm luger cartridge was more effective and cost efficient than the 4.7 x 30
Other than that, it's pretty much accurate. Additionally, I fervently enjoyed the fact that you actually called mags, mags. and not clips.
sorry, but I've gotta be "that guy" again
yeahsorryno.mpg2000
there is no such thing as 100x binocs, you can get 10x10 which would be 100 times magnification, unless that's what you meant, in that case, why am I still even writing?
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seriously doe, other than that it was great, favorited and liked.
2471010
In Skymall, I saw 150x binoculars. Figured I might as well go with something big. But that is of probably what the Skymall magazine meant (10x15 or something).
Also, I never said that they were issued the weapons. There are guidelines for special forces on having your own weapons. "Mark Owen" who wrote No Easy Day had an HK416 and an MP7 for his weapons.
But I appreciate the comment.
2469235
Thanks, I'll fix my writing. I've never been clear about the format for dialogue.
Again, thanks, and I will be sure to do that in the future.
Needs spacing between paragraphs
Cpl. Jack “Frost” McDaniel... Corporal? Uh, that's not an Air Force rank.
Not sure why there are F-22's and B-2's at Pope. That's just the airstrip at Fort Bragg.
Also, the first few sentences where you describe each man's bio before the military seems to be information unneeded to the plot, in a strange spot. It's sometimes called "info dumping." There's nothing wrong with supplementary information, but it looks awkward where you put it. The talk they have later before going to sleep is much better.
And yeah, as others have noticed, you need to rearrange your paragraphs.
Still, it's refreshing to see a story about underappreciated PJ's
So they were alert enough to notice that the moon didn't cast a shadow on the cactus, and they knew enough about Pakistan to realize something was wrong with the language...
...but the fact that cacti don't grow in Pakistan didn't tip them off?
2471721
Nope.
Didn't tip me off either.
2471680
Yeah, missed the rank thing. Wasn't sure what to give him, so I just gave him that. And the aircraft were just to add to the scenery.
And thanks for the notice on "info dumping". I'll be sure to watch for that more in the future.
Hopefully, I can write it right now!
2471923 If you'd like someone to take a look at new chapters before posting, I'm available.
2471010 Ballistic scopes in BF3; I can see hundreds of meters away. 100x?
Lord have mercy. I can see a New Yorker's tits while she takes a shower- from Florida...
Not that I would...
Not me...
Nah...
Or blow up.
>>>there were cacti everywhere>>>
Too bad none of them know anything about biology. They'd realize they're not in Pakistan immediately. Cacti are native to the Americas. They don't exist in Africa, Asia or Australia.
2471721 Oh, I'm not the only one who noticed that!
2472322 Soooo, is there going to be a reason they all ended up in Equestria?
I really hope so, because it's very disappointing when people are just randomly thrown into Equestria. A random interdimensional event like that would most likely toss the poor person into outer space.
Probabilities and whatnot.
2472364
Still working that out. Mostly, I plot my stories as I write. I have a couple of ideas now that I'm playing out in my head, but I'll just have to wait and see what comes out the best.
100x binoculars would require a stand or tripod to use propperly
2472830
Sorry, when I pictured the scene, he was using a rock. Should have clarified.
a very good story you have here.
1) That capital is unnecessary, and
2)[youtube=www.youtube.com/watch?v=hEi4I6UWuDQ]
it seems that lately a bag filled with military HiEs has ripped open. not that they are bad, but it is becoming a bit of cliche.
2470970
The MP7 was to be used by the Navy, but rechambered for the 5.7X28mm FN round.
2488262
Well, that's interesting. I didn't think H&K would opt to switch like that when they spent time researching the 4.7 round.
Learn something new every day. :)
http://derpiboo.ru/images/33830
2488344
Wasn't HK's choice, it was the choice of the Navy, as the US already fields weapons in 5.7.
The P90 saw use with DEVGRU, and they were interested in a PDW in a more compact package. Thus came the MP7 in 5.7. Weather that version is in use is up to debate, as the most recent news regarding it was while it was still in testing.
2490850
Very interesting. I never knew that the P90 was used by DEVGRU.
Nice work on this!
Nice chapter. I like where this is going
Nice, I also like where this is going, hopefully we will be seeing more frequent updates.
2553743 Hi Toast
2554135
I will do my level best. Now I have more writing time, and I should be able to write both stories much faster. (ACOF and TOML)
2554135 hello Dashie
No offence, but these must be the worst trained SF operators in the history of ever. Just being realistic here, I don't think two highly trained operators would be carrying hot weapons in a caravan with a civilian. Especially if they already agreed that they wouldn't engage hostile forces unless there was absolutely no other option. Just my opinion I guess, other than that it's still breddy guud
2590774
Also remember that they were going through a very clearly and presently hostile area to the stallion guards who were with them, and that the caravan was not for civilian purposes. They were all armed and ready to fight because the risk of ambush was extremely high.
As much as i'd like to believe that these guys are perfect in every aspect, this just wouldn't happen. The US military has a VERY strict hands off policy. (i.e you hold fire indefinitely until you get shot at) The only exception to this is if you have a designated target, and the ROE is that you engage on sight.
2610837
Creative license. Gotta give them some more character, since I haven't had as much opportunity to develope them as in one of my other stories. And I figured it was doable, since they aren't in a combat zone and could act the way they would when not deployed.
Also, I plan on making them very 'not perfect' later in certain ways.
2610991
good enough for me. On an offhand note, if you need a pre-reader or some shit to sort out the wall o' text problem just hit me up, because other than my previous comment, that's basically the only other thing in this story that bugs me.
Herpaderp.
Great job man! this chapter was perfect you totally eliminated the wall of texting, and you've basically followed all the rules I sent you. Other that that try to put more interesting scenes in each chapter, I found this chapter good but really dry.
2656865
Awesome, thanks! I found those guidelines really helpful.
And I would have to agree with you on dryness, but no worries; there will be action soon. Next chapter, I'll see about tossing humor in.
good story so far.
can't wait for the next chapter.
not bad...
Um.... I'm from Pakistan soooooo.... Is this story target people from my country? I mean no offence to the author ofcourse....
2695379
No, and I apologize if the premise makes you uncomfortable. The idea came from the fact that the CIA operates in Pakistan a lot (mostly with drones, though people tend to think that's the military). I figured that they probably have done exactly what I wrote; send SAD operatives in; so I just used that as a way to start the story.
I mean no offense: I happen to know several people actually from Pakistan, and they're all incredibly nice people, so I figure most people are nice enough. Again, I apologize for any offense I caused you or discomfort you might feel.
This is still a great story and I'm gonna follow it to the end, but you seem to have a strange obsession with the 4.6x30mm round and the 5.7x28mm round, not that they aren't acceptable rounds, but just to be realistic here they're both very weak and uncommon exotic rounds. to be perfectly honest a .45 sub gun like the hk ump or even a 9mm sub gun would be better. But again, just my opinion. Other than that it's still just as good as always.
2703177
Did I mention that again? I forget, but since it's already in there, round size won't be mentioned again unless it somehow becomes relevant. I actually just picked those rounds because of magazine size and weight (and the guy who wrote No Easy Day used them).
And thank you!