• Member Since 3rd Oct, 2014
  • offline last seen March 14th

Justasimplename


Just a guy who wants to deal with MLP FIM fanfiction. What else?

T

Society sometimes sees soldiers as gunmen who sometimes can't control themselves while some believe that they are too prone to violence. They also assume that soldiers are not intelligent enough to make any rational thoughts. Are they really like this? What happens if Equestria comes in contact with a wise soldier that prefers the peaceful way out?

This is my take on a realistic version of a soldier appearing in Equestria.

Chapters (10)
Comments ( 157 )
Eagle #1 · Oct 4th, 2014 · · 2 · The Start ·

I have to say, despite the good intent, the story itself is... not good, to be honest. Don't get me wrong, the military's great, and I'll be proud to be a part of it when I finally get in, but in the U.S. at least the fighting men are seen in a largely positive light; you seem to base this idea more on the anti-war feelings of the 60s. Beyond that, just in writing, it's not very strong either. There is absolutely zero characterization to this SEAL (You couldn't even give him a name?), not even any dialogue, no explanation as to how he got here in the first place, etc. And the writing and structure itself is poor, without any dialogue it reads somewhat like a wiki page, and it moves way too fast. And, I hate to say, it gives off a bad vibe of 'SEAL kill all bad guys and is big hero' cliché.

Again, your intentions seem noble, but it's speaking things most of us already know, against a threat that is not near as big as you portray it to be.

Decent start, but like Eagle said, the writing could've been better. There were several things that sounded too redundant. For example he's heard to predict because he's unpredictable.

The part with his equipment is good for a loadout page but not a story. You don't have to be so specific, and rattle off every little detail.

Last thing, the whole "3 kind of soldier" didn't make too much sense to me. You need to better define the difference between the heroic and the wise.
Liked and faved because I want tho see where you take this.

Doggi #3 · Oct 5th, 2014 · · 21 · The Start ·

the WISE solider?
that statement is a tad contradictory,thou fagit.:trollestia:

As much as I'd like to say I read the story - I couldn't get past the first chapter. It's great, don't get me wrong, but the idea is often so repeated and and copied the 'mysterious strange misunderstood soldier' has lost it's luster. A good and original character would be someone who is a coward, but was drafted into the military. Think of the World Wars or Vietnam, hell, why not just create an alternate universe altogether and bam, you can just pull anything you want out of your ass. War under Mar's surface? A battle in a futuristic trench war with all the cards on the table? Have him be a conscript and serve for Nazi Germany's army? Bro, just go for it.
I know I'm not really helping you here - all I'm doing is shooting blanks. You don't want yourself to be too deep in a story and just lose the will the write for it. I know personally. Alas, you do what you want dude. I'm not the best author to help you with advice, but from personal experience you should write from what you know, not what you think. Think, act, be your character when you're writing. Give yourself plenty of room and things to work with, and you'll come up with a good story. I'm giving you a heads up though - this story isn't revolutionary, it isn't new, it isn't anything special. It's been recycled to the point where all of it's previous luster and lure has been firmly taken away.
When you're writing a story, the best way to think is 'fuck it'. Literally. This isn't really advice, it's just rambling from some guy who's bored out of his damn mind. Good luck.

Not very wise. He could've said "I will not surrender my weapon to someone I have no reason to trust, nor someone who don't understand my weapon. You could very well kill yourself or one of your friends by accident should I relinquish my weapon to you."

Denial with reason is always better than denial.

He does not seem very wise. He seems more like an arrogant ass currently. He easily could have said hello long before it even got to the point it did.

may want to fix the title... now to read

Shoot off their wings. It'll be good target practice.

and here Comes the royal guard or should i say FUBAR, anyways good chapter:twilightsmile:

cant wait for next chapter

:ajbemused: Well. I don't like this chapter, but the story is ok.

But the question is now. How will he get home now? He not only punched Celestia and broke her horn, now the cycle of raising the Sun is now unbalanced and what's worse he can't go back to Earth now. Now Luna might have to lower the Sun then raise the Moon. It will be too much for Luna to handle.

He's done fucked now.:facehoof:

Hope next one comes soon.:raritycry::raritydespair:

I've only read the first chapter, so far, but the description had me hoping for more.

Other than the preachier intro, this reads exactly like any generic soldier in Equestria fic.

Every one of them has a paragraph almost exactly like this.

More importantly, his weapons were intact. In the soldier’s arms was an M4a1 rifle attached with an acog, foregrip, collapsible stock, and a short barrel that was threaded for a suppressor which at the moment, was in a pouch on his vest. Strapped to a thigh holster was his sidearm, a M45C pistol that was also threaded for suppressor which was in the same pouch that held his rifle’s suppressor. In addition to his two firearms, he also carried a knife. It was a simple fixed bladed weapon but simple was still dangerous in his hands. He felt better with the weapons but still felt unease without his squad mates. Where was his squad?

Just say rifle, pistol, and knife. Nothing of value will be lost, in doing so.

The military and firearms enthusiasts, in the audience, are going to know what's standard issue, these days. To almost everyone else, these are just meaningless alphanumerics. The only purpose this serves, other than derailing the narrative flow, is as a tip of the trilby from one Call of Duty fanboy to another. Trilby, because fedoras are classy.

Nameless, faceless, silent protagonist works better in video games, than in literature.

You need a proofreader.

Not a terrible fic, but nothing groundbreaking either.

Chapter 4: I will concede that every pony he's spoken with, excluding Fluttershy, deserves a punch in the face, but actually doing it is sort of giving up on everything that was promised in the story description.

And why are all the ponies written so stupid? Is it supposed to make the fairly average protagonist look wiser? If Celestia planned all this, why didn't she bother to announce it? Royal proclamation: "Citizens of Equestria, I am about to summon 9 heavily armed aliens, to fight for us. Do not panic, and do not provoke them in any way. That goes double for you, royal guard with a crossbow. Rainbow Dash, sit on your wings and keep your mouth shut. Just keep the aliens calm, offer them a beverage, and contact your local officials." Just think how much trouble that would have saved.

And could she be any more undiplomatic?
:trollestia: "I abducted you and stranded you here, now do my bidding."

Keiger #17 · Oct 24th, 2014 · · 1 · No ·

The title of this story must be referring to one of those other soldiers because this man has as much wisdom as a sack of bricks.

hs0003 #18 · Oct 24th, 2014 · · 1 · No ·

5178371 Stop having the same opinion as me.

hs0003 #19 · Oct 24th, 2014 · · 2 · No ·

5178935 Yeah, had I been in his shoes, I wouldn't have punched her.
I would've started walking away while facing the ponies, then unloaded my mags after I had a bit of distance. After that I would've searched for the 8 others, and finally I would've sided with the Minotaurs.

5179086 He was wise enough not to side with the pony responsible for disconnecting him from his family and friends for the rest of his life.

Now he doesn't know for sure that Celestia won't have the power to send him home, once she's no longer reserving resources for a war, but entertaining offers from the other side would be reasonable, for a man in his position.

5178721

I described the weapons like that for a reason. There will be weapons that are standard issue in a different country that I know for a fact that most gun/military enthusiasts will have trouble describing. From the top of your head, can you tell me what these are chambered in: C8, SR3M, LWMMG, and the HK P11. Also, these weapons may or may not be found/used/written in story.

5178935

Honestly, think about some of the things that the ponies have done in canon. Example: Rainbow Dash kicking a dragon in the snout(Exactly why didn't the dragon eat Rainbow?), Celestia sending the Mane Six to deal with the Crystal Empire(even a few guards or unicorn scientists would have been good), Twilight sneaking into the castle(why would she have to worry about getting caught? She's the personal student to Celestia), and a billion other things

5178371
5179966

According to the comics, Luna can raise the sun. Also, why Celestia be more powerful than Luna? If Nightmare Moon was waiting for 1000 years to escape from the moon to fight/defeat/dethrone Celestia, wouldn't she spend around 1000 years training herself magically and physically to fight instead of being a sack of idiocy? It can be argued that Celestia would have lost a battle to Nightmare Moon as she was busy with ruling a kingdom instead of training for a fight. Also, Luna is not that smaller than Celestia according to season 4(Math, sometimes there is hate but other times there is even more hate).

5179989

The Seal, as of the current chapter, has no knowledge of the existence of the minotaurs.

One last thing to end this really long comment: there are eight others. Has it been stated that all eight are Seals? All you/we/they know is that one of them, so far, is a SEAL.

5179966 :applejackconfused: What? I didn't even ask you.

Comment posted by Battle154 deleted Oct 24th, 2014

5179989 :applejackconfused: Hmm, I don't know about you. I'm not surprised and second I said my own opinion. NOT the same opinion that you have.

5180306 :applejackunsure: Hmm. Well that sure make sense. But I don't know if Luna going to like news of her sister gotten hurt.

5180330 That was my way of saying I have the same opinion about it as you.
Or, I agree.

5180460 Oh. Ok then.

That air force comment. Fucking loved it. USMC all the way.

I was a bit afraid for this story when I read the first chapter, but the last few have me liking this story a lot. Do me a favor and keep him like this, not being a pushover? It's very refreshing to see something like this from the torrent of stories about wannabe baby soldiers in Equestria that bend over and take it. You're doing God's work, author.

Comment posted by Battle154 deleted Oct 27th, 2014

More importantly, his weapons were intact. In the soldier’s arms was an M4a1 rifle attached with an acog, foregrip, collapsible stock, and a short barrel that was threaded for a suppressor which at the moment, was in a pouch on his vest. Strapped to a thigh holster was his sidearm, a HK45C pistol that was also threaded for suppressor which was in the same pouch that held his rifle’s suppressor.

First off, the story needs an editor and more detail. It reads flatly to be honest. Like other people have said, there is no characterization and no real reason to care about your OC at this point.

Secondly, add a variety to your word choice. They way you repeat "The Seal" over and over gets rather aggravating.

Lastly, in regards to the bold sections above:
-The issued suppressors for the M4 are quick detach models that are literally 15 seconds to install. Thread mount suppressors are generally more of a pain and require a lot of attention.
-Leaving the fact that the HK45c isn't even a pistol used by the US Military, why would the guy be using a compact pistol as a sidearm? Lower round count, shorter sight radius, and worse handling are big downsides.

Held in its upper appendages was a strange, black, bulky object that was colored black and it gave off a bad vibe. Worse of all, it was black and scary. The creature, which she had never seen before, was looking back at her. She screamed only one word. "RUN!"

Really? :facehoof: Deployed soldiers usually paint their rifles to fit the environment they are fighting in. Black is a color generally not found in nature and really sticks out in the boonies.

Secondly, scary? I don't even...

And if the guy was a trained seal, he'd know better than to get spotted like that. As a whole, your OC acts nothing like a trained soldier and more like an idiot to be brutally honest.


The seal blinked before saying "That isn't going to lead to good things." He looked down at his rifle and flipped it to full auto. Then he opened up a grenade pouch revealing the pin and safety spoon. "I hope it doesn't come to that" he said with a somber tone.

Nope, the M4 is 3 round burst and the vast majority of soldiers don't use it at that unless shit is really happening.

No, every single person taken from earth will literally never become a threat to anyone from his country or people ever again.

His reaction to what Celestia said, is acceptable. And his response makes sense, no one is going to be happy to help if you take them away from all they know and 'ask' them to help you.

5191353
5191359

Hmm. True about the editor and the need for more details. Also, I know what the rules of engagement are in the US. I'd think that hiding from, scouting, and watching random citizens of a foreign country might be classified as espionage, a military action(scouting), and or the early parts of an invasion. Establishing first contact would be a better idea. I thoug

The other part of your comments hold absolutely no truth and is downright.

About the HK45c
The HK45C has been adopted into the military by the Naval Special Warfare Command as the Mk24 MOD 0 Combat Assault Pistol in 2010 on what I think was a November. Also, the HK45C still accepts 10 round magazine of full size USPs. So a Navy Seal could be carrying one.

About the suppressors
Eh. Quick(not really) detach suppressors sometimes are issued to Seals. In my eyes, they're better than integral unless there is a stealth/covert op and the need for absolute silence. How loud a gunshot is might actually have use to special operations group.

About the primary weapon/rifle which is an M4a1. The M4a1 is full auto. The M4 is three shot burst. Also, full auto is often used by soldiers except they don't hold down the trigger and expend the entire mag like in film/game. How? A lazy way of double tapping. Maybe triple tapping. Maybe even quadruple tapping.

I was also trying to make a reference to the gun world where black guns are scary and dangerous.

So... I'd say something like stop playing Battlefield or COD but you know the truth about full auto so I'm going to say this: Keep in track with what the US military adopts and try not to confuse what you know. Also, I like the look of that SP101 on your channel's front. I like me a good 1911 or S&W 686.

Another thing, imagine if I gave him a 1911 and put clips instead of mags That would have been interesting.

Loving it! Keep up the good work.

A sad day... I was super hyped for the spetznaz, at least he went down with a hell of a fight.

5191359 you really know your guns huh?

5220506 Been shooting for almost 20 years now, and spent 8 years selling them as a FFL dealer. Hoping to get to gunsmithing school in the next few years. :) Plus, I've been a big game hunter for most of my life lol

need any human soldiers? I have a 75th Ranger medic, Army Special Forces Detachment Officer and aUSMC Force Recon Scout Sniper

This masterpiece just brilliant. Finally we have a real specialist here, who's not a doormat to the filthy xenos. He is really just doing his job. And before he leaves from the manticore battlefield, please make him use one of his grenades on the Russian guy's corpse, after all it's better then digested from the local alien wildlife. At least, if i had a squad of soldiers on an alien planet, and i was dying in front of their faces, my last wish was going to be like, destroying my human corpse is better than laying here forever.

5220518

I also forgot to add in the fact that painting the gun to blend in with the environment is not always done. Look at photos of Navy Seals and you'll notice that only half of them, in the appropriate situations, are armed with painted guns. One last thing, sorry if I offend you.

Since you are a fan of guns, what is your favorite OC and CC pistol?

Me?
OC- Wilson classic supergrade
CC- S&W 686

5230483 No offense taken. As for favorites, that is kind of hard. For CCW, I have a Ruger SP101 Wiley Clapp .357 that hides very well but packs a freaking punch if needed. General carry for now is its big brother GP100 Wiley Clapp .357 but I am slowly saving towards a Springfield 1911 TRP. Just so damn expensive lol. Been considering a M&P Shield 9 or XDS 9 at some point.

Edit: You can't go wrong with a pre lock 686 or a Wilson. Personally for the WC price, I personally would save toward an Ed Brown or similar. Used to really want a Nighthawk Custom, but they've had a ton of QC issues lately.

Photos of my revolvers are below, each of these are out of only 2000 made.

th04.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/i/2014/282/e/b/ruger_sp101_wiley_clapp_2_by_aknorthpolar-d82512t.jpg
th01.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/i/2014/139/a/5/a_rough_day_by_aknorthpolar-d7iww94.jpg

5230492

Beautiful little revolvers. Gotta pack quite a punch with that .357 mag. I also feel the same way about the money thing. Then again, I spent like 5 grand on a 1911 so... Eh. Also, look up Wilson Pinnacle. That, I want.

5230505 I'll admit that it is nice (seen that before) but aesthetically it doesn't do it for me. I think it is the Hi Power style cut on the slide.

Engraved guns and I don't mix well as I'd feel bad about abusing them. That said, after shooting one I can say I want a Korth revolver. Will never be able to afford one though lol. Shot one (no engraving) and didn't want to give it back. All I can say is damn...

Then again, germans are good at perfecting metal to metal contact, be it cars or guns.

3.bp.blogspot.com/-U-Cbtkerhjk/UexreZlOXUI/AAAAAAAAeJw/q5UOAc0u8mc/s1600/tumblr_lyr6q58xhE1r0n310o1_1280.jpg

Welp... If you need me, I'm going to cut off an arm to sell it. I think the closest thing I own to that is a Colt Python. Now, I feel that its inadequate. Nah. Just need more guns.

Also, the hi power look is due to a carry cut

Celestia, in hindsight you are an idiot. Same to you Luna. I know people are going to say 'you shouldn't say such things to these two', but be honest with me. Would you be happy that you were taking away from all you know and was practically forced to save someone else country without your permission and agreement? I wouldn't! In fact I agree with this guy thinking right now.

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