Barrelled Up
Rarity first noticed the visits by accident, and an accident was what she originally ascribed as the reason for why she saw Applejack enter the spa.
But the weeks turned by, and it soon came to light that the down-to-earth farmer wasn’t visiting the beautification store without purpose.
Rarity had watched. Taken note. Observed as Applejack came directly from the farm with her fresh haul of apples in barrels, no doubt on her way to sell them in the Ponyville market square. This happened weekly. Not always on the same day, but it happened between Tuesday and Thursday, and it was always before Applejack opened her little produce stand.
Applejack would go into the spa by the back way, too, to avoid being seen by passersby. And in a very short half-an-hour to forty-five minutes, she’d emerge once again with a blow-dried mane and a fresh sheen glinting off her coat.
Today, her cart screeched to a halt, and her eyes blew up and her mouth hung open, only because there was, between her and the back door, a very innocent-looking Rarity who decided that it was time to get to the bottom of this.
Rarity’s grin was as wide as Applejack’s frown was long. But the frown gave way to a determined look of focus as Applejack unhooked her cart and stood her ground.
“Hello, dearie,” Rarity lilted, singing her greeting with the tone of an overly-energetic bluebird. “Fancy meeting you here.”
“Hello, Rarity,” Applejack grumbled back. “This ain’t no accident now, is it?”
“Why, whatever do you mean?” Rarity played, feigning innocence so unconvincingly that a mere child could have told that she was lying.
But this was what she did, and Applejack knew it. This was part of the game, and she knew that Rarity wanted everyone to know that she knew. It was the dance that Applejack refused to keep rhythm to.
“I have m’ reasons,” Applejack said, breaking the tempo, looking away. “And I don’t need t’ tell you nothin’.”
“Why, Applejack. Applejack!” Rarity stepped up the pace, introducing a new beat. “Certainly you don’t want for everypony to know, do you?”
There were a hundred and one answers that Applejack could have given. None of them would have been good enough. Applejack went for the truth.
“No. I don’t. In fact, I’d rather you didn’t either.”
“Now, Applejack. There’s no need to be... moody,” Rarity said, with a little giggle. “You were just about to head in. Why don’t we have a little session together. I’m ever so curious as to what you do in there.”
Applejack sighed, the strain reaching her forehead, which required a quick rub to ease. “Fine, Rarity. But you gotta promise me. After I tell you, you’ll drop it, alright? And that means no goin’ around gossipin’ to the others as well.”
“Agreed,” Rarity trilled happily, dragging Applejack into the back door.
“Oh,” Aloe said, when she caught sight of Applejack and Rarity coming in through the service entrance. She was waiting there, waiting for her. The mystery deepened.
“Oh,” Aloe said. “Oh.”
Oh.
“That’s right.” Rarity nodded. “Applejack here’s brought a guest. You wouldn’t mind accommodating the two of us, would you? Of course, I’ll pay for it. In fact, I’ll be glad to give Applejack here a treat! What do you say, my dear?”
“Th- th’ usual, please.” Applejack locked eyes with one half of the spa twins, her head tilted to the side in an unnatural way. She looked weary, defeated, and the soft, long sigh that she gave before nodding was all the notification that Aloe required to go running off to prepare.
It was only a few minutes before Aloe returned, with Lotus in tow, the two of them ushering Rarity and Applejack to a couple of massage tables, upon which they both clambered.
It was one of the more luxurious of the treatments. Not the most pricey on the menu, but certainly the most pampering for those who enjoyed things like that. A gracious amount of sea-salt was poured upon the shoulders of the two ponies, one of whom cringed as her relative masseur scratched it into her skin.
“So, this is what you come here for, hmm?” Rarity remarked, closing her eyes and taking in the experience fully. “Quite a good choice, I must say. Ooh! That’s wonderful!”
Rarity squeaked a bit as Lotus added the rosemary and eucalyptus oil; the hard and soft sensations mixing to give a sensory feedback the likes of which she found most pleasurable indeed.
“Why so quiet, Applejack?”
Lotus and Aloe giggled.
“‘I just don’t like talkin’ while I’m gettin’ my... uh... back done.”
“It’s called a body treatment, dear. Don’t they teach you anything in this place?”
“I... uh... never asked,” Applejack said, not one to blame others for her own lack of knowledge. “Never seemed a reason t-”
The orange blob scrunched up as Aloe reached her hips.
“Just relax,” the masseur said, looking to her sister and giving a little guilty smile.
“I just...”
Rarity sighed, opening her eyes, and stared sideways at her companion. As much as she enjoyed the torture of a close, personal friend, sometimes you just had to buckle down and get to the point of things.
“So, Applejack, tell me, please.”
“W-whut?” Applejack said, cringing on the table like an overbaked pretzel.
“Clearly you’re not enjoying this. Why are you putting yourself through it? Every week? And just before you go to market? What is this about?”
“It ain’t nothin’!” Applejack claimed, almost whining in her tone. “Really. I... I’m just tryin’ somethin’ different, okay?”
“No, that’s not the truth, and you and I both know it. So what’s the real reason?”
Applejack pushed her face down into the table. At least it was padded.
“I... just wanna look good for market, alright?” she said, impatiently, pulling her face back up. “That’s all. Really.”
“I just don’t think that’s... oh. Oh!” Rarity cut herself off, a glint of understanding appearing in her eye. “You want to look good for market!”
“Uh... yeah, that’s what I said. Now can we just leave it at th-”
“Who is it? Who is it?” Rarity yelled, gleefully, sprinkles of salt scattering to the floor as she jerked upward.
“Oh!” Lotus exclaimed, replenishing the scrub, salting a salmon.
“Wh- Aw, no, Rarity! C’mon!” Applejack yelled out.
“I’m right, aren’t I?”
“I-”
“Don’t deny it! There’s only one reason why anypony would gussy up so much for a public event, and that’s to look their best for somepony.”
Applejack searched for a way out. The door wasn’t a likely solution. She turned and stared - pleaded - with Aloe for something, but all Aloe could give was a slight shrug and a look of sorrow.
“So, who is it?” Rarity asked, her playful sing-song voice returning at the scent of hot gossip.
“B-but you can’t tell anypony, alright? You promised!” Applejack clamoured, mind racing.
“Oh... that’s no fun,” Rarity wheezed. “But a promise is a promise. The information shall not leave this room.”
“It’s... you,” Applejack said.
And for once, Rarity found herself without anything to say.
All there was, for a few moments, were the scrubbing noises of salt being rubbed into flesh.
“Me,” Rarity confirmed.
“Yeah, you. I was tryin’ t’ impress you, alright?” Applejack grumbled. “Don’t make a big deal out of it or nothin’.”
“You are... attracted t-”
“No, no. It ain’t... like that. Not really. I was just tryin’ t’... you know. I guess I wanted to show ya that I could have a little... grace or somethin’. That I wasn’t just all overalls an’ apples.”
“W- why Applejack! That’s marvellous!” Rarity shot up again, much to the annoyance of Lotus. “But why then, why were you hiding this, if this was for me?”
“I guess I just wanted ya t’ think I could do it myself, not that I had to rely on... y’know.”
“Oh, nonsense! Utter nonsense! This is fantastic news! Finally, I’ll have somepony to come to the spa with! And I mean, Fluttershy is a wonderful companion and all, but she doesn’t talk much and...”
“Whoa there, Rarity.”
“... and you simply must try the facials and, oh, have you tried the new mud baths? They’re divine, dear, and...”
“Whoa! Rarity!” Applejack shouted. “One... one step at a time, okay? I know you’re pretty excited about all this, but I’m sorta... new to it. So let’s just go slow.”
Rarity smiled, sighing contentedly.
“Very well. But next week then, we shall have our first group outing! It shall be ever so much fun!”
Applejack rolled her eyes. “Alright, Rarity. If y’ say so.”
The end to the experience left Applejack behind at the spa to take care of a few things while Rarity excused herself to get back to a sewing job she’d been working on.
With some space to breathe, and a very itchy back, Applejack was free to re-enter the spa, skin crawling from the remnants of the treatment.
She rolled the barrel in, and stopped it in front of Aloe.
“Well, y’all weren’t much help, were ya?” Applejack said, disgruntledly.
“Oh, we’re sorry,” Aloe said in her foreign accent, although she couldn’t hide the smile on her face, and neither could her sister. “We try not to get involved with the customers.”
“Yeah, likely,” Applejack grumbled. “How can y’all stand this stuff? I mean, no offence, but I feel like I’ve been bitten by a thousand bugs!”
“Well, it was quite the sacrifice you made, going through all that,” Lotus mentioned, opening the curtains to the room with the baths. “Why did you say it was her that you were doing it for?”
“Well, because it’s more... manageable, I guess,” Applejack explained, rolling the barrel next to a depression in the floor made out of marble. “I mean, if I went and just said anypony’s name, she’d be sure t’ check, promise or no. At least this way it’ll remain between me and her.”
Aloe and Lotus stood far back.
“Well, fresh from the farms,” Applejack said, “as it is every week. I’m gonna need a shower after this.”
“Of course, as always,” Lotus said, nodding.
Applejack pushed the barrel onto its side.“I still don’t know what y’all see in this.”
“Well, some ponies like it. Rarity likes it.”
“Oh, I know. I just find it... different, is all,” Applejack mused.
“But why did you have to cover this up? Why did you not just tell her the truth?”
“You don’t understand her,” Applejack said. “She’ll never understand it. She’ll never live it down. She’ll never come back to the spa. It’s best this way.”
“But to make up such a story and to sacrifice your own dignity?”
Applejack sighed. It was kind of ironic, in a way. “Yeah. Guess so.”
“You really do like her, don’t you?”
Applejack’s cheeks turned a shade closer to what her name would suggest.
Aloe and Lotus continued with the giggles.
“Well, it don’t matter,” Applejack said, giving the barrel a swift kick, breaking the top. From behind the hole, a thick, goopy, mucky muck flowed viscously into the marble receptacle.
Applejack watched as the mud that she scraped off the pig sty floor, rich in ‘minerals’ and ‘ph value’ or whatever it was that Aloe once said made it so ideal, fill the mud bath.
“She must never know.” Applejack nodded. “Never.”
End
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Ah yes the bung hole. The finest feature of the barrel.
Silly but well written as always.
Cute. Hope it helped you disengage poo-head!
That was brilliant.
Heh... heh... heh heh heh heh.
Nice.
hah.
HAHAAHHHAHA! Brilliant.
As a side note AJ has to like Rarity for real, because she is a terrible liar.
I come back after a couple hours and suddenly someone's added this fic to like 6 groups including a group called "I just want a comment". Whoever's been adding my fics to the groups, thanks a lot! Although this really isn't the kind of fic that needs more comments, rather. =) *points towards Romancing the Clouds*
2332886
2332899
Nope. My HEAD IS MORE POO THAN EVER. Well. I am getting out of it. Once I wrap up my work I can get back to writing and take a look at Needle. =3
2332904>>2332939>>2333316
Thank you fellas =3
2333975
Yeah, they should be, I think. RariJack is awesome.
Except for any fic with Twist. Which instantly overrides any other pairing.
Hm.....FREAKIN' BARRELS!!!! I KNEW IT! THEY'VE CORRUPTED THE BRONIES!
fc04.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2012/156/b/c/pewdiepie__barrels__by_taiyakidesu-d52cp58.jpg
AGGGHHHHHHH...... I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
What did I just read....?????
But oh my god.. Funny!
~Skeeter The Lurker
BARRELS!!!!! *throws the barrel away before shooting it*
oh man, i was totally fooled. I can only think of one other story to date that has managed to nail an ending the way this one has. It's better, but you give it a good run for its money (incidentally, it's Shipping Sickness, by Skywriter)
AJ was totally right though. Rarity must never find out.
isnt high Ph a corrosive base. and yes they exist. i never get why they just dont say its a nutral ph becuase to much base is bad for you like acids
2339476
I'm sure this isn't the best. =)
I wrote this under a 2000 word constraint, based on the prompt "Rarity and AJ in a spa and a secret". I shotgunned the whole thing in 50 minutes without any planning whatsoever and only one shoddy editing pass, so I'm honestly not expecting this to win any awards.
Still, came out pretty alright!
2339559
Yes, a Ph value of around 11 - 14 would be pretty burnination, as a corrosive base. I never said 'high ph' in the fic though, I don't think. Correct me if I'm wrong. I was just saying it had 'something or other to do with ph' because Applejack didn't really care about it enough to understand it fully.
Canonically, the Spa Sisters probably had said Neutral Ph, but Applejack wasn't listening!
2339748 sorry read rich the same way i read high for some reason. yes high in money makes sense to me
I think I woke the rest of the house up with laughter when I read that ending!
excellent!
Best ending ever.
Yep, that was awesome.
What soulless, humourless fuck downvoted this?!
2399727
Myself ._.
I died laughing once I noticed that the mud bath had real mud.....I'm stupid
But I would have had no problem what so ever if this had been a Rarijack, I'm fond of that pairing and it is quitre enjoyable, you done seriously very well, now to see what else you have, I love the spa twins, they are awesome
2456419
I actually DO have a proper Rarijack. Check it out! But it is a tad bit deeper than the other stuff I have here. =)
Oh hey, I finally got around to reading this.
It was funny.
That's all I got.
lol. Nice!
More feces, and Rarity again ...
Do you have a specific need you want to talk about? It is okay, I am a woman of the world. I will understand.
Just rest your head on my lap and tell me all your dirty secrets.
2911362
I ain't saying shi-
*cough*
I mean, I am not going to speak of such... vulgarities with my head so near your... lap.
.... You know, when you sit down, does it suddenly go very dark?
This was glorious.
Both for AJ's cute little crush, and well.
The barrel.
Man that is just glorious. And it is true, Rarity would never, ever live it down.
Oh. Oh my god.
This was excellent.
Wonderful. Excellent story.
Oh god that was beautiful.
3003548
Haha, thanks, man. ^_^
Sent here by 3003548, that was great.
3011560
Cheers, my friend. Thank you for the comment and the favourite. =)
Eheheh. Oh, she's bringing the mud! Awesome.
*grins* Very nice. Doesn't entirely explain why she gets her hair and coat done but still very funny.
3021966
Did you mean Applejack?
3022905 *Nods* Rarity mentions seeing AJ leave with her mand and coat styled. It really confused me then to have her act like she never used the services there. Ditto how Aloe and Lotus acted like they'd never helped her before.
3023331
Oh! not styled. She just had to have a bath every time she delivered the mud. It's messy business, so in order to get the muck off herself, the Spa Sisters generously allow her to take a free shower after deliveries.
It wasn't very overt. I think I might have run out of words to give it a full explanation.
And they acted such because of confidentiality. =)
3023400 Yeah...I totally didn't get that
I mean when she delivered it after Rarity had left she seemed fine and didn't need to shower again.
3023974
That would happen after the story ended!
Anyway, that's what you get with word constraints. It's just a fun short thing, anyway. I probably wouldn't think so much about it. =)
I still think it should've been a stallion, and then Rarity tried to hook them up, but I liked this story, too.
...
BWAHAHAhahahahahahahahahahaha...
3202983
Glad you liked it =)
3202984 Can't... Breathe...
PIG MUD! Bwahaha... Woof... Heh heh...
Oh Celestia... Pig sty mud. That was brilliant. I can't stop laughing... It's almost hard to breathe, it's so funny. By Luna, that was a great plot twist.
...
...
...
...
...
...
...Heh
...Heheheh...
...Kehehahahahahaah!
...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!
Wha???
What just happened? Can anyone explain?
3641551 This laugh... It prompted me to read this fic that was on my To Read List for a while now...
I am not dissapointed
Hah, this was good. I recently employed a similar idea of where the spa's mud comes from, but didn't analyze it the way you did
Hah. I would love to see the look on Rarity's face if she ever found out. This was good.
Well played Applejack. Well played.
Nice double twist with the whole element of honesty angle
I thought this was going in a completely different direction than it ended up. But then that end...