• Member Since 17th Sep, 2012
  • offline last seen 2 hours ago

The Iguana Man

I am just a simple thinker, though some call me mad.


There are many words that can describe the equine force of nature that is Pinkie Pie: loud, fast, bouncy, hyperactive, wild, frenzied, fun...

These are, Rarity would freely admit, normally absolutely wonderful qualities for her friend to have. However, there are circumstances where even the most universally positive qualities are... not ideal. And, she would politely insist, there is at least one place in Ponyville where Pinkie's irrepressible exuberance should never intrude upon: the spa. Rarity would consider this a reasonable arrangement.

And yet, thanks to an ill-timed conversation and the dread spectre of social politeness, these two worlds of hers will soon collide when she is forced to invite Pinkie to spend some time with her in her haven of relaxation.

Will the Ponyville Spa survive? And even if it does, will Rarity's reputation there come out unscathed? Or will, by some miracle, Pinkie bring herself down to the realm of mortals and show Rarity more about herself than she ever could have guessed.

Note: the cover picture is entirely unrelated to the story, except in as much as it involved Pinkie and Rarity at the spa and it amused me.

Edited by raven618

Featured on 3rd March 2020 - Thank you guys so much!

Chapters (4)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 36 )

I am sorry to leave such a bare comment, but my feelings on the story are simple: I love it, no one thing sticks out, it is just a great read from beginning to end.

This. is. so. good. Loved it!

Loving Pinkie's antics, both real and imagined. Very amusing.

Hello my new headcanon but seriously this is a great story for Pinkie it really set up as she's just a hard-working Pony that tries to keep everyone happy

A really plesant read.

Poor Roma. Every Bugs needs a few Daffies, and she happens to be one of Pinkie's.

Wearing two dresses at once, one outside and one inside. Layers of dresses – dress recursion! It could be a whole new...

Twilight looked at the... object. It was definitely fabric, but beyond that her typical fashion vocabulary failed her. There were layers. Petticoats. Coltabi-Myau manifolds. It floated several inches off the ground and emitted a low, ominous hum. "So... what precisely am I looking at?"

Rarity cleared her throat. "I may have neglected to double-check the loop conditions."

A fantastic and fascinating character experiment. Great interaction, great insight into Pinkie, and a great reason for one of her most egregiously tactless moments. Thank you for a thoroughly enjoyable read.

This explains so much about Pinkie Pie. Head canon accepted :pinkiesmile:

Thank you wor your wonderful story! It was pure delight to read it!

I like you made Pinkie the way you did. That she is smarter than some give her credit for.

What is a Pie? A miserable pile of parties.
*throws wine glass*
But enough talk; have at you!

“Oh, no no no!” Roma held a hoof out between them. “I ain't fallin' for this again. You try any o' yer dang “two bits, one bit” stuff on me this time, you ain't gettin' anythin', you got that?”

Pinkie sighed and put her hooves up in a placating gesture. “Okay, okay, you win. I'm sorry about that. I'll take them for one bit this time, I promise.” She slid a coin over.

Roma nodded firmly. “That's more like it.” She took the coin and handed Pinkie a bag of three tomatoes.

Rarity gave a polite clap as Pinkie pronked over to her again, ignoring the “Hey, wait a minute!” coming from the stall five seconds after Pinkie left.

Mmm, that massage sounds so good.
I can just feel Pinkie's pleasure.

This was a nice fic. It's easy to forget sometimes that Pinkie still is, in fact, a mortal pony. I've seen plenty of fics in the past in which attempted to explore as such, but I like this one, because you remind that Pinkie is mortal, but have done it in such a way that she's really not any less...Pinkie...than she's always been, and I think that's what really makes it work as a little fluff fic. :twilightsmile:

Loving Pinkie's nonsensical line of though and also her cheering up Rarity about Fluttershy. Them jumping and expecting her to make trouble is pretty funny.

Note: the cover picture is entirely unrelated to the story, except in as much as it involved Pinkie and Rarity at the spa and it amused me.

So it IS related, however tangentially! Checkmate! :pinkiehappy:

...The names of the fic and the first two chapters. They're a Castlevania reference, aren't they?
Only just realised it; man, I'm slow.

It didn't help that there was something distinctly off about that conversation, but she couldn't put her hoof on exactly what.

Didn't act like Pinkie; maybe it's a changeling impersonator? Imponyator? Who just so happened to have heard their conversation back then, but failed to learn how to act like Pinkie?

There's always a possibility.

was wondering if there was a wolf somewhere in the direction she had initially pointed.

Turns out Applejack and Big Mac had to deal with timberwolves; who knew?

"However, if one removed her kindness and had her act actively malicious, that would make essentially a different character"

That worked out quite well in "Putting Your Hoof Down," I thought. It has been my experience that the quiet and shy ones often have less than charitable thoughts about those closest to them. A significant part of why they do act so quiet and shy is that they fear the repercussions of giving voice to those unkind thoughts. No doubt Fluttershy would find Rarity's commitment to fashion to be frivolous when she herself follows what she would think is a more noble pursuit (may she never discover how Rarity's bolts of silk are made). Likewise, it would stand to reason that she would find Pinkie's passion for parties--such startling and nerve-wracking things--to be absurd. She just tries desperately to not say as much, because she enjoys their company otherwise. One can only imagine what Fluttershy thinks of Applejack's animal husbandry, Rainbow Dash's pointless competitiveness, and Twilight's obsessive over-achieving. She would certainly never say if she can at all help it.

I caught that subtle ship. Pinkie's filter disappears when she is tired. She is revealed to be very tired. She begins commenting on how attractive Rarity is. Rarity misses this entirely. Poor Pinkie.


Exactly - because she had, like any of us, some uncharitable thoughts, removing that lynchpin of her kindness was enough to shift her entire character - from "Old Fluttershy" to "New Fluttershy". It should be noted that someone acting "out-of-character" doesn't have to be a problem - there are plenty of reasons why a character would act contrary to their normal personality (either internal like in PYHD or external like Discord's mind-diddling). It's just interesting to consider what parts a character could lose and whether or not they would precipitate so drastic a change.

Rarity slid to a stop, standing in front of a gilded cupcake throne that Pinkie sat at, staring down at her with a condescending stare.

“Expire, dough puncher! You don’t belong in this bakery!”

“It was not by my hoof that I am once again given dough. I was called here by ponies who wish to give me payment.”

“”Payment”?! You fill stallions guts, and make them obese!”

“Perhaps the same could be said of all foods.”

“Your words are as empty as your measuring cup! Cakes and Pie’s ill needs a baker such as you!”

“What Is A Pie?” She flung her pudding cup aside. “A conundrum to a riddle boxed in a paradox! But enough talk! Have at you!”

“Of course she doesn't!” Pinkie replied, not seeming bothered by the prospect. “She always likes patting it when I hug her. How could you not like my mane? It's the perfect hugging mane!” She declared officiously before continuing with a somewhat more contrite tone. “Not that I'm saying it's better than your mane, Rare, yours is way more pretty than mine. You must put a ton of work into it.”

That's some cute TwiPie ya got there.

I really love their banter. Wonder what's up with Pinkie?

Lovely dynamic here as Rarity realizes something's wrong and that even Pinkie can be tired.

An overall sweet story, but that ending placed it in my favorites. :pinkiesmile: not that it means much. :rainbowlaugh:
Well-done you! :twilightsmile:


It has been my experience that the quiet and shy ones often have less than charitable thoughts about those closest to them.

But I'm loud and obnoxious and think absolutely every other form of life on the planet in beneath my exulted existence! :pinkiecrazy:

Then you can hardly say that you have anyone close to you. No one can be close when everyone is beneath. That is where the shy and the egotistical differ. To the egotist, the irrational behavior of those around them is the result of some cognative inability, whereas the shy see others as operating on a different social plane, one which they themselves are incapable of understanding. As absurd as other people are, they still possess some inate sense that the shy believe they lack. It makes them desperately cling to those absurd people in the hope that they can guide them through a world in which they are helplessly out of place. I know that you are joking, but I do find the topic fascinating.

10153257 *tilts his head* No, you are pretty much all inferior.

I mean, no one has figured out that everything is part of my Master Plan yet!


Aw crap.

Well, congratulations! You got yourself caught. Now what's the next step of your master plan?

10154688 Uhm... pizza! YES!! *shifty eyes*

Damn, nice story and really cool take on characterisation

(I found the repeated Canonball! gag, particularly hilarious. Just felt like mentioning it.)

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!