Deleted Scene: The End
The world turned its last turn, the sun burned itself out, and all was darkness.
Celestia drifted. She thought of the ponies she once knew, and the other creatures as well, finding it difficult to concentrate.
It was very cold, and she noticed in a detached sort of way that her body was slowly growing numb. She could no longer feel her hooves or wings; she could no longer feel much of anything, in fact.
A spark struggled deep within her, fighting the numb chill.
A voice echoed in the void, as softly as a memory. Everything is as it should be.
And she smiled.
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Short and sweet. Well, not sweet, per se. Still very good.
This made me tear up, in a happy and beautiful sort of way.
This feels a little like the ending to Marathon: Infinity
The fear of the unknown is always scary
I could have sworn when I started reading this story less than an hour ago that this story only had 1 deleted scene and 2 chapters total. It is like Pony-Redacted for avoiding spoiling not properly perceiving, OC-Redacted for not spoiling the story.
Oh hell...
I can see why you stopped at the reveal. Still, nice to know he was there for her too at the end, as he is for all things dead.
Was not aware you were planning a sequel. I'll be sure to keep an eye out.
Very nicely written. I love when a short story portrays so much with so few words, and I love it when it guards its secrets so well whilst offering just a tantalising glimmer of what is really going on.
Whilst I can't say the big reveal came as two much of a shock (I figured it had to be one of the sisters, or the other anyway) it was still pleasant to have some confirmation. And you were right; it was the perfect place to leave it. The added chapters played their part, though they each felt more like Easter eggs.
Thanks for writing.
I suppose I should have had a pony in mind. I suppose I should have assessed what was said and determined who I believe this mare to be. I suppose I could have paid it a thought, if brief towards what I believed was the ultimate conclusion. But, I did not. It is a rare instance where I do not try to figure things out, logically. I almost always figure out the twist at the end of the book because my mind reads the clues and solves the question I didn't even know was asked. See, I've come to expect some sort of twist, or some sort of conclusion with a slight alteration because it makes for a great story. This is why that one twist that makes others gasp in sudden understanding makes me go "Aha!" My theory, though it tends to me more than just a theory and is practically already fact, always tends to be correct and that twist doesn't come as a surprise since I was expecting it and waiting for its arrival. In this story, I thought of nothing. I did not grab onto facts and put the pieces together. No, I didn't see the word sister, or that fact that she's female, or the fact that it's called Old Friends for a reason, or even the mention of the sun, directly before the twist. Ordinarily, I would have picked it up easily, without question and I would have had my "Aha!" But, I did not have my moment, for I never even thought of an answer. My mind did not even expect a twist, nor did I look for the story's character at all. I suppose it's because of your excellent storytelling. By roping my into the plot, I forgot to think. I simply read. My thought process was silenced by words, beautiful words I might add. So, that is why the twist surprised me, something almost impossible. The clues were there and I am smart enough to figure it out, but I didn't because of you. I guess a thank you is in order. It's fun to be able to get to the twist without having thought of it prior. This is a wonderful story with a brilliant twist.
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I must've posted the second deleted scene after you started reading!
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Thanks for reading, and for leaving such a nice comment.
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I'm glad my little ponyfiction could help you in some way.
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Go forth and write! I'm finding myself inspired by the attention here, haha.
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It was amusing on my end to be the subject of an interview, too. I'm really glad the RCL exists, and definitely agree that meta-analysis like reviews and interviews are important.
"I guess I experienced the story pretty close to the way you engineered it to be experienced" might be the best compliment an author can receive, so thank you.
It is very neutral, because life is what it is -- life (and death) don't care about you, or anyone, or anything. It just... is. I'm completely irreligious so this draws pretty heavily from my personal perspective -- Death's "words of comfort" are my own.
Thank you for reading.
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Reading this made me feel really good about myself. Thank you, very much.
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Now for one where Death dies! Please let it be long...
This were kinda touching for something this short.
I now see why it received such a high rating.
But yes as
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said, we need a conclusion for what happens to death, once everything else is gone, after all "Everything is as it should be".
When everything else is gone, even Death needs to rest.
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After your comment on Home I visited your userpage and saw how discerning you are when it comes to watching people; thank you for the compliment of watching me.
I'm glad you enjoyed it; I appreciate your commentary. Being compared to The Glass Blower in any way is very flattering.
It is short and sweet.
Well, now. That was quite something. So much packed into its 2,000 words, but without feeling overstuffed. Anything but, in fact. I was one of those who didn't see the reveal coming, so it hit me with considerable force. Once I had, though... everything made sense. To the extent, actually, that I'm not sure the specific mention of Celestia's name at the very, very end was entirely necessary; I'd almost have preferred that the "reveal line" alone had been as explicit as it ever got.
On another note, I'm surprised how few people in the comments have mentioned Terry Pratchett's Discworld Death. He was the, er, anthropomorphic personification that came to my mind almost from the word go. There are differences, of course, but there are also strong similarities. And since I love the way Pratchett writes Death, that was a definite plus.
In short? I absolutely loved this. Beautifully written, with a lovely, "restrained emotion" style that I hugely admire. A story like this could so easily have become overwrought and maudlin. It didn't. Without doubt, one of the best shortfics I've read on this site. Thank you.
this was.... impressive! sad, but not quite depressing! i'm very grateful that you would bestow such an honor as to be allowed and read this fine tail! thank you very much! until next time.... PEACEEEE!!!!
Question: If Death's job is to come for people/living things at the point of death (like he does for the tree and the guard, and for Celestia in the deleted scene), then what in heaven's name is he doing showing up at funerals? Considering how long it takes for a funeral to happen after a death, that's kind of like coming into work on Friday hungover at 3 PM. Except that it's actually Sunday. (It would have to be a killer hangover. Badumtss.)
Overall, well written, but seriously: timing? Because this seems like an fundamental inconsistency, and while I suppose it helps to facilitate Celestia's meetings with him, it defies logic. (PS: If it seems as though I'm coming off as rude in my prior comment, please understand I do not mean to mock you, the author. Just making light of a seeming plothole-ish thing in your story.)
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That... uh... hmm. I... hmm.
Hmm.
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Maybe, its not so much the point of death when he takes them, so much as when they are willing to pass on. The dead are in some sort of limbo, perhaps, like...you know, ghosts? That would also explain Death's reassuring words. He's urging them to leave their earthy attachments behind. And maybe a funeral is the best place to let them pass on.
That's just my thoughts on the matter.
Okay, yeah, this was amazing. Idk why it took me so long to read. One of the best fics on the site imo. Gonna tackle the sequel next. Hope it continues to meet my expectations
This story is now available in audio format!
Very nicely done! Love the sneaky reveal.
I liked how Death's lack of a cutie mark can say several things at once: he has no destiny of his own because he never ends, and yet he fulfills the destiny of everyone else, plus he's giving comfort to those who have passed on.
Great sequel, as well.
i.imgur.com/od0xMCF.png
I wrote a critique/review of this story; it can be found over here.
After a re-read over three years later, I think I can finally appreciate this story for what it is.
(For the record, I at first wanted to only read the deleted scenes. I don't have much to say about them other than that I agree with your decision on not including them; they are each powerful in their own right, but neither is a good fit thematically. They are less about the overall relationship between the protagonists, but more about those specific encounters and their implications.)
The reveal obviously wasn't at all surprising this time around, but it doesn't detract from the idea at all. I can now say that it was carefully disguised, though not entirely — I think it's not too difficult to make a guess if you note how much time had actually passed, and the part about her sister narrows down the list of candidates from two to one.
I think the idea of simple acceptance resonated far stronger with me this time around. There's no attempt to oversell it, or offer some sort of false hope; it merely says it as it is, in a quiet, gentle whisper. I especially enjoyed this part now:
She is now reminding him of the whole point of what he is doing. In all the years he's been doing his job, he had forgotten that sometimes, it really is fine to let things unfold as they do. It's what he taught her, and now she's reminding him of it. Truly, they are now old friends.
Honestly, I've spent some time trying to summarize what this story is about in words, but whatever I came up with always felt lacking and empty in comparison to what you actually did. There are many ways in which the writing resonates precisely with the overall idea, which are difficult to point out precisely. The very sparse and general descriptions, the way Death is never given more than one defining characteristic, and even the one actually cemented being Nothing — all these impart the idea onto every living being, and to none in particular. The story does exactly what Death did for all those ponies, really. It is a tiny, dim light somewhere in the darkness — but it is warm, and that's all it takes.
I don't think there is a way to tell what you told in a better way.
Wonderfully done.
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I'm glad you enjoyed it.
What a lovely surprise to have waiting for me when I logged in tonight! Thank you for the compliment(s) and commentary themselves, and the meta-compliment of taking the time to write them out.
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I'm glad you liked it!
Both of these were good too.
No offence, but two people unlike this story, we must have 666 likes, FOR THE MEMES!!!
Dammit, I read a couple comments.
I have reviewed this here.
9532537
How DARE YOU
That was a good story. The descriptions of Death were great and I found (the perspective character)'s interactions with him interesting. I'm not sure it really needed to be a mystery who the perspective character is, but given that, you handled the reveal well.
This was stellar. A lovely wee concise exploration of the relationship between Death and Celestia. Small wonder that familiarity would spring up between them over the millennia. Beautifully well-realised with neat prose. Nae bad at all.
A pleasant read. Thank you.