• Member Since 5th Mar, 2012
  • offline last seen 35 minutes ago

Lucky Dreams


I didn't choose the skux life, the skux life chose me

E

Young Mia is determined to run with wild horses and nothing is going to stop her. Not her mother. Not even a pony with stars in her mane, come to take her away on an adventure...

An attempt at writing something for children + 3rd place winner of The Most Dangerous Game! Cover art by myself.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 98 )

I loved this!

The only thing that would make this better is if it was illustrated with more drawings like that awesome cover image - in short, to make it an actual children's book so that I can give you money for it and then hold it in my hands and look at all the pretty pictures.

I have to second this. Absolutely.

This is awesome.
Something about the picture drew me to read this straight away. I loved every bit of the story, but it wasn't until I say the link at the end that I twigged why. Of course - the Uffington horse - best pony art ever! Your story really captures that wild horse spirit in the same way as the iron age figure.
(I'm a big fan of the White Horse; see the final chapter of my silly saga: The Equine Comedy)

4605644 Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it!

And I'm very glad that you thought Mia was well written. She's actually a very old character of mine -- she pre-dates Friendship is Magic by several years, and is the subject of several old comics and terrible, terrible, terrible, TERRIBLE early attempts at novels. So I feel like I know her incredibly well, and know how she'd react in any given situation.

fc06.deviantart.net/fs21/f/2007/240/a/8/Alien_Invasion_of_HORROR_by_do_you_sell_crisps.jpg

The only thing that would make this better is if it was illustrated with more drawings like that awesome cover image

That was originally the plan! But in the end, the cover alone ended up taking so long that I didn't have a chance -- it was only because I stayed up all last night finishing it off that I got it done on time :ajsleepy:

4606163 Aw shucks! Thanks! :pinkiehappy:

4606575 The Uffington horse is beautiful. The early versions of the cover art were just straight copies of it! Obviously that didn't last, but it's always nice to speak to other people who feel the same way about it that I do :pinkiesmile:

That story of yours looks well good by the way! I will definitely check it out when I finally get a spare moment or two.

This was a very sweet children's story. It definitely has a lot of mare-it!

Well, wasn't that just unbearably adorable? I rather liked the twist in her midway rejection of the more civilized ponies. At least she sticks to what she wants.

Quite nice, Lucky

~lammy

This made me think back to the story 'Where the Wild Things Are' for some reason...but I enjoyed it! You somehow managed to do this with only naming two of your characters :pinkiehappy: Words can't describe how much I enjoyed reading this:scootangel:

This is the first story I've ever read aloud since I was a little tyke. If I had a good mic, I'd take a stab in the dark to make a read-along sort of thing and post it on the Tube. Seriously, though, this is a wonderful children's tale. I could see this used in library book/fanfic readings for little'uns.

A grand work.

Wonderful story. Made me feel like a kid again.

This really reminds me of the comforting warm magic feeling of "It's Not a Cold Dark Place". You really enjoy writing about dreams, don't you? :ajsmug:

The only thing which would make it better would be pictures like a real children's book.

*clapping*
I am impressed.
*at loss of words*

4617558 I don't know whether to laugh or to cry at this comment. Or both :rainbowlaugh:

4623943 Aw, thank you Lammy! I'm really glad that you enjoyed it, and I'm glad people liked the twist as well. I wasn't sure how readers would react. I worried they might complain that there's no way a real child would act the way that she does in this.

4624032 Where the Wild Things Are used to be called Where the Wild Horses Are -- right up until the point Maurice Sendeck realised that he couldn't draw horses (or at least that's his version of events, although his horses look perfectly lovely if you ask me). Also, I'd originally planned to call Luna 'The Star Pony', but I thought that was probably taking it a little too far so i changed it at the very last minute.

But yeah, thank you for the nice comment!

4624410 What a wonderful thing to say! If you ever ended up doing something like that I'd simply love to hear it :pinkiesmile:

4624963 :pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

4625247 It's not just dreams. It dawned on me the other day just how many of my stories seem to end with the main character/s falling asleep safe and warm in bed, and not just with my fanfiction -- Cold Dark Place would have ended like that, and the thing I'm working on at the moment ends like that as well (albeit there's not a real bed in sight, otherwise it's basically the same). What can I say? I just freaking love my bed!

img0.joyreactor.cc/pics/comment/my-little-pony-%D0%BF%D0%B5%D1%81%D0%BE%D1%87%D0%BD%D0%B8%D1%86%D0%B0-mlp-other-Fluttershy-159043.gif

4625408 I would have loved to have done that! Not enough time though :ajsleepy:

4625542 The clapping says more than enough. Thanks very much for the lovely comment ::yay:

Lux

Wonderful story! So imaginative with this journey and tells a great story of looking for love.

Neg

There's something sort of indescribably... nice about this story. It's certainly not the greatest thig I've ever read, but it channels a children's story, with a mixture of metaphors, poetry, and prose. It has some of that vagueness that some stories tend to have. Of course, once I got to the comments, I understood why: I read Where the Wild Things Are as a small child, myself- and I am not even a full week away from turning 21- I hadn't known that it was supposed to be horses; I think that his horses are rather fine, myself. Better than anything I can do, certainly, and probably better than most, given the seemingly universal difficulty of drawing the dang things' legs.

Like pretty much everyone else has said before me, all that is missing is the picture-book style drawings. (And there's nothing saying you cannot go back and add the drawings at a later date, if you so desire. :twilightsmile: )

And I had never seen nor heard of these "chalk horses" until today; thank you for that, I especially enjoy the aesthetic employed in that Uffington White Horse. :pinkiehappy:

Is the cover art on DeviantART? I wish to favorite it. If not, you should put it on there.

4626005 Thank you! :pinkiehappy:

4628572 Hearing this story described as 'indescribably nice' was a pretty awesome thing to wake up to this morning.

I occasionally still read picture books, and despite how old it is now, Where the Wild Things Are is still one of the best. This story started off as a tribute for it before slowly turning into more of its own thing – when I heard what the original title was supposed to have been I felt like… well, I had to do something with it. Where the Wild Horses Are is such an evocative title.

With the drawings: I'm gonna leave them for now (I literally just don't have the time) but so many people have mentioned them here in the comments that I'll make sure my next story has them.

Also, happy 21st birthday for later this week. I hope you have a really good day! :raritystarry:

4629634 Arg, I knew I was forgetting to do something! Here ya go :raritywink:

Neg

4630547
It's that strange quality that children's stories sometimes have, especially the older ones; that thing you can't put your finger on, but is rather pleasant all the same. At my age there is a bit of nostalgia attached to it, too.

Hrm, I wish I could read picture books so easily. Some of them can be quite entertaining, and the art in a few of them is often spectacular. But I've not the confidence to tread those waters, not where anyone can see, anyhow... I'm weird enough as it is, and that strikes even me as coming off as a little too weird. :unsuresweetie:

Thanks; I turn next Monday, on the seventh. The 7th day of the 7th month- but on that day in 2007, nothing really special happened to me... in fact, I ended up missing most of the Green Earth concert (or whatever they called it) because I fully expected to get on the computer that day (back when there was only one means to access the Internet), but my brother took more than his fair share of time, as was his wont back then... Ah, I've rambled. Sorry about that; but that missed opportunity to witness the majority of what was apparently only a one-time thing still rankles me to this very day.

Hrm, if I had any kind of talent at landscape drawing, I'd offer to do the pictures myself, just for the pleasure of it. I've got nothing but free time, after all... But I'm afraid that landscapes were never really something that I committed much time to, and thus, my talent with them is naught. :pinkiesad2:

This certainly does remind me of some of the best short childrens' stories.

Though, I was never able to personally identify with most of the children in such stories.

Very early I learned to split off my fantasies from my realities.

And by the age of 2 I was regularly watching the evening news. :twistnerd:

Beautiful. Many thanks and here's hoping perhaps this could be a picture book some day.:pinkiesmile:

That was simply wonderful.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

I have never read a better story on this site.

4630611

that strikes even me as coming off as a little too weird

If you're anything like me you'll learn to ignore that feeling. I think it's the years spent working in customer services that did it to me -- after a while I realized that I just... didn't care if other people thought my interests were weird. Because A) dealing with the general public day in day out means that I've met some of the weirdest people ever, and B) those people were usually the coolest! And there's far worse things to be into than picture books. Especially when there's books out there like this or like this.

I wouldn’t worry too much about missing Live Earth. There have been much better one off concerts in the past that are worth getting upset about (if only I’d been around for Live Aid!). There will be much better one off concerts in the future that will be a hundred times more worthwhile :raritywink:

my talent for them is naught

Frankly, I’m just flattered that you think the story's worth that kind of treatment! And don’t think of it in terms of ‘my landscape's are rubbish’, but rather ‘one day, my landscapes will be amazing’.


4631518

by the age of 2 I was regularly watching the evening news

In that case you’re the exact opposite of me: up until I was about 15 or 16 I made an active effort to avoid anything to do with the news. I guess I enjoyed living in a bubble or something.

But yeah. Thank you for the nice comment!


4633175 Who knows? Maybe I could rework this into an original story one day. But in the meantime I’m glad you enjoyed it :pinkiesmile:


4636107 Thank you! :pinkiehappy:


4636695 Best comment ever. Thank you so much :heart:

4638404

after a while I realized that I just... didn't care if other people thought my interests were weird.

At age 4, I wanted to be a vulcanologist. By age 6, I realized falling into lava wouldn't be fun, so I switched to biology, and now I'm a biologist! :twistnerd:

Suffice to say, other people's opinions never mattered to me. :raritywink:

In any case, this story above the majority of others, deserves to become an actual book with Hasbro's blessing (though, considering they keep letting Michael Bay make movies... it'd really only matter in official capacity.)

There are very few other stories I think epitomize the 'childhood' aspect of the ponies so well, most being themed for a much older audience even when they are magnificent pieces of literature (such as "The Eternal Sun", which would leave children either totally bewildered or traumatized; and "Pirates for a Day/Eternity", which requires at least middle school-level reading comprehension to fully grasp).

None of my ideas in my own stuffed notebook (which I'll probably get around to writing after I retire 40 years from now...) are 'young' enough, nor clever enough to match. I'm very good at designing a solid, flawlessly logical and comprehensive plot, but the whimsical prose and 'music' of pure fantasy eludes my overly practical and scientifically-locked mind, as much as I try to let imagination fly a little more freely.

Simply put, this really is an equal to "Where the Wild Things Are" as a children's masterpiece.

Oh yes, one more thing I must say.

There are many popular stories on this site. FoE for one. Many are severely flawed (including virtually every vampony and NMM-fanboi fic I have ever seen), filled with agonizing plot holes, terrible characterizations, mind-numbing idiot-balling, hokey melodrama, inexplicable violence and savagery...

...and yet they have so many thousands of likes.

You, as the author, would be ridiculed to point this disgrace out. I, however, as a long-winded, no-holds-barred critic can say it in no uncertain terms: This story deserves all the likes of those stories combined.

This story IS magic.

*Alondro sees... A DISLIKE?!?!!*

Ok, what kind of soulless monstrosity from the very depths of hell and Detroit clicked the dislike button on this story?

SHAME ON YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!! :raritywink:

Wait, what quality makes this part of the contest?
Nvm.
Great story, by the way.

This was actually a very satisfying read. Certainly most of the fics I read on this website, while they can be well-written and entertaining or meaningful stories, are directed towards an older audience. They deal with more mature subjects or just have a more mature writing style. And that's okay. But this...this was something fresh and unique to me. It was really refreshing to see something written for children and since fanfictions are...how should I put it...not a medium with a solid or sole target audience at times, you don't often find one openly meant for children.

I think you did it wonderfully. There was an interesting style to the prose, keeping very simple but effective with a vivid flavor to the prose. I think that's worthy to note given the limited approach to it. It takes some good writing chops to pull that off, in my opinion.

I suppose, though, if I had to nitpick something, it was in the portrayal of the Mane Six. It felt off, the way they behaved so simply. Their personalities didn't show through as much, giving them the unique and varied appeal as characters. It just kind of lost something, I suppose. I didn't hate the approach, it worked with the story, but like I said. If I had to nitpick something that didn't entirely work for me.

Other than that...I honestly think this is solid work. Your language and prose is really something. You managed to keep it simple, accessible for kids, but still having a unique voice and really good imagery. Also, just, I think in a fandom that has a lot of fan work produced dealing with more mature subjects (like most fandoms, really), it's really nice to see something more accessible to the original target audience.

4641738 Dude, you totally should’ve been a volcanologist. It would’ve been worth it just to see the looks on people’s faces when they found out what you did for a living! :pinkiegasp:

I read your blog post. I was honestly quite touched by it. I thought this story would perhaps get a couple of comments and a few likes at most, but I didn’t imagine anything quite like the response I’ve had from some people such as yourself. Seriously, thank you so much!

Many are severely flawed (including virtually every vampony and NMM-fanboi fic I have ever seen), filled with agonizing plot holes, terrible characterizations, mind-numbing idiot-balling, hokey melodrama, inexplicable violence and savagery...

All that stuff used to bother me too. But I think a better way of looking at it is that, for better or worse, those stories popularity are what keep this site alive, and so in turn allow for more interesting/better written stories to find an audience that they wouldn’t have otherwise gotten. It’s kind of like… how all the millions that the Twilight films made allowed Summit Entertainment to finance so many cool movies that, under different circumstances, wouldn’t have even existed. I mean, not as many people saw those other films, but even so it’s very cool that they’re available.

In the ideal world, the popular stuff would be the best stuff – and sometimes it is! But even when it’s not, I’m just thankful that it exists at all :pinkiesmile:

*Alondro sees... A DISLIKE?!?!!*

But 79 likes!! … Well, 78. I accidently hit the like button when I was using my phone :facehoof:. But I live with dislikes. Fanfiction wouldn’t be very interesting if everyone had the same opinion on everything.

considering they keep letting Michael Bay make movies... it'd really only matter in official capacity.

I will give Michael Bay this: no movie before or since Transformers 2 has ever gotten the same response from me (Sex in the City 2 came very, very close (why do I keep putting myself through these films?!)). That’s got to count for at least something. Although if I ever see it again it would be 20 billion years too soon.


4641977 Thank you! And thanks for the watch :pinkiehappy:


4645192 This was a really lovely comment, thank you very much!

I think that's worthy to note given the limited approach to it.

I’m a big believer in the idea that some of the best art happens when limitations are placed down. Placing limits on your art forces you to work in more creative ways. Even if it’s as simple as putting a word limit on your story! You end up having to make every word count, and think hard about the best, most efficient way to get across what you’re trying to say.

It's not fanfiction (it's not even writing come to that) but just think about the movie Jaws and how they had to work with a crappy malfunctioning shark prop whose mouth didn't even close properly. And yet by using it creatively they made one of the best films ever.

Their personalities didn't show through as much, giving them the unique and varied appeal as characters.

That’s a fair criticism. I originally wanted each of the main six to have a speaking role, but it completely messed up the pacing so I cut it all out. I think the trade-off was worth it – ultimately I don’t think that their individual personalities matter that much to the story – but unfortunately it means that if you’re looking for something with a well-developed mane 6, this ain’t it :fluttershyouch:

:pinkiegasp: Is... is that a reference to the Uffington White Horse on the cover? Holy crap, this story's gonna be awesome. :pinkiehappy:

(One read later)

I... I have no words. This is one of the best pony-related things I've ever read. Perhaps the best. Thank you for it.

If this wasn't the most beautiful thing I've read in a while, I don't know what is.

I could go on about how well-written Mia was, how nice the sequencing was planning, but the soulful wonder of the voice just sweeps everything away, and it's not often I get to simply say that something's beautiful, so I very will do so.

Amazing, magical story here. Well done, author.

I have one question, and one question alone. How did you manage to pour magic onto a page? Because this was phenomenal.

Your story is neat to read.

Well I, uh... I, um...

*throws hands up*

Good game everyone. The Most Dangerous Game contest is now over. This wins. In fact, it wins every contest. In the world. Forever.

I've always wanted to see more of your work since I first laid eyes on It's Not a Cold, Dark Place, and I'm so happy to see that the quality of your writing hasn't gone down even a smidge. This story is a perfect children's story, and that makes it a perfect My Little Pony story, which basically makes it one of the best stories we as a fandom have written to date. This story is a story about the very things that I feel My Little Pony tried to teach its target audience: how to grow up, how to appreciate what you have, how to just be a better person in general.

I was shaking my head while I read this, wondering how this fandom could put me in contact with such great authors. I heard that Cold, Dark Place is being turned into original fiction - I will be looking for it on the shelves.

There is such a lyrical beauty to this, and the ending is absolutely perfect.

That was wonderful and lovely. I wouldn't say the best thing I evee read on the site, but that's my personal preference and it's up there anyway.

I don't know that this is the best story in the fandom, or even in the Most Dangerous Game contest, but damn, it's gotta be close.

This was phenomenal work. I definitely got the "Where the Wild Things Are" vibe from it, and it is bar-none the best children's story I have read on this site.

I don't want to concede defeat just yet, but I think we can safely say Obs' little contest generated some of the most startlingly good stories to appear on this site in a while.

4658071 Thank you! I enjoyed your entry as well. It’s not an approach to HiE I’ve really seen before (though admittedly it’s not a genre I read an awful lot of), and it was a very nice little story to boot.

Best of luck in the contest! :raritystarry:

4659208

If this wasn't the most beautiful thing I've read in a while, I don't know what is

Seriously, I’m incredibly flattered by this. I’m glad you liked it.

4660341 I did a Hogwarts correspondence course. My major was in potions :raritywink:

(Thank you for such a lovely comment!)

4660502 :pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

4661779

Good game everyone. The Most Dangerous Game contest is now over.

To be fair, I’ve heard truly excellent things about your own one (though I haven’t had a chance to read it yet :fluttershyouch:). And the same goes for Aquaman’s entry and Cold in Gardez’s. And don’t forget Norsepony, who always works magic with whatever he writes. So many talented authors on this site :pinkiesmile:.

This story is a perfect children's story,

:heart:

I heard that Cold, Dark Place is being turned into original fiction - I will be looking for it on the shelves.

You heard half-right. It’s not that I’ve been turning it into something original, but that many of the themes and ideas I had planned for it have ended up finding their way into what I’ve been working on this past year (it should be ready around September or thereabouts).

4668450 Thank you! I’m happy you enjoyed it!

4670737

I wouldn't say the best thing I evee read on the site, but that's my personal preference

To be honest, I’m just happy that people enjoyed it. That’s more than good enough for me – anything else is an added bonus.

4672391

it is bar-none the best children's story I have read on this site.

I’m genuinely honoured! And I haven’t had a chance to read many of the entries yet (yours included I’m afraid to say – it’s been a busy couple of weeks), but I’ve really loved the ones that I have looked at, and I’ve heard fantastic things about the next few that I have lined up. I guess something about this contest really caught people’s imagination.

Best of luck to you by the way :pinkiehappy:

I heard great praise of this story and I honestly believe it was all justified. Damn... I mean... DAMN! That is more or less a professional children's book. :rainbowderp:

Well, the contest has a winner. Fantastic job, author.

This is a flawless and wonderful piece of work, but 'm gonna have to disagree on just one little detail due to a personal preference: I prefer stories - and by that I still mean children's stories - that are written the way people would actually talk. The prose you use is obviously meant to be narrated with a hushed reverence for the magic and wonder it contains, and to a child reading or listening to it, that would be fine. But for me, it makes the prose sound a bit too childish; corny, even. A kid doesn't need saccharine prose to enjoy a good story or get the message.

That's just how I, and I alone, interpreted it. Doesn't change that this is a wonderful story with a great moral (although it still can't beat the episode "Equestria Games" for having an equally strong lesson and a magical ending that doesn't feel so syrupy)!

4690620 I wouldn't count the other stories out quite yet -- some of them are absolutely wonderful! I think this contest has been one of the best things to happen to this site in a good long while.

Thank you for the awesome comment, I'm glad you enjoyed the story :pinkiehappy:

4696152 Honestly, part of me is surprised it's taken this long to get a comment like this. Heavily stylised dialogue is definitely one of those 'your-mileage-may-vary' sort of things (look at how people reacted to the film Juno), and I really thought that the speech in this would turn off a lot more people than it did.

I take the view that pretty much all speech in fiction is stylized to one degree or another, and I include 'realistic' dialogue in that -- if characters in books actually actually talked like people in real life, then most stories would be unreadable, what with stuff like filler words and constant interruptions and talking over each other and not speaking in full sentences etc (I know all those things exist in prose, but very, very rarely to the same extent as in real life).

So building off that, I don't personally have any problems in taking it further and writing stuff like... well, like this story! As long as the intentions and emotions behind the words feel genuine, then I don't think it matters so much if the actual words themselves don't sound realistic. And I think that dialogue like this, whilst not being something that children need, is something extra that they might enjoy.

... But yeah, that's all just my own personal opinion. There's no right or wrong answer, and like I said, I'm surprised I haven't had more comments like this. If the dialogue in a story turns you off than that's a completely valid critique to make :pinkiesmile:

it still can't beat the episode "Equestria Games" for having an equally strong lesson and a magical ending that doesn't feel so syrupy

For me that episode would be Cutie Mark Chronicles. 22 minutes of pure storytelling magic :raritystarry:

Thank you for such a lovely and thoughtful comment!

4698752 It was just as confusing for me to see so many people interpreting the writing style and still showering it with unmitigated praise (wasn't even sure if I was right to criticize it, with people like JohnPerry and Casca giving it such a ringing endorsement). I can absolutely see what you mean by the difference between real-life speech and dialogue that is fixed/streamlined for the benefit of a work of fiction, and I don't disagree with you logic. Thank you for the thoughtful reply.

For me that episode would be Cutie Mark Chronicles. 22 minutes of pure storytelling magic :raritystarry:

Yeah, but the ending was so cheesy. :moustache:

All of my anger towards the HiE genre (though I've always been willing to read human stories because I believe in giving chances but I digress) has been thrown out a window and stomped upon by a herd of African elephants.

This was pure beauty, and I must draw some fan art of it sometime.

An interesting choice, to write a children's book for the contest.

I suspect such things are lost on one as old as I.

Very nice! To put it simply it had a very "Where the Wild Things Are" feel to it. The story was nice and sweet without being overly saccharine. It also was very well-paced in my opinion; it was long enough to get the messages and themes across but short enough so that it wasn't dragged out.
All in all a prize-winning story.
Kudos to the author.

This is one of the best children's stories I've read in a good long time. A lovely story, and a fine homage to Where the Wild Things Are.

This was an adorable story! Masterfully done.:twilightsmile:

Stunningly beautiful. This does deserve to be made into a published children's story.

The ending was so very sweet. I wasn't a huge fan of the middle section, but the beginning and end were really good.

and saddles (for who? she wondered).

We all wonder, Mia, we all wonder.

(Loved the story, btw :pinkiehappy:)

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