• Member Since 19th Sep, 2011
  • offline last seen 5 hours ago

RBDash47


I used to be relevant!

Sequels1



E
Source

Rated 9.5/10 by the ECS. Featured in the RCL. Dramatic reading by Neighrator Pony.

She noticed the pony for the first time when she was young, not long after she'd received her cutie mark. He became her oldest friend.

Note: comments contain spoilers; please don't read them before reading the story.

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 145 )

I like the reveal, definitely didn't expect it. Even with all of the little hints.

Creepy. :pinkiecrazy:

I thought it might have been her, but then I thought about the character tags and thought otherwise. Yay for deception!

Oh and of course! "Gone" doesn't mean dead, in her sister's case. :twistnerd:

I love the fact that you used an OC. Thier the best ponies to write about in my opinion. They can be their own.

This was very good. Had me guessing for a bit till talks a page and half afterwards. It was a good, very warm read. Haven't read such a smooth one shot in a while like this. This all took place at a certain time before x pony returned I assume? Or was that one part a sort of definitive end of x pony?

Thumbs up and a fav. This story I really enjoyed this. If you don't understand my question, I can send a note instead. This story works much better when the person isn't aware of who the characters are right away.

That was an extremely well written one shot, and I have to say, it gave me goosebumps in a good way. I applaud you! :pinkiehappy:

A good half of the way through, I realized it was probably Who shall not be named. But still, an excellently done story. You have my like and favorite, good sir.

This was interesting. I enjoyed it.

Thank you. :twilightsmile:

Oi, I thought it was Applebloom. That was wonderful.

2060819

Panda don't like spoilers

Well, I rarely read dark oneshots, but for some reason short synopses draw me in quite often.

Anyway, you used just two thousand words - that doesn't leave room for a lot of meaning or feeling, but I really doubt you were going for that. In fact, I have no idea what you were going for at all, but the way I see it, the story is pretty much Death ponyfied - the mare encounters him early on, and although it's a brief encounter - just their eyes meeting - looking Death in the eye is a memorable occasion. So as she goes down the road of life, she meets Death time and time again - yet he's always new, unrecognizable, unreadable, cold and still somehow familiar. Later, she musters the courage to talk to him - an action akin to elder people thinking about their passing. Time passes by, along with lives, and they become, if odd, friends - she accepts Death as something necessary and inevitable, maybe even a refuge of sorts. And then finally, she awaits him - like an encounter with an old friend, and so does he.

So really, the fic went by like a chill breeze - it faded away rather quickly. I can't call this a story, but a metaphor? Maybe. However, metaphors are something you use in a sentence, in a story, in something - they don't do well on their own. Still, it was a good metaphor - you get a like anyway.
3/5

2060902
My apologies.:applecry: I forget that some people read the comments before the story.
Thus, I fixed it, for the betterment of my community.
Have I redeemed myself? :duck:

2060819 who is this pony that shall not be named?

Oh, that was excellent. Definitely going on my user page list of recommended stories.

:fluttercry:It was a little confusing, but still.... THE FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELSSSSSSSSS

2062373

Read the story, and The Character which You seek shall be revealed.
Plus, I prefer to be a good being, and I shall refrain from spoiling it.

I'm probably just echoing what everyone else said, but gosh darn it you deserve some compliments! :twilightsmile:

Grammar was flawless, the pacing was perfect, and the reveal was brilliant. It's quite funny what people miss when they're deeply absorbed in a story like yours.

Once again, another amazing work from you! I should really refer to you for more writing advice every now and then. Celestia knows my crossover's going to need it. :derpytongue2: Would you mind if I submitted this story to a couple of the groups I am in? I'm sure you wouldn't mind the additional likes. :rainbowlaugh:

Oh, very nice. Subtle and quite true to the character. I don't know if this needs those tags, exactly; in its way, this was a life- (and death-!) affirming story.

RBDash47
Site Blogger

To anyone reading the comments before reading the story: please don't. It's very short, and won't take you long at all to get through it without spoiling the story for you.

2060682
The section where the protagonist is lamenting her sister being gone takes place very soon after Luna's banishment, so the protagonist is somewhat maudlin. The preceding and following sections are on an indeterminate timeline. The story takes place over the course of at least hundreds, probably thousands of years.

2062147
The story was inspired by a discussion I was having with a friend about what Celestia and Death might talk about. I liked the idea of a near-immortal being striking up a friendship with him, and wondered how such a relationship might play out.

2062373
I hope you've worked it out by now, but if not, she's called by name in the last line of the story.

2063306
Thank you!

2064980
If you think it would be appropriate for these groups, by all means, thank you.

2066957
Selecting tags was difficult; none of them quite felt right.

To everyone, thank you for your kind words, and I'm glad you enjoyed it.

2068839 I guess I should take things more literally next time. Oh well...

2068839 I ment the pony that alway's say's goodbye to the dead. not :trollestia:

RBDash47
Site Blogger

2074164
Oh, well, Rennoc215 was referring to the protagonist.

The other pony is the incarnation of Death.

Dude...this was...this was really, really good. All of the philosophies on death are amazing and sound so amazing. The reveal at the end I wouldn't have seen coming from a mile away.
You've earned a like and a fav from me, good sir. If you continue to produce such masterpieces, I shall follow you.:moustache:

Someone please explain the last three lines! I'm sorry for being dumb!

RBDash47
Site Blogger

2075719
Twilight dies, and Death shows up to take her away.

2078628 Waaaayyyy sorry about that. I somehow mistook this story for this one. This chapter would have made no sense there.

Well, I kinda figured that's who it was based on the amount of time that seemed to be passing, and a couple other details, so the ending was more a confirmation than a reveal for me. But regardless of that, it was well done. This sort of premise can easily turn out feeling cliche, but this didn't.

RBDash47
Site Blogger

2119012
Thank you very much; I'm fairly proud of it.

Wow that was good. I expected something very deep and philosophical (i.e. cryptic), and I was pleasantly surprised by its simplicity and matter-of-factness.

with the last line i shead a single tear, beautiful work

RBDash47
Site Blogger

A very sad and intriguing fic, but somehow a little comforting in a way.

I don't know why I keep reading sad stories, but this was a good story. Thank you.

I felt no feels coming on when I read the first chapter, but by the end of chapter two, the dams broke so to speak. They broke a lot!

Expertly carried out, oh awesome writer!

Very powerful final scene. I loved it.

I wonder, is Twilight meant to be an Alicorn here? Considering when you initially posted this, perhaps not, but the line that said that all Twilight's friends had passed on "long ago" suggested to me that she may be an alicorn, which makes her long-lived, but not immortal. That status being reserved for Celestia and Luna whose role it is to move celestial bodies. Just a bit of musing about your head-canon regarding the immortal status of alicorns...

Anyway, superb fic. I tend to like them short and effective like this. :)

Have you ever read The Book Thief? Because it features a similar premise as this story. You pulled it off well.

I didn't know who the pony Death was talking to until

“It won’t rise if I don’t raise it.”

. Later on, when it said Celestia, I was like, "Knew it!"

Short story, but incredible! I loved every part of it, especially the end where Celestia says,

“Twilight... I’d like you to meet an old friend of mine.”

This is very good stuff, and I agree with the decision to move the Twilight scene into a separate chapter. The two go together very nicely, but they're a little stylistically different and the separation makes the scene work better, I think.

I hate using this language, but the story started out a bit telly for my taste, and also a bit confusing. That cover image looks decidedly like Twilight, so I was expecting Twilight to be the unnamed "she" of the first chapter. But the mother dying doesn't jibe with canon, and Twilight or not, the description of the mother as wizened seemed inconsistent with a daughter who had only just received her cutie mark. I'm not saying this as a criticism of the whole "don't reveal your perspective character" strategy. I like that strategy and I've tried using it before myself (only to have people tell me, "screw the mystery, tell 'em in the story description"). But I found myself not connecting with the story for a little bit because I was confused about your take on Twilight, about whom the cover image had convinced me I'd be reading.

As for the telly, I got over it before long and I'm hesitant to suggest it was actually a fault in the story. Getting back into fanfiction has hypersensitized me to issues like this, but when it's executed to good effect I'm always a fan of the misty, translucent prose you're using here. It's wonderfully atmospheric, and it aids a narrative that's structured as brief interludes over a lifetime.

There's a bit in here I particularly want to highlight, though.

She thought for a moment.

“Are you Death?”

He hadn’t been moving before, but he grew very still at her words, his smile fading. Again, there was a sense of tightness in the air, of the world holding its breath.

I have to go, he said, and slid from his seat, walking to the front of the room. She stayed where she was, watching him, listening to the soft swell of conversation from friends and family outside.

As before, there was nothing on his flank.

For my money, this is some fine writing. Succinct descriptions on multiple senses. That "tightness in the air" bit is telling done right, and I love it. And there's a lot of character information flying around in this little snippet, about both of our leads. I think this bit is probably why I was completely unsurprised by the Death cutie mark reveal, too. It's right there for you, if you're watching.

I don't know that I have a whole lot more to say about this story. It's small and subtle, as it should be. I'm going to be very happy to add this to my favorites.

RBDash47
Site Blogger

2279990
Thank you!

2280004
Maybe because they keep being good? Sometimes a sadfic is just right.

2280018
Well I'm glad I decided to upload it, then!

2280167
I actually wrote this within a week of the fandom discovering that Twilight would ascend, so I left it ambiguous. She may be, she may not be; like Death's form, it's unimportant. And my headcanon about alicorns is showing a bit, in the discussions between Celestia and Death - she knows that Death will come for her at some point, and they both seem to think it'll be right after "the sun burns itself out", so...

I think Alicorn!Twilight will be very long-lived, but I do also subscribe to the headcanon that Unicorn!Twilight would have outlived her friends due to being a very powerful mage.

2280328
I have not but now I've looked it up and it sounds amazing; added it to my Amazon wishlist already, thank you!

2280377
Thank you!

2280661
The whole thing's super-telly, really; but I guess at the same time it leaves out a lot of details, letting the reader fill them in. (Remind you of anypony?)

In your defense, the cover art is of Twilight, but the image felt right (especially after writing the winter scene) and I justified it to myself by rationalizing that a silhouette of a younger Celestia with folded wings sitting "by herself" under a tree would look much like any ol' unicorn.

It's small and subtle, as it should be.

Yes, that's it. Thank you. That's it exactly.

...woah.

And I thought the first chapter alone was powerful...and it was, no lie.:fluttercry:

This though, the final moment between teacher and student. Moreover, having Celestia say those words of encouragement to Twi, and then introducing her to Celestia's oldest friend...dude, you've won the internet with this one. :raritystarry:

If there was a dry eye reading this, there were outside circumstances, because this was just perfect.:twilightsmile:

Well done, and I wish you well in your future works. :eeyup:

Well done. I love the tone and feeling of the main story. The pacing is spot on for the mood. However, the reveal of the character came as no surprise since the first mention of "servants" narrowed that down quite quickly halfway through. I think maybe because of that, the addendum kinda jars with the main story, at least for me. However, I still love the concept of the immortal princess being best friends with death, and you executed that awesomely.

Your story speaks so much of death, yet it's full of life...

It makes me wonder what will happen when the time comes for my departure from this world...

It makes me feel... forlorn, but also really fuzzy inside. Perhaps its the thought of finnally letting go...

This is an amazing story you have written. It conveys so much in a short span.

This story explains so much!

I've always wondered how Celestia kept from going insane being immortal and stuff. Seeing everyone pass away and stuff must be hard to overcome. This story blew that fog away. If Celestia knew death, and was friends with him, she wouldn't be afraid. She won't be very lonely either.

Great little story. You do a very good job of saying just what needs to be said, without dragging the story out or rushing to the finish. Liked and favorited!

I'm not sure why, but I assumed it was that pony before I even started reading it...>_> [someone wrote it in their comment...]
Anyway, it was an interesting read and I liked it.
I'ma roll around in this box now (._.)___(| :)___(.-.)___(: |)___(._.)___(| :)___(.-.)___(: |)___(._.)___(| :)___(.-.)___(: |)___(._.) and now I'm dizzy 6_9

Login or register to comment