- Member Since 2nd Dec, 2011
- offline last seen May 20th, 2015
Donnys Boy
My name is Donny's Boy. I ship ponies.
Donnys Boy
Joined 2nd Dec, 2011 ·
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Donny writing sad, huh. I avoid sad normally but i will check this one out later.
Commence read.
Well she fought for them.
I'm not sure how I feel about this one. However, you respected death. That's to be commended. You have my support and an up-vote.
Hmm... a lot was left unsaid... but it was a good unsaid.
A very very short story, and a good one
Twilight why? ;_;
After the third time reading through this, even with music playing and the lights on, I have dissolved into a quivering mess of conflicted beautiful feelings. Thank you.
Context?
I feel cold now. Oh so cold.
I feel like it's a little too short for me to enjoy. I love what you've done with so few lines, but something's missing for me.
Extremely well done. I thought the language at the beginning could probably have been tightened up a little, but it took very little time for you to suck me in beyond caring. I haven't been on Fimfiction long, but I can say that only one other piece I've read here to date has had enough skill to stop me from reading critically and let me sit back and enjoy the story. And to do this in such a small space!
Tight language, excellent flow and structure, compelling narrative, and even solid characters in the little space you took to work with them. I wish I had more I could offer you constructively, but this is fine, professional-level work to my eye.
Thank you.
That... that is what Twilight would do in such a situation.
Fantastic. I was sort of expecting Twilight to make it to Canterlot before giving them her 'breath of life' and then dying on the spot. This is better. It let's Celestia's scream be of anguish and horror, instead of horror and anguish.
I am very impressed I was not sure that you would make me feel with only a little over a thousand words but you did and I'm glad I took the time to read this.
Also i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/308/031/880.gif
A little dark, but I liked it.
Very well done. There is little that can affect my tight psyche and this actually loosened it. I couldn't help but shed a tear at the Elements return to Canterlot and Celestia's reaction was very heartbreaking.
Knew this was coming, and it hasn't lost its luster. Well done as always, DB!
Oh, Twilight...
You didn't fail, in the end. You saved them.
MUCH better Sombra / shadow than 'crystalllllls'-man. Bravo.
That was powerful. Simple as that.
You certainly are a jack-of-all-trades.
It might need a gore tag, just to be safe. It is rather violent.
As a standalone piece, this is perfect. Impressive how believable each character reacted to the scene. I couldn't imagine this playing out any other way.
To be concise: hollow and pointless.
Hollow, in that any emotions that it would evoke by the suffering of the characters is immensely cheapened by the fact that I've seen these characters suffer in more touching and relatable ways in the show. They're threatened, for the sake of the story's convenience, by an insipid and uninteresting shadow monster. The conflict takes the form of a horror/pornography montage, the action of which is frankly unengaging. Pointless in that the story has nothing at all to say, ends in such a way that is only acceptable when it is discarded and promptly forgotten -- in other words, it was a waste of time to read.
One the upside, the piece displays a sense of composition a cut above the usual rabble, and doesn't resort to repetitive prose or painfully cliche conventions.
Howdy, y'all! Appreciate all the comments and, from a number of you, the nice words you had to say about the story. Thanks, everyone.
And since I think the length of this story is one of the more notable things about--and it's the shortest stand-alone piece I've ever posted to Fimfiction, thus far--I maybe oughta say a word or two about that. Mostly, the story just felt complete. I kept thinking about how I could lengthen it, but everything I came up with would've just felt like padding to me. So I ran with it as it currently stands and hoped I hadn't misjudged.
2051028
Fair enough! And I'm glad to hear you think I respected death. I always want to do so and always try to do so.
2051129
Not sure if this is what you're asking for, but: Celestia sent the Elements bearers to go deal with the Beast of the Week, but the beastie ended up being a lot tougher than anyone anticipated.
2052277
Ha! Thank you. Poor Sombra really did draw the short end of the villain stick, didn't he?
2052303
Oh, that's a lovely thing to hear! Really, most of the time, I feel like a one-trick pony (no pun intended). And I do love my ship fics, quite a bit, but sometimes I get the urge to write something that's not a romance.
2054829
Gore tag added! Thanks for mentioning. I tried to keep the violence more implied than outright stated throughout the story, because I'm not really one for torture porn, but better safe than sorry and all that jazz.
2056867
Definitely agree that the shadow monster is just there to kick things off, and I can see why that would result in reader disengagement from the story. I'm not sure I agree that the story has nothing to say. The failing there, if there is one, would be more that the point of the story ("the power of LURVE, baby!"/"Twilight is Equestrian Jesus") is a bit cliche and has been said before by many writers (and, I'll say straight up, has been said better by many of those writers).
I dunno. I shall think further upon all this. Thank you for reviewing!
Well... I'm gonna go cry now.
Beautifully tragic, good sir. Commence philosophy mode
CAN YOU JUST
NOT
twilight sparkle did defending those she loved a happy ending but a tragic one at that.
liquid pride shed for those who we have lost
Short story but a good one
Good story, though it could probably have served better being a bit longer.
I've read a lot of your changed and separated 30 min pony stories, and I've been overall impressed. I'm only nitpicking, but in one of the first paragraphs you wrote that more ponies claimed to have seen it than those who believed, I get the point you're trying to make, but if you're claiming to have seen it, you must believe in it. I enjoyed this story quite a bit, poor Celestia though
becomes 
Welp... Excuse me while I go lock myself in my room, go hide in a corner, and cry quietly to myself. Well done, sir.
She saved Equestria and her friends, though. Doesn't that count for something? Twilight should be proud of herself.