• Member Since 14th Feb, 2012
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Not a changeling.


... and learns important life lessons, somewhere in between everything going wrong.

* * *

"The first thing I thought upon reading Hitchhikers was that the gods of ponyfiction … had smiled upon me." – Ezn
"Congratulations, you have written the first 'Proper Noun Verbs A Noun' story that does not actively disgust me." - Prereader Benman

Chapters (5)
Comments ( 88 )

this story is very wonderful

Note to readers: Since most "X Verbs a Noun" stories are written as one-shots, I should probably specify that there are further chapters to come.

1493369 Thanks!

Fantastic! I don't know what to say, other than please do continue!:pinkiehappy:

Excellent story, can't wait to see where you go with it.

Kind readers, fasten your safety belts. In the next chapter, the mood of the story will begin to wander.

As an author's note, I would also like to provide an example of why I generally write so slowly. I can't even insert a simple one-off gag without fleshing out the world around it so that everything makes sense and aligns in my head. To wit:

How to play Rock-Scroll-Scissors (With Hooves)

Sit on your hinds and hold out both forehooves in front of you, one atop the other. Choose in your mind which of the three symbols you're going to play. When both you and your opponent are ready, you will both throw those paired hooves downward in tandem, counting up each time you throw. On three, look into your opponent's eyes and move your hooves into the shape of your symbol.

For a rock, slide your top hoof around to the side of the bottom one so that the frogs of your hooves are pressed together. Rock crushes scissors but is snared by scroll.

For scissors, slide your top hoof sideways, so that your fores are crossed at the pastern. Scissors cut scroll but are crushed by rock.

For scroll, push your top hoof forward and pull your bottom hoof toward you, as if unrolling a message. Scroll snares rock but is cut by scissors.

No idea where this is going, but I'll try and enjoy the ride.
Also, I plan to link to this comment every time I see a pony who doesn't know how to play.:twilightsmile:

Three chapters, woohoo! Well done!

Oh, and first! Mwahahahaha.:yay::rainbowwild:

Holy cow! Someone else who has ponies use cubits!


Thank you all for reading and enjoying!

1801721 Fortunately, they've now given us comment permalinks. :twilightsmile:

1801922 I don't know that I would call the "coda" bits actual chapters. They're sort of like extended punchlines to wrap up dangling plot threads and set up scene transitions. I hadn't planned on them being an ongoing thing, but I'm finding I like the effect.


Because I know you'll appreciate it, I'm going to copy and paste one of the exchanges I had with one of my prereaders:

> Don't you need arms to have cubits? (You are the only author I would bother pointing this out to.)
I'm chuffed you asked, because I actually thought about it beforehoof. ^.^

Historically, a cubit originated from an elbow-to-fingertip measurement, and the name itself is from the Latin for "elbow" (horse anatomy still allows the foreleg's knee to be called an elbow btw). A primitive race without hands would still need a simple body-based masurement, though, and knee-to-forehoof works well for the exact same reasons.

The planned, elegant nature of SI doesn't seem to mesh well with the chaotic anachronisms of ponykind, and Imperial units (yards) would strongly imply -- or at least force readers to question -- "foot" as a measure. (I could swap foot/hoof, but that's inelegant, especially since hooves are so much smaller than footlengths.) "Cubit" is just anachronistic enough that people will recognize it as a unit of measurement and have a general idea of its scale, yet lend an exotic air to the whole enterprise.

Now you know.


Bonus points for using "flensing."

just want to say "thank you!" for this brilliant story :pinkiehappy:

1937758 Glad you liked it! There's more to come. :twilightsmile:

Incidentally, you're the fourth new person to fave/track in the last 24 hours; can I ask how you stumbled across Hitchhikers? (Was it via the comments of How To Remove A Unicorn Tooth? If not, that's also a remarkably good story.)

No. Ezh mentioned this story in blog post
So I came, took a look and it was "Wow! Instafav! :)"

1938235 Ah! Awesome. :yay: Thank you!

"Polar Star! Fireball! Land there, at the cart!"

Nemesis and Bubbler had the day off, I assume. :trixieshiftleft::trixieshiftright:

...Aaaaand Luna forgot about Fireball, didn't she. Of course she did. :facehoof:

1938178 I came here from Ezn too!

1942085 I don't know whether to be thrilled that someone caught my naming convention, or aghast that you're blithely throwing around ULTRA SUPER SEKKRIT SPOILERS for later chapters. Nopony must know! :trollestia:

(Actually, Blade will be the next name to show up. We won't see Nemesis until we start replacing the guards on duty. You can't get it without trading in one of your weapons, after all.)

Oh, poor Luna. Just sulk it out girl, there's nothing wrong with it.
But I feel you do Granny Smith quite a disservice here, she would still tan your hide for badmouthing her like this. :ajbemused:

We will discover in Haylander that Granny Smith is quite capable indeed of holding her own … :ajsmug::twilightoops:


Yes. Tell us more!

That goes for this fic as well. Update already!

Oh my lord. That court-unveiling scene. It's pretty wonderful. Just leaves you wondering what in the blue hell happened outside.

I love this Luna, and I want to see more of her.

Not done with Hitchhikers, I promise! Digging out from under obligations, but keep an eye on my userpage where I post the status of stories-in-progress.

Late into the night, when Laughter's welcome party has wound down, I excuse myself into Twilight's darkened study, where the only noise to distract me is the snoring of her bound companion.

I'm confused by the use of "bound" here. Is there an archaic meaning I'm not picking up on? Is Luna deliberately comparing Twilight and Spike's relationship in general to one of master and slave/indentured servant? Or is Spike actually tied up for some reason? :rainbowderp:

Hahaha. There's that mystery solved.

First of all, Judicial Regulation 624 is a seemingly obvious and therefore brilliant bit of consequence to add to the aftermath of the show's opening story.
Second of all, whoever wrote the court protocol Luna refers to so that it prohibits a single guard but doesn't prohibit a complete absence of guards seems to have made a very silly decision, unless their concerns were for more than just event security.
Third of all, and perhaps most obviously, there are enough little details in Luna's experience of the commotion that I really want to know what the hell happened, and am therefore terrified of the possibility that not only will an answer fail to appear in the text, but in fact no such answer exists. :fluttershysad:


I'm confused by the use of "bound" here. Is there an archaic meaning I'm not picking up on? Is Luna deliberately comparing Twilight and Spike's relationship in general to one of master and slave/indentured servant?

That's what I was getting at, yes. Keep in mind that:

• This story's Luna quite clearly hasn't shaken all of her archaic expectations ("Arise, and be not gasted. What woe betides your cart?")
• Spike's clearly a sapient being rather than a pet, and clearly not biologically related to Twilight
• He does work for Twilight — he writes letters, cleans, etc.

Given limited contact and thousand-year-old expectations, indentured servitude seems the most logical explanation.

> prohibits a single guard but doesn't prohibit a complete absence of guards
In my mind, this is less about security and more about broader notions of the role of the Guard. Not every door will need access control, especially if the guards are there as a formality to indicate the Princess' presence. In my mind, Equestria long ago did the sensible thing and decided that if something was important enough to be worth a Guard presence, it was important enough to be worth two. This means that a corrupt guard can't singlehoofedly control access to royalty by selectively turning ponies away (or taking bribes); if there's an emergency, one guard can respond or dash off for reinforcements while the other stays at their post; and if, stars forbid, there's a security incident, they have twice the hoofpower (and can't be felled by a lone saboteur's sneak attack).

Thanks for reading, enjoying, and offering thoughtful feedback! There's more coming, I promise, I've just been struggling with writer's block trying to get Social Lubricant edited, and getting poems written for the (now-complete) Pony Verse anthology.




Regarding Spike: Yeah, that makes sense; I just wanted to be sure I was interpreting it correctly.

Regarding dual guards: Ooh, that's a whole series of good points- and, as I suspected, includes concerns for more than just event security. Good thinking.

Functionally, I liked the use of the squeaking axle and single lines to create a sense of awkward space during the first ride.
Content, you did a good job of walking that line between "cute ponies being silly" and "overdone so saccharine my teeth are going to melt." A lot of people writing these sort of stories just pound out the cute until it is a horrible ordeal.

Luna was kind of a bitch to her guards, though. I guess it is just her way, but the itchweed part felt petty for an absolute monarch. Although, I guess if they sneeze her mail then there isn't too much dignity in the job.

Thank you!

The dignity (such as it is) of the Night Guard and Luna's poor behavior will both be further explored in chapter 3 (which I actually returned to working on earlier this week — I've got 5,000 words written). I hope it was sufficiently implied that she justifies that punishment to herself as a compromise between her own standards and the workings of an organization which hasn't dealt with her for a long, long time.

xoid #31 · Jul 22nd, 2013 · · · Blade ·

I promise it won't take me seven months to update this time.

You’re going to take longer?! :flutterrage: :trollestia:

Well, I'm still following this. And it's always engaging to see Luna grappling with modernity.

Oh, Luna *shakes head in disappointment*

This is quite impressive.

You have my fave from this.

~Skeeter The Lurker

Pfffffft. Oh god.

That was too good.

~Skeeter The Lurker

Oh god... The prep they did for that...

You've got to make that it's own story.

Or not. I dunno.

~Skeeter The Lurker

Yes... Never bother the pissed off goddess.

Not a good idea at all.

~Skeeter The Lurker

Holy hell. That...

THAT took a turn.

I'm impressed.

~Skeeter The Lurker

Glad you're enjoying the story!

I don't think any actual description could do justice to the Elements' struggles, but it's definitely fun to imagine.

At this point I should cop to drawing the world's most irregularly updated webcomic, which (as of last time I posted one, in 2009) had a Mean Time Between Updates of 484 days. That reminds me, I need to post the next one sometime.

Right now, I think several ponies need a hug. :fluttershysad:

Hence the warning. Glad it worked, though!

I never had any intention to follow this story until this chapter. Now, I must see it through to the end.

Always happy to run into a good story featuring the royal guards. Double bonus if it's the night guards. Poor Polar Star.

"Ah! Your city's cartwright?"

"No, just a new axle for mine."

That one took me a while. :facehoof:

I didn't know about this story till I saw it in the featured box about 2 hours ago. I'm now typing this comment at 5 in the morning completely caught up. It was a pleasant read.

This is amazing. Please send moar.

I am SO going to read every chapter of this fic today, or fall asleep trying.

so her cart-pullers are allergic to scroll-sending?

._. Luna needs help. And hugs and Reassurances. But mostly help.

Poor Luna. My heart aches for you. But not in love, cuz, you know, a mortal loving an immortal can only end in a tragic and poorly-written story... :derpyderp2: sympathy-ache.

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