Backflipping through reality at ludicrous speeds. What does RB stand for, anyway? | Ko-Fi
Marigold hasn't been a pony for a long time. Not since he got a hold of her. That's okay, though. There are worse things.
Written for the A Thousand Words Contest II in the experimental category. Find the other entries here!
Inspired by the Horslips song of the same name.
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This is actually really interesting. It's dark, but it doesn't necessarily feel out-of-place for MLP's darkest moments. It kinda reminds me of I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream, in a way. That story was truly horrifying, and this story is unsettling but not unpleasant to read - probably thanks to Marigold's outlook on things. I like that it fits MLP's continuity too.
Just right amount of alright
wow, I loved this!
I have to agree with the other commenter, this story could easily be titled I Have No Mouth, but I'll Still Smile. I love the concept of a character who is really (physically speaking) completely powerless against the force bullying them, but their strong will or bright outlook keeps them steadfast. Good luck in the ruling!
I like this one. It's an interesting exploration that, as Megabrick said, fits well within the world of MLP. The darkness is more grey than black, and while the cruelest implications that can be drawn from it are deeply horrifying, the aimlessness of it all, while holding on to some cruelty, feels more like a trance than a torment. In that sense, I like it. I kind of get what you were going for with the color motif but I'm not entirely sure what to make of it. There seems to be a pattern to it, but I also fear there's a bit of a contradiction with that phrase here that I don't know how fits:
Also, this is just a small suggestion, but I think it could have been a little bit interesting to have Discord's color changing as a way to reflect his otherness as a chaos spirit. Ignore that last part if you like, it doesn't take away from the story. Speaking of him, I like how he goes unnamed, it makes sense as we enter the main character's mind, something that is carried out very well throughout the story. I buy that sense of closeness, confusion and dread, but also of hope at the end. The reveal at the end is not bad, but it didn't do a whole lot for me, I dunno. Nevertheless, I quite enjoyed the story for what it tries to accomplish in throwing us into one of Discord's victims shoes, and does so without spinning into melodrama but with a quiet sense of narrative purpose that doesn't try to shock or horrify but instead speaks for itself. Good job!
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Thank you for the in-depth comment! I appreciate the detailed feedback.
The coloured text is kind of a gimmick, but the idea was that they sort of represent Marigold’s emotions, ones she can’t quite express in words. It doesn’t seem like it really got across, unfortunately. Ah well.
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That is the best title I’ve ever heard and I wish I’d come up with it first
Discord could warp her body but never break her mind or her trust in harmony
I Have No Mouth But I Can Smile.
This is brilliant. I'm sure you know why.
ooh, the checkerboards and sky… life under Discord’s reign? my feelings of confusion make sense then!
dang that seems specifically cruel! reminds me of "I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream"
yay for being a pony!
oof, that does explain that special attention…
well im glad it’s not as bad as being a flormbus, whatever that is
aww!
i think this is the first story actually set during Discord’s reign that i’ve read, and it really does feel like what it would be like! a story of resistance and the strength of the pony spirit (smiling!) that is visible through the deliberate chaos and nonsense, and something that feels like it could fit right into the world of the show. excellent work, thank you for writing!
Fascinating glimpse of Discord’s unrule (and more than a glimpse might be dangerous.) I especially appreciate the use of color and how that last “feel” lines up with what is probably-Marigold’s probably original color. Discord is especially nice with his air of casual menace. He doesn’t need to go for bombastic threats and grand displays. Marigold knows full-well what he’s capable of because she’s already experienced it.
You say a lot with a little here, which is good because that’s the main challenge of the contest.
Thank you for a story that, bizarrely enough, turned out as reassuring as its title. My only complaint is that, beyond the use of different colors of text, I can’t really call it experimental.