It's been fifty years since the last of Twilight's closest friends passed away. The burden of immortality is a heavy one that can break even the strongest of wills. But Twilight swears she's fine. After all, as long as she remembers them, they'll always be with her. And she has a very good memory, so it's like her friends are still there with her.
Still, Celestia does her best to offer a compassionate ear, just in case. It's just... what is that sound?
My submission to the Thousand Words Contest, Horror category.
Chapters (1)
Really great story it's full of detail and very sinister. 👍👌
Yikes.
This was good. A creepy kind of good, but good nonetheless.
Twilight, darling, what the fuck are you doing? Keeping your friendsʼ corpses alive and locked down below? How far have you fallen?
A sequel would be nice, one where Celestia finds the truth.
All in all, excellent job and best of luck in the judging!
What the actual fuck?
Delightfully creepy. I don’t usually go for this premise, but this was well done! Best of luck in the contest, fellow competitor.
... Meh. It's hard to feel anything when this level of character assassination can never be justified. As unstable as Twilight can be, she'd never do this.
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Of the three fics I've done for the contest, this one definitely suffered the most from the word limit, since it was adapted from an idea I had for a longer fic. It was brutal to grind this down to 1K from the original draft that was almost 300 words over budget. While the intention was for it to be implied that the dark magic Twilight's using has twisted her, that idea very much did not make it through the de-wordification process. A shame, but as the story stands now you're definitely not wrong.
Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
How's Spike still teenaged after 50 years?
Jesus Christ, that was something. Your economy of words might be the most outstanding aspect of this story, it is amazing how well you could convey everything, from the uneasy normalcy preceding the horror to the horror itself. Those descriptions were so perfectly pitched, so clear, concise and precise in their execution, you could derive so much from what was being shown into the darkest parts of the reader's imagination. I don't typically enjoy this kind of horror, it kind of breaches a certain part of the show that I like, but this fiction overcame all of that. One thing I like is that it doesn't feel particularly sadistic nor excessively proud of itself. Gorefics tend to involve a bit of smugness form the author who's convinced of doing such a "good job" horrifying their audience, but I get nothing of that here. This kind of idea tends to feel pretty juvenile, character assassination and all, but here there seemed to be more of a glance into a dark reality than a forced twist. I don't know how else to explain it.
I do kind of wish the idea had been expanded more, as I've read you comment. For example, I'm fairly sure Discord would have had some objections to this. Seeing his reaction could have been interesting. I also like the idea of corrupting magic being responsible for this, it's a cool idea I wouldn't have mind seeing expanded, although the ambiguity adds to the horror and I think the reader can figure as much thanks for Fluttershy's line. Nevertheless, good job.
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Hey, thanks for the comment! I'm glad you enjoyed.
There's definitely an interesting core here, and I'd love to one day revisit it and properly write Twilight's descent to the state depicted in the story. As the magic that corrupts her is meant to be an allegory for refusing/being unable to let go, I think a longer story would suit it well as she struggles with her grief.
As for the "typical" gorefic, it's something I actually try really hard to avoid. The kind of horror I like is a balancing act, where the things the author chooses not to show are just as important as what they do. I don't like revelling in blood and gore, which is why I tried to balance it with the reasons/implications. Like how Twilight seems to genuinely regret the damage she caused Rainbow, and doesn't actually want to see them get hurt. To be honest I think I actually went too hard into the gore anyway, as there were some details I added that don't serve a purpose (Rainbow's legs being broken is a prime example).
Also, full disclosure, Fluttershy's line was edited in after the fact when I realised the idea hadn't translated at all. So the version you read is much clearer than the version some previous commenter read.
do wonder how one writes building codes for one-of-a-kind magical crystal trees
well, that is horrifying! well done on the very sudden vibe shift
oof!
very economical horror, the sheer wrongness of the relationship between Twilight and her friends being twisted into this. well done!
If Kiss of the Alicorn didn’t do anything for me, this did less. I won’t rehash what I discussed there. There is horror here in what Twilight has become, but it’s mostly a gorefest. Sorry, but this just rang hollow for me.
I don’t know if I’ll sleep tonight or stay up all night imagining these creepy things you write about, great job.
I usually don’t read horror stories, or even watch horror movies, but this was awesome.