Starlight Glimmer tries to solve the problem of aging. And she does. But there are drawbacks.
Show Era: Far after Season 9. (See an index of my stories, sorted by My Little Pony Season)
Entry for A Thousand Words Contest II in the "Experimental" category.
Image: by Delapouite. Rights to only the image are at this link.
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Nice idea and execution, if a bit confusing
11639639
Thank you for reading.
This was a good attempt. The premise is interesting, both in a narrative and a meta sense, but the execution was lacking. I don't think anything was gained by having the story be written backwards. I understand why you did it, of course. It just feels a bit too style over substance.
11642090
Thank you for reading. I realize opinions will differ; however, the backwards decision is intentional to set readers in the same position as the characters and to reflect what is happening to Starlight. I can only guess at your hypothesis concerning why it was done--perhaps you are hypothesizing as suspected (and, if not for you, then perhaps this will be of note for someone), thus, a detailed description: It is a physical metaphor for the at-sea effects of dementia, rather than using broken thoughts and structures or blandly approaching the issue straightforwardly and clinically with no style. Also relevant: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Curious_Case_of_Benjamin_Button_(film). Must this story have been written backwards? No. But it adds depth and I would not have wanted to write it a blandly straightforward way. Being written backwards encourages readers to experience the same at-sea feelings the characters feel--it is crafted to get one deep within the story and to feel a sense of unease.
The story can also be read front to back, as a thought experiment on the nature of time and of writing and how much things change when viewed through a different lens. I did what I could to make it readable both ways. Although I do not expect many to ultimately read it both ways--reading forwards to back results in a bit more of an ironic darkly humorous read that hopefully adds something to the experience.
Further, Starlight's dementia, caused by applying magic as a metaphor for minimally-tested pharmaceuticals, affects everything around it, twisting and negatively affecting many aspects of one's life and surroundings, which can be a problem assailing families and friends. Redsky Delight plays the role of a friend/family member who is disliked, but who gives everything to care for the patient. At the end, Starlight will exit from her dementia and maybe she will die like the rodents--maybe she will live out as normal, although that is unlikely. The story, essentially, is quite grim at its ending--it is not a feel-good piece.
Love this, especially with how it can be plausibly read from either direction.
It seems the word limit is throttling its potential, though, and I'd really love to see this excuted in a full story.
rip
of all the ways to go out this is the most Starlight Glimmer
it is interesting that reading the paragraphs “forward” also works as a conversation, with the change of Twilight sounding dismissive
aww, Maud would know!
and augh, love this
and oof, reading it in this order introduces an OC backwards, and honestly i love the effect
and augh, that blackboard! a “callforward”, in this case?
love this poetry that is also literal
and ooh, neat explanation for how Starlight avoided whatever system Celestia uses to make sure all prodigiously talented unicorns in the realm are kept close to her. i might have to steal it myself
and the mice!
aww im glad that Twilight’s protégée has a distinctive regional accent. also great ponified stock phrase
oh yeah that is definitely not a good sign
augh, and knowing that Redsky spends the rest of her life and sanity trying to rescue Starlight makes this heartbreaking to read
the red circled text meme where i circle “twist” and put a picture of Twist next to it
yeah it’s hard for Starlight to have two legs to stand on warning Twilight against associating with recently reformed and neurodivergent villains
and there is the problem! clearly things that come in sixes promote Harmony in the world of Equestria, while nothing good comes of things that come in sevens
and augh, the hope and delight in this, knowing how it turns out! and given Starlight’s advanced age and Starlight’s Starlight, it makes all too much sense for her to jump right into testing it on herself despite the risks involved. and i loved how Redsky Delight was just a name at the beginning but her awful fate retroactively grew more heartbreaking as she was equinized by her interactions with Starlight towards the end. wonderful stuff, i really loved it. thank you for writing!
There’s something weirdly funny about “timenado.” Given the circumstances, I suppose Starlight was in no state to come up with something catchier.
In all, this was an interesting concept, but you may have been better served by not reversing the order of sentences in each paragraph. Reading bottom to top is simple enough thanks to line breaks. Having to go left to right, then wind back looking for the next sentence is a lot more complex, and the more work your gimmick demands, the more it’s going to break reader immersion.
There’s good work to be had here, don’t get me wrong. It’s just that the execution could have been smoother.