• Member Since 27th Mar, 2012
  • offline last seen October 16th

Deathscar


You'd be surprised at the emotions twenty-six letters can unearth

E
Source

Rainbow dash and Twilight Sparkle lately have grown close over Daring Do books and reading nights. When the Wonderbolts auditions approach, Twilight realizes that Rainbow's dream threatens to separate them. With the risk of losing Rainbow becoming all the more real, Twilight has to decide which is more important: Risking Rainbow, or risking Rainbow's dreams


Author's Notes

I decided to try my hand at writing a shipfic of my own, hoping to step out of my comfort zone. As I've never tried writing romance before, I would really appreciate constructive criticisms on how I may improve :) I hope you enjoy what's more to come for The Force of Dreams!


Credits:

Proofreading: Displayed at the end of every chapter

Cover Art: The joys of reading done by DawnMistPony

Chapters (7)
Comments ( 181 )

Seems good so far. Tracking.

Anyway, the story premise sounds good, this prologue is sound, tracking this. :twilightsmile:

Description looks interesting. :twilightsmile: Added to read later.

btw, cover art: link

Riddle 1: dreams
Riddle 2: Love
Am I right?
Looks interesting and well-written, faved!

1296576 Thank you so much!

1296612 I won't say~

1296620 aww, but you pretty much did with your prologue and summary. I think. I'm not reading to much into this right?

1296471

... Troll or hater, I'm guessing? :rainbowhuh: I always get curious when I see a comment replying to another comment that's been deleted.

1296920 Spam about a website or something.

1296936 1296920 Yup, some dude spamming advertising on his web.

1296936
1296951

Ugh, spam. :ajbemused: I give it two months before we have a "report as spam" button added to the comments.

1297002 I was actually looking for one when it first came up. :facehoof:

Well, this was pretty good for a first chapter. I can see a lot of cheesy romance potential for later in this story, with the blue feather (of dreams) and the riddles, which I'm pretty sure were already answered in another comment. Not to say that this is a bad thing though. It'll be interesting to see how you handle Twilight's conflict.

I'm afraid I can't offer much in terms of constructive criticism here. The writing and descriptions are pretty solid, although a little to loose with exclamation marks if you ask me. I'm not sure if it's a wise choice to start with ponies already having a thing for each other, but I guess we'll have to see in later chapters. You got Twilight down pretty well, I'd say, with the teleporting and obsessiveness, and Rainbow Dash doesn't seem that far off either. Although I'm wondering if that much detailed description of the book cover was necessary. I mean, it's one of your biggest paragraphs. I think just one sentence saying that the cover showed Daring Do holding a blue feather and flying away from some bad guys would have been enough.

Also, a couple of things I found:

>Rainbow grumbled several illegible words before opening the book.
You are now imagining speech bubbles.

>“I’ll miss you.” Twilight whispered
comma

1297149 Ahhh I see. Yes, the book description I thought would just be me trying my hand at descriptive writing, but I guess there's a time and place for that. Thank you for the corrections and criticisms! Much appreciated!

1297149

I'm not sure if it's a wise choice to start with ponies already having a thing for each other

eep. *hides*

Anyway, fresh spin on old formula yay! Sudden duck face :duck:

1297235 dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Spitfire.png
Heh, every story is different. For yours I don't think it would have as big an effect, since it's mostly about how society reacts to their relationship. Whereas Rainbow Dash in this one already having a kind of crush on Twilight would either foreshadow her choice if it came to an ultimatum between the Wonderbolts or Twilight (story-telling wise not so good) or could introduce a similar conflict to Twilight's in Dash's mind (good). That's why I'm not sure - predictability is boring, conflict is good.

Either way I'll be following this story.

1297882 I'm glad this got featured. It may be my Twidash bias, but I think this story deserves more attention.

I'm liking it so far. Please continue soon.

proceed please...

Silly Twilight... You need to learn that there's more to life than solid fact. Surely you've read poetry and understood it from some sort of emotional standpoint at least one point in your lifetime, correct? The answers are dreams and love. Those are both things that are mostly indescribable by science. Books may have the answers to almost everything, Twilight, but sometimes, you'll have to look out of your area of expertise and/or comfort to find your answers, even if you hate doing so.
...I feel slightly wise and I hate it.

LIke I will say this to another featured story: if you only have a prolouge, you should wait about publishing it until you have the first chapter ready. Prologues feel like teasers, giving only glimpses of the true story but not the story really. I may be unfair, and if you believe I am, I apologise. None the less, I put this story into the "read later" ones.

Good idea for the story.
Will fave and see where it goes.:twilightsmile:

1297002
And I give it 5 seconds after that before kids begin to troll people they don't like with it:pinkiehappy:

This sound good, tracking and MOAR!!!

Brilliant writing I hope it updates soon.

1296612
Based on Celestia's hint: "Both answers don’t go well with each other, most of the times, ponies would have to choose one or the other"
I think the first is: Friendship (yet Dreams does seem a much more likely answer based on the question you are probably correct)
The second is : Love

Deathscare: Sorry I am unable to provide any constructive suggestions for improvment....I am very unqualified to do so as I am just starting out on story telling in writing. While I am sure there are corrections to be made they are more than likely minor. I like where this is going and seems like there is going to be a good buildup to the romance. I liked the hints you made with each pony (I won't say them so I don't spoil it for others). This looks to be one of my favs :twilightsmile:

Reward:
i86.photobucket.com/albums/k98/wolfantix/129924821915.jpg One of my favorite ship pairs.

The only criticism I can offer is that IT IS TOO SHORT! I want more! MORE I SAY!

But other then that it is great! And with each update my demand for more might lesson, but probably not until the end.

In answer to the riddles, you gave it away in the title.
Riddle Answer 1: Dreams
Riddle Answer 2: Love

oh how tragic... I very much look forward to where you'll be taking this story in later chapters!

I so love where this is headed......this has got to be one of my favorite story arcs in a love story..... the broken heart born of the misconceptions of a partial conversation........keep at it.........can't wait to see what happens! :twilightsheepish:

There be feels here that I sort of regret feeling. I need to learn to wait for these stories to finish so I don't have a hole in my heart from cliffhangers anymore.

I'm very glad I found this fic. It's rather amazing :D. Only a couple of grammar and spelling errors but the thing that got me the most was the accent applejack had. Saying "Cant'alot" would be more of a New Yorker style of saying it. When going for any accent you should imagine the word being said in the accent you are trying to go with. With a southern accent it would probably be more of "Cantirlot" (XD I don't know. I'm southern and that's how it sounds like when I say it. ) but in the show itself it sounds like she is saying "Canterlot"

Very well written! it kept me intently reading the whole time. Can't wait to see where you go with this awesome story!

This is going so great! Can't wait to read more, and see how it turns out :)

Oh Twilight! This is breakin mah heart bro!
Also, First?

Oh man, can we have some crazy Twilight ? :twilightangry2:

Also second ?

1399944 *Insert obligatory offensive comment about people calling first* :P

IT'S DREAMS AND LOVE! HOW COULD SHE NOT POSSIBLY SEE THAT?!?!

Confound these romance stories, they drive me to read.

1399993
*insert sarcastic "insert" comment in response to sarcastic inert comment*

Oh Celestia Twi. :twilightangry2:
I thought you got this "go bonkers and become a villain" thing over at Lesson Zero. :facehoof:
Get your head checked, and watch out for the crocodiles. :moustache:

Twilight Sparkle's plans=crazy Shenanigans
Looking forward to more!

No, please dear Luna, no! There's a reason I avoid crazy Twilight in romance stories! No me gusta! NO ME GUSTA!!!

... Wow, Twilight really doesn't understand riddles...

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