• Member Since 27th Mar, 2012
  • offline last seen August 14th

Deathscar


You'd be surprised at the emotions twenty-six letters can unearth

E
Source

Come in and listen as Sunset and Twilight ponder their past over a cup of cocoa and coffee.
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Written for Sunset Shimmer Day on Equestria Daily

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 5 )

Geez, talk about simple. Don't get me wrong, this was charming enough, but I'm not exactly feeling the emotional impact you're going for. I mean... Twilight still spends time with her friends, right? Having her recount them as if she hasn't seen them in years comes across as kinda melodramatic. With that said, though, I always appreciate a more nuanced take on Twilight's new responsibilities. She's already prone to stressing herself out, so the responsibilities of a Princess can't have the best affect on her.

You try to mirror those issues with Sunset, but while I can appreciate putting too much pressure on yourself to fulfil all your obligations - that's something that rings very close to home - it still feels small next to Twilight's duties as a princess. It's not exactly an invalid problem to have, but it's also mundane.

With that said, you've more or less caught the characters' voices. This certainly sounds like a natural conversation between Twilight and Sunset, even if what they're talking about is too melodramatic and too mundane, respectively, for my tastes. There's relatively little comedy, and the simplicity also makes it less cute or heartwarming than it might otherwise be. This, again, makes it too mild for my tastes. Thankfully, there's a couple sorta cute touches, like Twilight admitting to liking Rainbow Dash's fanfiction.

I'm desperate for any Princess Twilight/Sunset fics, but unfortunately, the romance element here is severely underplayed, to the point where all you'd have to do is change like three lines to make their relationship entirely platonic. You also only vaguely imply the romantic relationship between the two, even in the ending message. You can describe feelings all you want, but I wish you had shown us more of that in their interactions - and, perhaps, implied more of those feelings from Twilight and Sunset. I think that might be a big reason why this is unsatisfying to me.

Anyways, a few miscellaneous nitpicks:

I find it very hard to believe that Equestria doesn't have coffee. That's a really strange choice for something to make human-exclusive.

I always interpreted that Friendship Games deleted scene as Twilight's Equestrian currency not being usable in the human world, but it is just as plausible that she just didn't have enough money. Good catch.

When Twilight writes in Sunset's book, is she sending herself a message? Or is that a different book?

It's really not necessary to put "The End" at the bottom. I dunno if you just like doing that or what.

Aww, this was relaxing and cute! Have an up vote!! :pinkiehappy:

She's the Mare with a Plan.

This was alright I guess, nothing extraordinary.

This was a nice read

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