Ever since coming home to Equestria, Sunset's found herself unable to sleep. During yet another restless night, she stands on her balcony, searching the stars for something not even she can find. Yet tonight, the stars are looking back in the form of a concerned Princess Luna.
Maybe together, they can find the source of Sunset's troubles.
Synopsis written by the talented Novel Idea!
Cover art done commissioned from the amazing puff-pink on tumblr! Take a look at her awesome art!
Fic partially inspired by this comic by Little-Tweenframes
Story was featured on the front page of FiMFic on 160417, rising to 6th place.
Chapters (1)
Very interesting story I'll be placing this into my tracking and favorites files.
8097871 Hope you enjoy it!
8097883 I was only able to read the first half of it seeing as how I am running out the door for work. I'll read the rest when I get home. I look forward to reading this as I have enjoyed what I have read so far.
That's quite an interesting character piece here. The fact that Sunset and Philomena are tied together was surprising. A nice story and it's also nice to see you back with a good one.
Now for the small nitpicks, the several interruptions at the beginning were a bit annoying and didn't really help the pace IMO. Moreover, I think Sunset is a bit too much direct, she tells all of her fears a bit too quickly.
What a sweet little story! Putting Luna and Sunset together is relatively obvious, but this is more or less what I'd expect their interaction to look like, and you do a good job tapping into the things which make Luna/Sunset interactions so obvious - their shared experiences with improving themselves and dealing with the shame of their misdeeds. I quite liked Luna's sensitivity here, as I often do in the show, and I rather enjoyed your unique take on Sunset's insecurities. I'm not sure I've dug very deep, but I've not seen this particular version before.
Also, this is the second fic I read this week which presented Philomena as Sunset's pet. Have you red Orpheon's Perspective, or is this just some kind of coincidence? It's an interesting idea nonetheless.
This was a very cathartic story- I was having a pretty shitty evening, but Sunset Shimmer makes everything feel better.
8098449 Ah right. I was debating when reading the interruptions, but I personally left them in for a more natural sounding dialogue, though I might have done it too many times. Also yeah I figured that Sunset was just a little too direct but I honestly didn't know how to drag the fic any longer without it becoming draggy/boring. :( I'll try my best to improve next time! Thanks for the critique and the comments!
8098845 Thanks for taking the time to read it! And no, I have not read that fic. I think Little-Tweenframes popularised it with this comic!
8099177 I'm sorry you're having a shitty evening, but I'm glad this story could provide a little catharsis :) Thank you for taking the time to read and to leave a comment, I really do appreciate it. I hope things get better for you!
8099775 Ah, that would explain it. Nice comic, too.
That was a good read. Well done, dude.
Philomena as Sunset's pet was my headcanon, and I was planning on writing a story where she came through one of the MS Portals, but I couldn't come up with a plot for it. I'm glad to see the idea of it here.
8133179 Yeah it's such a great headcanon idea. I love it.
Oops. Those should all be capitalized.
That should be a comma, lowercase b.
This was... decent, I guess.
Conceptually, it was pretty solid, and the Philomena thing was actually quite nice.
But the narration was rather clunky. There were so many extra phrases and extra words that the flow of the story felt very disjoint. Nearly every dialogue tag, for example, had some extra phrase attached to it. An individual extra phrase is fine and can add a lot to a scene. A few spread throughout a story also work well. But when every tag is that long with that much information? The story just feels heavy. And unfortunately, that's what happened here.
8152510 Should they? I thought after following a comma, the starting of a speech is never capitalized? At least that was what my previous proofreaders taught me.
And yeah, I understand where you're coming from. In my future fics I'll be sure to cut the heavy baggage off parts of the story and hopefully make it flow smoother! Thank you for taking the time to read and leave a constructive comment! :)
Also fixed the 'both ponies said' part! :D
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8153557 Huh! Well, you learn something new! Thanks for the lesson, I'll fix it right now!
The idea for this crossed my head and, like all times before, I did my usual thorough check to make sure it hasn't been written. This time it has.
And wow was it written beautifully, both Sunset and Luna are characterized wonderfully by you, and the overlap of their experiences with guilt is touched upon delicately.
You've done this premise justice and then some, very awesome job! Nothing is satisfying as finding out a premise you wanna write hasn't been done before, other than finding out it HAS been done and better than you ever could have hehe^^