• Member Since 2nd Dec, 2013
  • offline last seen 2 hours ago

Undome Tinwe


“These violent delights have violent ends/And in their triumph die, like fire and powder/Which, as they kiss, consume.”

T
Source

On a cold winter's night, two ponies find themselves trapped in a kingdom of eternal summer.

Written for Oroboro's Sunset Shipping Contest: Changing Seasons

Edited by Pearple Prose.


(2019-06-17) Featured by Seattle's Angels!

Chapters (2)
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Comments ( 19 )

The idea of shipping these two characters is pretty intriguing, I must say. Good luck in the contest!

Nice job on having this be temporarily popular! :ajsmug:

Brilliant!
Well thought through and beautifully written.
Instant favorite!

Really enjoyed this!
The ship is unusual but works especially well given their respective histories.
A very thoughtful piece with great insight and written beautifully.
More please ...

Not gonna lie, I didn't expect Sunset and Luna to even be a thing... but this works out fairly well.

eternal summer? DONT YOU MEAN FLORIDA?

R5h

While it's a little tellier than it needs to be, you did a good job exploring parallels (both obvious and non-obvious) between Sunset and Luna, and I quite liked that. I also enjoyed the garden - it was a fun concept!

Good job overall!

So i know this was an entry for Oro's contest and therefore it was more or less mandatory because of that, but the shipping feels sudden and wholly unnecessary here. There were bits of flirtation sprinkled throughout, but I can't help but feel it didn't do enough to prepare me for the ending, I guess would be a way to put it.

That said, this is a damn good back and forth between Sunset and Luna. The story itself is engaging and the pacing spot on. A simple setup for a powerful story. You've got one hell of a grasp on dialogue, something I've always struggled with.

Good luck in the contest!

8408347
Yeah, my first draft had more flirtation throughout the story, but it felt unnatural and tacked-on, so I changed it into what it is now, which wasn't the optimal solution but I was running out of time for the contest and couldn't properly fix it. Novel's already pointed out that I need to better telegraph/build up my endings - I'll figure it out one of these days.

Also, thanks for the comment on dialogue, because after reading Compati, I really wish I could write narration like you. You've got Luna's language pegged far better than I do.

And good luck on the contest as well!

I like that your Sunset has embraced her nature. To many stories have her without that streak of ambition.

8410399
Yeah, I like both interpretations of her character, but the fandom does have a tendency to go for the more humbled Sunset who just wants to live a quiet, peaceful life. I hope to explore the more ambitious side of her more in my next multi-chapter story, whenever I get around to finishing it.

This was deep and passionate. I love it. Have a like, a favorite and anther reader for your 8410830 multi chapter story when it comes out.

:raritystarry:

I doth christen this ship "Moonset." May its voyages be long, joyful, and ever discoverous.




Okay, that's it. Out of the three stories you have posted, two are great, and the third is good and needs expanding.

Don't ever stop. It's sad when the good writers stop. And you're just starting. :pinkiehappy:

Ummm, wow, I mean.. well, wow. Seriously impressed by this, you may have done the best job I've ever seen sussing out what makes Sunset and Luna unique and special.

Also mad props for the synopsis, I rarely read the tags unless I'm uncertain that I want to read the story, so I didn't realize what this was going to be before I started reading. There's a ship I've never seen, and honestly its a great one. Funny thing, got a story idea running this same ship bouncing around in my head, want it? I'm better at ideas than execution, so I'm happy to share.

Any how, very nice work, I'd give you two thumbs up ifn I could, but unfortunately you'll have to settle for a special place in my bookshelves.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

"We have been having a gay old time with our tutor."

The exchange leading up to this absolutely wrecked me. XD

I always enjoy stories that cast Luna as the Dionysus to Celestia's Apollo. Using Sunset to make the point, especially given her own parallels with Twilight, would've been a great choice even if this weren't for a Shimmer shipping contest. Great character interaction all around. Thank you for it.

Heeheehee, that was really good. Nice job, mate.

You have made me fall in love with this ship. I hope you write more of this pairing... maybe a sequel that shows Celestia’s reaction.

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