• Member Since 3rd Dec, 2015
  • offline last seen May 1st, 2022

Kouzukicks


I'm a socially awkward gamer and fanfiction writer who barely ever sees the sun.

T

A glimpse of Sunset's final thoughts as she stands at the edge of Caterlot High's rooftop.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 41 )

"They're" is not "their".

Even your grammar is edgy.

This was a fairly good story I look forward to seeing if there will be a sequel to this.

This was good have a mustache :moustache:

8115950
Haha, thanks I'll change that.... As soon as I find where that error is :facehoof:

I hope there to be a sequel of it.
The story was good a few errors to fix but overall it was nice to read.
Though it is sad that she did that to herself

this keeps me thinking that scene in 'life is stange' when the girl student lept of the school roof when the protagonist failed to save her.

OH MY CELESTIA! They killed Kenny...er I mean Sunset!!!

8119571 You BASTARDS!!!!

Damn am i the only one that wants to see the after math of this? XD

That's a unique ending to en Anon-A-Miss story.

Like everyone else, I too would like to see what the after math of all this.

The Human 5 realizing their mistake at the last minute and too late to save Sunset, the CMC receiving the news that they were responsible to pushing Sunset into ending it all, and the school having to live with a reputation of causing the death of an innocent.

Not to mention what everyone outside the school will think of this tragedy.

Oh, the fallout of this will be utterly spectacular. Let us have it, please. :)

it's about time the Humane 5 realize that their actions have consequences! :flutterrage: POOR SUNSET!!! :raritycry: :raritycry: :raritycry:

and are you gonna turn this 1-shot into a story?

Reading this once more after having reviewed it months ago on fanfiction.net allowed me to think about it more than I usually do.

First, I love the new title, 'The Setting Sun.' Appropriate, considering Sunset Shimmer's life sets for good in this story. And I love your story as much as I already did last October.

Second, you write that "Sunset Shimmer spun around" when her 'friends' burst out of the roof doors, yet you wrote that she "sat down on the edge of the roof" beforehand without mentioning her standing up since then, which she apparently did since you wrote "Sunset reminded them, stepping further towards the edge." While I don't think this detail is essential for reading comprehension, I suggest mentioning her changing her position on the roof at some point before the Rainbooms get involved.

Third, what I've been thinking about after rereading this story. Sunset is upset that her 'friends' forgave the Crusaders after everything they've done... yet they've done the very same about her after Twilight asked them to watch over her, and unlike the Crusaders' one misdeed, she'd been bullying the school for up to three years before that.

I agree with her that she was just a "charity case" to them (or rather a 'our real new friend asked us something' one) and that doesn't make the Rainbooms' disownment any less painful to suffer through, but I thought it was an interesting detail.

Four, the lines I liked and some comments on them:

The sharp breeze was drawing in the dark grey clouds that hung over the town like shadows and fog swirled around the town as a dark mass.

I liked this line, though I preferred the original version out on fanfiction.net.

The last vestiges of light

and yet the blog posts would continue

I'm wondering if "blog's posts" would be better.

The girl on the roof smiled without mirth, even the elements seemed to agree that she should jump.

Then everyone could go back to being happy. Without her.

This line is especially sad.

Then they'd made it plain that Sunset wasn't a trustable person, probably just viewing her as a charity case to work the 'Magic of Friendship' on. It was pathetic how she'd fallen for it so easily.

She fell gracefully. Her hair billowing out like a fiery halo behind her, eyes shut tightly and a small smile of relief gracing her features.

Five, corrections:

It be better if she wasn't here at all.

It'd be better if she wasn't here at all.

of course they didn't realise that they're actions would have consequences

of course they didn't realise that their actions would have consequences

it's last rays just visible in the horizon.

its last rays just visible in the horizon.

You just gave me an idea for a sequel to this to be honest..."A New Day Dawns." The idea is Sunset miraculously survives the fall,granted with full body cast worth injury and a few months in a coma giving her time to heal. When she wakes up though,and everyone is apologizing to her she asks "Who are you...And who's Sunset...?" So yeah,old sunset is gone for good,and this would be considered the 'second chance.' Still pretty dark though since the guilt never will wash away. The girls get a chance to make amends, but never will they make amends with the girl called Sunset Shimmer.

Oh, and Twilight is not amused when she finds out.

Granted this is just an idea I'm throwing out there. Like it though?

8141932

8156589

8116005

8171075

8192257

Whoa, I really wasn't expecting people to like this so much :twilightsheepish: I hadn't thought about doing a sequel, but now I may actually get writing one since the consequences could be so interesting to write. I will actually get on that :rainbowdetermined2:

8220115
Whoa dude, that actually sounds like such a good idea! I'd love to read a story like that so much! I love the idea that they a get a second chance but it's not truly with Sunset, oh boy, I can just picture it :pinkiehappy:

I'd love to see Twilight's reaction more than anything

8219493
Once again, thanks so much for your review! I will get working on those corrections right away :twilightsmile: I'm so happy that you liked the story and that you agree about Sunset seeming like a bit of a charity case. I tried to improve it from the fanfiction.net one as much as possible but maybe I'll readjust that first paragraph to its original.

Thanks again! :pinkiehappy:

8248131
GOOD! let me know when its ready then.

8248135
Yeah...how will she react to learning her friends essentially killed her special friend? After all,Twilight and Sunset were both students of celestia and had the diary to have heart to hearts with one another...and Sunsets last messages were of fear and desperation, so this would only hurt Twilight more knowing she wasn't there when she was needed the most for her peer.

Another idea I had is what if Twilight DID get the messages...and manages to make it in time to save sunset from taking a suicide plunge? Not one off the school like this story but one alone like the stories where the sirens or fluttershy saves her... I liked the one where the sirens saved her from freezing to death in the snow because it was pretty impressive, so I'm curious.

OH. Big idea,what if EQ Twilight found her or EQ Celestia or EQ Luna?...oh snap, imagine if EQ Discord saved her. So many possibilities have not been milked.:rainbowderp:

8248194
Oh snap, I can just imagine what would happen if Principal Celestia found her, or Princess Celestia. If it was Princess Celestia that would certainly make for a heartbreaking reunion.
I actually need to get around to finishing reading the story about the Dazzlings finding Sunset in the cold, I really liked that one too! :twilightsheepish:

8248145
Thanks for writing this and for replying to my comment. :twilightsmile:

8248194
I'll meet you halfway; Twilight got the message, rushed out of the portal and into CHS... and Sunset fell on her after stepping off the roof, killing them both. Oops. :trollestia:

More seriously, yeah, I'd like to see the consequences to this, especially that Kouzukicks is a Sunsetdash shipper if I'm not mistaken. Even if Sunset doesn't actually survive the fall, if the human one went and switched to CHS for whatever reason... Seeing 'their' Sunset again is gonna be painful for the Rainbooms. Assuming Rainbow Dash is even present then, because I can totally picture her killing herself out of guilt or becoming a husk of a girl in reaction to this story's end.

Can you tell I love daydreaming about Rainbow in the aftermath of Dainn's Anon-a-Miss? :rainbowwild:

8249580
Huh, I wonder what gave me away as a Sundash shipper :twilightblush:

8249700
I'd like to say I'm observant enough to have been tipped off by Rainbow Dash having her own tag here and her turning out to have been "the one who had really helped [Sunset] pick up the pieces when her life crumbled around her" as well as "feeling like she had lost a part of herself" after Sunset's death in the original fanfiction.net story, but in fact I just read your other story Scars of Our Past months ago.

I need to reread it and review it one day incidentally. Properly, I mean. I don't count "and then they banged *all* *night* *long*" as a proper comment.

8250047
I would totally count that as a proper comment! :rainbowlaugh: Haha, but if can actually get myself motivated enough to write more than the couple of paragraphs I have for the next chapter/sequel, I'm gonna try and focus on their relationship more. Now I've just gotta motivate myself :twilightsheepish: But yeah, it's probably quite obvious that I love this pairing :yay:

8249580
Oh most definitely.

And actually, the EQ Twilight/Celestia/Luna finding Sunset was meant for if someone went down the Sunset in Freezing Snow Alleyway route rather than Alone at a Bridge Suicide or School Roof Suicide route. So...more along the lines of how the sirens find her in that other fic.Just curious why people don't expand who finds her...So many options.

Frankly,EQ Luna seems like a very likely option of finding her...I can totally see her on a coffee marathon leaving the shop and stumbling upon Sunset in the snow.

8250203 8250366 Replied in PMs because I brought this comments section away enough from the story at hand.

8248131
man i'm DYING to see the sequel! :pinkiehappy: :pinkiecrazy: :rainbowwild:

when's the sequel? :rainbowwild: :rainbowwild: :rainbowwild:

8220115
someone else made that title "A New Day Dawns". lol

Is there are sequel

Theme song?

https://m.

>>scorched apple

OMG YEZ

8220115
That Idea alone is worth me following you.

8397365
And who knows...maybe if a plot is developed for an extended story,then when a big magical moment comes along,aka Sunsets goddess mode,the old her comes out for brief moment and could say some words before she turns off the super powers,with the last words being something like...
pre13.deviantart.net/eee6/th/pre/f/2016/061/a/6/forgiveness__eg_sunset_shimmer_x_reader_by_xx_fr4g_tr4p_xx-d9qfb22.jpg
"Take care of her, okay girls? And I forgive you."

But that's only ONLY if the author wanted to make forgiveness an option. The girls would have to go through some STRONG development to earn that ending. Keep in mind sunset would black out afterword, and The girl that replaced sunset would be the one that wakes up,with no memory of when sunset was in control at the end of the power up. She would simplifying she blacked out after winning. This reinforces the message in the other girls' minds.

8381618
Two things. You spelled scorch wrong and if you want to reply to a comment click the arrow on the top right corner of the comment

Damn...... Just wow, that was really good.... I'm curious to see an epilogue of what happens to the various groups after the incident, how everyone feels etc. Can't wait for the sequel :)

8476639
depends, how do you think they'll do in juvenile hall until there old enough to be moved to a state prison? they just committed first degree manslaughter.

Comment posted by DovahLord1233 deleted Feb 23rd, 2023

This was... okay? It felt short and rushed, and I had a hard time empathizing as a result.

Comment posted by PrinceOfDarkness deleted Dec 19th, 2020

I wanna see the aftermath.

Login or register to comment