Sunset Shimmer sits alone on Pinkie Pie's porch reflecting on her past actions and the scars on her arms that these actions left behind. Rainbow Dash joins her but is curious about what she's hiding underneath her sleeves.
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- Member Since 3rd Dec, 2015
- offline last seen May 1st, 2022
Kouzukicks
I'm a socially awkward gamer and fanfiction writer who barely ever sees the sun.
Kouzukicks
Joined 3rd Dec, 2015 ·
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Not too shabby for your first fic here. I like it, and hope to see more from you.
Oh, and let me the first to welcome you to our crazy l'il corner of the Interwebz. I hope you like here.
Ah thanks dude, I've been lurking in the shadowy corners of this place for a while now but I've only just got round to making an account. I've got to say, I already quite like it here.
Everything happens so fast.
Good story
I'm sorry but for future reference (even though a lot of people hate it) you might want to put a trigger warning 
Otherwise it was really good for your first story. Can't wait to read more 
Also, welcome!
(you will get used to the randomness of fimfic soon.)
While I don't like lesbian stories, this one is pretty good. Good work.
Overall, it was a touching story. I've got two major concerns, though. First off, when a new character begins speaking, start a new paragraph. I've noticed several instances of both Rainbow and Sunset speaking in the same paragraph, and that just causes confusion. Secondly, the romance was very rushed and came out of nowhere. There was no foreshadowing or anything (in the story itself; I'm not counting tags). To be honest, the story probably would've benefited if either 1) more hints at Rainbow's crush were dropped or 2) the romance was cut from the story altogether.
6695985 Yeah I need to work on the pacing, I have too many ideas in my head so they all need to go down on paper (well fanfiction) and that tends to screw with the pacing a bit.
6696029 Ah thanks dude, glad you liked the story. Yeah I'll put a trigger warning in for my next fic. It needs it.
6696046 Glad you liked it
6696338 Also noted dude. Trying to work on the paragraphing, though I always get paranoid I'm doing it wrong. Yeah I know, sad. Anyway I'll try 'foreshadow' Dash's crush more as that probably from me rushing to write this story and then realising, 'Oh God, what have I done?'
6696981 For the "foreshadowing" a good rule is with these kinds of stories, write and edit it, then wait 48 hours and look over it again before publishing. You'll catch a lot more errors and get more ideas.
If you need any help or just want to talk to someone just let me know.
Grammar mistakes and typos I could find:
''Commented a voice that quite obviously was Rarity's.''
Fluttershy, not Flutter Shy.
''her conversation with Twilight...''
''every sports team...''
''though she wasn't...''
"Well you're just so like, beautiful and smart and funny and I love your smile when you're happy...''
''I'm sorry for doing that because...''
.........Actually there is nothing wrong with that sentence, I just wanted to point out how AWESOME it is
. Congrats on your first story, it was intriguing to read 
. Sunset cutting herself was an interesting idea and it flows nice with the story. Personally, I didn't find any problems with a lack of enough foreshadowing. In fact, the foreshadowing was just enough in my opinion. It's not like we read fics without looking at the tags. We know what we're getting into. So I don't think you should be concerned about that 
.
6697555 Thanks dude! I've been typing on my phone so it often decides to autocorrect my spelling. Ha, I'm really glad you liked that line as I thought it was a bit cheesy. I feel better about it now. I've also got another edit where I'm just ironing out those little mistakes.
6697425 Ha awesome, will do. I need an opinion on the new edit of this story so be prepared for that, haha.
6697681 Ok
So cute
This wasn't a good story... IT WAS AN AWESOME STORY!
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6706067
Dawww, you're making me blush.
6708724
Yeah I've done that before to others. Really your story is AWESOME!
6708769 Ha thanks dude.
6708839
np
I liked this
i really liked this story how ever i do feel the need to point out one flaw with it. cutters don't always cut just to cut. some times cutters cut to feel anything at all such as pain, anger, sadness. to some it is all there wrapped in one shinny piece of metal that is used to give a sensation of pleasure and love. this was a very well written story though. i am just pointing out one single flaw nothing further than that.
Even though I prefer Sunlight over SunsetxRD, I really, really like this story!
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Ah thanks, I will convert you all to RD/Sunset one day though haha
Awesome fic ^-^ It makes a lot of sense, and the confession couldn't be more well-placed.
indeed. This ship needs more attention.
FINALLY A SUNDASH SHIPPER! IT'S ABOUT TIME DAMNED TIME!
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I know right?!
7484425 I know right?!?!
is it safe to imagen that this could be the pre for your other story?
Two things :
- Your story is really great even how short it is (and don't get me wrong, it's how you made it, and a bit but not about what's into - don't want to be taken for a creep ;)
- I've read it countless times.
So far that's a favourite.
hm... it is not bad just not how I expected it to end...
The ending changes nothing as Sunset is still suicidal, though I supose it is something...
Bro who u lying to? 😭 IT'S ACTUALLY GREAT AND WHOLESOME AF WDYM-